Embracing the slut inside me

I woke up with that warm glow and satisfied feeling you get after a good night's sleep in a comfortable bed, but something was wrong, there was an ache in my ass, and then slowly the full horror of last night came back to me. That sanctimonious piece of shit, Howie, the fucker had taken advantage of me and basically raped me. Wait, grown men don't get raped, especially not by fem-boy weaklings like him. Did I let that bastard do it to me? I couldn't have, why would I have done that. Then it hit me. Greg. Despite myself at the thought of Greg my anger started to subside and even through my hangover my dick started to harden. No! This can't be happening I'm not gay I have had 30-years of a wonderful, straight, alpha male life, but my dick thought differently as images of Greg and Howie flashed in my head. Deep down, I knew my dick was right. I shuddered as I realized the long denied truth, the pleasure of those moments with Greg, and the fact nothing had ever come close since. It was undeniable. I was one of those gay boys I had derided and despised for that last three decades and more. I couldn't face it. I curled up on my side and nursing my hangover tried to regain the blissful oblivion of sleep.

I stirred a couple of hours later as Sophie, back from Joe's, brought me in a coffee with the words, "Hello sleepy head, hope you enjoyed yesterday."

Her words cut into me and she responded to the suddenly pained look on my face, "What's up dad? Feeling a little delicate are we after the party? Well don't worry the place is tidy so stay where you are and relax. I'm off out for lunch with Joe and Howie and so you'll have the place to yourself."

I winced at his name as she said it but she must have put it down to my hangover as she didn't say anything and headed out for her lunch date with the two men I now hated most in the world. As I said it to myself I knew it was true, this was all Howie's fault, if he had not come here, if he had not wormed his way into my bed then none of this would have happened. Fuck him! And, as for Joe will the least said about him the better, I could only deal with one problem at once.

I was fuming and stewing it over in bed was not doing me any good so I got up had a long hot shower and decided while I was not up to a gym workout I could still do a good cardio session here at home. The exercise helped a bit although it could not banish Howie from my thoughts so I overdid it and had to take another shower afterwards then vegged out in the couch. But, as I sat down the image of Howie, kneeling there in front of me, like he was last night kept coming back to me. How could I have let him do that? How could I have been so weak, so pathetic, so gay?

Unable to settle my mind I tried distraction with one of my all-time favourite movies, Die Hard, and I managed to get of couple of hours of peace in the company of Bruce Willis. But, even before the dramatic climax my thoughts had returned to last night, the macho action in the film, just reinforcing to me what real men do and definitely not getting fucked in the ass by some fem-boy barely out of school. How had I let this happen? I was so ashamed and appalled with myself and I had no fucking idea what to do about it. It was Howie's fault but I could not deny I had let it happen and even enjoyed it. I had enjoyed it as my dick, hardening yet again, proved but nobody could ever know, it was so embarrassing and humiliating and it was all that fucker Howie's fault.

I was still churning it all over when Sophie got home around 8pm but she had brought Joe with her and I could not face them both together so I feigned tiredness and went to bed. Back alone in my bedroom I could not stop thinking about everything. My mind was racing with all that had happened but I was lost in the mire of it all -- what was I going to do? I tried to pull myself together and stop acting like some stupid 15-year old love sick puppy. I'm a man, I can deal with this, I can get past this. I had almost convinced my when scanning the room my eyes landed on the closet and I was instantly back to that picture safe stowed inside and to Greg. Bang, my dick was instantly rock hard and I was powerless to stop myself jerking off to thoughts of my teenage boyfriend, to my first fuck and to the first time I was fucked. That did it and as the pleasure of that moment flooded my thoughts my dick exploded shooting streams of hot cum all over the room. Fuck, what the hell is happening to me I thought. Annoyed, angry and frustrated with myself, with Greg and with Howie I shamefully snook to the bathroom to get a cloth to clean up my mess. At least the release had calmed my mind enough to allow me to fall into a fitful sleep.

"Morning dad", Sophie chimed I as walked into the kitchen.

"Morning Mr Sterling", chorused Joe who was at the table eating a slice of toast coated in peanut butter, sitting there bold as brass, in just his underwear. His tousled hair, slim but well-defined torso, boyish good looks and an undeniable air of indifferent confidence. A man clearly at ease with himself. Wait, what the fuck, it's Joe and he clearly spent the night with my daughter and is not some pin up model for me to be drooling over. What the hell is wrong with me? I pulled myself together and, clear in my own mind that I was not going to allow this outrageous to continue, I started to speak.

"Stop, dad", Sophie interjected before I got a word out of my mouth, "I know what you are going to say but I'm not your little girl anymore dad and this isn't the 1950s, Joe is my boyfriend and if I want to sleep with him and wake up with him beside me in the bed in the morning, then that is my choice."

"But Sophie...", I started to say and then stopped realising I couldn't say what I wanted with him there so responded curtly, "Fine", then added sternly, "We'll talk about this later." I was appalled at her directness and what had clearly gone on under my roof and just sat there in stony silence while they continued with their breakfast.

After what seemed like an age Joe made some excuse about having some shopping to do and after heading to Sophie's room to get dressed left but not before I caught the scent of his musk and spent sex on his near naked body as his brushed past me. My dick stirred at the sensation and my thoughts returned to Howie and that night, my night of shame. What the hell is wrong with me, I not some perverted gay boy I told myself as I pulled by thoughts back to the here and now and back to by anger at Joe. That boy spent last night, and probably this morning as well, defiling my daughter and doing it right under my nose. As her father I have to protect and defend her and now alone I was ready to sort this out with her once and for all. "Sophie, it is my job to look out for you", I started then warming to my subject, "I will not have you bringing boys back to this house and then parading them almost naked in front of me."

"I'm a grown woman dad, you don't control me", she snapped back.

"You can do so much better than him. Yes, you are a women, a beautiful one too, but I want to make sure you find the right man, and I'm telling you now that's not Joe", I said trying to pull her towards me to let her know I loved her.

"I love him dad!", she exclaimed snatching away from my grip, "And he loves me and makes me feel so good", she continued the anger clear in her eyes. "I'm not asking your permission for who I can sleep with", she went on and seeing me wince at the words said "Oh grow up dad, I'm a grown woman and Joe and I have sex all the time, he fucks me at his house, he fucks me in his car, he fucks me here, and what's more I love it and I really love him"

"Sophie Sterling", I stated, "I will not have that language in my house", then calming myself down before I spoke said, "Darling, I only want what is right for you, and trust me love I know what that is, and it's not Joe"

"Well tough shit dad, I'm with Joe and there is nothing you can do about it", she almost spat back at me. I was taken aback by her venom but she was not done and went on "I was going to find the right time to tell you this but you don't deserve it", then stealing herself continued, "Joe asked me to marry him this morning, and I said yes!." With that she stormed out of the kitchen and seconds later I heard the front door slam and she was gone.

I was furious with Sophie, with Joe, with Howie but most of all I was furious with myself. How had it come to this? My wonderful quiet life falling apart before my eyes. I had been going over it again and again all morning since Sophie stormed out, but I still had no idea what I should do. Damned Howie, why did he have to confuse me with all this gay shit right when I need to be focused on my daughter. I felt myself wishing for simplicity of youth with no problems and no responsibilities. Things were so much simpler when I was younger when I could do what I wanted and didn't have all this stuff to deal with but deep down I knew I was lying to myself it had always been the same in my life since my father lectures but most of all since Greg.

I was still a mess as I headed to the gym and to work. Both Jimmy and Stanley thanked me for a great party and it took me a second to remember what they were talking about as so much had happened to me in last two days the party felt like a lifetime ago. The gym was quite busy and I was able to distract myself helping the guys there get the most out of their workouts. As the place quietened down my mind started to wander back to the events of this morning and of the party.

"Hey Darius", shouted Connor, "How about you spot for me?", he went on. I headed over to where he was and saw he had way too much weight on the bar to allow him to do a reasonable workout and build the biceps I knew he wanted but I also knew, from experience, he would not listen to me if I told him. I just let him get on with it and predictably, by the third rep he was already struggling and by the fifth I had not grabbed the bar it would have crushed into his chest.

Oblivious to the danger he just said, "Thanks man", then remembering the party went on, "Sorry about trying to gate crash the other night, Sam and I didn't mean any harm, just always like a good party."

"No worries man", I replied and the look of gratitude on the young lad's face made me chuckle. I looked at him a cute young lad, potential for a good body but not yet defined, a clear bulge in his shorts. What the fuck. I had to stop doing this. I am not interested in men and definitely not idiot ones like Connor.

Connor gave me a strange look as he saw me ogling him but luckily for me Sam walked in just at that moment and they started laughing and chatting together and the incident was forgotten. With both boys ignoring me a made a retreat and went to get a cold drink from the staff room wondering how long I could hide in here before Jimmy came looking for me to make sure I was earning my pay. I loved this job and I had to pull myself together and get back on my A game and be the best damned trainer I could be. Heading back out to the gym I saw Connor and Sam where working the free weights and when they saw me I swear Connor whispered something to Sam and they both burst out laughing. I moved on and busied myself cleaning down some of the equipment ready for the late evening rush.

I hadn't seen him come in but when I looked up from the machine I had just wiped down there he was, bold as brass, stretching and lunging warming in right in front of me, Howie.

"Hey", Howie said brightly, "how's my favourite muscle man today?"

How dare he. He had no right. The audacity of this boy to dare to talk to me after what he did to me. After he basically threw himself at me, how he raped me, how he invaded my ass with he sweet, sweet cock, how he made me feel so good, how he made me cum like I never came before. No, the bastard, he had no right, he had no right to confuse me like this. I did the only thing I could. I completely blanked him and walked off to find Jimmy to see if I could get out of here early tonight.

Howie looked stunned but I didn't care. I didn't even care when I saw Connor and Sam staring at me and sniggering to themselves as I stormed off. Jimmy wasn't in his office but I needed to get away so I headed downstairs and out back to get some fresh air and to think. I just paced up and down angry with myself and angry with Howie and the whole world. I must have been out there a good 45 minutes before I started to calm down and though about going back in and maybe doing my own regular weekday workout before I headed home. I was about to head back in when the door opened and I saw Jimmy coming out, I started to call out with an excuse ready for my absence when another man came out with him, Howie. I froze, instantly silent, I moved round the corner to not be seen I could not face having to speak to Howie.

I heard footsteps coming my way and Jimmy's voice saying, "Sorry about Darius, he is under a lot of stress at the moment but that's no excuse for being rude to you."

The fucker, he was actually apologising to Howie about my behaviour. How could he. But he was not done and went on, "Talking of stress it has been a long day for me too, how about, by way of a full apology for Darius, I feed you a load? You get some fun and I get some well-earned stress relief." Then not hearing a no he took control and ordered, "Drop to your knees boy, and get my dick out of my pants, its service time."

Howie complied and soon had Jimmy's hardening dick in his mouth slavering, sucking and working it for all he was worth. Jimmy moaned in pleasure egging him on and Howie took him all moving up and down his shaft expertly coaxing and urging it to produce the prize he craved so he could be fed. My own dick was hard and aching in my shorts, here I was again watching a master cock sucker and how I wanted to be in his place. Wait no, I'm the top I should be the one getting sucked, but there was no doubt what my dick wanted right now was for me to be down on my knees worshiping dick. It did not take Howie long to get his reward for his efforts and the last cry of ecstasy from Jimmy brought me back to my senses. I had to wait for Jimmy to stuff his dick back in his pants and turn to go back in and for Howie to get into his car and drive off before I could emerge from around the corner and head back upstairs myself. Any thought of a workout forgotten I just needed to get home.

Back home I was not surprised to find no sign of Sophie. That was a problem for tomorrow and right now I had to find out what was happening to me and what the hell was going on. I could accept I had feelings for men, and it was obvious if I thought about it, women didn't even feature in my life, so maybe I was gay but all this stuff about wanting to submit, fantasizing about men I met like Connor and even Joe for fuck sake what was that about? If that was what being gay was I wanted nothing to do with it. Matters at least temporarily resolved I managed to relax a bit and even watched some TV. I turned in around eleven and exhausted after the events of the last few days I was soon asleep.

There I was naked and on my knees, my hands cuffed behind my back. I could move but I had been told to stay so I stayed where I was. I was not alone there were men in the room with me. They were fully dressed, further emphasising my nakedness to me, and chatting amongst themselves completely ignoring me bound and silent in the corner. My head was lowered and I knew I was not allowed to lift it but the voices sounded familiar as they chatted, laughed and joked with each other.

"Look at me", I heard the order and looked up into the face of Connor. Stunned I started to speak but he just slapped my face hard and said, "Silence, nobody gave you permission to speak". Connor then turned back to the men and said "Disobedient little bitch you got here Howie, care if I teach him a lesson?"

"Sure, thing man, go for it", and the turning to Sam said, "why don't you give Connor a hand. Darius has been lusting after you both all day and it's time for some payback."

Both boys stripped quickly their dicks springing to attention as they both towered above me. Connor then said, "Well Darius, I know you want me, time to feed you my dick", and with that he rammed his meat down my throat in one thrust. I coughed and spluttered at the invasion, gagging on him as he withdrew slightly only ram it home again. He started a steady rhythm fucking my face, taunting and deriding me with every fresh thrust. I was being used for this man's pleasure and it felt good. While he was doing this Sam was there beating off to the sight of me deep throating his best friend clearly eager for his own turn at my willing mouth. Connor started to tense and I felt him release streams of hot cum down my throat. As he pulled out Sam was on me like a flash his own dick down my throat barely missing a beat. He was keen and eager after what he had just seen but I worked his shaft like a good cock sucker wanting to make him feel good wanting to be praised for serving this man. It did not take long and soon his cum joined his friends down my throat. Sated, for now, both boys had me lick their dicks clean before they got dressed and headed back to the other men with now having got what they came for made their excuses and left.

I stayed on my knees like the obedient cock sucking bitch I was wondering if I would get the gift of further use tonight by the remaining men. I did not have to wait long before Howie once again spoke up so I could hear, "Hey, Darius is looking all lonely and unused over there, why don't you go over there and give him something to do, Joe."

Joe, what the fuck, no. How could he do this to me but try as I might I could not stand up I could not refuse I needed to take dick and I heard Joe say, "Love to mate", as he strode over to me.

"Well Mr Sterling or should I say dad", he taunted, "time to get fed some future son-in-law seed. Your daughter really loves it. Lets see if it's a family thing and you love it too".

I was appalled I tried to rebel to rise to punch this fucker in the face but it couldn't and it wasn't the handcuffs that stopped me it was the realization this is where I needed to be, this is what I wanted, this is how I was supposed to be used. Unaware and totally unconcerned with my thoughts Joe took out his 8-inch dick and pushed it down my willing throat. It was thick and I struggled to take it choking and gagging as he kept pushing till my nose was in his pubes and his balls were swinging against my chin.

"Take it fucker", he yelled as he started pounding me assaulting my throat and cutting off my air. I spluttered and gasped at the invasion but he just kept pounding. Getting desperate for air I worked him for all I was worth sucking, gasping, wild with desire and effort but he did not stop. He just laughed at me, urging me on, "Come on Darius, is that the best you got, your daughter sucks me better than that. Put some effort it. Make me feel it, show me what you can do." He pulled back and air flooded into my lungs but it was only temporary and he thrust back in immediately deep into my throat. I knew what I had to do and I worked him like a mad man, sucking, slurping, working every inch of Him. "Yeah...", he moaned, "that's more like it." His words of praise invigorated me and I worked him even harder. He was lost in his pleasure oblivious to the fact I could not breathe but he did not care, I was there to suck his dick and that was all that mattered. Sensing his need I really worked his shaft and felt him tense knowing my reward would soon be on its way.

But then I heard, "Stop!", it was Howie, "its too easy for him", lets make this more interesting, and already naked him walked behind me and ordered me to present my ass. Without permission to release Joe's dick I rose awkwardly presenting spreading my legs and arching my back presenting my fuck hole to Howie while nuzzling Joe in my cock sucking mouth.

"Yeah, lets do this", shouted Joe, high fiving Howie as Howie lined himself up behind me. Joe pulled out as Howie rammed his dick home up my ass and I cried out in pain but Joe immediately silenced me by pushing his own dick back into my protesting mouth. Howie worked me ruthlessly taking his pleasure aware he had some catching up do with Joe. Both men slowed and then steadily worked my ass and my throat thrusting in and out in unison. My throat was sore from the use already but this was nothing to the pain in my ass as Howie worked my butt. The invasion was intense, painful, devastating but neither man cared about my suffering, they were lost in their desire to fuck, to rut, to nut in the bitch boy between them. It was this fact, the fact these two men were just using me for their pleasure, that got me through and allowed me to endure the pain and to transform that pain into the pleasure of my overwhelming need to serve. I felt the change sweep over me as the wave of intense pleasure flowed through my body and down to my rock hard, ignored and forgotten, dick. The fucking continued, these men had some stamina but I didn't care, I wanted this to go on forever and I was lost in a blissful haze of pleasure from the man cock up my ass and the man cock down my throat. I heard the men moaning in delight with a constant tirade of comments and insults fired at me as their assault continued pacing themselves to drag this out as long as possible. They swapped ends several times both as eager as each other to use both by ass and my throat. Eventually their need got too great and with Joe in my ass and Howie at my throat, they declared they were close.

Joe screamed, "Yes, take it bitch", and I felt his juice shoot deep up my ass just as the dick in my throat exploded its own load down my throat.

"Look at me", he ordered, and I looked up at the man in throws of sexual delight as wave after wave of cum shot from his dick deep into my belly. I looked up at the face of the man using me and it wasn't Howie, it was Greg.

I woke with a howl to find I had blown a huge, still warm load, all over the bed. It was just a dream. Thank goodness.

Sophie still wasn't talking to me and wasn't returning my calls. It had been three days now and I was getting worried. The gym was even worse, Howie had been there every day taunting me with his presence. Jimmy and even Stanley had been all over him and I am sure he blew them both a couple of times.

My dreams, or should I say nightmares, were now the same every night with some combination of Connor, Sam, Howie and Joe using me and new low last night even Stanley had made an appearance before the now regular end with the image of Greg and me waking with yet another sticky mess to clean up.

This morning I resolved to talk to Sophie and to clear my head decided to go for a morning run out to Sunset Lake and back. It was a crisp morning and it felt good as I headed out, the lake looked great and I was feeling a lot better. As I headed back into town past the new development a commotion distracted me a couple of thugs were kicking the crap out of someone on the ground with one of them yelling "Stupid fucker. Give us your wallet. Now!"

Without thinking I was across the street on the first thug pulling of their prone victim and with a quick punch to the gut and he doubled over, running off thinking better of fighting back. Unfortunately for me I was distracted by this and it allowed the other guy to come at me with a knife and he slashed at my chest before I could stop him, ripping my shirt and drawing blood. Enraged now I grabbed the punk knocking him to the ground and stamping on his hand holding the knife, hoping to break his arm. I didn't, but I did at least make him drop the weapon. He cried in pain and obviously deciding this wasn't worth it any more ran off himself cradling his arm as he went. Turning the man on the floor he had sat up watching my work on his attackers and I was surprised to see it was Howie.

"Are you alright, Howie", I asked.

"I'm fine Darius, just a little bruised but they didn't get anything. Thanks to you.", Howie responded, "Thank you man you really saved me." Then noticing the blood on my shirt exclaimed, "Oh my god, you're injured. We've got to get that seen to."

"It's just a scratch", I tried to reassure him.

"Nonsense", he said, "You're bleeding and we're going to the hospital and I'm calling the police to report this. I'm not going to take no for an answer Darius. Let's go my car is over there."

There was no point objecting and I let Howie drive me to the hospital where they confirmed it was just a scratch, the knife had missed, and all I needed was little more than a band-aid. The police came to the hospital and took statements from Howie and me, but I knew better than to expect much however, it seemed to make Howie feel better to have reported it. Howie insisted on driving me home and ringing Jimmy himself to tell him what had happened and that I would not be working today. He must have also rung Sophie at some point as she was waiting for us when we got home.

"Dad, Are you all right?", Sophie asked running out to the car as soon as she saw us pull up.

"I'm fine darling", I reassured her, "Just a scratch, the doctor said nothing to worry about."

"Howie, how are you? Thanks for looking after dad? Are you OK? God I was so worried", she blurted out her emotions getting the better of her and everything come out at once.

"I'm fine", said Howie, "Just a little bruised. All thanks to our new local hero Darius here", he said patting me gratefully on my arm as he did.

I froze at his touch, remembering what he had done to me, remembering my. I was grateful he had taken me to the hospital and brought me home, but I could not forgive him for what he had done or apologise for being rude to him at the gym. He deserved it. He should not have thrown himself at me, he should not have assaulted my ass. He should not have forced me to think about Greg, to think about who I am. I stayed quiet.

Sophie fussed over me like a mother hen, chatting incessantly with Howie, trying to make everything okay. I was quiet and subdued as I did not want Howie in my home anymore, I wanted him gone. They were so wrapped up in the conversation and events of the day I don't think they noticed I was being quiet and Howie eventually left a couple of hours later.

"You're quiet dad, are you sure you're okay", she asked.

Clearly she had noticed but I assured her, "I'm fine."

"Good", she said, "coz I'm cooking dinner and Joe is coming over, we need to talk."

At the sound of Joe's name my dreams came back to me and my ass clenched as I thought of that dick ramming into me. Shaking the image from my mind I returned to my daughter's words. Today had reminded me nobody is here forever and I though I had got off lightly it could have been much worse. Nothing is worth falling out with my daughter over and while I might not like it, if she had picked Joe I accepted I was just going to have to get used to it.

"Sure, darling. I need to get to know my future son-in-law properly", I replied. She beamed and ran to hug and kiss me for my acceptance of her choice.

The next few weeks passed in a mix of wedding plans, work and trying to work out what I was going to do about Howie. I had been shocked when Sophie told me the night we made up that the wedding was going to be in just over month. She explained there was no need to wait, she and Joe, had been together for over a year. Joe's family were rich and used to getting what they wanted when they wanted and when their son wanted to get married in just 4-weeks time they pulled out all the stops to make it happen. The fact Joe was rich was brought home to everyone when we saw the size of the diamond in the engagement ring he bought for Sophie. Money wasn't everything but I was pleased that it made her happy.

Work at the gym was okay, Connor and Sam were as stupid as ever and thankfully they receded from my dreams although I did still get the occasional odd look from them. Howie came to the gym most days and I was able to be civil with him but did not engage him in much conversation as I still blamed him for what happened and what he had done to me. Howie got the message and kept his distance. It was frustrating as I knew something was not right but I did not know what to do about it. Strangely enough, it was Joe's parents that forced the issue although not intentionally. Joe's dad was divorced from his mum and he never saw her. His dad had remarried three years ago to a women only a few years older than Joe. I had been invited to dinner at the house, a large mansion on the outskirts of town, to talk about wedding plans and during the conversation it had come to light that Joe's dad, Stephen Meyers, was the primary backer of the construction project Howie was working on. He was full of praise for the construction firm working on time and on budget but he revealed the project would be finishing soon as the new hotel, spa, gym complex opened next week. This meant Howie, with no work to do here, would be heading back to Albany.

A couple of days later I was at work, Jimmy had to go out and it was Stanley's day off so I was there by myself basically running the place. It was no sweat as I had done it before and it was a quiet day anyway. There were a couple of regulars around after lunch but when they left I was alone for most of the afternoon. Around 3pm I heard someone coming up the stair and head into the changing rooms and 5 minutes later emerged into the gym, pleased to have someone finally there I looked up and saw Howie. He looked good in his slate grey Nike shorts and top, strode over to me and "Hi" acknowledge me saying, "Hi", then turned immediately heading off to start his warm-up alone.

Realising Howie would be leaving town soon I had to talk to him about what happened that night at the party and about what I was feeling. It was quiet and we were alone so I headed over to him and said, "We need to talk."

"What do we need to talk about old man?", he asked accusingly, "You have made it pretty clear over the last few weeks you don't want to be with me or even talk to me, so I don't think there is anything more we need to say. Now if you don't mind I would like to get on with my warm up. The sooner I get started the sooner I can get out of here and leave you in peace." With that he stood and started to walk to the cross trainer.

I grabbed his arm and pleaded, "Don't go. I really do want to talk. These last few weeks have been hell for me, I'm confused, I don't know what I'm feeling most of the time.", and then I practically begged, "Can we talk?"

Howie stopped and turned to face Darius saying, "Only you know what you want Darius, only you know what you are, so what are you going to do about it, old man?"

I looked at the youth in front of me, his slim frame, his baby face, the hazel eyes and that mop of untidy hair. I grabbed him and pushing my face into his kissed him on the lips. The touch was electric and as I touched his moist delicate lips with mine every sinew of my being was alive with the moment and how good it felt. That kiss was brief and just a peck, it was amazing, and I needed more. I pulled his whole body close to me and sensing no resistance leant in to kiss him again this time long and slow. I needed him I wanted him I kissed him as passionately and he kissed me back. The kiss went on for a long time our hands exploring each other's bodies as we ground into each other my growing erection pressing into him letting him know just how much I wanted, just how much I needed this.

"Wow, where did that come from", he said breathlessly as our lips finally parted, "Does this mean you have accepted what you are Darius?", he asked, "Has my big muscular gay man finally come out to play?"

I was shocked at myself and what I had done but I knew it was right. I felt alive and I needed to explain to him what was happening to me. I led him over to one of the benches and sat down next to him. I grabbed his hand and started to explain. I told him about my school days, about Greg, about my father, my loveless marriage and my confusion ever since he had come to town. It flooded out of me, a torrent of memories and regrets, I could not stop myself but when I got to talking about him I finally ran out of words. I ended admitting, "Yes I am gay, but this submissive stuff scares me and there is no way anybody can ever know."

Howie listened, he already knew a lot of this, but he was there for me just squeezing my hand to encourage me as I spoke, letting the words flood out of me, thinking finally this man is letting go and that I was accepting what I wanted and what I was. Those final words though that final barrier still there though and he thought I was still unable to embrace the reality of being a cock hungry bottom eager for as much boy cock as I could get. "Darius", he started, "there's nothing wrong with taking cock." He saw a wince on my face as he spoke but continued, "You were in total heaven when I fucked you the other day. Don't deny yourself that pleasure man. Accept who you are and live your true life."

I heard his words said with kindness and concern but I just couldn't. How could I let my friends of 30-years know I was gay, and worse I took cock up my ass, and not just any cock but young fem boy cock to boot. It was too embarrassing. I would never live down the shame. I felt Howie squeeze my hand again but pulled away and said, "I can't, I just can't it's too embarrassing."

He stood but turned to me and said, "What are you afraid of Darius. This is the 21st century. The world has changed. Nobody is going to care. Everyone has the right to live their life as their true self and if anyone has a problem with it then its their problem and not yours."

I thought he had finished but he went on, "I bet a third of the men that come to this gym are gay or bi and almost all the rest might talk the macho talk for the sake of appearances but in the end accept people are who they are and can do what they want. I know you've seen me sucking off Jimmy and Stanley, and I can tell you there have been plenty of others from this gym and not just sucking, fucking as well over the last month. Do you think those guys are going to care you are gay?"

"Howie, I just can't I have to keep this secret and so do you", I said but even as I said it the memory of that kiss came back to me and I nearly weakened but no, this was right. I knew Howie would not leave it there and I waited for his inevitable reply.

"Darius, your wrong, you will never be happy if you continue to live this lie. Let this fear go. It's time to come out, it's time to tell the world who you are and live the life you were supposed to live rather than this restrictive hell your father built for you", and with that he left abandoning his workout and heading home leaving me to my thoughts.

The run up to the wedding was manic with a thousand and one things to sort out for Sophie to make sure she had the day she wanted. Joe agreed to basically anything she wanted but not everything could just be bought in and I spent a lot of my time as an unofficial wedding planner catering to her every whim. I know I didn't really need to. The Meyers had employed not one but three official wedding planners but the bottom line was doing this for my own benefit as it was helping keep my mind off that kiss, and that conversation, with Howie.

It was true the project Howie had been managing was finished but I heard him explaining to Jimmy he was sticking around for a while as this was an important client and there was always a snagging list of things to be resolved at the end of any project. Howie didn't let up on me either, every time he saw me he would ask if I had thought more about what he said and that the only way to be happy was to do it and come out. The fact was that I had thought about little else but I had no intention of discussing it with the likes of Sam and Connor in earshot, which annoyingly, they were almost every time Howie was at the gym.

The wedding was planned for Saturday and the Wednesday before Howie finally got time to talk to me properly with no prying eyes when he dropped a wedding present off for Sophie and Joe at the house. I knew it was an excuse as he could just have brought it on Saturday but with nobody home but me it did give us a chance to talk. I had thought a lot about what he had said and my submissive dreams where back now with a full cast of almost every man who ever came to the gym. This thing had me and it wasn't going to let go but I was still too scared to embrace it publicly.

I told Howie all this, even about the dreams, and he said mockingly, "Well Darius, it seems your subconscious and your dick know what is right for you so we just need to get your conscious mind on board. Two out of three just isn't good enough and we need to go for the full set."

I laughed, awkwardly, it was a joke but deep down I knew it wasn't and he was right.

"So", he said, "You come out to everyone, maybe even this weekend when everyone is there and in a good mood at the wedding. What's the downside? What's the worst that could happen?", he asked and then answering his own question, "You lose a couple of bigoted friends who can't accept you for what you are. But who wants bigots as friends -- it's their loss not yours."

I nodded listening, thinking hard, then spoke my concern "What about the people I have lied to for the last 30-years, they're never going to accept I'm suddenly gay."

Howie had an answer for that one, "But, your not suddenly gay Darius, you have always been gay, you just suppressed it because of your father. Your true friends will accept you for who you are. Your true friends will be happy that you can finally live as your true self. And, for any that can't well fuck `em you don't need friends like that."

I was lost in thought absorbing his words and another worry came to mind and I asked, "But what about all the talking behind my back, the whispers, the gossip, the sudden silence as I go into a room. I couldn't cope with that, it would kill me and I would die with shame and embarrassment."

Again Howie had an answer, "Who cares what other people think, people always gossip and sure you might be the favourite topic for a day or two but then the next juicy story will come along and you will be forgotten. Isn't a couple of days of being gossiped about a small price to pay for your freedom." Pausing to think for a moment he then continued, "Sure some of the cock sure idiots out there might have fun for a while calling you a faggot and waving their dicks in your facing asking you taunting you to suck them off, but if those dreams of yours are anything to go by it sounds like you might even enjoy that!"

I started to reply but Howie, stopped me saying, "Darius, you can come up with an endless list of reasons not to do this. The people around you will accept this or they won't and then they get on with their lives and let you get on with yours. You can stay living this lie and be unhappy in that life or you can free yourself and live the life you want and need to live."

He had me and he knew it and all but agreed with him that I needed to come out and that doing it this weekend at the wedding when everyone I cared about would be there for a happy reason would be a good time to do it. I didn't promise to do it but I said I knew he was right and I needed to do it and there was a definitely smile on his face and spring in his step as he left to head back to the office to finish up closing down the project.

The wedding was amazing. Sophie looked adorable in her dress. I admit to shedding a tear as I gave her hand to Joe and they exchanged their vows.

The wedding meal was sumptuous and I managed to make a short speech without seriously embarrassing myself or Sophie which certainly could not be said for Joe's best man who really went to town on him until Mr Meyer managed to shut him up. The other groomsmen certainly loved though howling with laughter as a long list of Joe's misdemeanours were exposed to everyone but nobody really cared, it was a lovely joyous day.

The party was for well over 300 guests which was impressive at such short notice and it felt like half the town were there although of course that was not true but its fair to say almost everyone I knew in town was there. After the cake cutting and the first dance I started to get nervous about what I had half promised to Howie I was going to do. The only chance would come just before the buffet was served as once the music started up afterwards my opportunity would be gone. I had managed to avoid Howie up to this point but now he sought me out to confirm if I was ready. I just let him speak, I didn't stop him talking telling me it was nearly time, but the knot in my stomach made me think could I really do this. Could I do this now.

Time dragged. I was caught in my own personal hell trying to convince myself I needed to do this but knowing that I couldn't there was no way I could embarrass myself so publicly in front of everyone. I tried to find Howie to tell him I couldn't do it but it was too late. The music died and the DJ announced it was time for the buffet but before we ate the bride's father wanted to say a few words. To shouts of, "Dar-i-us, Dar-i-us", I was dragged to the microphone and looked out to the faces of 300 expectant people waiting to hear what I had to say, and there right in front of me, egging me on, was Howie.

Looking at Howie and seeing those eyes, that hair, the memories of Greg swimming in my mind I nearly did it, I nearly told them all but in the end I just couldn't and just spouted some lame nonsense about it being a great day, a great party and how lucky Sophie and Joe were to have each other. I finished telling everyone to enjoy the food and started to hand the mike back to the DJ. But, before I could do it an annoyed, and I quickly realised a slightly drunk Howie, grabbed it from my hand.

"Ladies and Gentlemen", Howie started getting the attention of the crowd not expecting another speaker. Then he continued, "My name is Howie and I am one of Sophie's friends. I have only been in your town for a few weeks but in that time I have come to know a very special person and that person is Darius Sterling."

I was frozen to the spot. I should have grabbed the mike from him, but I was paralyzed with fear of what he was going to say and could not move.

Howie continued, "Darius has had a difficult life. He had lots of close and special friends at school but his father, the local priest, would not let him live the life he wanted and for the last three decades Darius has been living a lie."

I was still unable to move but I could see both Joe and Sophie trying to get to the front, trying to get the mike off him, trying to stop Howie, but they were too late. Howie finished triumphantly, "Ladies and Gentlemen I am here to tell you Darius Sterling is gay. Darius, I love you old man."

There was a stunned silence in the room everyone was staring at me for what felt like an age and then a ripple of laughter that grew louder and filled the room. "Darius gay", I heard someone say, "pull the other one." My town, my friends they knew it could not be true, me the conventional man, the man with the temper, the man that fought off thugs only last week there was no way I could be gay.

Howie, sensing he was not believed, but no longer holding the mike shouted, "No, its true, he's gay and he even let me fuck him on his birthday", he said this just as Sophie got to the front but on hearing his words she burst into tears and ran from the room. Joe seeing his new wife in tears punched Howie in the face knocking him to the floor and was ready to pounce on him but a couple of his groomsmen grabbed him and held him back.

The best man then confronted Howie, saying, "How pathetic, you're the gay boy here and you're so desperate to get into the pants of your gym trainer this is how you try to do it. What a loser." He clearly had more to say but Mr Meyer appeared at his side and putting a hand on his shoulder quietened him and then ordered a couple of hotel bouncers to get Howie out of there.

The hotel staff hauled Howie onto his feet and dragged him out of the room and back into the lobby, to taunts and jibes at his expense from the outraged wedding guests all the way. In the lobby he was hauled past a still crying Sophie who on seeing leapt up and went for him, screaming at him, "How could you? How could you ruin my day? I never want to see you again you horrible, shit! Get out of here".

With that Howie was pushed out the door into the cold night, the sounds of the wedding party resuming as he, furious, humiliated, and angry walked away out of their lives.

The third installment is here, so enjoy it. Subs to write Master's chapters on His instructions and those who wanna become his slaves can email him at: [email protected]

Thanks to my fetlife slave for writing the chapter @relaxasitworks