The Evolution of Friendship: A Love Story

I woke up and I was by myself in bed. I felt awful. Not only was I highly embarrassed about the things I told Axel, I was hung over from the birthday bash my friends threw me. I still can’t believe what I did last night, and that I told Axel about it. He must think I’m a sicko. I can’t imagine him wanting to be with me now. 

Anyway, it was early afternoon. I had slept the morning away. I got up and went to see where Axel was. I smelled something coming from the kitchen. Axel was cooking. I don’t think I ever saw him cook before.

“Heyyyyyyyyyy prepster! I hope you’re hungry!”

“Wow. You cook? Everything looks and smells amazing!”

“You’re not the only one with skills in the kitchen dude.”

“I see. I love it.”

“I think they call this brunch when you’re eating breakfast and lunch at the same time. Happy Birthday, dude. A day early, of course.”

It was incredible. There was the usual bacon and scrambled eggs, but there also was some grilled chicken, a salad, some pastry (that he clearly got up early to go get) and bread. I had no idea Axel had this in him. I love him even more. 

“Listen, about what we talked ab…”

“Fuck no. We’re not rehashing stuff. You told me about your hookup. I wanted to know everything. I’m really cool with it. I like seeing you get some action. You deserve it. Nothing has changed, you’re still my number one amigo.”

I was basically speechless. What was going on? Why was Axel suddenly being, well, like a boyfriend? Something is up. Maybe he has bad news for me.

“And as long as I’m throwing all this nicey nicey shit at you, today is on me. I know tomorrow is your birthday, but I want us to celebrate today so we have tomorrow to recover. We fucking have to be responsible on Monday.”

“Um, ok? I don’t know what to say. This is...weird? No. It’s just something new. Another side of Axel? I…”

Axel walked over and put his finger on my mouth. He pointed to the bloody mary on the table.

“Just stop talking preppy boy. Drink your bloody mary before it becomes a shitty watered down mess. Chill.”

“Yeah. Ok. I’m chilling.”

Axel wrapped up whatever he was doing at the counter and brought over another plate with a pile of pineapple slices on it. He knows how much I love pineapple. He went about making a plate for me and then set it in front of me. He patted me on the head and told me to enjoy. He dug into his own meal.

We just quietly ate for a while. We’d usually do that anyway. We both loved to eat, so we kinda focused on it when we were really hungry. I complimented him on everything. It really was good!

“So! I have plans for us today. Don’t worry about anything. I got you.”

“You really don…”

“Dude! Are you fucking serious? Listen, you do so much for me. You, like, do everything. Fucking everything! You’ve been doing it forever. I owe you.”

“But Ax…”

“I’m going to tape your mouth shut if you don’t stop being a dick. My best bud deserves a cool day to have fun. So, shut the fuck up, unless you’re telling me how fucking excited you are to be taken care of for the day.”

I loved the way he was talking to me. It was firm and commanding, yet still affectionate and warm. I don’t think he’s ever talked to me like this before. He’s never done any of this before. Was he...starting to...no. No. It’s just a fluke.

He really did have a day planned for me. We took advantage of the unseasonably warm day and played a round of golf at our favorite course by the beach. We hung out at one of the bars over there and drank and talked. Then he took me to the mall. I was kind of floored by the fact that Axel wanted to go shopping. I mean, he did it for me, but still.

The shopping trip was kinda awkward. We were both pretty toasted. I was sort of letting my guard down and acting a bit, um, gayer. I was waving my arms around and holding things up to myself. I flew around the men’s department like I was the fashion fairy. Axel took it all in. He laughed and smiled and went along with me the whole time. He even picked stuff out for me telling me I’d look cute or pretty in some things. He said I’d look pretty?!? It was surreal.

We went back home for a while. We needed some time to rest and get cleaned up for the rest of the night. We went to his room and climbed into bed. As was usual for Axel, he stripped down to nothing. It’s not like this was something new, but it did feel different this time. I really had to hold back. I kept my clothes on, climbed over him and laid on my stomach to hide my hard on.

Once Axel was sound asleep, he rolled over toward me and rested his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arm around me. I had rolled on to my back by this point. The two of us cuddling was not unusual, though when it did happen it was usually me leaning on him. It was very brotherly as opposed to romantic. This time was different. He nuzzled himself into my shoulder and actually pulled me tight to him. He even draped his leg over mine. I felt like I was going to explode. Still hard, I discreetly reached into my pants and stroked myself. I was taking a big risk, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed release. Somehow in my state of drunkenness mixed with the feelings that had been welling up all day, I felt like this was ok.

I pulled my other arm up over his and held it. I pulled him into me. What was happening? This was way more intimate than anything we’d ever done. I kept easing my hand along my cock, using the precum to lube myself. I couldn’t believe I was jerking off next to Axel - while holding on to him! It didn’t take long for me to explode. I tensed up and grabbed Axel’s arm more tightly. I let out a soft groan as my creamy load shot into my hand. After I caught my breath, I pulled my hand out and brought it to my face, licking off whatever cum was there. I wanted so desperately to kiss him.

I woke Axel up and we both got ready to go out. Axel was taking me to dinner at a swanky restaurant and then we were going bar hopping. Before we left, he laid out four lines of coke - part of my present. We went to dinner completely wired. It was actually a lot of fun. As you can see, drugs and alcohol were always a part of everything.

All through dinner, I kept looking at him. I was melting inside. I just wanted to scream out how in love I was with him and tell him I would do anything to be his. I think he caught me looking at him with my dreamy schoolgirl eyes. He just smiled at me.

After dinner, we blew more coke and we went from bar to bar. Axel never left my side. He bought drinks for us all night long. We attempted to play pool and throw darts - neither were successful. He paid such close attention to me. He made sure I was doing ok, had enough to drink, that I drank water, and that I was flying all night. We eventually ended up at a club and danced our asses off. Axel and I never danced together. We usually went our separate ways when we were clubbing together. But not that night. We were at one of our favorite places and it was pretty gay friendly, so the two of us dancing together didn’t raise any issues. I couldn’t believe what a time we were having. It was like I really was out with my boyfriend. It was the best time of my life.

We finally ended up at home. I was wiped out. Axel basically had to carry me up the one short flight of stairs to get me to bed. He very attentively took my shoes and clothes off and laid me over on my side of the bed. He stripped down himself and positioned himself behind me. He was spooning me. His head was laying right on my neck. He held me tight. We were body to body, skin to skin - him naked and me in my boxer briefs. We slept that way until late Sunday morning. 

When I woke up, he was still spooning me. He was awake - and he was still holding me.

“Good morning birthday boy.”

“Ugh. Good morning.”

Axel let out a long contented sigh and squeezed me.

“I hope you had as much fun as I did yesterday.”

“Oh my god Axel. That was the time of my life. It was so awesome. Thank you.”

“Sure thing buddy. Anything to see you that happy.”

All I could think of doing was crying. I couldn’t believe what he was saying, what he was doing.

“You ok, dude?”

“Yeah. Yeah. This is really nice.”

“It is. I like it.”

“You...you...you do?”

Axel released his arm and rolled back, almost as if he were upset with me. He sat up and reached for a joint. As he lit it and sucked in his first hit, he just looked at me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything bad. I mean...it’s just...so...different?”

“No! We do this all the time man!”

I coughed and hacked as I always do when I draw a hit off a joint. “Not quite like this.”

“Dude. What is your fucking problem? We hang out like this all the time. I just wanted to show my best bud a special time.”

“You did! It was amazing and I appreciate it so much. But Ax, something is different. Like, good different. At least I think so.”

Axel took another hit and passed me the joint. He pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them. He dropped his head in between them.

“Dude. Let’s just be stoned.” Axel seemed bothered by whatever was going through his head. Then he sort of broke the mood of the whole weekend. 

“I’m not fucking gay. You hear me? I’m not a fag!”

I was crushed. Heartbroken. I shouldn’t have been. I knew this all along. I always knew my dream of a life with Axel was just a fantasy. I just crawled out of bed and went to my own room. I cried into my pillow. It was a big,ugly cry. I was devastated. I probably shouldn’t have been. The mix of drugs and alcohol and being tired probably made me more emotional than I should have been. In reality, there was more going on here.

About an hour later, Axel threw on a pair of sweatpants and knocked on my door. 

“Hey. Jay? You ok? Can I come in.”

“No...um, yes...I don’t fucking know.”

Axel came over to the bed and laid down next to me. We both just laid there silently. Finally, Axel spoke up.

“You’re right.”

“About what?”

“It was different. Good different.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know, man. I feel different...about us...about me.”

Axel was clearly struggling. I tried to make things a little easier on him. “It’s ok. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Yes I do, dude.” Axel looked over at me. He had tears welling up in his eyes. It was odd to see my confident, tough-guy friend looking all vulnerable. “I just don’t know what to do, man. I’m not what I thought I was.”

“Maybe you’re finally realizing who you are?”

“What the fuck does that even mean? Who the fuck am I? Another faggot?” I felt like he was ripping my heart out. I sunk lower into the bed. Axel realized what he had just said. “Wait! No! It’s just hard man! I didn’t mean it like that.”

“If there is then there’s something wrong with me. You said it was cool. Nothing changes.”

“Fuck. Everything is changing now. I’m sorry. I don’t think either one of us is a faggot.”

“But…?”

“But. Yeah. The but.”

I took advantage of the opportunity to lighten things up. 

“Your butt is cute.”

Axel turned bright red. He rubbed his hands over his eyes. “AAARGGGHHH!”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“I kinda think your butt is cute.”

Now I was blushing. “Me?”

“Yeah you. Haven’t you seen me watching you? When you’re making dinner or when we’re playing golf. I always end up looking at your ass.”

“Axel, I-I-I…”

“Shhh. I need to say this first, before I lose my nerve. I can’t believe what I’m about to say.” he said as he put his finger on my mouth again. “I guess I’ve been fooling myself. I’ve been trying to be the super stud straight boy everyone thinks I am. Nah. I’ve been thinking about you a lot dude. Like, you’re on my fucking mind all the time. You have been for, like forever. Since high school. Maybe even earlier. I just fought it off. Kept telling myself, ‘dude, you’re straight, you like pussy’ and then I’d think about you and how...how...fucking adorable you are. Fucking cutest guy I’ve ever seen. And I still just kept thinking it wasn’t right. I can’t be gay. I”m not supposed to be gay. Everyone will be disappointed in me. My family will hate me.”

I could see how hard this was for him to say. Axel was wringing his hands and taking heavy breaths between sentences. Being straight is all anyone has ever expected of him. This is not what he expected to be doing, probably ever. 

“Then you told me you were gay. Fuck. It just made it harder for me to ignore. All these months, all this time, I’ve been trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I wanted you, not some girl. I wanted you to be my girl - if that even makes sense. Fuck dude... I’m in love with you. I planned yesterday in my head while I was driving back home after ditching douchebag Scott. If it felt good to me, that it was meant to be. I had to find out. Then I saw you with that guy. I was so fucking jealous. He got with you and it should have been me. That whole thing that happened after that was fucking adorable. Really fucking adorable. You were so embarrassed. I just wanted to kiss you so bad. Anyway. Fuck it. I love you man. I really love you.”

I was crying my eyes out. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. It was happening. It really is possible. Wow. Now what do I do? I didn’t have much time to think about it when Axel rolled over. We were face to face. He looked into my eyes and then he just leaned in and kissed me. At first it was just a soft kiss on the lips. He pulled back and looked at me again. I smiled the biggest smile I ever had. He leaned in and kissed me again - this time pushing his tongue into my mouth. I felt like I was floating. I felt all warm and tingly. I had goosebumps. The man of my dreams was making out with me.

“Fuck!” Axel yelled as he pulled away from me. “This feels really wrong and it feels really right. I’m so fucking confused.”

Axel jumped up out of bed and started pacing. I got up and walked over to him. I put my hands on his shoulders and stopped him.

“Hey. Look at me. I know how hard this is for you.”

“Do you? You are gay! You know it! No one is surprised!”

“Axel! Come in! Why are you being like this now? It isn’t as easy being me as you think. You don’t know everything!”

“What more is there? You like dudes. You’re gay. I thought I liked girls. I do like girls. I think I like you. What the fuck? What are my friends gonna say? What is my dad gonna say?”

“What are they going to say? Maybe they’ll just say ‘good for you’. Maybe they won’t care. Maybe you’re bi or something.”

“Bi? I don’t even know what that means.”

“Bisexual. You like boys and girls.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I don’t get it either, but I guess there are people who like both. Maybe that’s you.”

“Please don’t tell anyone about this.”

So many feelings were running through me. I was angry with him for feeling embarrassed about this after telling me it was no big deal. I was sad for him for how much he was struggling. His family is a bunch of hyper-masculine men. I can’t imagine they’d understand having a gay brother or son. I was happy for him that he was finally able to share how he felt. Of course, I was ecstatic for myself. He loved me. That was probably the truest of all the things he said. I could feel it - and it wasn’t just me fantasizing. 

I took him by the hand and we sat down on the bed.

“Look. No one has to know about any of this. At least not now. We’ll figure it out. We can do that together. I love you so much. More than you could imagine. You are everything to me. But, if all we can ever be is best friends, I’ll take that over losing you forever. Let’s just take things a little at a time. OK?”

“OK, I think. I really had so much fun with you yesterday. Like, more than I’ve ever had with you.”

“Me too. It was amazing. Axel… this is amazing. Right now. You’re so adorable right now.”

I brushed my hand through his blonde, spiky hair. I thought about kissing him, but I decided to just look at him. I patted his knee and stood up.

“Now, it’s my birthday today. You’re not done treating me. Where are you taking me today?”

Axel just sat there. His elbows were on his legs and he was looking down.

“To the movies. We still haven’t seen the third Nightmare on Elm Street yet.”

“What if I get scared?”

“I’ll hold on to you like I do at every horror movie we go to.”

Everything was going to be alright… I think.