Crown Vic to a Parallel World

23

A Tantrum and a Pleasant Afternoon

Neb scolded me for the entire ride back to The HALL.  “Grown man…out of shape…poor showing…if you’re the hope of the world, we’re doomed.”

I simmered with anger but didn’t speak.  Shawn felt the emotional pressure building inside me and tried several times to diffuse the coming explosion, but I ignored his efforts.  No one was going to stop me having my say and I wasn’t going to do it from the disadvantage of the back seat.  By the time we pulled into the garage at The HALL and parked, I was more than ready to explode.  I wasn’t going to scream like a lunatic.  Long experience dealing with assholes had taught me that if I came unhinged that meant they won.  I had a different plan.

Neb got out of the car and stomped her way toward the elevator.  I hauled myself out of the back seat as quickly as I could and called to her.  “Neb, a word please.”

She stopped and did a crisp about-face but made no moves to close the distance between us.  I closed it from several yards down to just a few inches.  I gripped my watch with both hands behind my back, glared hatred down at her, and growled my thoughts out.  “I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re talking to, but I know it’s not me.  We are on the same team.  Drop the fucking attitude, lady.”

I didn’t give Neb a chance to say anything.  As soon as I said my piece, I turned on my heels and walked away.  I didn’t even know where I planned to go.  ‘Get away,’ was my only thought.  I pointed my steps toward the main gate of The HALL compound and waved over my shoulder. “GOODBYE ALL!”

“You can’t leave!” Neb shrieked after me.

“Stop me if you can.” I called with mocking sweetness.

Shawn appeared next to me as I reached the gate.  The guard in his shack raised his eyes as I stepped out of the compound but didn’t move or speak.  A plastic bus slid to a stop at the curb.  The door opened to disgorge a single passenger.  “Church, I…” Shawn started to say.  I grabbed his hand, dragged him across the sidewalk, and onto the bus.  The door shut and the vehicle pulled away from the curb.

I flopped down on a seat near the door and offered Shawn the seat next to me.  He was stunned, too stunned to sit.  He stood in front of me with his face drawn tight in worry and fear. “I can’t believe you just did that.” He whispered to me. “I can’t believe you did that and took me with you.”

I nodded at the seat next to me again.  Shawn took the seat, seemingly for the lack of anything else to do.  I pulled my watch off and crushed it in my right fist.  The hand shook, and Shawn noticed the shake.  He leaned in and whispered, “do you need a drink?”

“No, I’m pissed.” I growled.

We rode a couple blocks in silence.  I nursed my anger while he worried.  The silence was broken when something on Shawn’s person buzzed.  He took his phone from his pocket and checked the screen.  “It’s my uncle calling.” Shawn announced.

I stopped him from answering the call.  “Can you text with that?” I asked.

“Yes, but…”

“But nothing.” I insisted. “Text him you’ll call him after lunch and shut the thing off.”

“But…”

I made firm eye contact with Shawn, so he’d know I was serious.  “Shawn, do as I ask, or I swear…I’ll…I’ll do something that no one will fucking like.” I wasn’t happy with the vagueness of my threat, but everything that I thought of threatening would take too long to explain while Shawn’s phone was waiting to be answered.

My threat, however vague, did what it was supposed to do.  Shawn sent the message that I’d demanded and shut the phone off.  He was scared.  Disobedience was foreign territory for him.  “I don’t understand.” He said to the blank phone screen.

I pried my fist open and stuck my watch back on.  Its rectangular face had made an angry imprint in the palm of my right hand.  I rubbed my palms together to smooth the imprint away and tried to explain why I’d done what I had. “You probably think I just threw a childish tantrum and dragged you along with me.  A very little bit of that is true.  What I really did, was remind Neb and your uncle who’s in charge.”

Shawn looked at me with confusion on his face and in his mind.  He didn’t understand the point of what I’d said.  I tried again to explain. “You probably think your uncle is in charge, because of his position.  Neb thinks she is in charge because of her rank.  I know that I’m in charge because, without me, the mission doesn’t go forward.  I would bet that right now; your uncle is explaining that very simple fact to Neb.  The point of walking away and refusing to communicate is to show them they are not in control.”

After my explanation, Shawn was less confused, but I got the impression he thought I was being petty.  That was also a little true, but that wasn’t the point.  “Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just a power play.  Your uncle asked for my help, and I agreed to give it to him.  I will live up to my word, but I will NOT be treated like crap along the way.  I will not let your uncle make me a prisoner at The HALL and I will not let Neb treat me like I’m something she scraped off her shoe.

“I’ve made no demands and I didn’t plan to make any, but as a human being, I demand respect.” I paused to think about that. ‘I haven’t asked for anything.’ I reminded myself. ‘People don’t respect what they get for free.  Maybe I should make them pay.  Maybe I should make them pay through the nose.’

“I think tomorrow I will make some demands.” I said as my thoughts crystalized into intentions.  I set that idea aside to gnaw on later and gave Shawn some more instructions that I hoped would set the stage for my newly intended negotiations. “At one o’clock, turn your phone on and call Ars.  Tell him only that we’ll see him in his office tomorrow at eight.  Ask him to have Bem and Neb there and don’t answer any questions.”

Shawn agreed to do what I asked.  He didn’t like it, but he would go along because he knew they needed me and not the other way around.  “Where are we going?” He asked once the other matter was settled.

“I have no idea.” I admitted with a helpless shrug. “I saw the bus and got on so they couldn’t follow us.  I’m hungry.  I figure, when we see a restaurant, we’ll have lunch and explore a little.  OK?”

“Sure.” Shawn agreed but still didn’t like it.  It seemed disobedience and spontaneity were both outside his comfort zone.

*          *          *          *

We found a restaurant and ate a nice lunch.  It was nice except for Shawn’s jittery nervousness that telegraphed itself across our link through the entire meal.  At 12:55 the tension became too much for him to bear and he dragged me from the restaurant so he could call his uncle.  He hustled me to a park on the next block and stopped near a bench.

I sat while Shawn shifted his weight from one foot to the other and fidgeted.  I suspected he’d be doing that thing where he makes a fist and grips it with his other hand, except both his hands were clamped around his phone.  He turned the phone on at 12:59 and dialed on the stroke of one.

Ars answered quickly, but not overly quickly.  He and Shawn had a short conversation during which Shawn made the request for the appointment.  His uncle assented and apparently added some thoughts of his own.  One of them made Shawn blanch.  The worry he’d been feeling since I first dragged him onto the bus in front of The HALL, spiked to intense fear.  He held the phone out to me.  “He wants to talk to you.” Shawn said pleadingly.

I took the phone reluctantly.  I didn’t want to speak with Ars, but as much as I wanted to make a point, I didn’t want to do it by making Shawn suffer.  I felt I’d already traumatized the poor guy enough.  “Hello, Ars.” I said to the phone.

“Hello, young man.  I take it your point is made.”

I listened to the small man’s overly-pleasant voice and pictured him leaning back in his swivel chair, speaking to the ceiling.  I had no intentions of having any part of the negotiations that I planned for the next morning over the phone.  Over the phone, Ars would have the advantage.  I was a better negotiator in person than I was as a voice on a speaker.  I told Ars only as much as I wanted to. “Almost.” I said to refer to my point being made.

“Almost, you say.  My, my, my, my, my; almost the man says.” Ars parroted both me and himself. “Shall I prepare myself for more foolishness, young man?  My patience, though great, is not inexhaustible.”

‘Ars would make an excellent chess player.’ I thought. ‘I wonder if they have chess here.’  I gathered myself and responded very carefully.  “It is not my intention to test your patience, and you shouldn’t bother to prepare yourself for foolishness.  All I want is to have a brief meeting to…to set the parameters of our relationship.  That’s all.”

“I accept your terms, young man.” Ars announced like he was pleased with the direction of the conversation.  He sounded so pleased, I felt like he’d glad-handed me through the phone. “Yes, we should, how did you put it, ‘set the parameters of our relationship.’  That is very good, young man, very good indeed.  I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, yes, I look forward to it very much.  Would you put Shawn back on, please?  That is if you are finished.  I believe we are…finished that is.”

“Yes, Ars, quite finished.  Have a grand evening.  Here’s Shawn.”

I handed the phone back.  Shawn and Ars said a few words to each other, and Shawn hung up.  He practically collapsed on the bench next to me.  He sat leaning forward with the phone clasped between his hands in his lap.  He was relieved but not completely.

As for me, I had a bit more to think about.  The conversation I’d had, and Shawn’s reaction to the whole situation, had given me a very definite impression of Uncle Ars Summas.  I wanted to know if my suspicions were correct.  I wanted to know more about the man I was planning to negotiate with.  I wanted to know more about the man who was basically my employer.

I assumed Shawn saw knew exactly who Ars was, but I wasn’t certain.  I asked a question that I didn’t think Shawn would answer.  “That chattering, pleasant, harmless bureaucrat thing he does, it’s all bullshit, isn’t it?”

Shawn fidgeted a bit on the bench before he said anything. “I love my uncle.” Shawn said in a reluctant reply that wasn’t an answer.

“But…” I prompted.

Shawn adjusted the way he was sitting.  He turned toward me, put one bent leg up on the park bench, and left the other foot on the ground.  He hugged his knee to his chest and his eyes lost their focus.  “My father…my uncle and my father don’t get along, and my father…” he hesitated, then continued, “I guess I can tell you, it’s all part of my memories, so if you knew where to look you could find the event.

“My father didn’t want me.  He made that fact very clear my whole life.  My mother tried to make up for it, but it’s not something you can make up for.  When I was almost sixteen, my mother sent me to school here in the capital.  She really sent me away from my father and to my Uncle Ars.  He…he was great…he…he made it better.  Do you know what I mean?”

I told him I did.  I wished I knew first hand, but I wasn’t that lucky.

“When I got out of school, I went to work for The HALL.  I wasn’t there too long when one day, uncle and I were going over a report in a conference room, and my father was announced.  He was in the city to see a client…he’s a wealth manager…my father I mean, and he’d stopped by for some reason.  I hadn’t seen him in four years.  As soon as he walked in, he said, ‘I hope you thanked your uncle for giving you a job.  I certainly wouldn’t have kept you like he has.’

“Uncle didn’t react.  He asked me to give them a minute.  I went to an adjoining room.  There was an intercom between them, between the two rooms, and someone had left the mic open in the room father and uncle were in.  The way uncle spoke to father, I’d never heard anyone speak to my father the way uncle did.  ‘Verpa,’ that’s my father’s name, Verpa Summas, anyway, uncle said ‘Verpa, it has taken me four years to teach that boy that he is not worthless and I refuse to let you spoil my hard work.  If I ever hear you speak to him, or find out you spoke to him in that manner again, I will kill you.’

“He said it just like that and my father laughed.  Father said that uncle had an odd sense of humor.  Uncle said it again.  ‘I will kill you slowly, painfully, and gleefully…gleefully, Verpa, I will remove you from this world that can well spare the likes of you.  I will do it in such a manner that everyone will believe it was an accident, and at your funeral, I will hold my sister, and comfort my favorite nephew, with the same hands that wrung the worthless life from your corpulent and repulsive body.  Go from here now and do not return except at your peril.’”

Shawn paused and I thought about what he’d said so far.  There was enough of Ars’ staccato cadence in Shawn’s memory of the speech that I could picture Ars saying it.  I also didn’t have any affection for the man that would prevent me from believing he was as ruthless as Shawn made him sound.  I didn’t voice my observations and Shawn went on with the story.

“My father left and my uncle touched the call key on the intercom to tell me to come back in.  ‘Your father was called away, urgent business I think.’ He explained.  Then he went back to the report as if nothing happened, and we worked together for the rest of the day.  Right before I went home that afternoon he said, ‘I hired you, nephew, but I did not ‘give’ you a job.  Your hard work and dedication are proving I made the right decision.’”

Shawn stopped talking, but I didn’t see that as the end of the story.  “What does that tell you about your uncle?” I asked to keep him moving.

Shawn shook himself out of the past to give me the moral.  “I believe two things and suspect a third.  I believe my uncle loves me very much.  I believe he would kill my father and not lose one second of sleep over it.  I suspect he left that intercom on deliberately.  His mind is always ten steps ahead of everyone else.  I don’t think he’s made a mistake, that he didn’t intend to make, ever.”

I drew my own conclusion from Shawn’s story and voiced it. “And as much as you love him, he scares you just as much.”

Shawn’s eyes focused on me, like he suddenly looked up and realized I was the audience for the story he’d been telling.  “It’s kind of the way I feel about you.  I know I’m safe with you, but the amount of power you have is…unnerving.”

“And that’s why you worry when I do things like challenging your uncle’s authority.”

“YES!” He shouted and released his knee so he could wave his hands wide in a dramatic gesture of exasperation. “I’ve never seen anyone give him a flat ‘no’ like you did.  Most people wouldn’t dare.”

I shrugged off Shawn’s emotional display.  “I’m not a diplomat.  Doing things like that has cost me in the past, but I don’t seem to learn from it.  I guess I’m hard-headed.”

“And I have to teach you climbing.” Shawn pretend-moaned.

“Yeah, but not today.” I slapped my hands on my knees and used them to push myself off the bench.  I stretched my arms over my head and heard my joints snap and pop in protest. “Now that we have the afternoon to ourselves, what do you want to do with it?  Should we walk around, or window shop, or go back to the hotel?”

Shawn glanced down like he was thinking.  He bit his ripe lower lip and raised his eyes to mine without raising his head.  It was an up-from-under look that I felt between my front pockets.  “Let’s go back to the hotel.” He said with a huskiness in his voice that sent an electric thrill through my body. “I have something else I want to teach you.”

“YES!” I shouted as my enthusiasm threatened to overwhelm my decorum.  I cleared my throat and pretended some calm that I didn’t feel. “Uh…yes, that’s a good idea.  Do they have cabs on this world or do we have to take the fucking bus?”

Shawn’s ringing laugh let me know he enjoyed my enthusiasm.  “Come on,” he took my hand and led the way from the park, “we’ll take the bus.  It will give you time to anticipate.”

“Anticipate…you’re killing me.” I objected and picked up my pace. “I’ve been anticipating since I saw you in that climbing suit this morning.”

He squeezed my hand. “I felt you admiring me while I was on the advanced wall.  It felt nice.”

“I never saw anyone that could move like you, as fluidly as you.  It’s breathtaking.”

My compliment embarrassed him.  “Stop, I’m not anything special.”

“You’re very, very wrong, there.”

*          *          *          *

I was buzzing with excitement by the time the ‘slowest bus ever’ dropped us in front of the hotel.  Shawn didn’t even have the door to the suite closed when I started shedding clothes.  He stopped me.  “I have an idea.”

“So do I, but we have to be naked for my idea to work.”

Shawn grinned at my silliness, then he softened the grin to a very seductive smile.  “I want to use our link to add to the experience.  I want to go very slowly and use our emotions to guide us.”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about and asked a question for clarity. “We are still gonna have sex, right?”

“Yes, Church,” Shawn said and sounded like an exasperated middle-school teacher correcting an overly curious child, “we will have sex.  This thing we have…I felt so much…what, feedback I guess, from you last time, but I didn’t use the sensations.  I want to try.  Will you let me set the pace?”

“Sure.” I agreed.  At that point, I would have agreed to just about anything he wanted.  He turned to lead the way toward my room, and I got an eyeful of his drool-inducing lower half.  The view prompted an amendment to my statement. “I’ll follow you anywhere.”

Shawn’s steps faltered and he moaned.  He halted his progress but didn’t look back. “Your lust is like…it’s raw and wild.  Can you try to go slow?” He asked.

I shut my eyes and took a couple breaths.  I managed to get my desire under control and opened them to see Shawn facing me with a curious look on his face.  “What did you just do?” He asked. “Did you meditate?”

“I told myself it’s like savoring a steak.”

“Steak…I’m steak?” Shawn asked and tried to sound indignant but couldn’t pull it off.

“Shawn…you are filet mignon.” I teased.

Shawn broke up.  His ringing laugh filled the suite and made me glad to be alive.  As he laughed, he led the way to my bedroom.  I followed as he guided me, still fully clothed, onto my bed.  He instructed me very carefully.  He told me to pay close attention to his emotions while we had sex.  He promised to pay close attention to mine. “That way, we’ll know how to give each other the best pleasure.” He explained.

Shawn started the session by climbing on top of me.  He straddled my body on his knees and rocked back to sit on my thighs.  He lowered his gaze to meet my eyes with his.  I lost myself in the frozen pools of blue. “That feels good.” He said in a sensuous bedroom voice. “I can feel your lust but I also feel your admiration.  You’re very attracted to me…to my body.  Tell me, Church, tell me what you want me to do.  Let your desire guide you.  Let it guide us both.”

“Take your…” I started to do as he asked.  I started to tell him what to do, but I found that my mouth was so dry my voice failed me.  I didn’t know why I was nervous.  He and I’d had sex before.  I wondered why this was different.  I guessed it was because of the intimacy of being focused on his emotions.  What we were about to do…it felt more intimate than sex.  I suspected we were about to make love.  I told myself to be brave.  I cleared my throat and tried my voice again. “Take your shirt off.”

Shawn did as I asked.  He lifted his shirt from his waist and peeled it off his body, turning it inside-out as he took it off.  His body stretched and elongated as he lifted the shirt over his head.  His abs popped as his stomach tightened in on itself, showing off the vaulted arch of the base of his ribcage.  His chest expanded as he raised his arms over his head and all his raven black hair was pulled up through the neck of the shirt until it cascaded back down to fall across his face.

Shawn flung the shirt away from himself, discarding it carelessly onto the floor.  He tucked his hair behind his ears and looked down at me with a face full of seduction and sex.  I basked in the alure of his expression.  I felt that something wasn’t right though.  I was so attuned to Shawn’s emotions that I noticed he felt a qualm.  Something, some niggling thing bothered him. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

He tried to dismiss it. “Nothing.  What do you want me to do now?”

I shook my head at him.  My negative gesture became a ridiculous head roll as my head was caught against the bed pillow. “I want you to tell me what went wrong there.  You took your shirt off and something happened.  What was it?”

Shawn huffed a sigh out and looked away from me. “It’s silly.” He said and paused.

I waited.  I suspected if I waited, he would come clean and tell me what was bothering him.  He huffed another sigh and met my eyes with his. “It’s embarrassing.  I wanted to be so sexy.  I wanted to be carefree and all about sex and in the moment and all that, so I took my shirt off and threw it on the floor.”

He stopped talking again and left me hanging.  I pressed him to finish his thought. “And?”

“And…and it’s bugging me.  My shirt,” he pointed over the side of the bed onto the floor, “it’s down there, getting wrinkled…and it’s bugging me.” Shawn huffed again and raised his hands in a helpless shrug.  He let them fall and slap his thighs.

It took me a second to understand the whole matter, but when I did, I couldn’t help but laugh.  The situation was too silly.  We were supposed to be having sensual, emotionally attuned sex, and Shawn was distracted because his shirt was balled up on the floor.  The whole thing struck me as irresistibly funny.  I roared with violent laugher that shook my whole body and Shawn’s.  I felt tears streaming down my face as I laughed.

Shawn glared at me in the middle of my outburst.  His disapproval made it even better.  I howled with laughter. “You…you…you tried to be…tried to be a stripper…but you CAN’T CAUSE YOU’RE TOO NEAT!” I barked between my gasping hysterics.

“I don’t think it’s that funny.” Shawn objected.  He was hurt that I was laughing.  He didn’t like getting laughed at.

I covered my face with my hands to block out his scowl, so I could get control of myself.  I laughed myself out and heaved my upper body off the mattress so I could wrap him in my arms. “I’m sorry.” I told him as I pulled him close. “I wasn’t laughing at you.  I mean…I kinda was, but I had this mental image of a stripper on a catwalk taking his clothes off and stopping to fold them while the patrons waited with their dollar bills.”

My silly image broke through the scowl that had settled on Shawn’s face and his over his mood since I’d started laughing.  He let himself appreciate the joke and his ringing laugh filled the room in response. “You are a silly ass.” He said when he got himself under control.

I didn’t bother to agree or disagree with the accusation.  Instead, I used my telekinesis to gather his discarded shirt from the floor.  I turned it right-side-in, sent it across the room, opened the wardrobe door, and hung it neatly on a hanger.  I closed the wardrobe door and turned my face to Shawn’s. “Better?” I asked.

“Better.” He agreed.

“Can we fuck now?” I asked.

“Sure.” He agreed and plundered my mouth with a passionate tongue.

I held him as we kissed, and I focused on his emotions like he’d told me to.  I sensed appreciation.  I inferred that he appreciated what I’d done with his shirt.  He appreciated that I didn’t make fun of him.  Instead, I’d shared my humor and enjoyed it with him.  The appreciation he felt gave birth to another emotion, that of permissiveness.  In return for laughing with him instead of at him, Shawn was prepared to give himself to me.

I decided to accept his gift.  I kissed my way from his mouth, down over his chin to the underside of his jaw.  Shawn leaned back and offered himself to me as I went lower.  I kissed and licked at the front of his neck.  I teased the hollow at the base of his throat with a probing tongue and kissed my way down the center of his chest.

Licking my way along his body was turning me on.  His skin tasted salty and a little sweet.  He smelled incredible.  He smelled like we’d already been fucking for a while.  I wondered about that.  I remembered seeing him sweaty with exertion at the climbing center, but he’d showered before we left.  I hadn’t bothered to shower because I hadn’t done much more than fall a bunch of times, hardly enough to work up a sweat.

I kissed and licked my way to the right side of Shawn’s chest until I found his soft, pink nipple.  I lapped the flat of my tongue over it and sealed my puckered lips around it to suck.  The nub hardened as soon as I licked it, like it was offering itself to me.  I teased it with my teeth to Shawn’s rasping delight. “Oh FUCK, Church!” He cried when I bit at the sensitive flesh.

Shawn tried to push me away from his nipple, but his efforts only made me want to suckle at him more.  I teased his right nipple until I felt his emotions go completely haywire from the pleasure, then I abandoned the hard nub on that side for the soft one on the other side.  I repeated my performance on his left nipple until I sensed I was about to go too far, out of the realm of pleasure and into the realm of pain.

I kissed my way down his heaving stomach until I could tongue-fuck his belly button.  Shawn giggled as I did that, exposing the fact that he was ticklish in a few places.  His giggles made me smile, but giggles aren’t sexy.  I was too far gone with lust to want to hear giggles.  I wanted Shawn’s sex.  I wanted his cock.  I wanted his ass.  I wanted to run my hands along his smooth and muscled thighs.  I wanted to fuck.

I grabbed his waist and lifted him off my lap.  I half set, half threw him onto the mattress next to me and flipped onto my knees so I could take his pants off.  Shawn’s emotions ran through a quick gamut of changes.  He was momentarily surprised when I heaved him off me, then incredibly aroused by my display of strength.

I struggled with the clasp on Shawn’s pants, got it open with brute force, and jerked the garment off his body.  I tossed the pants and plunged into Shawn’s crotch.  I pulled his briefs down, hooked the waistband under his balls, and slurped his cock into my mouth.  I was so hot for him, I tried to deep-throat his cock, but my throat was too unpracticed.  I gagged and had to back off several times.

My inability to swallow him made me mad.  It made me mad enough that I gave up on his cock.  I grabbed Shawn’s hips again and flipped him over.  He seemed to sense what I wanted because his ass immediately rose to meet my face as I drove my mouth against his hole.  Shawn shouted enthusiastic approval for my actions. “OH, FUCK YES!” He cried. “EAT THAT ASS!  FUCK CHURCH!  EAT IT!  SUCK ON THAT HOLE!”

Shawn’s shouts drove me wild.  His emotions had become wild, animal as I overwhelmed him with pleasure.  I wanted him so badly.  His scent and his flavor, they filled my senses and made me feel needy and nasty and sexy.  I was so hot for his body, I felt like I’d burst into flames.

Shawn was as hot as I was.  His lust was consuming.  He wanted more.  I wanted to give him more.  He demanded it of me. “FUCK ME NOW!” He roared.

I reached for my steel hard cock and found that it was still trapped inside my pants.  I realized with enormous frustration that I’d never taken my clothes off.  I ripped my pants open, fished my cock out of my briefs, and thrust it inside Shawn’s waiting ass.  We both cried out as I bottomed out inside him.

I fucked him hard and fast.  I fucked him for all I was worth.  I held his hips and pounded against him as hard as I could.  He jerked his cock while I fucked him.  I thought about giving him a reach around, but that would have required me to slow my pounding and I didn’t want to do that.  I couldn’t have done that.

I fucked him as hard as I could until my orgasm took me.  It exploded from my body like a volcanic eruption.  I held myself balls-deep in Shawn and loaded his ass.  I felt like I blasted everything I had inside him when I came.

I finished and fell back away from him as I didn’t want to collapse on top of him.  I laid on the bed, gasping and shaking with aftershocks.  Shawn scrambled around, frantically pumping his cock as he approached.  He pointed his cock at my face. “Open your mouth!” He commanded.

I opened up just in time for him to flood my mouth with strand after hot strand of thick, rich, creamy cum.  Shawn finished shooting and squeezed the last drop of cum out of his cock and into my waiting mouth.  He’d shot so much, I couldn’t close my lips around the load without it overflowing.  I left my mouth open and let my tongue play in the savory cream.  I rolled his load across my tongue and waited to see if he planned to kiss me to share it.  He collapsed on the bed next to me to catch his breath, so I swallowed it down.

Shawn settled next to me and pulled my arm around his body.  “That was intense.” He said as he rested his head on my bicep.

“Yeah.” I agreed.

“What do you mean, ‘yeah?’” Shawn asked incredulously. “You did that.  I didn’t know you could fuck like that.  You just took me.  You were on fire.”

“I felt how badly you wanted it.” I explained. “I felt you give yourself to me, so I accepted your gift.”

Shawn rolled into me and propped himself up on his elbow. “I did, didn’t I?  I admit, when I suggested we use our emotional link to guide us, I expected we’d make love, not fuck like rutting animals.  You used the emotions to guide you.  I didn’t realize that I wanted it like that.  You were really good.”

Joy swelled in my chest at Shawn’s compliment.  No one had ever complimented my sexual performance, mainly because I’d had so little sex in my life.  Shawn interrupted my musing with a passionate kiss.  When he pulled away, he stuck his tongue out at me and grinned. “I forgot I fed you my load.  I hope you didn’t mind.”

I ran my tongue around my mouth and over my lips to taste the traces of his cum and the fresh saltiness of his kiss. “I didn’t mind at all.  Do that anytime.”

“Really?” He asked. “Would you prefer I cum in your mouth?  Would you rather taste it than have it in your butt?”

I thought about that for a second.  He’d shot his load in both places, and I’d enjoyed it in both places.  A very vulgar saying from the construction site leapt into my head and almost tumbled out of my mouth.  The saying was, ‘better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it.’  The saying was about the expulsion of gas and wasn’t entirely appropriate to what Shawn had asked, but its principle applied.  I decided I’d rather have Shawn’s first load in my mouth if possible.  I figured the first one would be the best one.  The rest he could put wherever he liked.

I told Shawn my preference and kept my vulgarity to myself.  Shawn didn’t seem like the vulgar sort.  As I had that thought, I realized the exception to that rule. ‘Except when we’re having sex.’ I reminded myself. ‘He only seems to swear and shout when we’re fucking.  Any other time he’s as proper as his perfect posture.  The same guy that had demanded I ‘suck his hole’ had just used the word ‘butt’ instead of ‘ass,’ to ask me where I wanted his cum.  Interesting.’

Shawn ran a curious hand along his body and asked a question that took my attention from my internal musings. “Was I…did I…I hope I wasn’t ripe.  I just remembered that I didn’t take much of a shower after climbing.  We were trying to hurry so I only kind of rinsed off.  You kept licking me.  You licked me all over.  Was it OK?”

I was tempted to admit to Shawn how much I enjoyed it when he was a little sweaty.  I was tempted, by the openness of the moment, to admit how much I enjoyed his musky scent and salty sweet flavor, but I didn’t.  I didn’t want him to think I was weird.  Instead, I told a small lie that I hoped he wouldn’t notice. “You were fine.” I said as a partial truth and partial lie of omission.

“I’m glad.” Shawn moved his curious hand onto the center of my chest and let it rest there. “You want to go again?”

“Yes, please.”

“Maybe we’ll remember to take your clothes off this time.” Shawn teased.

“You lead the way this time.” I suggested.

Shawn agreed by kissing me again.

What happened over the next few hours was a mind-blowing lesson in sensuality.  Shawn set the pace as we teased and touched and kissed and tasted and caressed each other.  I read him and he read me as we initiated and responded turn by turn.  We rode the undulating waves of mutual linked pleasure, need, lust, and desire to one shared and shattering climax and then another.

Shawn collapsed on my back after the second climax, gasping and sweating.  He kissed the back of my neck, and the side of my face.  “How was that?” He panted.

An aftershock went through me and shook us both.  “I think I saw the face of God.” I said into the mattress.

I felt that my comment pleased Shawn.  He rolled off me onto the bed and settled to catch his breath.  I rolled onto my side so my eyes could feast on Shawn’s glistening perfection.  I drank him in as he lay flat, his hands resting on the lower half of his ribcage, one leg extended straight out while the other one, farthest from me, was bent, the knee several inches above its twin.

Shawn shut his eyes and hummed.  “Mmmmmmm…that feels good.”

“What does?”

“The way you feel when you let yourself enjoy me.”

“What does it feel like?”

He explained to the ceiling.  “Appreciative, happy, relaxed but a little excited, and a hint of hunger.”

“That sounds about right.” I agreed with his description of my emotions.

Shawn shifted around until he was propped on his elbow, facing me.  “You are falling for me, aren’t you?”

I rolled away from him to lay on my back.  “Fuck, Shawn.” I complained, angry that he ruined the moment. “I WAS enjoying myself.”

Shawn laid a hand in the center of my chest.  “What’s wrong?  It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!” I insisted and heaved myself out of bed.

Shawn sat up, confused and concerned.  The sweet spell of the afterglow had been shattered by my anger.  “What’s the matter?” He asked. “Why is it not fine?”

“Why doesn’t he get this?” I asked myself aloud as I rounded on him. “Why don’t you get this?” I asked him. “It’s not OK for me to love you.  Jesus, look at me.  LOOK AT ME!” I pounded my chest with fists full of hate.  “I’m a fat, broken, miserable drunk who’s twice your age.  How can you say it’s fine?  What’s that, a FUCKING JOKE?  It’s cruel, Shawn.  I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing here with you.  GODDAMNIT, I WANT THIS BUT IT’S WRONG!”  I buried my face in my palms and wished I could die.

I heard sounds of the sheets scraping as Shawn scooted around the bed.  He reached out to me with a sweet, gentle, persuading voice.  “Church, would you look at me please?”

I uncovered my face and looked up cautiously.  Shawn was sitting at the foot of the bed.  He felt bad, but he felt that way for me.  The emotion wasn’t pity, he felt bad that I felt bad.  “I want you to listen to me very carefully.  There are a few things you haven’t considered.  The first is, you are nineteen years older than me on a world where people live to be three-hundred.”

Shawn did some math, half of it in his head and the other half on his fingers. “To put that in Earth terms, proportioned to an eighty-year Earth life span, we’re really only five years apart.”

Shawn felt he’d made a big point with his math, but then lost his way with whatever else he was planning to say.  He raised his hands in a helpless gesture and let them drop. “The other three things you listed are really only one thing.  You hate yourself.  From what I’ve seen in your memories, you always have.  I know what that’s like.  You can’t fix it alone, and I can’t fix it for you, but together, maybe we can.”

He got up, crossed to where I was standing, and stood well inside my personal space.  He was close enough that I felt the heat of his body and smelled the sex on him.  “I want you to think about why you’re punishing yourself for things you can’t help and can’t change.  I want you to think about letting go of your shame and letting me in.”

Shawn took both of my hands in his.  “I have something I want to talk to you about, but I won’t do it until you’ve had some time to think.  We can talk about it when we get back from The HALL tomorrow.”

He pushed himself up on his toes and kissed me on the lips, mouth closed.  He lowered his heels to the floor again and his manner changed, the honey disappeared from his voice.  “It’s getting late.  You’ll need to clean up and get downstairs soon.  I’ll eat up here tonight.”

His rejection stung me like an openhanded slap to the face.  Shawn felt the sting that I felt and rushed to tell me I’d misunderstood.  “I want to give you some space to think about what I said.  You’re still welcome in my bed tonight.”

He gathered his pants from where I’d tossed them and his shirt from my wardrobe closet.  He paused with a second thought on his way out the door. “You’re not just welcome, I want you there.  I like waking up with you.”

He left and I was alone.

*          *          *          *

A short time later, Beni greeted me at the bar.  “Alone tonight, sir?” He asked as I approached what was becoming my regular spot for dinner.

“Yes.” I admitted and almost choked on the word.

“Yes, sir.” Beni said and went rapidly away.  He hurried back with a neat, straight double which he set in front of me.  I stared at it.  I talked to the drink while I confirmed that I wanted the porterhouse again.  Beni went away to put the order in and returned a very short time later with another double and a glass of ice water.

I had the first glass in my hand and was still staring at the untasted amber.  Beni did the best he could to set the second drink behind the bar without calling attention to it.  “Are you quite well, sir?” He asked as he set the ice water down on the bar.

“No, I’m not.” I said to the whiskey.  I put the drink on the bar but didn’t take my eyes off it. “He showed me the trap I’ve been living in and offered to open the cage door.” I explained. “I’m trying to figure out if I want to let him.”

Beni’s hands appeared on the bar at the edge of my vision.  “That young man seems to have great wisdom for so few years.”

“Yes, he does.” I agreed

“Sir.” Beni said and waited for me to look at him. “The right decision is an obvious one, but not an easy one.  If you choose the path he has offered to you, it will be most difficult one you have ever traveled.  It will hurt.  Old wounds, long covered by thick scars, will yawn and bleed.  Memories you thought you buried will rise up and terrorize you afresh.  That is the only way to release the poison.  You must bleed, and hurt, and feel everything you’ve so far refused to feel.”

Beni laid out the horrors with the zeal of a man advertising a haunted house at Halloween.  I half-expected him to quote the Bible verses about ‘the tempest and the thunder.’  Beni paused to look at his hands.  “Sir…” he raised his eyes to me, “Sir, the path doesn’t end, but it gets smoother, and straighter.  The wounds heal, and the memories fade.  Sir, if he is willing to go with you, even part of the way; if he has offered his hand, take it.  It’s not a path anyone can walk alone.”

“That’s roughly what he said.” I admitted with a sigh.

Beni nodded his grave face and the fingers of his right hand touched the knot of his tie.  “I wish I knew at his age, what he knows.  Sir, if for no other reason than the people who selflessly reach out to those of us who struggle…those people are so terribly rare…take his hand.  It may be the only one ever offered you.”

I turned the whiskey glass on the bar and thought about Beni’s words.  “Thanks, Beni.” I said after a long minute. “That advice you didn’t give me is the best I’ve ever gotten.”

“Yes, sir.” He replied quietly.  His normal manner returned and he became more animated. “I’m sorry, sir.  Your chili must be getting cold.” He said and went away.

In his absence, I had a short battle of wills with the whiskey, but the whiskey won…like it always won.