If I Should Fall: The Second Book of Geshichte Falls

FIVE

RENAISSANCE

“I really hope she’s okay,” Ralph said. “I mean, I know she’ll be okay. It’s just a baby, and Caroline’s had babies before, but still, at the same time, it’s like, it’s a baby. That’s a big thing.”

Ralph winced. “I just hate to imagine it. Having a baby.”

“What should we do?” Russell said, because he didn’t really want to think about having a baby, either. “Where should we go?”

“That is the problem,” Cody said. “Turns out there isn’t that much to do in Geschichte Falls at this time of night.”

“Or any time,” Jason said.

They all laughed, but when he was done laughing, Russell said, “It just means you have to make your own fun. And my godfather says that you have to make your own fun anyway in the end. Speaking of,” Russell turned to Cody, “that’s probably where I need to go. I need to see if Chayne is home so I can tell him where everyone is.”

They took Jason’s car because Cody was insistent that Jill have the truck just in case she needed it, and Russell felt strange directing two people who had never made any sense in Chayne’s world to Chayne’s house. Chayne’s house had been a refuge from high school and now, here he was, bringing high school to it. When they’d crossed the parking lot to reach the car, Ralph had immediately climbed into the back and, of course, Cody did the same. It was only for a minute that Russell stared at the passenger door before climbing into Jason’s car. It smelled new. It smelled of something else, and Russell was unnerved at his proximity to Jason and his even now perfectly combed black hair and dusky skin. Jason took a pack of gum from his pocket, handing a strip to Russell, grinned before he took one for himself and, adjusting the mirror, said in his soft voice, “Everyone strap in now. Let’s follow Russell’s directions.”

They’d reached Curtain and stopped on the narrow old street where Russell pointed out Chayne’s house. Jason got out of the car and followed him. Russell stopped for him, again surprised by Jason’s closeness, and also surprised by the scent of his adult cologne on a boy in shorts and tee shirt, heavy, spicy like the night of the party… Jason in the closet with that girl, staring at him…

Russell pushed this out of his mind and went up the porch steps, entering Chayne’s house.

Chayne and Gilead were standing in the kitchen, and Chayne said, “We wondered what happened to everyone. You know how late it is? I mean, I know it’s still summer, but—”

All Gilead said, tilting his head, was, “Jason Lorry?”

“Hey, Gil,” Jason’s cheeks went red and Russell said, “Caroline’s having her baby. We’re all at the hospital.”

Chayne’s mouth opened in an O and Russell said, “Well, most of us are at the hospital. And by the way, we made two new friends. Jill and Cody.”

“Cody’s in the car,” Jason said, fiddling with his hands.

“Jason,” Gilead asked, “are you alright?”

“I’m great,” Jason said a little too loudly.

“Well, thank you, Jason,” Chayne said to the olive skinned boy, “for bringing Russell over.”

“Oh, sure.”

“What else you all have planned?” Gilead asked.

For some reason Russell took pity on Jason. For some reason he said, “We’re going to Jason’s house.”

“Really?” Gilead looked astounded.

“Yeah,” Jason said, breathlessly. “It’s me and Cody and Ralph. They’re in the car. You can come if you want, Gil.”

“No,” Gilead said. “Five is a crowd as they say, and it’s closer to morning than not. I’m going to head home.”

“Have fun you guys,” Chayne added. “Or something like that. I’ll be at the hospital eventually.”

As they headed back into the warm darkness of late night, Russell waited for Gilead to come right after him, but there was no Gilead, just he and Jason walking down the steps.

“I’m glad you said that,” Jason said. “About going to my house.”

“I’m glad I said it too,” Russell smiled. “I guess that means we should probably go.”

They drove west toward Russell’s neighborhood, and then up about three blocks and around the corner. They crossed Thompson and parked in front of a large faux Tudor, and Ralph cheerfully announced, “See, Jason’s rich like you, Russell.”

“We’re not rich,” they both said, and the boys looked at each other.

But this was undoubtedly still the Breckinridge, or either it was Waldersworth, the wealthier neighborhood that bordered the Breckinridge. At this time the wide street was empty, and Jason Lorry’s house was a large brick behemoth with all its lights out at this time of night.

   

  “We’ll have to be quiet,” Jason stage whispered, and they took the path that led to the side yard of the house.

“You really live in something like this?” Cody asked Russell.

“Not quite,” Russell had to be honest.

The lawn alone was enormous. This house was far larger than Thom and Patti’s, but Russell didn’t want to embarrass Jason. who lifted the latch and let them into a garden smelling of rich flowers and overgrown with plants, high white fleshy flowers that shone in the humid night. Here were the shades of sunflowers like crowns, and a little trickling pool in the middle. The fence was high and of natural wood but much of it was hidden by great trees.

“I love your backyard,” Russell said.

“Really?” Jason smiled at him, pleased.

Russell realized now, that because the first time he’d encountered Jason outside of school was at a party near the Far Westside, and because Ralph’s brother lived on the Far West, he’d assumed Jason did as well. Jason opened the back door, or a back door, Russell realized after passing a line of windows and doors that must have been a sunroom or something like it. There were padding feet, the feel of a tail swishing against them, but no barking. Jason bent down to pat something in the dark and with the dog panting beside them, they followed a long hall before Jason opened a door and they came into a new darkness. A switch was flipped and they were in a large room, lit by strings of fairy lights.

“Cool,” Russell pronounced, noticed that there was another room, darkened, beyond this one.

They talked about more than Russell thought they would, a blond golden retriever who seemed to like him and four people who didn’t know each other very well saving Ralph and Jason.

Ralph said, “Well, me and Cody are gonna go on a little run and be right back.”

“Yeah,” the handsome Cody said, standing up and pushing his dark hair out of his tanned face. “We’re gonna make a run to my house and be back soon. Okay?”

“Alrighhht,” Russell said, slowly. “I guess me and Jason’ll just hang out here.”

Jason reached into his shorts pocket, his eyes sparkling in the yellow dimness of the room, and tossed Ralph his car keys.

“Don’t hurry,” he said. “But don’t take forever, either. We’ve got a baby to get back to.”

Ralph nodded, and the dog escorted him and Cody to the back door.

“You wanna see my room?” Jason asked Russell.

“I thought…. This was your room?”

“This is the room before the room,” Jason said, pointing to the darkened doorway. “That’s my room.”

“Wow,” Russell said. He laughed and then said, “Your house is huge.”

But part of him wondered, what the hell was going on? Ralph and Cody were gone. He was in Jason Lorry’s house, in his room that was amber lit with hanging white Christmas lights. They were leaving the room that had clothes racks and chairs and an old sofa, and Jason caught Russell’s hand and led him to the next room, flipping the light on. This room was hung with the same lights and Jason said, “There are real lights too. I mean, for when I want to do homework. Not that I do homework like I should. I mean, I’m a real disappointment to my parents probably.”

Russell was looking around the room. The windows were covered by wooden shades. It was classy, and over the large bed with its dark covering, was a great image of a terrible goddess, eyes nearly crossed, tongue lolling, a string of arms around her neck.

“Kali,” Russell breathed.

“How’d you know?” Jason said. Then he said, “You’re smart, so you would know stuff like that. You know my mom’s Indian. I mean, I’m Indian. My family’s Indian. My dad’s white. He’s Catholic. I guess I am too, but mom, her family’s Brahman—”

“Priests,” Russell said, and stopped Jason’s babbling. “Hindu priests.”

“Yeah,” Jason said.

“Does that make you a Brahman?”

“I don’t… I don’t really know. Russell can I kiss you?”

Russell had understood what was going on three seconds before or one second after Jason had asked. Jason’s hand was in his, kneading his in the amber light of the room with only the two of them. But he had probably understood when he had told Chayne they were going to Jason’s house, when Ralph had said, “Jason likes you,” when Russell could hardly look at Jason tonight, but kept smelling the rich spicy sweet scent of his cologne. And he didn’t want to be passive, and he thought maybe they were led into this, and he didn’t want to be led, so he pulled Jason’s face to him, and pressed his mouth to his and Jason’s hands went to Russell’s face, to his hips. Jason pulled him to the bed where, his tongue pressing into Russell’s mouth, Russell surprised by enjoying the taste of it. He loved Jason’s lips and his hair and his smell, and feeling his shoulders, his back, his arms, pressing tight to a boy who had teased for so long he’d forgotten he wanted him. Russell could feel Jason hard through his shorts and when he pulled his hand away, Jason said, “No, you can touch it. I want you to.”

They were shirtless and hot when Jason said, “We should stop.”

Russell almost moaned and then felt embarrassed, felt like a slut for protesting, took a great breath.

“We don’t know when Ralph and Cody are gonna come back, and we still gotta go back to the hospital.”

“You’re right,” Russell sat up on the side of the bed, brushing his hair back and pulling his shirt back on. He blew out his cheeks.

“This is…”

“A lot,” Jason said.

“Russell, can I tell you something?” Jason said, quickly.

“Yes.”

“I know how to do it,” Jason said. “With boys. I mean, you probably don’t but I do and I could teach you. I mean, if you want to. If you want to come back. I want you to come back. I’d like you to stay with me. Or… whatever.”

“I…” Russell stood up

“This is all very confusing. This is not what I thought about happening to me when I got out of bed this morning. Or really when I had dinner tonight. You’ve…. Things are different now. It’s a different world, even if it’s a world that I kind of sort of saw at a distance. You… you all were calling me a faggot not too long ago, and now here I am in your room. Being a faggot. And you invite me to come back, and I want to. And I shouldn’t because… I thought I was sophisticated and everything, but the one thing I get living in Geschichte Falls is it’s wrong to be a faggot even if you don’t know what one is.”

Then Russell said, in a tone of discovery, “Gilead always said you called me gay so people wouldn’t think you were.”

“That’s part of it,” Jason said, honestly. “I think the other part was I called you gay cause I hoped you were. You’re innocent. You don’t really know about sex… And your feelings. You live in your head.”

“You’re not the first person to say that.”

“I’m not that bright—”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m not smart like you,” Jason said. “Hell, I flunked second grade. That’s why I’m older than you. My whole family thinks I’m dumb. Everyone does. I hear them. Dumb, but good looking. But I do know my body, how it feels. You made me feel so many things it made me angry. At me, at you. I didn’t want to be this. I… Girls thought I was good looking so I made it with girls. Lots. To prove something. And then last summer I got tired of that, and when I went to India… I didn’t really see anyone I liked. I found a guy. I… I wanted to learn what it was like, how to do things I knew I was going to do. So…. Now I do know. I’d be gentle with you. And you could be gentle with me.”

At the end of that speech, suddenly Jason Lorry smiled, looking more innocent than Russell ever had. Even now his hair looked perfect and glossy and the dusky skinned green eyed boy with the always five o’ clock shadow, the faint smell of rich tobacco, touched Russell’s hand shyly.

“I’d like that.”

“Yes,” Russell said, trying to calm his raging boner, and this need to touch Jason. All he really wanted to do right now was take off his clothes, strip Jason, push back the covers of this private bed and climb into it with him. He’d never felt so strong an urge before.

“I’d like it too,” Russell said. “But I’d like to clear my head first.”