The Evolution of Friendship: A Love Story

Winter brought some changes to mine and Axel’s relationship. We both felt the pressure of our fathers and finally got jobs. 

Axel went to work for the airline his father ran and pretty much hated every minute of it. It just wasn’t his style to be on the tarmac at major airports supervising people who were far more knowledgeable than he was at the work they did. Axel hated corporate life, but his father insisted he had to work if he wanted to keep the house to himself. His father would become the CEO of the airline that he worked for and moved to the company’s executive offices in Dallas. Axel reluctantly took the job that his father set up for him and did his best to let the crews know that he didn’t want to get in their way. He also got randomly drug tested, so he had to back off of any kind of drugs.

I went to work for the retail company my father ran. This actually worked out well for me. I got to go to the city everyday. The company was going through a major expansion and my dad made me the second in command of the team designing the new stores. I had never done anything design related, but he knew I had a pretty sharp eye and I got to work with this amazing woman, Kendall. She would become a friend over time and would turn out to be a major ally when I needed her. 

One major thing happened - I formally moved into the house with Axel. When Axel’s dad moved away, he gave Axel the house. His brothers all had their own lives and wives and none of them wanted it. At 19 years old, Axel was a homeowner - free and clear. He didn’t miss a beat and asked me to move in. I was ecstatic at this idea, but I was also nervous. My mom and I didn’t get along and now that my siblings had moved out, I just couldn’t stand to be there. That helped make this decision a no brainer. Of course, things really didn’t change for Axel and me. Even though I had my own room, we still slept in his bed in his tiny bedroom. No matter how much I tried to convince him, he insisted on staying in his room. I continued in my role as the caretaker - cooking, cleaning, laundry - whatever it took to maintain our household. I was really enjoying being the ‘woman’ of the house.

Work schedules kept the two of us apart a lot. We also socialized with some of our work friends, so that also kept us from hanging out. Our hardcore partying days were pretty much done. We did drink a lot though and we still had occasions to hang out together and watch movies and such, they were just fewer and further between.

I decided I needed to check out the rest of the landscape for me as a gay boy. I figured I needed some friends that were gay, or maybe I'd meet someone who would help me get Axel out of my head. During all of this time since I told him I was gay, nothing seemed to indicate that we were anything more than just 'best buds’ - even though we were living together and, well, sleeping together, albeit platonically. If I was going to ever have a relationship, I needed to get out in the gay world. I kind of wanted to have some fun too. I was still a horny eighteen year old.

“Hey Axel, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Uh oh, now what?”

“Stop, it’s nothing huge. Dork. You know, you and I spend a lot of time together and I love that, but...wellllll...I think I might need to go hang out with other people like me. You know, gay dudes.”

“Hmmm, yeah, I guess that would make sense. Dude, you need to get laid, right?”

“I mean, I do kind of want, well, actually need, to get laid. But that’s not just it.”

“I’m sure. You’re still gonna be around though, right? Movies? Bar nights? Stuff we do together, right?”

“No worries, Ax, I’m not going anywhere. Maybe you can come out with me sometime. Meet my friends. I’ll bet you’ll be pretty popular.”

“Yeah, maybe dude. Maybe. Scott is moving back, so this will give me time to hang with his dumb ass.”

Axel was cool with my decision to break up our constant time together, but it was obvious he didn’t want to give it up altogether. I got the impression that he wanted to have his own time alone, but he still wanted our time together. It keeps me from having to hang with Scott who is a total right winger whacko.

***

I started frequenting a bar a short drive away called 'Melissa's'. It was a small, neighborhoody kind of place that a consistent set of dedicated regulars went to. It was a very warm place and I quickly made friends there. ‘Melissa’ was an old queen who loved everybody and considered everyone one of his ‘children’. He spotted me as soon as I walked in and got me connected with the folks there. He was just the right person for a newly out gay boy to meet. I made three good friends that would eventually become my closest friends outside of Axel.

Zayden, Jonathan and Owen became my new clique. Every time I was able, I went to Melissa's to hang out with them. We drank and danced and looked at boys and sometimes we'd hook up with some of those cute boys. We had so much fun together. It was a big help to me. I was finally living as I really should, not pretending to be something I wasn’t. I still loved Axel - maybe even more than ever - but I was able to get him out of my mind and focus on more realistic things.

***

The first friend I made was Aurora Aurealis, who was one of the performers there. Aurora is a fabulous drag queen who is also known as Zayden. Zayden was a very pretty boy and a stunningly beautiful drag queen. He wasn’t very tall, maybe about 5’9” and had a nicely toned and sculpted body. I sort of developed a crush on Zayden - or maybe it was the fact that he was so comfortable being a she. He was always friendly and flirty with me, but he never was interested in taking it further. He was 28, nearly ten years older than me and was kind of a big brother to me - though I would learn later that he was more like my ‘mother’. I really wanted to get him in bed, but he avoided it. 

I loved watching Aurora. She was so beautiful and it amazed me that she could be such a perfect girl, despite her being a boy. It was the first time since I was a child that I felt those feelings that I was a girl. I really didn’t want to complicate my life, so I continued to repress them, but Aurora was such an inspiration to me. 

Zayden would always tell me, "you watch Aurora so intently, you should try it yourself!" I would always shoot back that I had no interest in ever wearing girl's clothing - which was a total lie, of course. He'd usually roll his eyes and tell me how pretty I would be. "I might even fuck you if you'd give it a try." Even that wasn't an enticement for me to dress up, though I really did want Zayden - or maybe even Aurora - to fuck me.

Since Zayden was older, he was therefore a little more thoughtful. I could rely on him for sound advice. Even though he wasn’t the first of my new friends that I told about Axel, he was the most concerned. He was sensitive to my crush, but was also cautious. He worried that I was going to get hurt pretty badly at some point. .

“You really need to be careful, honey. Playing with fire will get you burned. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I appreciate that. It is just so hard to know. He does so many things that are...kind of hopeful? I don’t know. It's like I’m addicted to him.”

“He is a fine piece of ass. I know I would not kick him out of bed for eating crackers!”

“Yeah, he is dreamy. Really, really dreamy. He’s so nice too.”

“He is definitely different. Straight guys like to be dudes, but he seems so much more than that. Cuddling? Sleeping together? What the fuck is that all about? Bring him here and we’ll sort him out.” 

Zayden felt I should be asking him more questions, finding out what he likes and wants. He thought the behavior where we always leave the bar together was odd for even the sweetest of straight guys. And our 'Lucy and Ricky' life at home was suspect too. He was the biggest proponent of me saying something more to Axel.

***

After a couple more trips to the bar, I met Jonathan. He was a fellow rich kid, though he was much more obvious about it. He was pretty obviously gay. He was a tall, blonde, scandanavian beauty. He was a few years older than me at 23 and he wasted no time in hitting on me. He loved his twinks and preyed on them. As soon as a cute boy younger than him walked into the bar, he was all over him. 

Jonathan was the first person I had sex with in at least a year. With Axel and I spending so much time together, I wasn’t hitting my usual haunts. I was definitely ready for it. He was the most dominant person I had been with up until that point and his cock was huge - sort of like Axel’s, but probably not as big. He reminded me of Axel in a lot of ways. I liked him, but mainly just for sex. We hung out at the bar, but really didn’t connect in any other ways. He was still more of a friend than my former high school buddies were anymore.

I hooked up with Jonathan a lot. He was kind of a sex addict and I seemed to always be horny. The others made fun of the fact that we were always going out to the car or to the bathroom for a little action. There was something about Jonathan ordering me to the bathroom so he could fuck me or get his cock sucked that I loved. I actually liked it when we went to the bathroom most, but was happy to get fucked anywhere. He took me to his apartment a few times and would really have his way with me there. I learned what it was like to have a ‘fuck buddy’.

Jonathan was brash and even crass. He didn’t hold anything back. He and Owen argued all the time. Zayden and Melissa knew how to handle him. Lots of guys at the bar didn’t like him. I thought he was fun and he was my most regular fuck buddy. I have to say though, I imagined myself with Axel when I was with him since he’s built in a similar way and had a monster cock. Jonathan was rough and dominant and I kind of liked that. It scared me at first, but the more he did it, the more it turned me on. Jonathan helped me develop many of my kinks. He wanted to try things and I was willing to let him do almost anything with me.

Jonathan found out about Axel one night while Zayden and I were talking about him. He thought my relationship with him was all bullshit. 

“That dude is straight as an arrow. He’s never going to fuck you, so just forget it. You will spend your entire life wishing for something that will never happen. He wants pussy.”

“But what about the cuddling and stuff?”

“He’s obviously not ready for anything real. You are a safe, comfortable friend. He can be cool with you and not have to worry about anything. Plus, you cook his fucking dinner and iron his underwear. You’re fucking June Cleaver.”

“I guess. Maybe I do make it too easy for him.”

“Have fucking fun. Get laid as much as you can. Obviously guys are into you. I like fucking you. Be a slut and stop pining for cock you’re never going to suck. When he meets the girl of his dreams, he will drop you like a bad habit. You can keep sucking the best cock on Long Island until then. I will let you have that privilege until you meet the man of your dreams.”

***

Finally, there is Owen. He is a nerdy, geeky boy a year older than me. I adored Owen. He was so cute and sweet. He came off a little dopey or ditzy, but he really was very smart. It was almost like an act of his to keep control of the people he got close to. Owen had dated Zayden at one point and, of course, was one of Jonathan’s conquests (as pretty much anyone under the age of 20 was). He was only 5’8” tall and had thick dark hair like mine, dark eyes and wore glasses. He was even skinnier than I was. We loved spending time together and I could see myself taking things further with him. Maybe he would be the guy who helps me shake Axel. I tried to get with him when we first met, but he pushed back. We decided we should just be friends. He was the person I first told about Axel.

For whatever reason, I was hesitant to share my situation and kept the  details to myself, but I had trusted Owen enough to tell him before the others. Probably because I actually liked Owen - a lot. Owen agreed that Axel was hot. He also was skeptical of my relationship with him. I think that had something to do with why we didn't get beyond being friends. 

“That boy is hiding something from you, comrade.”

“Do you really think so? I know him better than anyone and I’ve never gotten that impression.”

“Seriously? Come on! I know you’re a smart dude! He insists that you sleep in the same bed? Jesus. This guy is into you. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Is that why you won’t kiss me?”

“Maybe. Maybe I don’t want to kiss you.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

Owen felt like Axel was hiding something. That he probably was at least bi and was just afraid to say so. He felt Axel liked me too, but was not willing to accept his feelings. I think Owen liked me and this whole thing frustrated him. As much as I tried, Owen avoided any kind of intimate contact. We definitely liked each other. 

Owen wasn’t as into hooking up or playing around like Jonathan was. It’s not that Owen didn’t hook up, he just was more selective. He was definitely more relationship oriented. Jonathan always told me that Owen was not what he appeared to be. When I’d ask for more detail, he’d just say that Owen was ‘different’ when it came to sex. Zayden told me that he found Owen to be ‘full of surprises’, from his sexual interests to his body. I could never get him to tell me more.

This mystery around Owen made me even more interested in him. He was becoming a close friend and I dreamt of where things could go. 

***

All in all, I was happy to have friends to talk things through with, but it didn’t make things any easier for me. I still felt strongly for Axel. My gender was creeping back into my mind. I was really trying to find myself. 

Thank you for reading! This is a story with a lot of connection to my own reality. It will continue to flow a bit differently than some of my other stories. I hope you're enjoying it. As always, I appreciate and welcome your feedback. Let me know what you think!