The police confirm the young man’s identity. He is, without doubt, Jayden Conner, and it looks like he’s going to stay that way.
I remember that interview with the two police officers. It was stressful enough to imprint through the medication. Later, Dr Zim filled in the gaps, after all, he saw and heard everything on CCTV. Of course, Marcus remembers part of it too, but in a different way, I was already becoming his boy, his good boy. He dressed me.
I was lying semi-conscious on the padded bed where Arien was finishing that morning’s fifteen minute session with the large vibrator. ‘Come on now Jaydie, relax and breathe, it’s going deep again, past those fat man-cunt lips of yours. One more time, down to the base, good lad! Now, I’m going to withdraw slowly, but you grip hard, try and stop me pulling it out, go on Jaydie, tight now, squeeze, that’s it, good lad. Fuck, you’re getting your muscle strength back on your pussy Jaydie, it’s getting stronger. Now, relax Jaydie, let me have it back. Out we come. Look at that Jaydie, clean as a whistle, good lad! Now, as part of the training Jaydie, make sure you have an incentive to keep that hole of yours fresh and clean, I want you to lick the vibrator when I’ve pulled it out. He placed the vibrator, covered in my juices and lube, by my lips. ‘Come on Jaydie, don’t be shy, lick it, lick it slowly like a lollipop. Good boy! That’s lick, lick it. Now, take as much as you can in your mouth Jaydie, yeah, good lad, like the pro you are Jaydie, not lost your touch. What do you think Marcus? What’s your assessment?
’Yeah, he’s getting it all back. The grip on his cunt, and he’s not afraid of his own man-cunt juices. Good lad Jaydie, proud of ya! But, one thing Jaydie, you’re too serious. Take it easy lad, smile, show us all how much you enjoy the fucking and the licking. Smile with your eyes Jaydie, smile, good lad! Hey, Arien, time for another ten minutes on the vibrator? Cool! Now try Jaydie, be a good lad and smile. Yeah, that’s the way Jaydie, big grin, mean it now Jaydie! With your eyes Jaydie. Woooah fella, look at that go deep! Smile with your eyes Jaydie, show us how much you’re lovin’ it. Good lad, look at that smile, smokes for you today Jaydie lad.’
Arien pulled it out and held it up. ‘Time for your lollipop Jaydie, yeah, good lad, big grin, cheerful eyes! Goooood lad!! That’s it, lick it all clean, like a lollipop!’
I vaguely recall Dr Zim overseeing things as the vibrator was eventually put in a bowl of disinfectant and Marcus and Arien set to work on the room's mirrors, angled to force the usual routine of daily self-confrontation. ‘See your facial scar Jaydie, that was a fight with another rent boy, the records say it was two years ago. Must have been a good client, eh Jaydie! Now, spread your legs Jaydie, good lad. See your rosebud, rub it gently now. Nice big lips eh! Made for being fucked, natural born to it Jaydie..’
Now, surfacing groggily from all this, they dressed me for the police.
'Easy, lad,' said Marcus, as he calmly pulled on the fresh kit: a plain hospital grey tracksuit, which was, as usual, much too tight, my arse crack visible. The clothes made me look like the whore they said I was. The too tight short-sleeved shirt went over the top, sleeves riding high to bare the scars and the ink, my big nipples poking through the thin material where the piercings tugged.
Arien looked concerned, ‘should we plug his man cunt? You know, in case he leaks.’
‘Nah,’ said Marcus, ‘grip on him like that, he won’t leak, will you Jaydie boy!’ And he patted my head. Marcus then took a Marlboro Red from his pocket, the filter crisp. He held it out, close enough for my twitchy fingers to graze. 'Be a good lad, Jaydie. Put it behind your ear for reassurance. Chat to the police in a bit, tell the truth, and you can have it later, mate.'
My hand rose slow, the conditioning kicking in through the haze, fingers trembling as he tucks the cigarette behind my buzzcut ear, the paper cool against my scalp, a promise of relief. I probably nodded, chipped tooth flashing in a hesitant grin, the stain making it look street-worn, desperate. 'Yeah... I’ll be a good lad,' voice thick from the medication.
Zim steps forward, putting a hand on my shoulder, the touch possessive. 'Excellent. The police arrive in half an hour. Remember, Jayden, this is a chance to prove you're stable.' My mind turned slowly, but the pull of compliance, of that smoke, that nod from Marcus, seemed to override things, locking me deeper into the role of Jayden.
In an interview room at Greenford House Dr. Zim met the two detectives as they arrived. DI Hargrove, a burly man in his forties with a salt-and-pepper beard, and DS Patel, her eyes sharper, more penetrating, probably mid-thirties, a no-nonsense type.
Zim primed them, 'Jayden Conner is stable but fragile. He's still partially fixated on this delusion that he's Jacob Ellis, the missing City worker. It's a classic dissociative episode. Triggered by what, we aren’t certain. However, clearly there is a connection of some sort, again, we don’t know what. As far as we’re concerned, he’s Jayden. We insist on it. That said, you should expect him to say he's Jacob. He clearly has a lot of material on Jacob, hence the Committee’s decision that he should see you.
Jayden himself, yes, originally based in Dalston, and his records you will have seen. His profession, casual gay sex work. We suspect that’s the connection to Ellis, but we haven’t explored it. That all said, I expect he’ll be compliant if you keep it low-pressure. Probe gently on what he knows about Ellis; it might unlock more for your case. It might help us too, but don't push; he's medicated, definitely suggestible, potentially confused.’
Patel frowned. ’So, he's a case latching onto the name? No real leads from your perspective?'
‘Precisely. The delusion centres on superficial resemblance, height primarily. But physically, mentally, he's worlds apart. You'll see. The interview is supervised via CCTV; I'll monitor from the office. You are more than welcome to any recordings.’
The interview room, a comfortable non-threatening space with a table, two chairs on one side, one on the other. I’m there, sat already, my tight grey tracksuit bottoms are uncomfortable. The cigarette behind my right ear, filter peeking from my buzzcut.
The detectives enter, Hargrove pulling out a chair, Patel settling beside him. 'Afternoon, Jayden,' Hargrove started, voice procedural, sliding a photo of Jacob Ellis across the table. ’I'm DI Hargrove, this is DS Patel. We're here about Jacob Ellis. You know who that is?'
My fingers twitched on the table, anxious despite the medication, the cigarette a teasing weight against my scalp, Marcus's promise, tell the truth, get the smoke. But the sight of my own face, unaltered and sharp, cracked something open. 'I... yeah,' my voice thick, slurred from the meds, my chipped tooth lisping the 's'. 'That's... that's me. I'm Jacob Ellis. You gotta listen, Dr. Zim, he... he set me up. The bar, the drink, the police... they roughed me up, made me suck 'em off in the van. I ain't no fucking chav, I work in the City, flat in Hackney..’
Patel leaned in, her expression neutral but eyes narrowing at the outburst, taking in the tattoos on my arms, the holes in my lobes, the septum ring, the broken nose, the flabby paunch straining the T. 'Easy, Jayden. Jacob Ellis went missing a month back, no trace since then. You saying you're him?'
'I am him!' Look at me. Zim drugged me, changed me. Tattoos, scars, they must have done it while I was out. Please, check my prints, anything, I’m not delusional, he's making me this way!'
Hargrove was impassive, exchanging a blank glance with Patel, the priming hitting home. ‘Jayden,’ said Patel, ‘let’s check your prints now, on the screen here. Go on, put your palm down.’ I was relieved then, at last, someone listening. I put my palm on the iPad’s screen. ‘It will only take a moment for the AI to check. There we go Jayden, they are definitely your fingerprints, they are a perfect match for the prints we have on the system for Jayden Conner. They are very fresh, taken at Charing Cross just a few months ago.’ I looked stunned, registering the positive response. ‘But lets say it’s true, you are Jacob Ellis, tell us what you ‘saw’ before you ended up here. In your own time Mr Conner.’
My breath hitched, the cigarette's promise warring with the urge to spill, but the conditioning clamped me down. I just stared at them, trying to process it in my mind. ’The police match Jayden’s finger prints with mine, but they thought that was Jayden Conner too, so of course they match. No way out of this.’ I almost started to panic, my pulse racing. Then I heard Marcus’s stern voice in my head: ‘Jayden, be a good lad.’ That stopped me thinking about it, about finger prints, about anything. ‘Yes, Marcus, I’m a good lad.’ I held on to that and was silent. The detectives just starred at me, waiting.
'I... I saw him. In the bar, West End. Looked just like me, but... clean. Then Dr Zim... he took over. It's all real, swear down.' Then my voice cracked, my tongue scratching over the chipped tooth, the words tumbling, desperate and fractured, lapsing into a stream of consciousness. Then I wanted Marcus to be here, to take me away, I wanted to smoke. I wanted..
Patel jotted notes onto the laptop. 'Alright, Jayden. When did you last see Jacob, you mentioned a bar?’ ‘I am Jacob, I see him every day. I’m his height, 5’4”.’ This was repeated several times. Both officers were visibly relieved as Marcus came in to collect me at the thirty minute mark. Marcus leading me, arm around my shoulder protectively, taking me to a common room with a nod toward the cigarette.
In the corridor Hargrove rubbed his beard, pulling out his phone to scroll Jacob Ellis's socials: shirtless gym selfies, protein shakes, no smokes in sight. 'Bloody hell, what a head-case. Spouting he's Ellis, but did you catch that? He also says he saw a young man resembling the disappeared Jacob. His head, it’s a locked box and I don’t think we’ll get the key to open it up and look inside any time soon.’
Patel nodded, glancing back at the door, mind ticking over all the visuals: the old self-harm scars, tattoos screaming street, earrings, skinny-flabby body.
‘Yeah, and those markings, the scars, ink, hoops in his ears, septum ring too. Ellis was pristine, no ink, no piercings. Didn't have a skinny-flabby body like that either; bloke was built. But what convinces me is the AI facial recognition: it says it’s only a 70% match: Conner’s jaw is a lot squarer, more masculine, and the lips much fuller. It’s not like that can be faked. It’s possible the septum ring has slightly flared the nose, but Conner’s nose was clearly broken and reset at some point. So, I can see a basis for the Jacob delusion based on height, but the facts, they speak for themselves. Not least the finger prints. The locked box in the guy’s head has something in it, I agree, but what, very hard to work it out, maybe another time? When he’s better?’
‘Thanks Doctor Zim, for your assistance. If Jayden knew Jacob Ellis, socially or via his sex work, or maybe even through drug dealing, I don’t think we’ll get anything at this stage, the poor guy's in a maze, trapped in a story. It’s a shame, there is definitely a connection, and he knows something, but whatever that intelligence is, it’s lost in his head. If you could keep us informed, Doctor, if anything does emerge?’
Zim shrugged his shoulders and raised his hands in a gesture of resignation. ‘Certainly officers, if anything comes up that helps, we will let you know as soon as possible. But, as you say, it’s a shame. The good thing is he’s getting better, so I’m not unhopeful. In the fullness of time, something might surface.’
Eventually, I was sitting in the room with Marcus, just glad it was over. ’You did proper good in there, Jaydie,' Marcus murmured, crouching to eye level, his dark eyes locking on mine with that practiced warmth, a hand resting on my knee, squeezing gently, reassuring. 'Kept it together, didn't crack. Told 'em what they needed, yeah? Staff's proud of ya. Means you're gettin' stronger, comin' back to yourself.' He ruffled my buzzcut lightly, the touch lingering, affectionate, like an older brother, or something more possessive.
‘No whinin' about that Jacob bollocks, showed 'em you're our Jayden. Good lad, that. Deserve this smoke, and maybe a bit extra later if you keep it up. We look out for boys like you, keep ya safe in here. You're family now, innit?' His tone dripped with that false camaraderie, the love bombing unsubtle, thick praise laced with ownership, making the submission feel like belonging.'
I inhaled the freshly lit cigarette deeply, the burn in my chest grounding me amid the swirl, but inside, the fractures widened. ‘They think I'm him, Jayden, the real deal, praising me for lying about myself. That smoke... it calms the panic, but it's chaining me deeper, isn't it? Zim's watching, twisting everything. I told the truth in there, begged them to see, but they just saw the scars, the ink, this body that's not mine. Even the finger prints. Flabby gut, stained teeth. I’m fading, and this 'good lad' shit... it feels good, warm, but it's poison. Marcus's hand on my knee, they want me broken, owned. Do I fight, or let it pull me under? The cigarette's half gone, and part of me wants another, needs their nod to feel whole. Marcus’s arm round me to help the anxiety. God, what am I becoming?’
I was finishing the cigarette, and was slightly less tense, when Arien sauntered into the room. ‘Come along now Jaydie, finish the smoke, time for the second session with the vibrator. You know how much you enjoy it.’
Marcus laughed and took the cigarette stub from me and left it in an ashtray. ‘Come on Jaydie,’ he said, ‘I’ll come with you and Arien, keep you company. Be a treat for you, after the law.’
The gyno table was in the room next door. I knew the procedure by now. Strip off, prepare the douche bulb, fill it with water. ‘Good boy! Now, bend over and lubricate your man-cunt lips, that’s it, put plenty on. Up with you on the bed.’ I sat on the bed and raised my legs into the stirrups with Arien’s help. He drew the straps tightly and raised the frame so it automatically spread my legs wide.
Marcus lit a cigarette and came closer. ‘Fuckin’ nice man-cunt you’ve got there Jaydie boy, nice and juicy. Those lips!’ And with his free hand he gently rubbed a finger around the hole and then put it in my mouth. ‘Lick it clean Jaydie, more for you later. Now let’s see you take it so you can cum inside this time, you know, an anal orgasm, best thing for lads like you.’
Arien lubricated up the same large vibrator, 6cm diameter, 25cm long. ‘Deep breath in Jaydie, hold it, exhale, and in we go..’
Marcus blew a large cloud of smoke into the space between my legs. ‘Fuckin’ hell Jaydie, you’re such a pro.’
The only sounds in the room were the low insistent hum of the vibrator, rising and falling as Arien moved it slowly and firmly in and out of my man-cunt in time to my breathing, and my moaning, as it rubbed my prostate. ‘All the way in Jaydie, good boy!’ said Arien encouragingly.
Marcus laughed, ‘As a reward for being such a good lad, let’s give him an extra ten minutes, what do you say eh Jaydie? Do it until you cum inside? Then you get your lollipop.’ I didn’t reply. All I could do was moan quietly in time to the thrusting.
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