Fear of Love

“I don’t even know what to say Row?” Gabi questioned herself after everything Rowan had just told her. “What can I do?”

“I don’t think there’s anything to do Gab.” Rowan responded, his eyes shifting around the fast food joint. He glanced briefly at the girl across the table then up to the grease-stained ceiling tiles. “It’s in the past. I have to find a way to leave it there.”

“Ya know he was right? Don’t ya?” She asked. 

“Who?”

“Tony, when he said you didn’t deserve that bullshit! Your father, William, all of that. You deserve better.” Gabi was hoping to combat the sadness she felt in Rowan’s energy. “You deserve someone like Tony, kind and sincere. And hot as hell!”

Rowan let out a dry sigh that bordered resignation. “After everythi…”

“You’re leaving the past where it belongs Rowan Johnson!” Gabi blurted out, interrupting her friend’s self-loathing. “Remember?”

“Blah blah blah!” Rowan rolled his eyes. It was the first bit of his normal sarcastic self that had he shown Gabi since they sat down in the burger place. 

“Ya know you do. Now just believe it!” She told him after sipping her coke through the plastic straw. 

“He is pretty damn sexy.” Rowan acquiesced with the hint of a smile. 

“When are you seeing him again?” Gabi pried, hoping to keep the positive momentum. 

“He’s cooking me dinner tonight. He thinks I eat too much insta-food.” His fingers curled in air quotes around the moniker of his diet that consisted of mostly fast food and frozen food. Rowan’s frown was finally conquered by the full-fledged smile that seemed to travel through his eyes. 

….

Six-thirty Rowan reminded himself as if he hadn’t been reminding himself all day. The green digits on the clock by his dorm room bed hinted to him that he really should start getting ready. As much as he enjoyed catching the occasional glimpse of an unsuspecting or not-so-modest naked guy wandering the bleak and bland showers, he hated using the communal showers provided in the dorms. 

He knew he was unable to put it off any longer, so he reluctantly gathered his shower caddy, a white terry cloth towel, and his shower shoes. God only knows what you might step on in those showers. Now or never. He surrendered to his desire for personal hygiene over discomfort and padded off to get ready for his dinner date with Tony. 

Oh, Tony. He thought, my strong and sweet Tony. He marveled at the acceptance and forgiveness the boy had shown him after everything he had put Tony through. All of his hot and cold behaviors, running when things got to be too much or he felt too close to stepping out of his comfort zone. 

Of course, the visions of the times just before the decision to run bobbed in and out of his thoughts as well. Thoughts of Tony’s strong hands tugging at his ass and their warmth as they explored his body began to consume his pity pot. Before long, as Rowan’s hormones took his body over, his thoughts grew dirtier and more illicit.

The passion Tony held in his eyes in the couple of times they had fucked, a look that only forced a complete shutdown out of Rowan at the time sparked a different feeling this time. Rowan cursed his father. He cast out thoughts of both Liam and his semen demon. Neither deserved another second of his time as another realization washed over him with the warm trickle of the shower. 

Rowan had tried so many times, to push Tony away. Just to run back to him so he could get a feigns fix of the boy. Why? He wondered while turning the flow of water off. He knew the answer to his own question before he even had to ponder too much. 

With renewed excitement, Rowan wrapped the cloth around his thin torso, still beaded with water. He gathered the wet bottles of shower products and made haste out of the showers, through the cool air of the hall, and towards his dorm. 

….

“Dinner’s alm…” Tony’s words faded leaving only a gaped mouth when he opened the door wide enough to get a look at a smile-clad Rowan stuffed in his nearly painted-on jeans and tight pink T-shirt. 

“Hey, Tony.” Rowan’s smile was full and genuine both for getting to see Tony again tonight and his surprised reaction. 

“Ah hey. Um, come in.” Tony continued having to force his words out. “Dinner is almost ready.” His eyes followed Rowan, watching his sassy sway through the door and across the room. Damn! 

With the food done and served, the two boys sat across from each other at the small dinette set, inhaling tacos and in light-hearted conversation which was unusual since Rowan initially opened up about his past. 

Distracted, Tony’s voice caught in mid-sentence of whatever he was saying, he couldn’t remember what it was when he felt Rowan’s foot riding up the inside of his calf. He stuttered the now-forgotten words, his blue eyes glistened in his surprise.

“Row?” Tony questioned.

“Tony?” Rowan questioned sarcastically, entertained by the other’s response. 

“What are you,” Tony breathed in noisily when the exploring foot reached his crotch, “doing?”

“Me?” Rowan asked with innocence. “Not much. Just eating tacos and flirting with you.” He smiled. “How’m I doing?”

Rowan’s foot rubbed across Tony’s growing cock with wicked intentions. He could feel the member growing hard under the tips of his toes as he continued to fondle around over Tony’s grey sweatpants. They provided little resistance as Tony tented them under Rowan’s advance. 

Tony sighed, his eyes closed and his head tilted slightly upward giving Rowan unvocalized consent, so he continued. Tony’s breathing turned ragged and shallow over Rowan’s foot stroking faster along his cotton-covered shaft. 

“Rowan?” Tony moaned. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He hoped it was true, but after the other’s revelations, Tony struggled to retain his morals. 

“Never been more sure baby.” Rowan answered, his eyes growing darker with lust.

Rowan pulled his foot away, stood, and crossed the table. His body sunk to his knees and he slid Tony into his chair so that they were facing each other. With one hand, Rowan caressed Tony’s face while the other hand coiled around his cock through the cloth. 

Tony’s normally crystal blue eyes were a deeper, darker blue when he opened them to watch Rowan working his cock. “Fuck Row!” He gasped.

Rowan leaned down, mouthing Tony’s cock through the sweats, and moaned, sending vibrations through Tony’s body and goosebumps across his skin. He signed again when Rowan pulled the waistband away from his stomach, freeing Tony’s dick from its cloth prison, allowing it to finally stand up and lay across his belly button. Rowan hummed in satisfaction.

The change in temperature on his cock sent a shiver through Tony’s body. He moaned “Rowan” in a low and gravely tone. 

Rowan looked up and smiled. “You’re fucking sexy Tony!” Before he put his lips on the perfectly shaped mushroom head of Tony’s cock. He ran his tongue over the soft smooth skin finding the slit. Rowan’s tongue tip pushed inside lightly and moved in small circles. 

Every other thought Tony had was gone, vanished into the ecstasy he felt. His toes curled inside of his white socks when Rowan pushed his lips down over the rim of Tony’s cock and down his steel hard shaft. Up and down, in a near continuous reverberating moan, Rowan’s lips slid skillfully along Tony’s shaft. 

Tony put his hands on either side of Rowan’s face and tried to pull him up. Rowan looked up at Tony through the web of his dark eyelashes, his eyes flashing the smile that his mouth was too full of cock to make. “Rowan,” he breathed loudly. “Come here.”

Tony stood, forcing Rowan to unwillingly release his cock with a soft moan of disappointment. He tugged his sweats over his engorged cock and reached out for the pink-haired boy’s hand. The cold air once a gain made Tony’s body tremble. Rowan gave his hand over quickly and was led off into Tony’s room. 

Tony pulled Rowan’s smaller frame into his own and kissed him with unfettered passion. His mind recalled all the times they’d been here before and all of the times Rowan had ghosted him after. He foolishly pushed those wretched thoughts away, hoping this time would be different. 

Rowan returned his kiss. This time, Tony thought, felt different. He could almost trick himself into thinking he felt passion emanating from all around them, from Rowan. They kissed quickly like tomorrow wasn’t coming, like they’d both die if the other didn’t feed them. 

When they separated, each boy gasped for the air they’d forgotten that they needed. Their eyes met and locked into each other in almost disbelief for several long hot seconds before Rowan moved to raise Tony’s shirt over his head. He slid the grey sweats down over Tony’s cock and it sprung back upright while he finished freeing Tony off his clothing. 

Rowan kissed down Tony’s heat-reddened chest and stroked slow movements along the length of his shaft before dipping back down to his knees and resumed sucking Tony’s cock. Caressing his balls in a synchronized motion, Rowan selflessly gave his mouth over to Tony’s pleasure. 

“Stop!” Tony growled with as much command as he could muster and pulled Rowan back to his feet before disrobing the smaller boy. “I’m not gonna be the only naked one in this room!”

Tony laid Rowan’s naked body gently back onto his bed and straddled his midsection, Rowan’s cock directly below him. He leaned down, holding his nearly two-hundred pounds just inches off of Rowan’s body breathing heavily. 

His lips, warm and wet, connected with Rowan’s tender neck, bringing out a whimper from his mouth. Tony sucked the sensitive skin into his mouth momentarily before moving down. He left a moist trail down Rowan’s midsection and the moved down until reaching his clean-shaven pubic area and grinned. 

With one hand resting just above the base of Rowan’s cock and the other bracing himself, Tony swallowed Rowan deep into his throat and the man below him groaned out. Rowan’s hands rested on the back of Tony’s head as he bobbed up and down working both into a heated frenzy. 

When Tony suddenly stopped and stood, Rowan felt a twinge of concern enter his otherwise frenzied mind. He watched Tony walk to his dresser and open a drawer, followed by the sounds of a foil wrapper being ripped. When Tony turned, he was lubing his sheathed cock with one hand and holding the container in the other. The sight of it erased all concern Rowan thought he felt. 

He spread his legs, inviting Tony in and inside him. Tony crawled into position before he lowered to take Rowan’s mouth again, their tongues entwined instantly, knowingly. Each expressing their desires through gruff moans into the other’s mouth. Rowan’s hands dug firmly into Tony’s solid back. 

Tony clumsily reached over, one-handed, pumped a generous portion of the slimy liquid into the palm of his hand, and sought out Rowan’s hole. His fingers traced and tickled the rim before the first of three total digits breached Rowan’s cavity. Each new width stretched Rowan more and made him cry out “Tony!”

And then it happened, finally as far as Rowan was concerned. Tony too probably. Rowan felt the pressure of Tony’s cock head pressing against his entrance. “Please?” Rowan begged. “I need you inside me!” His husky voice whined. 

There was very little pain that was easily pushed away by the euphoric feeling of Tony driving his width into him, inch by excruciatingly slow inch until he was deep in Rowan’s core. Tony moaned in time with the whimpers and whines that he inadvertently pushed out of Rowan. 

With Rowan’s legs wrapped around him and locked at the ankles, Tony moved methodically, slowly making love to him, Tony’s fingers destroying Rowan’s once perfectly styled pink hair. The pair, connected as one entity kissed and moaned for as long as they could before their bodies felt starved for oxygen. They broke away panting only to continue to oscillate across each other's mouths again. 

Rowan’s fingers dug deep into Tony’s skin, dragging red streaks where his nails grazed across the surface. Tony didn’t hesitate when he felt the pressure building deep in his balls, he continued to fuck passionately into Rowan enjoying every sound, every sensation of the moment. 

He reached his peak, toppling over was inevitable and Tony planked over Rowan’s body and drove himself into Rowan in earnest. Bottoming out hard into Rowan’s core causing him to squeal unintelligible noises until Tony found his release. He pumped himself into Rowan through the tickles, milking himself empty through Rowan’s ring. 

Tony collapsed his nearly full weight onto Rowan mindlessly before he braced himself back up and withdrew. He pumped more lubricant into his palm and positioned himself beside the smaller boy before taking his mouth into a kiss once again. 

Tony’s slick hand coiled around Rowan’s cock and stroked feverishly, while Rowan bucked his hips fucking into Tony’s fist. Rowan’s orgasm grew near as they worked together to push him over the top, quickly spilling his cum over Tony’s hand