The next day when Will came to the door she didn’t say she had to go to class, though she had just dressed and she was on her way to biology. She thought she’d said goodbye to him last night, and she had smiled thinking about him and then, in the middle of the night, awakened with a dull ache because he was gone.
“You’re here!”
“Can I come in?”
“Yes.”
She opened the door for him.
“You live alone?” Will looked around the room. “Of course you live alone.”
“I need my space.”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Will, I’m not single.”
“You’re not married. You’re not engaged. Of course you’re single. Just let me kiss you.”
She didn’t say anything, so he stooped to kiss her, to take her face in his hands, shutting the door behind him. His mouth tasted like spearmint. It was late fall and just starting to get cold, and his jacket smelled of it. They went to the bed and she gave way, she wrapped her arms around him, and then she placed her hands in his hair. They pressed themselves close together and parted now and again, Will pulled off his jacket and Layla pulled him across her, running her hands over his shirt.
“Layla,” his voice was a little moan like a wail, “I gotta go.”
“I know,” her voice sounded like a whimper, but she wasn’t embarrassed. “You should—”
“I want to make love to you. Don’t think I’m horrible. I want to be inside of you.”
“I…”
“He doesn’t have to know,” Will said, shaking his head, his face in her shoulders. “I’ll be gone in more than an hour.”
They lay side by side.
“It should have happened a long time ago,” Will told her, placing the back of his hand against her cheek.
She kissed him and placed her face in the crook of his neck. She felt like if she didn’t say yes, then it was okay. If she just quietly undressed him and undressed herself it would be okay.
“I don’t have a con—”
She put a finger to her lips and shook her head.
She was sure it took the whole of the hour it was supposed to take. She had never even seen Will shirtless until then. In her bed, looking up at the ceiling when she looked at all, she clung to him, her thighs held him in. Her hands that had taken the shirt off his back attempted to take in the entire scape of his back, of his shoulders, of his dark hair, savor his mouth on hers, on her shoulders, the way he moved inside of her, his dear, dear, tender ass, those thighs.
“I’m going to come,” he warned her, but she pulled him deeper in.
“I’m going to…”
She pulled him inside of her while he struggled, while his body buckled. Her hands were frantic up and down his back, on the black hair of his buttocks, in the orgasm that overtook her. They clung together for a while before Layla told him, “You’ll miss your train.”
It was not that she wanted to get pregnant, but for the next few days there was the nervous possibility of it. He was Will, and nothing bad could happen with Will. However, at the usual time—a blessing was that she was like clockwork—while she was in the bathroom her period came. She ought to have been overjoyed, and in a way she was, but all that night she cried, and was glad she lived alone and had to explain this to no one.
She woke him in the middle of the night, thinking to herself why should they be sad over things they could not change and people they could not help? She had done plenty of weeping in her life. She knew the love of her life. He was right here. All those years ago they wrote letters and talked on the phone, and all that month after the first time they’d slept together, she knew Will wondered if anything had come of it. One day she had casually brought up her period, and then their conversations had dwindled. Hadn’t it? Or was she only imagining that? Had she offended? It was twenty years ago almost. Ah, but she had not been honest with him, They had been honest for one day and then they had parted. Dena and Milo had married when they were twenty-one, their junior year, and all of their friends had been there. Kenny and Brendan had been on the verge of their first break up, and Claire had made some stupid speech about how if they broke up she wouldn’t believe in love anymore. And so Kenny and Bren had stayed together another year. Layla wondered if they did not just stay together from mere boredom. But at that wedding she had taken Will to bed again, and they still wouldn’t have the sense to come together for another four years. What time they had wasted. Or had they? Will said no. She wondered.
Her life with Will had never taken off, and so she settled into her life with Kevin, but Will came to break that up and upset her at the altar. In those days before Christmas she could not admit what she always knew years later, that she had been hoping he would come to her rescue. Rescue from Kevin? No, he was just Kevin, but from that foolishness inside her, from the Layla who had ceased to believe in herself and was moving in any and all directions.
It was Dena who talked her into finding Will and one day, with her best friend, she had gone to his parents’ home and thumped on the door. She heard his friends. Brendan was on the other side of that door.
As he opened the door, he said, “But it’s Layla and Dena.”
Layla touched Bren on his cheek, and then walked ahead of him, down the steps and entered the apartment.
“Hello, Kenneth. Where’s Will.”
From the kitchen Will’s voice cried, “Is someone looking for me?”
He came out, wiping his hands on his pants.
“Layla?”
“We need to talk,” she said, simply.
“I agree. Would you like a sandwich?”
“We’ve got ham and chicken salad—” Brendan began.
“No,” Layla said.
“Uh… Well,” Will looked around the room. “You wanna take a drive or…”
“Yes,” Layla said. “Let’s go.”
“Well, then we’re off.”
Will went for his coat and he said, “Guys, we’ll be back later. We’re gonna talk things out.”
“So, you’re staying?” Layla said as they sat by the fountain, across from the Abercrombie and Fitch.
“Yes. I don’t want to go anywhere else.”
“You’re going to be this constant presence in my life?”
“Yes, just like herpes.”
Layla looked at him.
“Well, that’s the way you sounded.”
“No,” Layla said. “I’m glad to have you around. Its just you’ve really fucked up my life. And Kevin’s mother came by the house and called three and four types of bitches.
“And you took it?”
“Under the circumstances I felt sort of obliged to.”
Will nodded and Layla reflected.
“I never really liked Kevin that much, now that I think about it. And I would be his wife if you hadn’t ruined things.”
Suddenly a small train commanded by a bored teenager and carrying small, equally bored toddlers came rolling by with an electronic choo choo, and as it passed, Layla said, “Now that is damned annoying.”
“Not as annoying as the smell from that Abercrombie.”
“I know. That’s the strongest cologne in the world and… could I just say the black and white poster of the shirtless white dude… Not my type at all.”
“I hope not,” Will said, smiling.
“No,” Layla looked at him. “I can’t see you taking your shirt off and doing a smoldering pose.”
“That’s more a Brendan thing.”
“You think so? I can’t see him… Well, that poster does look like Bren. Bren’s actually kind of hot, isn’t he?”
“He’s good looking,” Will conceded.
“I never really thought of him that way until now.”
“If you told him that it would be like the ultimate Christmas gift.”
“And a cheap one,” Layla agreed.
“We split up for a stupid reason.”
“It wasn’t stupid then,” Layla said. “But… almost eight years later, it is stupid. I agree.”
Will chuckled.
“What?”
“You were always so… stoical,” said Will. “There’s a lot of your uncle in you.”
“I prefer to think there’s a lot of me in him,” said Layla.
And then she touched Will’s hand.
“Will?”
“Hum?”
“Take me somewhere? The mall’s getting old and I’m tired, and that two times life size Brendan staring down at me with the frosted hair is sort of fucking my shit up. Take me somewhere.”
Standing up, Will took her hand, squeezed it, and as she rose he said, “Follow me.”
She was used to Will taking charge, and he hadn’t. He had let her do anything. Now she followed him. They left the mall and went to the car.
“Let’s get a hotel.”
“Will!”
“We can’t go to your house, and we can’t go to mine,” Will said. He had put the key in the ignition and the car was rumbling to life in early winter. “I want to spend the night with you.”
She turned from him and he said, “We have to stop coming together here again, there again.”
“William,” Layla said, still not looking at him, “If I go with you. If we do this, we’re together.”
“We were always together,” he said.
He didn’t wait for her. He just pulled out of the space and they drove to the hotel. He paid for their room and Layla didn’t pay attention to the woman talking about the continental breakfast. Will took her by the hand. They went to the third floor.
Again she was sure it took the whole of the hour it was supposed to take. In the bed, looking up at the ceiling when she looked at all, she clung to him, her thighs held him in. Her hands attempted to take in the entire scape of his back, his shoulders, of his dark hair, savor his mouth on hers, on her shoulders, the way he moved inside of her, his dear, dear, tender ass, those thighs.
“I’m going to come,” he warned her, but she pulled him deeper in.
“I’m going to…”
They clung together, their bodies tensing as Will thrust and thrust, emptying himself into her, his mouth, open, his eyes closed to the light that dazzled them purple, blue, and red stars through his lids.
“That was…”
“Yes, it was.”
The faint sound of the traffic from the strip came through the beige curtains.
“I completely wasn’t… It was.”
“We don’t have to talk.”
She had always wondered about this hotel, or one of the many hotels on the strip between town and the suburbs where out of town people stayed. So this was what it was like, nothing like the sleazy hotels on Meridian. She could get used to this.
“No… We don’t have to talk,” he agreed. “We don’t. But… It was.”
She confessed: “It was unbelievable.”
Silence.
He cleared his throat.
“Are you sorry that it happened?” he murmured.
On the other side of the bed, Layla Lawden sat up, looked down at his chest and touching it, said, “Will, I can’t be sorry. I’m not even surprised. It should have happened, we should have never split up. We’ve wasted so much time.”
“Don’t say that,” Will said. “If the other years never happened, we might resent each other. We might hate each other. I believe everything happens the way it should,”
Layla touched his hair and turned from him.
“I can’t have children,” she said. “I went to the doctor last year. I’ll probably never have children. I never told Kevin. It’s so much I never told him. But I’m telling you.”
Will turned on his side and pulled Layla into his arms.
“As long as you can have me, that’s what matters. Will you have me, Lay?”
“Yes, Will,” she said. “I will.”
Brendan came into the dark room where Sheridan was sleeping, and he could feel Sheridan’s breathing all through the room. He slipped off his shoes and began to undress. From the bed, Sheridan spoke.
“You’re home.”
“Yup.”
Bren stood in his boxer briefs and Sheridan said, “Did you fuck him?”
Brendan didn’t answer.
“I told you that you could. I know you wanted to.”
Sheridan sat up in bed and then lay on his side.
“You know the first time we had sex, you were semi cheating on Kenneth. And I know how you feel about him. I’m not stupid. And I’m not resentful.”
“I stayed with him last night,” Brendan said quietly.
“Do you want to do it again?”
“I… uh…”
Sheridan pulled the covers back and sat up naked before him.
“Look, Bren. I’ve thought about this. I really want us to be able to talk about this. I know what it is to love. I know what it is when feelings change. I went from Chay to Logan and back again, hurting everyone, and if you still love him…”
“I think I do.”
“But do you still love me?”
“Absolutely.” Brendan said.
“Then there is no problem,” Sheridan. “Not really. We can work things out. Come to bed.”
“We should discuss something,” Brendan said, lying on his back beside Sheridan. “I don’t know if it will make any sense to you, and I don’t know if you are going to think it is cheating or not. It is… what it is.”
“What are you getting at.”
“We started it. We went to the motel room. We checked it out, showered, stood looking at each other. And then we just started talking. About the past. About everything. We talked and talked all night, and mostly I talked about being committed to our marriage.”
Brendan turned to Sheridan.
“There is something more important than me and, believe it or not love, than you.”
“Rafe?”
“Well, yes, but even our child isn’t enough. The marriage is the most important thing. The us. The two of us that became the three of us that might one day be the four or the five of us. Us. Together, made me a grown up. Made you one too. Somewhere along the line we became an us, and that is everything. It’s beyond feelings. You get me?”
“I think so.”
“Good. And I don’t want you to think I don’t have feelings or love for Kenny. He’s going to be around. I need him, Just like you need Chay and Logan.”
“I get that.”
“He’s my best friend and I also realize that I was never really good for him. If our relationship changes… If anything ever happens, then it’s got to be good for all three of us.”
Sheridan had been nodding all this time. Finally he said:
“Have you showered?”
“Not yet.”
Sheridan nodded.
“Then get in the shower, and I’ll come and join you.”
