Chapter Listing

Chapter 1

As Barney wheeled the mail truck around and through

traffic, he couldn't help but feel strangely aroused. It wasn't a common feeling

for him, and okay, he was getting older, but if he remembered right, he was

quite the horn dog as a teenager. Problem was, here he was about to be hitting

the big F age, that precipice of life, where from that point on, it was all

downhill. Still, he had enjoyed his teenage & college years, and he had the

money in the bank, to show how he enjoyed his work.

His problem, if he was

honest with himself, was that he was lonely. Maybe that is why he was such a

good mailman? Maybe it was being lonely, that made him reach out to those on his

route, rather than just dump the mail in the slot of box, like the new kids did.

After all, most of them had more than an empty room to go home to.

Still, he

did like his solitude, so why the fuck had he agreed to have Chris come home

with him? Was he being a good friend, or was that hardness in his pants the real

reason? That too was peculiar for him, because he generally didn't get that

aroused, without some real stimulation, that usually meant the hands on type.

Yet with Chris sitting next to him, all he could think of was what it would be

like to be involved with him.

Now there was a scary thought. Him, a lonely

hermit really, being involved with an eighteen year old. His co-workers would be

stunned that he even would want someone to be with, let alone another male.

Still, he had enjoyed his few journeys into the Gay lifestyle, though his last

few forays into sex, had been with women. Maybe it was simply him playing it

safe, unwilling to endanger his career, or maybe he just didn't want to come to

terms with his sexuality, specially if it might be towards other men.

As he

pulled the truck into the parking lot of the diner, he realized that really was

his problem. Call it cowardice, call it prudent thinking, either way he was

simply afraid of finding out. Maybe if things had been different, where

differences weren't excuses for getting fired, or beaten up, he might be more

open to the thoughts that were going through his mind. Maybe he'd be more

accepting of them, instead of hiding from his own feelings?

He was not one to

make waves, either publicly or in his own private life. He wanted more, but he

was afraid. That was the honest truth, which made him shudder a bit. Nearly

forty years old, and he was basically afraid of life. Didn't make sense, because

he liked people, just that he worried they wouldn't like him, if they


Looking over at Chris, he was surprised to see him looking at him, with

a sort of puzzled look. In some ways it made his heart ache, because frankly

Chris looked rather handsome, with his head down, his eyes looking up at him,

through those long eyelashes.

'Hey sport, hungry yet?'

'I guess, uh



'I uh, I mean, I really appreciate this, but uh, I am, I

am just rather..'

He had avoided the question about the magazine, but he could

see it in Chris's face, it was on his mind, or maybe it was something else? Was

he going to ask if he was gay? How would he handle it, if Chris just came out

and asked him? Could he hide it, should he? It was a bit nerve racking, but

better get it out now, or was he just going to ruin it all? He did rather like

Chris, and okay, maybe sexually too, but he liked him as a sort of friend. And

friends helped friends, without strings.

'Just spit it out sport, I don't

bite, you know that, so what's on your mind?'

'The magazines, how did you


Looking at Chris, one foot out the door, he realized that he couldn't

hide it. It wasn't fair to the kid, besides, right now he needed a friend, not

some song & dance stories.

'I recognized the name on the return


'But, how, I mean..'

'From the one's I get, same return



Barney didn't turn away, as he saw the way Chris' face

twisted in surprise, at how his hands suddenly seemed to ball up, as his chest

rose & fell a bit faster, as the reality set in. There was even a flash of

anger, then of puzzlement, which made his own chest ache a bit. The anger

surprised him, but he stood his ground. It was a make or break point, between

them. He was banking on Chris being more level headed than most his age, and to

be honest with himself, it was what he was hoping for.

'I never would have

guessed, pretty lame for a queer huh?'

'No, not like I am any expert on


'but you are older, you uh..'

'what get around?'

'Doesn't sound

right, I mean getting around, but..'

'Look let me set you straight, so to

speak. I have messed around with guys, not much, not often either, and I doubt

if anyone but you, knows. I am no expert Chris, if anything maybe less than


'But, I mean you are older, you knew I was..'

'Only because the

magazines you get, I get, otherwise, I'd never have known, I don't have some

sixth sense that tells me who is gay and who isn't.'

'Oh. I didn't.. really?

I mean you aren't just trying to uh, you know, make me feel better?'


the truth sport.'

Chris looked down at his feet, then finally he looked up,

staring directly into Barney's face. The eyes were wide open, peering right at

Barney. In a sense, it felt a bit uncomfortable, almost like he was being

probed, as if Chris could see beyond his facial expressions, to see exactly what

he was thinking, feeling.

In some way, it felt rather nice though a bit

scary. He wasn't sure himself, of how he was feeling, but he knew he liked

Chris, that he didn't want to see him hurt, or upset. Maybe Chris would be able

to tell that, tell that he was serious about wanting to be a friend,


'Are the burgers here really that good?'


'I make

some really wicked ones, least that's what my mom said.'

'Yeah? I can boil

water and open a can okay, but cook from scratch, just not in my blood.'


eat out a lot?'

'Yeah, can't you tell?'

Barney patted his stomach as he

said it, then looked up at Chris. He saw how he looked, how his eyes seemed to

linger just a bit, but he could tell, they weren't looking at his protruding

belly, but a bit lower.

'Must be expensive'

'Can be, but it has its


'Yeah? Like what?'

'Well, guess it is that you aren't eating

alone, and yet you are, if you know what I mean.'

'Think so, uh, what they

charge for these burgers?'

'Just bit under $7 with fries, but hey told you,

it's my treat.'

He saw the shock on Chris' face, which surprised him a bit,

until he remembered the family. They weren't what you would call upper class, or

even middle class folks. He could tell, from the bills he delivered, that they

just got by.

'You can get two pounds of hamburger for that price.'


well, but then I'd have to cook it, and like I said, I am not all that good at


'I could cook it for you.'

At first he didn't quite catch the

words, as Chris had sort of turned his head, and mumbled as he spoke. Barney

felt a slight nervousness inside, as the idea of bringing someone home, filled

his thoughts. He knew that he had always been thinking that, since he first

heard about Chris leaving home, but now it was more real. It made him a bit

frightened, wondering if perhaps Chris had been setting him up for just this.

Was it all an act? Could he have misread Chris that much, that he was about

trying to trick him? Hell, he had already told him more about himself, than

anyone else. The few people he had satisfied his needs with, well they didn't

know him and he never took them to his place. He always got a motel room, far

enough to insure he'd not run into anyone on his routes.

Could this be a

trick or was Chris really that innocent? It was almost as if he knew the answer

to that, before he even asked himself. The idea of Chris in his kitchen wasn't

so unpleasant either, and the idea of having him cook him lunch, was well,


'If you sure you want to, I mean it would be nice, to have a home

cooked lunch, but we'd have to pick up some stuff first.'

'Really? That would

be super, I really do cook a great burger'

'Settled then, you can cook us

some burgers.'

He leaned back into his seat, and closed the door. As he did

he saw how Chris leaned back, re buckling his seatbelt. It was like he was a bit

more relaxed, less tense than before. Barney didn't know why, but somehow Chris

had seemed reluctant to go into the Diner, almost as if he was afraid to be seen

with another man.

Barney never really bothered too much about what people

thought of him, in the sense of whether he was overweight, or had a bit of grey

showing. It just never seemed important, yet when he thought Chris cared about

being seen with him, it did give him a bit of a twinge. He couldn't explain why

it bothered him, if that was true.

As he drove to his home the silence seemed

normal, almost as if no one was sitting next to him. It was routine, just like

all those other times he made this journey, but as he approached the grocery

store, he felt Chris pick up. He suddenly seemed awake, as he parked the truck

and turned to smile at Chris.

There were tears in Chris' eyes, and he didn't

understand why? They hadn't spoken much on the way here, which really was just a

few blocks from his house. Yet the silence of their journey didn't seem out of

place, but here was Chris, his face a bit pallid, his eyes teared up.


sport, what's wrong?'

'Nothing, I just, nothing, I am okay.'

'Then why the

waterworks? Come on, it's me, okay?'

'Nothing, honest, I just..'


wouldn't look at him, but he couldn't let him just sit there, in tears.

Something had spooked him & Barney had no clue as to what.

'Just what?

Spill it sport.'

'I really didn't think you wanted me to cook for you, least

not, not hamburger.'

'Huh? I don't, I mean you wanted to do this, if you

don't, hey not a problem.'

'I do, I really do, it is just, well I thought you

were just being nice, that you were just, humouring me.'

Barney felt

frustrated. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten involved, but damn it, Chris had

looked so sad, so alone, and well, he was a friend. He couldn't just say goodbye

and walk away, but now he wasn't so sure. Maybe he had been imagining things, or

maybe he just had a case of wishful thinking.

'Why? I don't get it, come on

Chris, speak English, it was your idea to cook burgers.'

'I just thought, oh

hell, I thought it was just your way of wanting to take me home, to you know, to

uh, fool around.'

'Fool around? I don't under.. oh shit, you thought I was

hitting on you?'


'Damn, I am sorry Chris, I didn't mean to make

you cry.'

'You didn't, it is just me being stupid, I thought that you, that

actually maybe..'

At first it wasn't registering, and Barney felt rather

confused. Was Chris in tears feeling he had just escaped something worse than

death, or was there another reason behind the waterworks? Looking at Chris all

he could see, was how miserable he looked, how uncomfortable.

'Maybe? I think

I am missing something here, are you crying because you thought I wanted to have

sex with you, or are, I mean, are you crying because now you think I


'Am I that undesirable? I thought you liked how I looked, I mean the

way you looked at me, I kind of, well..'

He thought he knew what a fish out

of water must be feeling like, as he couldn't quite get his head to accept what

Chris was saying. It was like a dream coming true, and at the same time, a

nightmare happening.

'Jesus, have we got our signals crossed. You mean, you

want to?'

'Yeah, kind of, I mean if you do? Do you?'

'Oh God yes, but I

didn't, I thought you were, well not into guys like me.'

'Guys like


'Old and fat.'

'You aren't old, and okay you got a belly, but so? It

isn't like I am exactly some sexy stud, and besides, that isn't why.'


felt rather pleased, the way Chris had spoken so forcefully, almost like he

meant it. Maybe he did, as he saw how his eyes sparkled as he spoke, how firm

his jaw was set, as he almost shouted at Barney.

'Then why?'

'It's you,

all of you. I know it sounds corny, but you have always been nice to me, and

well, it just always seemed real, not like you were pretending.'


Chris, it is real, it is also, well, truth is, it is also why I like you,

because you never seemed to be full of it, like others your age. I just, well,

you may not think you are a sexy stud, but to me, well you are very attractive,

very desirable too.'

'You mean that?'

'I wouldn't say it


Chris looked up at Barney, the tears replaced by a sort of half

smile, but the flush in his face, was sort of like pride, like the words really

meant something to him.

'Can we have the burgers after? I mean, if you


'I think we can have whatever you want after, I don't care. If you are

sure, I mean, maybe you might want to think it over, I am not exactly, how would

say it, accomplished performer?'

'Neither am I.'

He couldn't help but

laugh at that, and he didn't know why, but he reached out and gave Chris' hair a

quick tussle, sort of like what a father would do with a son. Funny too, how he

felt a strange flow of electricity inside, as his hand ruffled the curly blond

hair. He also noticed how Chris seemed to puff his chest out a bit, and actually

smile, with that sort of lazy type grin, that seemed to just brighten up the

inside of the truck.

It wasn't that he was a careless shopper, but he pretty

well bought what appealed to him, yet as they pushed the shopping cart down and

up all the aisles, he was impressed by how Chris seemed to know what to select,

and how what not to.

Barney couldn't help but notice how he paid careful

attention to the price, and the quantity. The way he would back a larger tin and

take two smaller one's because it worked out cheaper. How he seemed so serious

when he read the labels on the food, before making any selection.

What had

begun as a foray to get some fixings for just burgers, had now turned into

ingredients for dinner as well, thanks to his big mouth. But then again, he

rather liked the idea of Chris spending time with him, at his place. It was also

becoming sort of a fantasy in reality. Maybe that was why he also got cereal and

a jug of milk, knowing it was also Chris' brand of breakfast food.

Hell, if

he played it right, maybe Chris wouldn't leave after dinner, but then too the

idea of him staying beyond morning was also creeping into his thinking. He knew

he was setting himself up for a huge letdown, but screw it. It was fun to

suddenly think of that kind of stuff, to think that he could come home to

someone there, instead of silence, of plain emptiness.

Maybe he was rushing

it, as they went through the checkout, the cashier looking surprised at Barney's

purchases. It was a rarity for him to even be in the main checkout, usually his

purchases fell way below the 10 items maximum at the Express checkout.


almost burst out laughing when he saw the box of condoms go down towards the bag

boy. The way the guy had picked it up, then looked up at Barney then over to

Chris, was priceless. It was almost as if he knew the condoms were for them, and

almost seemed like he resented it, which rather surprised Barney.

More than

that, was how Chris had looked as he had turned to him. At first he looked

skittish, then he had seen the bagboy looking, and it was like seeing a total

transformation before his eyes. How Chris' eyes grew narrow, how is whole body

seemed to tense up, his shoulders square off, and his hands ball up into a


If he didn't know any better, he was sure he could smell the

testosterone of the two younger men, and what was more intoxicating, was they

were strutting their stuff, over him. He had to be imagining it, but damn, for

those brief few seconds, it felt damn good.

Even the way Chris had curtly

told the box boy that they didn't need any help taking the groceries out, was

making Barney feel rather special. There was no mistaking the tone of warning in

Chris' voice, nor in his body language either. God, it felt rather exciting,

which his body appropriately responded.

Walking to the truck with two bags of

groceries in his hands, and a hard on was a new experience for him. Course he

couldn't be blamed for the stiffy, as Chris was leading the way, with the

majority of the groceries, and well, he did have a nice shape to his


Barney wouldn't call it a bubble butt, but he sure as hell would call

it desirable. How he had enjoyed watching Chris all those other times, yet never

to the extend he was enjoying it now. Maybe he had been too cautious, or too

much of a coward to let himself fully appreciate what he had been seeing? It was

like he was making up for it now and Chris was a lot more observant than Barney


As he had handed Chris his two bags of groceries, to put into the

back of the truck, he couldn't help but see how his eyes moved down towards

Barney's crotch. How those eyes widened, then how he looked up at Barney,

flashing him one of those golden smiles of his. At that instant, Barney felt

like he was riding on top of the world, that nothing could top this feeling. He

was wrong as Chris slammed the back hatch down, and as he moved to walk around

to climb in, he casually turned his head back, and with a beaming wicked grin,

he wondered aloud if one box would be enough.

Barney had almost choked, as it

dawned on him that Chris was staring right at his hard basket, and that he

wasn't talking about the box of cookies they had argued over. He just managed to

smile, as Chris turned and made his way to the passenger side.

Shaking his

head, he wondered what he had gotten himself into, but whatever it was, he

rather thought it was going to be something he'd never forget, as he climbed in,

and started up the truck. Somehow, he felt like he had been waiting for a day

like this, for an awfully long time.

He gunned the engine a bit, something he

never did, as he wheeled the truck out and made a straight aim for the exit and

for home. He began to whistle too, and was surprised when he heard an answering

whistle coming from next to him.

Looking over, he couldn't help but see Chris

tapping his foot, his hand beating on his thigh, in tune with the tune that they

both were whistling. It felt good, so good that he felt his body stiffen even

more, wondering just how hard could his dick get? This wasn't how he normally

felt, when thinking about sex, but damn it, he couldn't help himself. For a

time, he was feeling better than even when he had been a teenager himself.

Barney took the corner a bit too sharply, and rode the truck up over the

sidewalk as it drove it up into his driveway. Chris was chuckling as he undid

the seatbelt, and flashing another of those killer smiles at Barney. It was like

they were both being silly, but he couldn't help himself. It just felt that

good, and he felt a bit resentful of having to get out and carry in groceries.

All he really wanted was to get inside, and take Chris into his arms.


they had bought a lot, some that need refrigeration. As they made their way up

the sidewalk, he couldn't help but notice Chris sort of settle behind him,

acting a bit hesitant. For a flashing moment, he felt like things had gone too

good, that maybe Chris would back out.

He opened the front door and pushed it

open, standing aside, to let Chris go in first. Barney waited as Chris slowly

walked inside, and as he put the grocery bags down, to close the front door, he

felt a lump in his throat. It was like, he was waiting for a shoe to drop or

something. The silence was deafening, as he locked the door and turned back


Chris hadn't moved but Barney could see how he kept his head

swivelling around, checking it all out. He felt uneasy, as he waited, sort of

caught halfway up and halfway down, in an effort to pick back up the bags. It

was like everything had suddenly stood still, like being in a state of suspended

animation. He could hear himself swallow, as Chris leaned down, his rear pushed

back towards Barney.

He placed the bags down, and stood back up quickly. His

head moved from side to side, and he took a step forward, to look into the

living room. Then he turned around to look at Barney. His eyes seemed to bore

down on him, and he felt tiny beads of sweat forming, as he stared back, like

some deer caught in headlights. He didn't know what to say, or to do. He

couldn't move, and his fingers began to ache, as did his back.

Chris just

smiled then turned back around, picking up the bags and made his way down the

hallway, towards the kitchen. It was as if he knew where it was, without having

to be told, and all Barney could do was follow behind, like a puppy dog.


they put the food away, Barney couldn't help but notice how Chris kept always

stealing glances at him. How his eyes would turn away when he would look back,

yet not quite fast enough. How they shined, and how he seemed to always find a

way to brush up past him. Either an arm or a shoulder. It was all rather

playful, and rather erotic too. How he would move his body past, just lightly

touching, then look at him. It was almost like a game, but Barney couldn't care

less. Each brush past only made his heart beat faster.

As the last of the

groceries were put away, Barney leaned back against the counter, staring at

Chris who stood in front of him. His eyes moved over his face, seeing the eyes

shimmering, reminding of sun glinting off calm surface of the blue Ocean. He

sighed as he saw how Chris' nostrils flared as he stared back at Barney. The way

his cheeks were a bit sunken, but his lips were so full of color, giving him a

bit of a pouting look. Yet that grin was there, and his chin glimmered a bit,

almost as if it was trembling a little. He knew his was, as he let his eyes

wander downwards, to see Chris' Adam's apple moving up and down in a quick


Barney let his eyes moved down even more, to see how Chris' chest

was rising and falling with each breath. The way the tight shirt moved in time,

how his breasts seemed to create a small little bulge, with the firm nipples

clearly poking outwards. How flat his stomach was too, yet as his eyes moved

down, he was certain he could see the muscles rippling, as if they were able to

notice his gaze.

He felt the ache in his groin, and the dryness of his mouth,

as he let his eyes travel even further down. Barney felt himself licking his

lips, but before he could properly stare at the young man's basket he saw the

figure take a step closer. His head snapped back up, to look once more at Chris,

who had a strange look to his face.

There was a sense of hunger in his eyes,

a sort of wild look that he had never seen before. Before he could assimilate

it, he could smell Chris, smell his freshness, his aroma, and he realized just

how close Chris had gotten to him. Licking his lip, he felt a sudden jolt, as

Chris reached out to touch him. He put both hands on Barney's shoulder, then one

on the side of his face. He looked hard into Barney's eyes, then both hands

reached up, to hold Barney's face between them.

Barney felt suddenly very

hot, as he saw the eyes flutter, then the head tilt to one side. His own eyes

suddenly were also fluttering, closing as he felt the wet brush of lips against

his own. His whole body shook, as the lips pressed against his, as he felt his

mouth part, then feel the sudden darting warmth of something hard come inside

his mouth.

He felt himself moan, heard an answering whimper, as he let his

own arms reach out, to wrap around Chris' body. The touch only added to the

shaking inside, and his left leg began to twitch and tremble, as he gathered the

young man into his big arms, pulling him into his own body. His tongue licked

out, duelling with Chris' own tongue, and he tasted him, tasted the inside of

his mouth.

He could smell him too, the growing scent of a man aroused, as he

pressed his lips hard against Chris'. The room seemed to be spinning, as they

kissed, until he felt like there was no air in his entire body left. Even the

small air pockets in his blood seemed to have been sucked out of him, as finally

they broke apart. He had felt the hands on his back, how they had rubbed him,

how they had ran down to his buttocks, to clench at his cheeks. Just as his own

had done.

They looked at each other, and Barney saw the flicker of fire in

Chris' eyes. It only made him hungrier for the young man, wondering if he too

had that fire in his eyes, knowing he did, from the way Chris stood staring

back. He took the hand, and began to lead Chris out of the kitchen, towards his

bedroom, when Chris stopped.

It was like being hit by a brick wall, as the

hand pulled free of his, and as he turned to ask him what was wrong, he saw how

quickly Chris moved back into the kitchen, towards the counter where the box of

condoms rested. He began to laugh as Chris scooped the box up in one motion and

turned around, almost falling over his feet, and was already nearly half way

back to where Barney waited for him.

'I hope there is enough'

Barney just

laughed out loud, as he took Chris' hand once more, and led him to the bedroom.

He couldn't help but feel that not only were the burgers going to be awhile in

being served, that dinner promised to be much later than



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