Fear of Love

Hey y'all, here is part 2 of Fear of Love. Check it out. I hope you enjoy it.

Rowan stood at the second-floor apartment door for several excruciating minutes trying to find the confidence to knock. It was nearly two-thirty in the morning, plus he already knew he was in hot water. Finally, wondering if this would make it worse for him, he rapped his knuckles on the red metal door and waited.

He had a plan. When the door opened, if the door opened he would act as if nothing was wrong, just a normal two a.m. visit. However, there was nothing normal about it. He knew Tony knew and for some reason, there was a vibe to the text he'd received that well, just felt off.

Tony was laying in his way undersized twin bed when the silence he was drowning in was broken by some fool knocking at his door. Fuck!He cursed, laying there hoping that if he ignored them, they'd go away. Just as he thought his plan worked, the knocking repeated.

“Coming!” Rowan heard Tony shout from the other side of the door. “Quit knocking you'll wake the whole fucking floor up!”

Rowan deflated at the irritation in his friend’s voice. He only had a few seconds to regroup and put his mask back on before...

“What the fuck?” Tony growled when he pulled the door open. “Ya know what time... Rowan? You ok?” annoyance faded from his voice.

Rowan watched Tony’s mostly bare body relax. His eyes traveled from Tony’s dark eyes, down across his broad, hairy chest, and rested on the only fabric the man wore. His black Calvin Klein boxer briefs bulged heavily in the front.

“Ah, yeah.” the smaller man lied. “I ah, I just wanted to check on you. Ya left without saying goodbye.”

“It's almost two-thirty dude.” Tony stepped to the side of the opening giving Rowan space to walk in. “I'm fine. And I texted you when I left. You musta been too busy to see it?” Tony spoke past Rowan to wherever his eyes had landed.

“I had fun tonight.” Rowan admitted, watching Tony in his peripheral when he walked past him into the apartment.

I’m sure you did!“Yeah?”

“That twink, Tommy, was actually pretty cool.”

“He was cute for sure.” Tony admitted trying to evade the vision of Rowan’s pink hair behind the door.

Rowan sat in one of the two gaming chairs that made up half of the seating in Tony’s living room. He fidgeted the chair back and forth anxiously, awkwardly trying to keep the conversation going. He didn’t know how to come out and ask the question burning in his mind. Did he see me?

Tony plopped down on the small couch, exhausted and trying to hide how much the visions bothered him. He watched Rowan, leaned back in the chair, facing the ceiling and swaying back and forth. His eyes watched Rowan’s abs tighten each time he changed direction in the chair. God, how does he do this to me?

“I’m sor…"

“Whatcha thin…”

They broke the silence simultaneously interrupting each other’s weird attempt to fill the quiet void.

“Go ahead.” Tony offered.

Rowan remained quiet for a few seconds. “I’m sorry I disappeared on you tonight.”

Tony concentrated more on the soft vulnerability in Rowan’s voice more than the spoken words. “You don’t need to apologize to me.” I’m not your boyfriend. The last part remained unspoken.

Tony swore there was a tear streak running down the side of Rowan’s face when his head straightened forward. “I should probably go.” Rowan told him as he stood.

Tony raised up off of the couch and reached out for the other man, and pulled Rowan to him. “You don’t have to go anywhere.”

Slowly, Rowan raised his arms up and around Tony’s bare skin and hugged him back. His body tensed momentarily before he pulled back and hid his face from Tony.

He turned and tried, but failed to covertly dry the side of his face. Rowan hated crying, he hated emotions. The only thing worse in his mind was other people seeing him as weak. “I should go.”

He looked up at Tony, into his hazel and gold-flaked eyes, Rowan felt another sob threatening to defy his attempt to stay steeled. He sucked in a deep breath, hoping to fend off the coming storm before he leaned back into Tony’s chest. He sighed when he exhaled, his breath warm on Tony’s skin.

Tony fought the tension that had built in the club, he struggled against his own desire for the smaller man. Everything in him screamed This isn’t the time! Rowan felt so warm against his body that he had to focus his mind back to seeing him in the parking lot to keep from acting on that one part of him that begged to be heard.

“Seriously Row, you should stay.”

Rowan nodded in agreement against Tony’s chest. If he went back to his dorm, he’d probably keep his roommate up all night while he balled into his pillow. Here he thought he’d have a better chance at not crumbling.

“Where will I sleep?” He asked knowing Tony’s bed was really small.

I need to get a real bed.Tony thought before he answered. “The couch. Or we could try to sleep in my bed?”

The two of them padded off to Tony’s room with Tony’s arm still around Rowan. Tony straightened the tangle of bedding and patted the mattress for Rowan to lie down. Tony spooned in behind him, mostly. He left a slight gap between their lower section so Rowan wouldn’t feel the swelling that was inevitably going to happen.

They lay still, Tony’s heavy arm draped around Rowan’s thin body. Neither of them spoke for what felt like a long time before Rowan whispered “Thank you.”

Tony numbed “Welcome” but didn’t say anything else.

Tony didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he woke to the sounds of Rowan sobbing softly, his body trembled with each one. He didn’t move or speak. He just listened to his friend quietly come apart.

A few times he almost let on that he was awake. He wanted to let Rowan know that it would all be ok. Whatever it was that he was crying about. He wanted to fix it all for his friend, for the man that had somehow wormed into Tony’s heart. Instead, he just left his arm around Rowan and let him filter out whatever was going on. He’d ask about it later.

When Tony woke up, Rowan was still little spooned against his chest, asleep. Tony’s morning wood was pressed hard against Rowan’s tight little ass bringing up a slight feeling of shame in him. He couldn’t help his body’s reaction to being skin-to-skin with Rowan no matter how hard he tried. And he really did try. Deciding he needed to put some space between them, he slipped carefully out from behind Rowan and got out of bed.

Tony was in the small galley kitchen cooking eggs and bacon when Rowan wandered in still wearing last night’s skimpy outfit. “Sleep ok?” Tony asked.

Rowan’s face was splotchy with swollen red eyes when he shrugged “Guess so.” He submitted, his voice still thick with sleep. “Whatcha cooking?”

He walked closer and looked around Tony’s wide back to see the food sizzling on the griddle and grunted his approval before he laid his head against Tony’s arm. This was the Rowan that Tony was falling for. The tender, almost intimate side of Rowan that he almost never let anyone see. He let Tony see it on a few occasions. Usually the morning after a good romp in the sack, but it was there, hiding somewhere deep inside.

When the food was done cooking, Tony dished out two plates and handed one to Rowan. They stood, side by side leaned against the counter, and ate together. There were few words spoken between them while they inhaled bacon and eggs.

When Rowan finished, he told Tony that he really needed to head back to his dorm. He had class soon and needed to get changed. “Thank you for last night. I didn’t deserve it.” He admitted softly.

“Let me decide that please?” Tony asked.

He smiled at the smaller man and pulled him closer. They locked eyes for several seconds before Rowan's small smile arched the corners of his mouth. Tony smiled back, his smile glistening through his hazel eyes.

Pushing up to his tiptoes, Rowan stretched and kissed Tony on his cheek. He pulled back slightly to see Tony’s face, the starry-eyed look moved Rowan to lean in again. This time their lips met. Rowan had only meant for it to be a peck kiss, but they didn’t part right away.

His calves started to tingle from the extension, their lips held, smashed together. Without thinking, Rowan pushed the tip of his tongue through his lips and tickled Tony’s. Before either knew it, their tongues were tangled in Tony’s mouth and their breathing had stopped to make way for fireworks.

Tony was lost in the moment when suddenly he couldn’t feel Rowan anymore. His mouth was left gaped and Rowan was pulling away. Rowan’s eyes shifted from the wall behind Tony to the floor and showed the shock that either felt for different reasons.

“I got… Thanks for breakfast.” Rowan stuttered. “I need to go.”

Tony reached for him again. “Row, wait.” But he missed, the surprise slowed his reaction.

Rowan was already moving through the living room looking for his shoes. “Rowan?” Tony called out.

With his shoes in hand, Rowan was already opening the apartment door. “I’ll call you.” He sounded excited, the scared excited not the good kind. With a slam, the door closed, and Tony was alone.