Conceived without sin

Sitting with semen in my ass

It was a strange situation, but a week later I was sitting again on my confessional with my ass full of semen. It was as punishment for my lust. What had made me have semen in my ass?

I hadn’t seen Brother Lorenzo for a week, though he’d come to confess with me every day, and every day he told me the same sin. He thought he was doing something wrong but couldn’t control himself and had to masturbate every day envisioning my ass. I was uncomfortable, but the truth is I was not angry at him, but at myself.

So for a week I had tried to avoid meeting him. Formerly I used to sit beside him in the refectory but these past seven days, I chose a different chair, as far from him as possible.

That day I was in the library, again not a forbidden place as in Eco’s novel. The place was comfortable and well illuminated by a big and beautiful stained glass window with a biblical scene: Christ multiplying loaves and fishes. I was quietly reading the Scriptures: the Ecclesiastes, when I saw Brother Lorenzo coming in and he sat on a chair next to me.

-Hello, father –he told me-. I’ll leave you now if you want. But I think you don’t want my company anymore and are angry. Of course I can understand that. A pity for I think before I confessed my sins to you, we used to be friends.

-You can stay with me, brother. You know what I think of your sin but I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself, that’s all. I was reading the Ecclesiastes. Brother, forgive me: can I ask you whether you believe in God?

-Not in the God of the Old Testament, Father Gunther. That God is always punishing humanity, that’s all he does; he has no mercy. And let me add that if hell exists, that would be a proof that God does not exist. You just have to look at the universe, at all the beautiful things there are in creation. He cannot take the trouble to create such a harmonious world and later destroy his children. I believe in Jesus Christ, father. And I believe in the life and lessons of St. Francis of Assisi; his life was exemplary, all he said or did. I believe God exists, but He’s love and let’s say I believe in half of the Bible. Just a question, father, if you don’t mind: do you think Herod was a son of a bitch?

-Of course he was. He killed a lot of innocent infants for fear that they usurped his throne. I hope you share this opinion, Brother Lorenzo.

-Of course I do, father. But can’t you see that this very atrocity was committed by God Himself? It was the slaughter of the first born of Egypt, father. He punished the children for the sins of their parents. That’s the god I cannot believe in. No wonder some people think of us that we are whitened sepulchers, the same cruelty we scorn in Herod, we praise in God, and we teach it as a moral.

-I tell you again that I wish I had your simple faith, Brother Lorenzo. I also believe that God is love and now you make me doubt that he did that.

-How do you imagine hell, father?

-Not sure, brother, but be careful: in your case it could be decorated with men’s asses.

-They’ve always told us that hell is a horrible place, father. Hell, or at least the part of hell I could be sent to, cannot have men’s asses for in the midst of that eternal torture I could have some relief looking at gorgeous asses. And how do you imagine heaven?

-It’s impossible for human beings to imagine such splendor, brother. But I sometimes imagine it very similar to the place we are now: a wonderful landscape with at least one river, everything green and a lot of water.

-Well, I imagine heaven as a main square, but there’s also a lot of water, fountains everywhere.

-Brother Lorenzo, you’re a novice and that’s why I cannot confess my sins to you.

-I cannot give you absolution, father, but you could tell me as a friend, if I still could aspire to being your friend.

-Well, brother, I have thought of going to a nearby village, to a church, and confess my sin, but it scares me what they might tell me, so I haven’t. But it could be good for me at least to tell you, cause you sin with me and I must confess I sin with you.

-You wank over me, father? Sorry, do you masturbate thinking about me?

-Not directly. I haven’t masturbated thinking about you as a man. Well, I’d better tell you. But first I must confess that I’ve never had sex, not even before being a monk. And I have only masturbated once in my life, well, before last week, I mean.

-You can tell me, father.

-I was 14 then and I liked a baker around the corner, a girl, for you might be wondering. As a monk I should not like boys of course, that’s a mortal sin, but I shouldn’t lust for girls either. But then I was not a monk. Well, the fact is I had a great need to try masturbation once in my life and I must admit that as I was doing it, I was enjoying. But when I ejaculated, reality struck me then. I was really angry at myself for I already desired to be a priest and I remembered that saying: if a part of your body makes you sin…

-What did you do, father? You have a dick, don’t you?

-I do have a penis, but I thought I had to punish it for what I had done. So I got my belt and ruthlessly whipped my penis as many as fifty times.

-Shit, father, that must hurt.

-It hurt, but I was really angry, but later my penis hurt strongly for a couple of weeks and I thought I shouldn’t do it again or I could end up in hospital and it would really be so embarrassing to explain the doctors why I’d entered. So that was also a lesson for me to soften my beliefs. I promised myself I would never masturbate again, but if I ever did, I wouldn’t be so strict. And what happened to me the other day…

-Tell me, father, I cannot give you absolution but God is hearing you and He can forgive your sins.

-When you were confessing me your sins, I got an erection. Oh I know I shouldn’t be hard at a monk’s confession and of course there’s the secret of confession and nobody will ever know this, but what happened to me is that since I’ve never had sex, I never knew whether I was attractive. It’s vanity, I know but you were praising me, but only praising my ass. Although this week, you’ve come for confession every day and you’ve even told me I’m handsome and even sexy. Well, that very first night in my cell, I knew I could have the same problem you told me you could have: I could cream my habit unless I did it: masturbate I mean. So for the second time in my life, I had to do it, knowing well I would not punish my penis later, it should be God who decided whether to punish me or not, but I could not think of anything different. So I did it, but it was not exactly masturbation thinking about a boy, brother. I was only thinking that I was attractive enough for somebody to masturbate thinking about me, so I was masturbating thinking you were masturbating over me. And every day after that very first day, I had to do it. I vaguely thought about your penis, but since this is somehow a confession, I will tell you that I’ve even masturbated trying to envision your penis, now you know, Brother Lorenzo, and well, even trying to imagine your ass. There you are, brother, that’s all my mortal sin this week. But I feel better now that somehow I’ve confessed my sins.

-Well, father, since we’re having this conversation and I was thinking I should go to the confessional and tell you, I could tell you now. I got a new fantasy, but maybe you don’t want to hear me. It’s again with your ass.

-The conversation we’re having, brother, is already a sin, but we’re sinners and I’d rather you told me. You have already sodomized me, haven’t you?

-No, father, I haven’t. I don’t wanna do that out of respect for you. No, it’s a different fantasy. It is this: you let me enter your cell and remove your habit and allow me to wank looking at your ass and even touching it. You even allow me more, father, and even if I’m blushing I will tell you. When I finally tell you that I am gonna cum, sorry I mean ejaculate, you open your ass cheeks and let me ejaculate inside your cool ass.

-I’m sure the conversation we’re having, Brother Lorenzo, is sinful, but I cannot help but having a big erection at what you’ve just told me. And I know well that tonight in my cell, I will masturbate over that image and even imagining it’s me who masturbates looking at your ass, touching it and ejaculating inside.

-Father Gunther, forgive me for saying this, but why don’t we do it?

-The problem is that I’m a sinner and I can see myself doing it. Look, brother, I will probably go to hell, but I can go to hell simply for what I have done so far and may God forgive me, but I cannot die without having first lived this sinful experience. So if you want, you could knock on the door of my cell, after compline, we must be very discreet, and I will let you in, remove my habit and let you do exactly what you’ve told me you’ve fantasized. But I must do exactly the same later.

-So we can leave this conversation here, father. I’ll go to your cell after compline and hope we do all we’ve talked.

-We are sinners, Brother Lorenzo, and we are starting a dangerous road that will take us straight to hell, but I cannot help it. At least my sin won’t be becoming a liar. I’ve told you we’ll do it tonight and we will. See you tonight then, Brother Lorenzo.

And we separated in that moment. We had reached an agreement to sin tonight and I saw in his face that Brother Lorenzo’s determination was as strong as mine.

In the vespers mass, I had such a strong erection that I was all the time with my hands on my lap trying to hide it from the other monks. Hours passed slowly but it was finally compline mass.

I wasn’t paying attention to the sermon and fortunately cause the monk was talking about hell. All I knew is that we are sinners and not only we sin but always have the desire to sin and that was what was happening to me. The mass ended and my heart about to burst, I ran to my cell and nervously awaited Brother Lorenzo to come.

But a quarter of an hour after I had reached my cell, I finally heard a soft knock on my cell door. Here Brother Lorenzo was.

-Hi, father –he greeted me.

-Hush, brother, we’d better talk in whispers or we could be heard. I’ll lock the door. If somebody knocked, you could hide under the bed.

-Good, father.

-Brother, we’re gonna do now what i told you we would do, but I cannot suffer one thing. We are gonna do something sinful, maybe beautiful, but I cannot do it if we call each other father and brother. So we’d better call each other only Lorenzo and Gunther.

-Gunther, you’re an extraordinary man. Hope you are calm and enjoy all of this –he told me now in whispers.

-Just in case somebody interrupted us, I’m not gonna remove my habit. I’m wearing no shorts. I’ll just pull it up. I’ll be leaning on the bed showing you my ass, Lorenzo.

Immediately I did what I had told him and pulled up my habit. My full ass was exposed to Lorenzo then.

-Now that you can see it again, do you like it, Lorenzo?

-A whole week wanting to see that beauty one more time. The human being is just an insignicant atom in the universo and an ass is just a particle inside a particle but every atom embellishes the beauty of the universe.

-Are you already masturbating, Lorenzo?

-I am, Gunther. Hope you consider what I am doing just a tribute to beauty, a tribute to your beauty. What do you think now?

-I’ll probably regard it as sin and only sin in a short while, but now I only see it as an exquisite act of friendship, allowing a friend to homage what he considers beautiful. And again it’s vanity of vanities but I am finding myself beautiful.

-You are beautiful, Gunther –and as he was saying that, I felt him coming closer and silently started to touch my ass.

-There are beauties in the universe that cannot be touched, but this wonder of creation, your cool ass, Gunther, can be touched. Are you uncomfortable? Would you let me go on?

-I’m not uncomfortable, Lorenzo. Whatever i think of this act later, now it’s only something beautiful. I should have somebody touching me one day, and you’re giving me fire with the way you’re moving your hands up and down, but they’re not the flames of hell, they’re the flames of pleasure. And I can hear the motions of your penis.

-I’m so close now, Gunther, could you open your ass cheeks, please?

-Right now –and just two seconds later, I noticed a real fountain watering the interior of my virgin ass, a humidity of beauty, I didn’t want to see it as sin, not yet. What we’d just done was sweet, very sweet, two boys giving fun to each other and hurting no one.

-So now I will also do it, your turn, Lorenzo.

Quickly he reached my bed, leaned on it and as I had done, he also pulled up his habit and then pulled down his briefs. And then I saw it! I could be a year trying to find the words to describe perfection and I could never find them. The ass I could behold now was the most sublime thing I’d ever seen in my life. I know a priest should not say these words, but in the contemplation of Lorenzo’s ass, I felt closer to God. I felt like praying: oh greatest father of us all, you who have created the harmony of the cosmos, you love your creatures and only want them to one day find the point of utter beauty, their place in life. I think I was talking loudly for Lorenzo talked to me.

-That’s how you should always regard what we’re doing, Gunther, a gift that God is allowing us. Far from punishing us, He must be really happy at what He must be seeing.

With all this dialogue I had already approached him and was sensously groping his bum, in a way that it seemed it was the first time my hands were touching something. In life we touch many things, but I would like to touch no other thing after now than Lorenzo’s ass. I also told him: now I also have to water your crack, my dear Lorenzo.

And then my penis burst inside Lorenzo as new big bang and I wondered whether new galaxies would not shape inside Lorenzo’s ass.

After we had both done what we had said we would do, he approached me and simply kissed my mouth.

-I had to kiss you, Gunther.

-It’s a perfect ending for tonight, Lorenzo. Now we’d better separate.

Then Brother Lorenzo left my cell. Once alone, I first thought in the afterglow of such a wonderful orgasm, that what we’d done was beautiful and sweet, like an act of sanctifying something, two atoms in the universo which had just crushed and exploded and created beauty. It was hard for me to sleep that night. I knew I should repent and start seeing as mortal sin what I’d just done but I simply couldn’t regard as sin something that beautiful.

Nevertheless I never wanted to wipe Lorenzo’s semen from my ass, and the next morning, I went to the confesional and first heard a couple of monks and his semen was all the time inside me as a memento, as a sign of sin or a sign of magic, all those things. I was all morning hoping Brother Lorenzo would come.

Freedom can move your life and it can be seen even in the hardest conditions, together with love and friendship, happiness and beauty. Have a look at the life of eight beggars who live together at: https://luces-delatierra.blogspot.com/ or in English at: https://lightsoftheearth.blogspot.com/