If I Should Fall: The Second Book of Geshichte Falls

THE SAME SILLY GRIN

CONCLUDED

“It’s open,” said Russell.

The door opened, and Thom stuck his head in.

“Hey, Russ, you still up?”

“Of course I’m up.”

“I was going come up and say, if you wanted you should join me and your mom downstairs and watch a little TV, but, look, you’ve got company.”

Thom made a game show host’s gesture and ushered in Ralph Balusik, clapping him on the back.

“You guys might find something better to do than watch TV. Ralph, teach him some football moves or something.”

Ralph laughed uneasily and said, “I think Russell’s a lost cause, sir.”

“One can always hope. In every other way,” Thom said, winking, “he’s a perfectly pleasing son.”

Thom left, closing the door behind him, and Ralph said, “Your dad’s pretty cool.”

“Usually I agree,” Russell said, standing. It was his room, so he’d better cross it. He stood before Ralph and was, again, surprised to be a little taller than him.

“Russ,” Ralph said, his voice a little tired and husky.

Russell didn’t say anything. He thought it was best not to.

And then Ralph put a hand over his face and took a deep breath. He shook his head.

“I’m so stupid, Russ. I’m just a big dumb—”

“Don’t say Polock.”

Ralph blinked, looking offended.

“I wasn’t about to. Is that what you—? Never mind,” he shook his head.

“Ralph, what?”

“I love you. Alright?”

“Whenever you say something like that, you get up and walk away for three months, or bang your girlfriend or some random chick at a football game.”

“I’m not a good friend. I’m definitely not a good boyfriend. I’m not a good anything. I just… love you. You deserve so much fucking more than me, but I do love you. And I am…”

Ralph shook his head.

“I’m not going to fucking walk out on you again.”

Mark Young walked into the den with a grin on his face. That same silly grin he always had, Gilead thought.

Mark was holding two Coca Cola bottles and he handed one to Gilead and sat down beside him, and then took a long swig and Gilead watched his Adam’s apple and let himself delight, a little bit, in his wavy dark hair, in the subtle round strength of his biceps that he always showed because he always wore short sleeved shirts.

“We haven’t missed that much of the movie,” Mark said.

“I don’t really care too much about Christmas movies,” Gilead said.

“Me neither. It’s just sort of something to do. And you know, I like doing things with you.”

“Well, I like doing things with you too, Mr. Young.”

Neither one of them was looking at each other and Mark, his legs apart on the sofa, had knocked his knee into Gilead’s.

“So…. You’re staying tonight?”

“Yeah,” Gilead said. “It’s good of your folks to give us the run of the house.”

“Yeah,” Mark said.

Then he said, “You know we did good work. I mean, you did good work. Going in there. Telling Ralph what’s what. I almost think we should go over to Jason’s.”

“I know you do.”

Mark chuckled a little and said, “I just…”

“Yeah,” Gilead looked at Mark.

Mark did not look at him. He turned his head so Gilead could see the back of his head, the little V his dark hair went to, the strength in his neck and in his shoulders.

“You and Russell did something and I never thanked you. I always wanted to, but I never did.”

“Really?” Gilead blinked. “Refresh my memory.”

“When….” Mark started and his face changed, as if it wasn’t ready for what his mouth was about to produce.

“When Joe died… When that car crashed, it was the worst time of my life. Fuck, the truth is it’s still the worst time in my life. Obviously. And then, at the mass, all these people kept trying to talk to me, ask if I was okay, and I wished they would stop because I couldn’t take it.

“And then I see you guys come in. I know you don’t know Joe. I know you don’t really know me. But the two of you came, and you all just knelt in front of the casket. You prayed on your Rosary. That meant everything. Everything to me.”

“Russell said he got the call from David Tressler,” Gilead said.

Mark nodded.

“I never did. One of our friends, Brad Long—”

“He’s one of my neighbors. Was one of my neighbors.”

“Right. He said he saw you running down the street when it was ninety degrees and you were covered in sweat, shirtless, looking like the devil was after you. And all I could think was how if that had happened to me I would run and run to get away from the pain. And I just thought of you in pain, and… I should have said something. I wanted to, Mark. But I decided to leave you at peace. I didn’t want to disturb you with the dumb shit in my mouth.”

“I was so happy to see you,” Mark said, and he had taken Gilead’s hand and his thumb was rubbing the inside of Gilead’s palm. “You could have said anything and it would have made my day. But you did make my day. And Russell too. So I had to say something to Ralph.

“Besides, I hate disloyalty and… people being jerks, and…. Not being true. I mean…”

Mark had released his hand, but Gilead could still feel the warmth and the pressure of his fingers.

“When someone loves you they should act like it,” Mark said, “They should…”

“Be true.”

“Be true.”

“Be loyal.”

“Yes.”

Mark said, licking his lips and swallowing, “I would always be loyal. You… You know that, right?”

Gilead felt like something painful had risen up in him, like it was almost difficult to speak. Why couldn’t he speak?

He said, “Yes.”

Mark had moved almost imperceptibly closer. Gilead caught his hand, and slipped his fingers into Mark’s.

“Gil? Can I—?”

“For fuck’s sake yes!”

Mark suddenly grinned, and then, leaning in and pressing his lips to Gilead’s, he kissed him.