If there were an Olympic event for self-sucking, he may have been disqualified as he admits he pumped beforehand. Oh wait, it's the Olympics. Cheating is normal. Oh wait, it's self-sucking. Pumping before is par for the course.
Still it's clear he would be fully capable of self-sucking without having pumped. But either way, his animalistically self-sufficient behavior would be quite appreciated on the big screens in a sports stadium.
I just can't figure out what he would wear to indicate what country he represented. And what is the flag of Kinksylvania? Or is it Kinkastan?
Judging by the vast numbers of giant Spandex clad bulges present at the Olympics, it would be quite competitive just to win one's national championship, guaranteeing the right to go to the Olympics in that sport.
As much as seeing the world's best compete, I also think seeing all the hoards of local, self-sucking competitors would be inspiring the way only sports can be. I think I would make an excellent commentator. Though I'd pretty much say nothing and just hold my mic down to the competitor's faces to catch the sweet sounds of suction.
The sport is all about the amateur glory. There's not that many professional opportunities for self-suckers. There are only so many donut and pretzel companies willing to pay talent for commercial endorsements.
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