If I Should Fall: The Second Book of Geshichte Falls

CHAPTER SIX

ANGELUS

He walked the two blocks down, one up and then across that he remembered from just this morning when everything had changed and Caroline’s baby was born. When he had been in, the night before and the morning it seemed like an impossible dream, but now all of life was a hothouse dream where anything could happen if you let it, and maybe that was what life was, only most people never saw this. He went up the long walk and unhooked the gate, and he loved the jasmine smell of the garden. He heard the tinkling trickle of the fountain in the pool and passed the lit solarium, its shades pulled. He tapped on the window of the little wing that came out from the house, and the slats opened. The most handsome face he’d ever seen, the face that had haunted him since freshman year, looked out at him smiling, and then the slats fell, and a moment later Russell heard a side door opening.

Jason stood there, the dark hair going up his lovely thighs as he wore only black briefs fitting snug to his body, and the blond tail of the golden retriever beat his dark ankles and the hem of Russell’s khaki’s like it had this morning, Russell reached out his hands and placed them in Jason’s black hair, pulling Jason to him and kissing him. Jason’s mouth melted against his. He felt the other boy slackening and remember Ralph saying, “You are the strongest person I know…” With the taste of spearmint on his tongue, Russell’s lips parted from Jason and entered the darkness of the little hallway leading to his room as Jason, kissing him deeply now, embraced him. Reaching behind them, Jason Lorry closed the door.

 

Russell was afraid. Tomorrow morning he could go through his mind and realize why, pick apart everything about this moment, walking down the dark hall with Jason, his fingers linked into Jason Lorry’s soft fingers he was more scared than he’d ever been. The dog padded around them and Russell thought there had been many times he had gone to places he didn’t want to go and done things he didn’t want to do and that was a different type of fear, not this soaring fear where he thought if his emotions ran any higher he wouldn’t be able to the breath.

“You came to me, Russell. You came to me.”

The darkness ended when they came into Jason’s double room, and he gently shut the door and the dog out so it was only him and Russell and the fairy lights strung about. Jason bent down wolfishly kissing him, his hands on Russell’s shoulders, falling down Russell’s arms, coming back up again. He’d seen Jason with girls, and Jason at school, hanging with the boys, looking cool, but Jason was hungry now and almost sloppy. Russell wanted to slip out of his mind to the place flowing senses he’d been in before. He didn’t want this to stop, didn’t want Jason’s kisses on his eyes and his mouth, his hands on him to end. But he wanted this consciousness to end, this monologue in his brain.

“You came to me!” Jason kept saying, as he kissed Russell. “You came to me.”

He stopped kissing Russell for a moment.

“Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” Russell said. Then: No! It’s just…. I’m nervous. I’ve…I did come to you. I’ve never done… anything. It’s a lot. You know?”

“You don’t have to,” Jason said. “You know… If you don’t want to.”

Russell knew that Jason didn’t mean that, or rather, he knew that Jason didn’t want that. He didn’t want that either. He’d left the house for a reason, knowing where he was going and what would happen.

“It isn’t that,” Russell said now. “I just… we have all night.”

“Of course we do!” Jason said eagerly. “We have all the time that you want.”

Jason’s lips were parted and his eyes shining in the amber light. Barely, but just enough, Russell could see the tapestry over Jason’s bed in the darkened next room. He remembered the blue, many armed image of Kali, a strange God, a God of things he’d never done before in a place he’d only been once. In the gentle breeze of the fan she seemed to dance beyond them, and with her drawn curved sword open a door so that between her laughing blue gaze with her lolling tongue, and the perfect gaze of Jason, the taste of peppermint still on Russell’s tongue, the desire returned. The terror faded as he pressed himself to Jason and the smell of cologne and that smell of the tobacco shop and knew, and then forgot that his fear was the fear of need, of this person he had never been who not only wished for sex, but needed sex, needed it now as he rubbed Jason and the other boy sighed. His need was strong as the waves.

Don’t hurt him… Don’t hurt him.

Under the amber light, Russell took off his tee shirt, folded it and put it in the chair. He rose, quietly unbuckled his belt and pulled down the bulky armor of his old cargo pants. He promised himself he would never wear these baggy boxers again as he pulled them off, and just for a moment stood fearfully and wonderfully naked before Jason. Without touching him, he walked past him into the darkness of the bedroom, and he heard Jason’s feet pad toward him. Russell had pulled the covers over himself, with the air conditioning on in the large house, it was not too hot, but now he pulled them back and welcomed Jason into his own bed. He could not see, but in the darkness his sound was like sight, and he helped Jason pull away his shorts, felt the heat of his penis rising, pulled Jason between his legs, pulled his mouth down for kisses, and thrust his fingers into the thick waves of Jason’s hair. The fire built up in his stomach and rose out of his chest in this joy in the darkness as he linked himself to Jason and… also… he felt distantly, as he forever left the place of not knowing, not understanding what happened between two people in the dark. Only dimly did the picture of Cody and Ralph move through his mind. Could it have been like this? This eager running of hands over each other, this hot kissing, lips clinging to lips, tongues twining, the shock of Jason’s mouth on him, sucking him, the shock of his own pleasure, how it did not last for only a moment, but how Jason did not stop nursing on him until weakly, Russell pleaded for his turn, until here unfolded the meaning of dirty whispers: “cocksucker”, “sixty nine”, here in this bed where nothing was dirty, where there was only joy and need and the joyful feeding of need, where he was shocked by Jason’s finger inside of him, and then his tongue.

His eyes adjusted to the dark, his hands longed to run down Jason’s shoulders, down his back down the small of his spine. He longed to get his fill of looking at the ass he’d always wondered about, been ashamed of wondering about. He remembered Jason’s hand on his ass, pinching it, saying, “firm, honey”, and here was  Jason, just now, inside of him, and his mouth moved to be inside of Jason, was surprised by the welcome he felt, thrusting his tongue deeper and deeper into him. Russell wasn’t sure how long any of this lasted. He wasn’t sure how long it was before they were like spoons and Russell pressed his back against Jason feeling the cock he had grown to love and desire pressed into him.

“I don’t have a condom,” Jason whispered. “I just got lube.”

“Do it,” Russell said to him.

“Are you sure—?”

Russell reached back and pressed Jason’s ass, pressing him to be inside of him.

“I wanna do it so bad.”

They were both whispering quickly, pressing together.

“Do it like when you were doing it to that girl at the party—”

“Don’t say that Russell.”

“But when you were looking at me. Do it to me like that.”

“I’m gonna use lots of lube, okay? Cause it might hurt a little.”

But when Jason began to lube up, laughing nervously, saying, “I’m getting it all on the sheets,” Russell reached back and began to stroke him, feeling Jason go harder, feeling the already firm penis take more shape, the roundness of his head swelling to a helmet, the veins under his cock rising. Russell slipped the lube in himself and then guided Jason in, and Jason’s thigh draped over Russell.

“Breathe in, okay,” Jason said.

Russell understood that Jason hadn’t learned this from fucking other boys. He’d pretty much been with girls, sometimes grown women. Jason had learned this from being fucked, and somehow this made things better. Russell breathed in and they both closed their eyes and were quiet at the joining. Both of them grimaced, fitting together, and Jason whispered, “Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

It hurt. It wasn’t like anything Russell could have imagined except he did imagine it would hurt. But he did not imagine all of these nerves in him, or the sensation which was beyond physical, of being filled with another human being. He closed around Jason, who gave a groan of not quite pleasure, and Russell tightened his eyes feeling something that was definitely pain and yet certainly the sense of being held, caressed, kissed, breathed upon, by someone who was as close as close could be. They were like this for a while, and Russell wondered if Jason was afraid of hurting him. It was Russell who finally who pushed back, who began the rhythm, and he who had seen and heard things in Chayne’s house, who put Jason gently on his back and began to push down, to feel him as deep as he could, to squeeze him and see the pleasure and wonder on Jason Lorry’s face in the dark. Jason reached up to him, mouth open and after a while, after it felt so good, Jason asked, “Can I… Can I?”

He didn’t need to ask more, and having been entered the first time it was easier the second. Russell lay on his stomach his face in the pillow that was filled with the spicy smell of Jason.

“Pound me,” he whispered, and Jason did, and the pleasure of the bed shaking, the two of them shaking as Russell pushed back, the pleasure of being pressed by Jason’s love and desire, kissed over and over again, stroked while being fucked and fucked and fucked opened Russell’s mouth in a steady wail that reminded him of the girls he’d seen fucked, of the noises he’d heard from Chayne’s room when Ted or the cowboy and now Rob entered and closed the door behind them.

“I’m going to… I’m going to…” Jason began.

“Do it,” Russell hissed into the pillow.

But at the same time he felt Jason’s cock swelling and jumping like a heartbeat, at the same moment he felt himself pumped with hot seed, he shuddered as his own body gave way, and he knew he was coming all against his stomach, all over Jason Lorry’s bed sheets.