“I think I might have missed too much of class to go back,” he confessed when his sister came to visit.
She had come to Rossford, not only to be near him, but because she had met Fenn’s nephew and niece, and the latter had become her best friend while the former would be her husband. When Paul had enrolled in college, Claire had gone with him, and she said, “I got your assignments, and I bet if you talk to your teachers you can work out something.”
“I couldn’t do it,” Paul said. “I just couldn’t do it.”
He finished out that semester with the help of his sister and his friends. The first part of the year he had come in with the confidence of a porn star, but the last part of it he had… well,,,, the confidence of a porn star. He didn’t always wash clothes. He didn’t always shave. He rarely looked in the mirror. He had to grind out the last of that year. He didn’t even see that much of Kirk. Oddly enough, he thought about sex a lot. Sex was the upper, the thing that took him away from his despair. He didn’t chase it like he used to. He was with Kirk now, and honestly too tired to cheat. He moved in with Kirk at the end of the year because it was just too depressing to live as the third wheel to Noah and his boyfriend. It was harder to come back to himself now because all the props were gone. In his first year with Kirk, as he approached thirty, he stood in the mirror and looked at the beard he’d grown.
Was I ever happy? He felt like the clean shaven, muscled Johnny Mellow must have been happy. He sure looked happy. Or he was too high, too drunk, too busy to care? Sex was a highlight. It was the biggest high in a day. He felt like a god for a day after fucking some strange kid, and that was over now too. The sex he had with Kirk was too different, in some ways it was too real.
In those days he found himself watching a lot of porn, and he was surprised because now he was the people he had been making movies for. He found himself trolling through Craigslist ads.
Casino 4 winds (New buffalo) pic [x]
Aug 8 any one real to hook up with 55 (south bend) pic [x]
Aug 8 curious and discreet first timer 46 (southbend) [x]
Aug 8 Servicing You 34 (South Bend) [x]
Aug 8 Mature for yng wrestle/role play 60 (Michigan City) [x]
Aug 8 amistad para empesar (sbn) [x]
Aug 8 bottom seeking DADDY 18 (Sb/mish/Elk) [x]
Aug 8 chubby vers married guy wanting a ltr. wife knows (elkhart) pic [x]
Aug 8 Wife Does not suck Cock? I Do....... 48 (S B) [x]
The first few nights he talked about how disgusted he was and even tried to laugh at the ads, but he wasn’t telling anyone about those ads or his late night cruising through them. He opened them up and read things like:
Eating ass and sucking dicks - m4m (South Bend,Mish,Niles)
height : 5'11" (180cm) ethnicity : blackhiv/hsv/hpv : No stds
age: 28
Looking for a host that wants his ass ate and licked and dick sucked...Be clean ,masculine,no stds....you host or car play, I come by pull your pants to your ankles and we mess around.........all races and ages ....Let me know....send pic for faster response....free now
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 5152644591
Or he would read:
Ongoing thing (south bend)
body : fit height : 5'9" (175cm)status : married drinks : sometimesdrugs : never
age: 32
I know this is a long shot but here goes because I am looking for a younger guy (18-35), under six feet tall, able to host, has a job, clean, DDF, for a FWB. I am a married 32 y/o male who is looking to explore my bi-curious side. No experience with a guy at all. This must be kept 100% discreet. I am in good shape and enjoy exercising nearly every day of the week depending on my schedule. I would like someone who is fun, patient, and willing to top and bottom. I want this to be an ongoing thing so I will be looking as long as this post is up but once I find the right person that's it because i am not looking to catch something nssty. I am really into the smooth twink type figures but this is not a requirement if we connect. I am discreet and will never share/tell anybody about our encounter as I am married and want to keep it that way so another married guy may work out well but not a must. I appreciate serious inquiries only so please send a pic (face pic if you want my face pic in return), stats, and a little about yourself to get the ball rolling. Please be willing to exchange a few emails to get to know each other before we arrange to meet. A bit older but in good shape will be considered.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 5147583906
posted: 10 days ago
updated: a day ago
Now, there was real detail! And he opened up a subscription to the sex and dating sites that had served him so well in California. Late night, when Kirk was asleep and he’d gone through a long day of education, feeling too old and too stupid to finish, surfing Adam4Adam made him feel better.
And then, at last, he found himself meeting someone, going to their apartment and being blown in their elevator as they traveled up to his apartment. The guy said he wanted to be fucked in a kinky way and brought Paul to am empty hallway where a stairway went up to the roof and one to the floors below.
“No one will come. I promise, and that apartment’s empty.” he said.
So Paul fucked him on the floor, in front of 517 and when he came he had to stop himself from shouting. It was the most alive he’d felt in a long time. He had never tried heroin, but he’d heard about the rush and the come down, and by the time he had come home he felt twice as bad as he had. He was a complete failure and on top of everything, an out of control cheat who had fucked, without protection, a random man on the floor of a semi vacant apartment building. He was a loose cog. He couldn’t go on like this. The next day he told Kirk.
“Let’s get married. For real. And let’s make kids.”
Over vacation they drove to Iowa, the nearest state where gay marriage was legal at the time. They had already found a nice college student who wanted to join Peace Corp, Nicole, and a year later she gave birth to Bennett and Elias and then went on about her business. The night they were born, Paul held the dark haired Elias in his arms while Kirk held the freckled and red headed Bennett. Claire and the other Andersons were present, but looking at the dark haired baby they had already named Elias, Paul said, “Why do I feel like this one is more mine than the other?” He bounced Elias up and down and the dark haired baby looked at him seriously.
“Why do I feel so protective of you?”
“Because he looks like me,” Kirk said.
And that was right, because Paul loved Kirk with all his heart, and he loved his boys and his family, the family he’d never dreamed possible. But all the love in the world didn’t stop the depression when it came like a storm, and it didn’t stopped the spurts of secret sex in the dark. Sometimes, sitting across from Kirk, he thought he could tell him the truth, but he didn’t dare. Once, when Fenn was watching the kids and asked Paul if he was alright, he thought of telling his best friend.
“You know,” Fenn said, “You can tell me anything.”
“I know!” Paul forced a chuckle and a smile.
But part of me must not have known… Because I didn’t.
