A Long, Hard Life

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down a road and back again
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant
I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
Well, you would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say

Thank you for being a friend

– "Thank You for Being a Friend" by Andrew Gold

***

"A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth."

– Charles Darwin

***

Chonay's Perspective
Six Months Ago

I returned to my much more modest hotel room after the bomb Freja dropped earlier. I needed time to confirm the details of her contract and think through what she offered.

What they offered.

Anton and Emil Freja-Owainsen, brother princes of the Kingdom of Denmark came to my gallery showing during New York Gay Pride. They asked me out to dinner and we lost track of time talking about everything that crossed our minds. I never expected to have anything in common with Danish Royalty but it turned out the boys were a pair of nerdy geeks like me. We got on so well that I agreed to see them again every day after, for the duration of the Pride celebration. After that I intended to return home, to Fort Lauderdale, back to my mundane job at the coffee house, scraping by until I put together enough new art for another gallery showing. The princes surprised me yet again.

Anton and Emil bought seven of my paintings while others bought the remainder. My show sold out and Leslie Lohman's smiling rep invited me back next year!

I hoped to sell enough work to cover my expenses for this trip. Now I was ahead for the year! How could I refuse when the boys begged me sweetly to stay in Manhattan for the duration of their visit at the UN? Two weeks later they want to marry me. I needed time to pinch myself and process this.

I sent the contract to Chuck Jones, who might as well have been my father considering how much time I spent at his house growing up.

Chuck was a retired lawyer. If anyone could make sense of the convoluted legalese swimming before my eyes, he could. His reaction was understated as always.

"How do you get into these things, son?" He looked at me across my laptop monitor then got to business.

"Firstly, this document was assembled by an expert legal team. This is no joke, it's quite real." He reported. "The risk to you is minimal."

"How easily could I get out of it if I later changed my mind?" I paced the floor anxiously.

"Very easily," he looked surprised. "You could sign this, walk away, and still expect a seven figure yearly donation for the rest of your life."

I froze mid-step. "Seven figure?"

"Five million USD the first year, one million annually thereafter. Sign this and you will never have to work again."

"Shit…."

"I'm concerned about what might happen once you are alone with these young men." Chuck frowned. "If something looks too good to be true…."

"I have a good feeling about them." I wondered if I assured him or myself.

"It's your choice, son, just be careful. People like that tend to be eccentric and unpredictable."

"Like a pair of polyamorous princes and their mother who hires me to be a whore for her sons." I gave him a speculative eyebrow.

"That isn't the language I would have used, but yes."

"Thank you, Chuck. Give Sandy my love. You may let the Bear have the screen." I smiled as Liv Jones, my dearest friend in all the world, jumped full-faced into the camera view. She looked ready to commit murder.

"Chonny, my dearest, my brother from another mother, please tell me you aren't seriously thinking about doing this? I can't afford bail for political assassination if this goes FUBAR!"

"You'd love them, Liv. Anton is grim and obsessed like you. He is building Green Tech everywhere and he wants capital punishment for poaching endangered species. Emil is pure wickedness in a charming, innocent package. He volunteers at soup kitchens and builds houses for the poor. Gomez and Morticia are his relationship goals."

"They sound wonderful except, you know, penis." She grimaced sourly.

"Yes, they have penises; very large, very thick–" I held up my hands to measure.

"ANYWAY–!!!" She cut me off. "I see what you're doing and you won't distract me by invoking the P-word. This is dangerous, Chonny. People like that keep private islands where they hunt other people for sport. They could make you disappear and we'd never know. Just look at Epstein!"

"Trust me, Liv, the thought crossed my mind, but I don't get that from these guys. I think their father is the dangerous one."

"Like that is any better?" She flailed in exasperation.

"Liv, you knew how dangerous my dad was when they sent me to live with him. You didn't give up on me."

"That's different, Chonny. We put frogs in each other's diapers. I knew you were intersex before you did. How much do you really know about these guys?"

"You're right," I sighed.

"Of course I am, I'm always right but that's beside the point." She propped her chin miserably. "You're going to do it, aren't you."

"I don't know. I still need to talk to Harvey. He should be up by now. Zen hugs." I gave her a pantomimed hug. She responded in kind. "I'll stay in touch."

Harvey Nussbaum had a smartphone because he needed one to use Grindr. He had a clunky desktop computer that he only turned on to watch Netflix, so I knew better than to call him using Zoom. I called twice, listening as it went to the same voicemail he recorded 18 years ago. I smiled on the third attempt as his phone clattered loudly. After a few muttered Yiddish curses a voice like an asthmatic frog picked up.

"It had better be on fire or bleeding."

"Hey, Harvey, were you sleeping?" I bit back a giggle.

"It's fucking daylight! Of course I'm sleeping! Why the fuck are you interrupting my beauty sleep? You know I need as much as I can get! Where are my cigarettes? Goddamnit, now I have to open my eyes!"

"I miss you too, Harvey." I smirked. "I, uh, I need your advice."

"Oh, Christ, I need coffee for this. Fuck, the percolator is in the kitchen. This means I have to get up."

"You can do it, Harvey. I have faith in you!"

"Shove the sarcasm, you ungrateful little schlemiel. I'm getting older. I need more sleep these days."

"Maybe you'd get more if you didn't close down Coconuts every night."

"Coffee, coffee, why is it taking so fucking long?"

"Maybe if you cleaned the coffeemaker once in a while?" I offered helpfully.

"You clean these things?" I imagined furry gray eyebrows peeling back to expose astonished, bloodshot eyes.

Harvey clunked and huffed as he got comfortable. I poked him to stay awake twice before he heaved a sigh. It sounded like a deflating tire. "All right," he harrumphed. "What does my sparkly little Padawan want with Master Harvey?"

I filled him in on the situation and he laughed himself into a coughing fit. He tried to talk a couple more times but broke out in hysterical giggling.

"Let me get this straight," he snorted at his own pun. "Danish Princess What's-her-face wants you to be an on-call whore for her baby boys for a year. That's about it?"

"Baby boys who want to marry me." I clarified. "Together."

"Are they hot?"

"Harvey!"

"It's a serious question!" He grumbled. "Are. They. Hot?"

I blushed. "They're so hot that I pinch myself. They're gorgeous! They're blond, They're sexy, they're funny, they're hung like Clydesdales, they want to save the planet–"

"Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up! They're what?"

"They want to save the planet?" I teased.

"Ale tseyn zoln bay im aroysfaln, not eyner zol im blaybn oyf tsonveytung." Harvey muttered in Yiddish. "Before that! Something of the equine persuasion."

"Oh, they're hung like Clydesdales, about 12 inches."

"Total?"

"Each."

"Pictures."

"Harvey!"

"I'm calling shit, Junior! Now, put up or shut up!"

I called up a selfie I took in bed with my Princes Charming. We left nothing to the imagination. I sent it with a warning. "I'd better not find this on Facebook later." 

The line fell silent after that. I checked to make sure I hadn't dropped the call. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a rusty chainsaw making raucous love with a Sequoia trunk.

"HARVEY!"

"I'm sorry about the table cloth, Grandma Gail and yes, those are gravy stains!" He spluttered. "Oh, kid, I had the worst nightmare!"

"Harvey, check your phone?" I pinched my nose.

"Holy shit, so you weren't kidding! Goddamn, where do they get the blood to feed those things? So, what are we talking about again?"

"Harvey…."

"No, seriously, kid; what's the problem? These guys want to marry you? Run, don't walk, down the aisle!"

"We've only known each other a few weeks, Harvey." I pointed out.

"So–? Get to know them after you get hitched. What's the big deal?"

"This could go wrong in so many ways, Harvey."

"Yeah, and–?"

"Harvey, damn it, I need you to talk sense into me!"

"Kid," his voice softened. "Somehow you've stumbled into a gay fairytale. Sure, it can all go to shit like Aunt Mona's Amway gig, bless her black, greedy little soul. If you crash and burn, you dust off and start over. If you let a chance like this get by, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been. Trust me, kid; regret hurts more."

I sat down, overwhelmed by how much he made sense. "Thanks, Harvey."

"Thank me by sharing the love! I'm easy, just prop me in a corner and let me watch! I'll take pity, fuck that, I'll take donations! I'm going back to bed."

"Sweet dreams, Harvey. I love you, man."

"You have a funny way of showing it. Waking me up early. Dangling prime Grade-A blond beefcake and not sharing. Ungrateful little….*click*"

I walked aimlessly through Central Park for a couple of hours, letting everyone's words sink in. I kept going back to Harvey's warning and before long I found myself looking into the blue eyes of my handsome princes. I handed over the folder with the contract.

"I signed everything. Let's do this."

Anton drew me gently into his embrace while Emil hugged me from behind.

"Thank you."

I pulled back. "I saw in the contract where we could get married now if we wanted. I'm sorry but I need time. I can't rush my feelings."

"Say no more, we have up to a year." Anton assured.

"You're not a whore, Chonay. Nobody here thinks of you like that." Emil rubbed my arms soothingly.

"Aw, hell, you mean I douched and lubed for nothing?" My cheeks burned with embarrassment but still I smiled.

"I thought we might celebrate and then go out for dinner. I'm not letting you bitches off cheap."

Their expressions were priceless as I left a trail of clothing behind on my way to the master bedroom. I blasted "Call Me" by Blondie from my phone and sang along as I strutted.

"Call me(call me) on the line
Call me any, any, anytime
Call me(call me) I'll arrive
You can call me any day or night
Call me!"

By now I had stripped and plugged the song into the suite sound system. The walls rattled with pounding percussion and grinding guitars as I drew the comforter from the bed. I wound my nakedness in sinful comfort as I sang the next stanza.

"Cover me with kisses, baby
Cover me with lo-ve
Roll me in designer sheets
I'll never get eno-ugh
Emotions come, I don't know why
Cover up love's alibi"

I spent the rest of the song stripping a grinning Emil. I pushed him onto the comforter on the floor. I straddled his lap and positioned him back against the foot of the bed. I penned him in with my arms, singing, while gyrating my tight little bubble ass down every inch of his upright jutting spike of man flesh. I settled in his lap with a deep moan of blissful fulfillment, then I peered over my shoulder at Anton, who leaned naked against the doorframe, smiling as his ramrod straight erection pointed hungrily at my backside.

I lifted off his brother's glistening, foot long meat until I reached half mast and then bent at the waist. I gave Anton a crooked little smile and hooked my finger at him beckoningly.

Anton's smile fell as he divined my intent. In its place awakened a smoldering hunger. He stalked on his toes, dropped into an easy crouch, and then prowled over my arched back. I met his lips in a rapacious kiss as he slid his cock inside me, beside his brother Emil.

The brothers occupied the same space, I had never felt so full. They stretched me to my limit. Finally, Anton's balls slapped Emil's. Brothers twitched restlessly, a pair of thoroughbred stallions stamping at the gate, seeking freedom to race. My inner muscles gripped them mercilessly and squeezed. Both men roared filthy expletives in Danish and launched into me with a fuck for the ages.

I screamed in ecstasy as they stabbed ruthlessly into my core. I painted Emil's corrugated abs with creamy white protein immediately. After that they pummeled my prostate into submission with wild, passionate thrusts.

I locked my teeth on Emil's shoulder and bucked uncontrollably as my lovers slammed me with one orgasm after the next. We could never have sustained such a frenzied pace indefinitely and so I listened as each of my lovers surrendered in turn to the inevitable.

They blasted my hungry core with load after load of steaming hot, vitamin rich semen. Their offerings soothed the itch deep in my belly and I settled in Emil's arms with a purr of satiation. Anton lay his full weight against my back, kissing my ear with languid, lazy love.

"Are you certain you want to wait a whole year?" Emil whined. "I want you as my husband now!"

"Don't you want to date?" I drew back to look in his eyes. "Your Mom gave us a precious gift. We have time to take long walks on beaches, ride roller coasters, look up at the stars and talk about our dreams."

"We can do all of that when we're married." Emil pouted cutely.

"I understand," Anton rested his head on my back. "Mother gave us something she never had, the power to choose. I want to make the most of it."

"O-kay…." Emil relented with a wistful sigh. He quickly recovered his roguish charm.

"How about…." He drew out, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "One more round before dinner?" He beamed brightly.

Emil's cock roused between my legs at the suggestion. Anton joined him, making his opinion abundantly clear. I wiggled in their laps, egging them on with a sly grin.

"O-kay, I guess so." I parodied Emil's sigh. "But it's gonna cost you extra at dinner."

"I think we can handle it." Anton slid home inside me with a long, deep grunt.

Emil giggled, "It's all on Mom's tab anyway."

"That makes it dirtier for some reason." I chuckled.

"Yes, it does." Anton wrapped his arms tightly about my waist and introduced me to what became a most incredible night.

---

Author Note: I write in a fantasy world where sexually transmitted diseases do not exist but in the real world, PrEP before you play and glove it before you love it. Carry on gentlemen!