The Voyage Of Stevie

Unexpected Reactions

“That was amazing,” Zak says as I look across at his cute face across from me as he gets up and looks out the window as I just smile looking at him and all his muscles. It’s hard to not think that there isn’t a future for us in some eventuality because I can see that he is trapped as well because he has the feelings for me that I have for him but his heart is with Antonio as well.

“Yeah, that was so good, aren’t you glad this is what we did,” I say he nods and comes back next to me and puts his arm around me as I smile at him and try to avoid kissing him again. It’s weird because I’m starting to realise that maybe my friendship with Zak is more important to me than any sort of romantic connection even though the feelings are still there and probably always will be.

Zak rubs his hand over my back and smiles at me “So what are your plans about telling your grandparents because I know you want to have a set plan in your head” he says to me as I nod but then shrug at the same time because I don’t know.

“I’ve had this running through my head so much the last few weeks and days, as I said before it’s the mix of everything will be fine or the whole end of the world situation that I’ve already stupidly packed some stuff,” I say which is the most ridiculous thing to do and Zak tells me so but at the same time, I’m not thinking straight.

Zak just shakes his head as I tell him all my negative feelings which he does all the time “Tell me what you’re going to say” he asks as I don’t even know what I’m going to say to them because I’ve been so worried about the reactions more than anything else.

“Well honestly, I don’t know at all because quite simply I’ve only been focused on reaction rather than substance”. Zak rubs his hands over his face and then punches me as I say that and it’s what I deserve in all honesty because I’ve been panicked over the wrong things right now.

“I know that I should have something planned but I wanted to play it by ear and get the sense of the conversation about how I want to bring it up” which I think is a fair way of playing things and Zak does too but he wants me to have some game plan at the very least because it’s not something I can just drop in a conversation.

Coming up with a plan is tough because nobody knows how anything is going to go down and I don’t know whether I’m just going to be telling my grandfather on his own or my grandmother is going to be there as I have to not only then tell them about me being gay but propose my new company which might be seen as being too different to the family brand at this point.

“Look, you know this more than anyone but you’re an amazing businessman and so adaptable at any situation that you can read the room better than anybody I know, if things aren’t going well, you’ll sense it instantly… but they will go well” Zak is adamant that there won’t be a problem and even though I know there shouldn’t be I just think there will be.

I let out a massive sigh and right now start again to think about cancelling the trip “Maybe I should cancel, what’s wrong with the status quo?” I say as Zak then grabs my shoulders and punches me on the arm again.

“Where the hell do I begin with what’s wrong with the status quo?” he says getting up frustrated as he looks out the window and turns back to me “Us for the first part… if you didn’t want to stay closed off to everybody then who knows what we could’ve had”.

Zak’s words are the first signs of anger he’s ever shown about us not ending up together which surprises me but these are probably all words that I need to hear. “There was our relationship, and there have been so many opportunities for you to date other amazing guys you’ve met but you didn’t because of it and I don’t need to talk about this whole Kierra situation… a lot of rumours would have quickly been put out,” he says quite pointedly at me like I’m a naughty child.

“Y…” I start to speak before Zak stops me and looks at me “Stevie, you’ve got a family who loves you more than this world and how many times has your grandfather said to you that you’re more important to them than any dollar amount or hotel… why do you think honestly it will change?”

The words are harsh but are probably what I need to hear and settle me down a bit because instead of thinking rationally and logically, I’m going off the deep end and catastrophising the whole situation when I really don’t need to at all. “Honestly, I don’t know why it will change but you just never know what is going to happen and sometimes I wonder if the family nature of the brand will put people off,” I say as Zak shakes his head.

“That’s their problem and not yours, if you can’t be yourself because some narrow-minded arseholes want to boycott your hotels then let them miss out… you can’t be something you don’t want to be just for the sake of people that wouldn’t give two pieces of shit about you” he says as I nod and know that he’s right again.

I put my head on his shoulder as he strokes my hair and I just smile at him “I have been pretty stupid about this all and the sooner I get to Switzerland for the weekend the better” I say as he nods and then gets up picking up our dinner plates off the table and taking them inside as I look over the city views.

“EXACTLY,” he says to me as I shake my head again knowing he’s right. “You just need to tell them everything about you honestly, there is almost nothing that you can say that will upset them or want them to end contact with their grandson… their only family member left,” Zak says as he comes back and puts his arm around me. “They’ll accept you for who you are and if they didn’t then why would you be essentially in charge of everything?” he says as I nod and hug him tightly appreciative of his words right now.

Letting go of the hug I look at Zak “I owe you so much and I love you so much…. Not like that as the big brother I never had to put me into line and give me advice” I say as he smiles but then punches me. “I’m only 8 months older than you remember,” he says mocking offence at my statement before hugging me back.

Kissing me on the cheek, Zak looks across at me and has a long look at me in my eyes before putting a kiss on my lips as for one of the rare times I don’t want to kiss him back. I let him kiss me before pulling away and taking a deep breath “We both know this isn’t right and it will never be” I say regretfully with a tone that Zak understands. Standing there, it’s really weird for me to be doing this because all that I’ve ever wanted is to be with him but after talking to Brax this morning, I know that my lusting over him is toxic for so many reasons with Zak’s relationship with Antonio and then our friendship.

I don’t want to be the one who ends my best friend's amazing relationship with his fiancé and then having the toxicity of that along with Zak always resenting me for doing such that. “We had something special, but our friendship is what is most important to me and I can’t do anything that ruins a friendship more because I rely on that,” I say as Zak nods and agrees as if to say that’s what he has been thinking.

This wasn’t the conversation that either of us had planned but it’s weird because even though we are not together as a couple it’s weird to have a break-up like this again and neither of us knows how to react.

“Have we broken up again?” Zak says before laughing as only he can to lighten the mood and I start laughing as well and we just enjoy the moment as I nod. “Who knew you could break up a second time especially when there wasn’t a relationship,” I say as we hug and head down just to get some dessert.

It’s about 11:30 before Zak heads off as he needs to pack a bag of clothes before I get back up to the penthouse and decide on whether I really need to have all my stuff packed right now. I sit there and think about what’s happening as I pack my bag with a few extra things in case I want to get away if things go awry. Packing a couple of shirts, pants and my more conservative underwear to make sure that nothing goes because I like to have a different image for when I’m meeting my grandparents even though they will soon know about my life.

Heading to bed, I confirm the flight details for tomorrow night leaving Bridgeport at 10 pm after attending a charity event that I forgot that I was attending before heading off which might be a nice nerves calmer before heading off.

The next day, I spend most of it in the office doing work although mostly I’m either looking at clothes or European apartments that would be nice to have so that I can visit my grandparents more without having to stay at their estate. The day goes so slowly before ultimately, I leave just after 4 to get ready for the charity event down at Martinelli Pier which is an exclusive restaurant/function centre down on the bay.

Putting on my grey suit, I head down to the function where there are still plenty of questions and I see that Zak was supposed to be there but I know that he is away with Antonio. Getting there, a few people want to give me a wide berth after all the stuff with Kierra which is annoying because there is a truth out there that these people who know me should realise but at the end of the day they don’t.

It's about 9:30 when I decide to head off, we’ve had the main function and it ended up being a good time because I got to catch up with a lot of good people and friends that made me realise that it wouldn’t matter what happened I’ve got the friends.

Eventually, I get to the airport at about 11 which upsets the crew and airport staff who have to give us special approval that will cost us extra for departing close enough to midnight which is after the curfew at the airport at 11 pm. The flight should take about 8 hours as I change on the plane to a hoodie and pair of shorts that will be a lot more comfortable.

The first point of action after we take off is just to use the bed and get some sleep almost like I’m just at home which I probably wouldn’t even be asleep if I was at home. Laying there, I’m actually surprisingly calm about everything that is about to happen which makes this sleep so much easier and I’m asleep for close enough to 6 hours which is nice when I’m woken up by the flight attendant who has a meal ready as we get into Switzerland in the afternoon.

Getting there, a car is already waiting for me as I go through the customs and security which would be easier if I followed in my grandparents’ footsteps and became citizens but it becomes too hard to do it with the amount of travel that I need to do. Sitting in the car, I use the car phone to ring my grandparents

Me: “Hi Grandad, I’ve just arrived and we’re on our way from the airport now”

Grandad: “Yes I can see that because I’ve followed you on Flight Radar and we can talk once you get here seeing as it’s important”

Me: “There’s no rush to talk, I don’t want to interrupt anything”

Grandad: “Oh Stevie, you wouldn’t interrupt because you wouldn’t come all this way to talk if you didn’t want to do it straight away”

I get off the phone with my grandfather and realise this is the moment when I am going to be able to tell my family that I’m gay. We get to the estate just after 6:30 pm local time where I expect them to be already having dinner but they’ve been waiting for me to get there before we have dinner all together.

Heading up to my bedroom where I still have stuff here from here last time I visited although that is only a couple of weeks ago and I put my stuff down as I head down and see my grandparents waiting to greet me.

“It’s so good to see you but you have us very worried,” my grandmother says as she hugs me tightly and my grandfather does as well as we head into the dining room where we have dinner served to us. I look down at the Mushroom and Chicken risotto that has been cooked by their personal chef Luca who has been working for them for as long as I can remember and like most staff are more family than anything else these days.

“How was France?” I ask to try and ensure that the conversation isn’t all about me right now deflecting trying to give my situation enough time that I can stall it until much later on. “Oh it was wonderful like usual, everything is amazing and Camille sends her regards to you and would love to have dinner with you when she returns to Bridgeport” I nod as I don’t remember who Camille is other than being a friend of my parents and grandparents.

We sit there eating and I listen to the stories of their trip to Paris and before I can ask any more questions about their trip for a while before they start asking about me “So what’s been happening in the past few weeks Stevie” my grandmother asks as I don’t really know what to say about what has been happening.

“Just work, for the most part, we’ve had a few hotel openings and re-openings and I’ve been trying to get my speech ready for the new cruise launch which is part of the reason that I want to honour the legacy of the family in deciding the new ship,” I say as my grandparents look intrigued but are open to the idea as they want me to elaborate.

“I know that some people probably won’t agree but with a new ship and a whole new class which is why that I have signed off on naming the ship the Platinum Lilian,” I say as my grandmother has a smile and I think that my grandfather is going to have an issue but he just smiles and agrees in how touching it is.

I sit there smiling at the response which makes me forget about my worries for the moment and the fact that I signed off on it does concern, my grandfather because he would’ve liked to know and is worried that he thinks that I want them there. I tell them that it is up to them and my grandmother actually says that she would want to be there because this is my biggest moment yet running the company.

Sitting there finishing dinner, we talk about work for a while as I fill them in on the information about the opening before we get up and decide to move into the living room where my grandparents have organised dessert for me and we sit there having tea, coffee and cake right now.

“So, this other big news that you wanted to tell us because I know you didn’t need to make the trip all the way here just to tell us the naming because you could’ve organised it over the phone or in one of our video chats,” my grandfather says as I nod and take a deep breath and have a wave of nausea running over my body as I close my eyes and hope that time stops so I can prepare myself.

The dessert comes out as we sit there and I wait for a minute as my grandfather wants his nightly glass of whiskey to go after dinner which helps me sit there and think about what I want to say and whether I just want to go out with it or add context to this.

My grandfather looks at me “So what was it that you wanted to say to us that was important? I know that you are having some dramas in your personal life but we know all about them and not paying any attention to them but I told you that we know it’s all fake and we’ve been here before” he says as I nod and understand that.

“Well, it’s not directly to do with that but also to do with my relationship status,” I say as my grandparents think that I must be talking about having a girlfriend or something as I take a deep breath and eventually start to think about the words Zak told me. “The thing is and the reason that I wanted to come and see you in person is that… that…” my nerves get the best of me and I start crying and can’t say it because in my head I’ve played this over and over with so many different results but I don’t know which one is going to come out so I just get up and head outside to get some fresh air for a moment.

I know it’s probably stupid to do it but I grab my phone out of my pocket and text Zak for advice even though I don’t know if it’s the best idea and whether he can reply to me at any point soon and whether he’d want to.

Me: “I don’t know if I can do this right now… everything is too good here right now because I started with the cruise news”

My phone buzzes almost instantly as I see his name come up on the screen and it’s Zak replying with the words that I need right now.

Zak: “You can do it, we all love you no matter what”

I’m standing outside looking out as my grandfather comes out and pats me on the back as I have calmed down a bit in the few minutes that I’ve had out here as I agree to come back inside to talk to him and tell him everything.

Reluctantly I walk back in about 10 minutes later and sit back down as my grandmother looks across at me and smiles which reassures me even though I haven’t said anything yet but I know that I can as I take a deep breath.

“Whatever you want to tell us you can Stevie, there’s nothing you can say that won’t make us love you any less so just be honest with us and yourself,” my grandmother says to me as I sit there nodding taking a deep breath as I think about things. “I understand that but this is pretty important and might make you think differently,” I say as I sit there and they prompt me to keep talking about things.

I take a deep breath “The reason that I wanted to come here and talk to you about this is that… I’m gay” I sit there expecting a shocked reaction but my grandparents are calm about it and just look at me “Ok, what was the big news that you wanted to talk to us about?” my grandfather says to me as I look shocked.

I don’t know whether my grandparents are ignoring what I had to say or this is their reaction to the situation as I look across at them “That was my big news that I’m gay” I say as they sit there. “I knew this would be a bad response, I’m sorry I’ll head home” getting up my grandfather raises his voice at me.

“Don’t be stupid Steven and sit down” he says using my full name is never a good sign in the fact that I think that I’m in trouble and he’s going to tell me it’s all over. “We’re not upset that you’re gay or anything, it’s just that for us we thought it was going to be something terrible because we love you no matter whether you’re gay, straight or whatever because to us you’re Stevie, our grandson, the most amazing young person we could’ve raised,” he says to me as I am now crying proud of their response.

“I wish I knew this was how you would react for all these months and years where I was panicking and Markus wanted me to come out when that whole situation came so I could calm it down but I wanted to tell you first,” I say sitting there as we talk and eat dessert now. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long and I just panicked that you would disown me and take everything away from me because you’d be disappointed,” I say as my grandparents look at me disappointedly that I’d think that.

“What gave you that idea Stevie? We love you no matter what and we’re proud of the person that you are right now because not many people can handle what you’ve been through with such poise and calmness” she says to me as I realise that deep down, I haven’t really been that calm about things.

The moment of acceptance is actually better than I thought and it feels like there is a whole weight off my shoulders right now because I had been worried about things and had planned even my resignation from everything to do with the company. “I don’t know what I was supposed to think you know, I thought that you’d hate me because different people get different responses and I just was worried that you would think so differently about me,” I say as my grandparents' nod as my grandfather starts to talk.

“Well, those people are stupid, narrow-minded idiots who don’t deserve to have family… It shouldn’t matter whether you are gay, straight, into both, into nothing or be transgender, all you want is happiness and the best for your family” he says which makes me smile and realise that he wouldn’t have been so successful without the modern thinking he has. “We love you Stevie and if we didn’t trust you with your decisions I wouldn’t have stepped back as much as I would have if I didn’t think you could handle it,” he says as I nod and still try to get my head around things.

I get up and need some space for some fresh air and head down to the poolside area and just sit down there with a drink as I’m sitting down on the edge of the pool trying to understand what happened and how there is no change in my life despite thinking the world was going to end. Now that my grandparents know, I feel much more comfortable thinking about how I’m going to tell the rest of the world that I’m gay in my own way and not in a way where it feels forced with everything going on.

Thinking about things, I realise that I need to text Zak about what happened and I do so in a joint text sending it to both him and Brax about what happened tonight.

“I told them and everything is just fine”

I send back not expecting a response but almost instantly Brax has replied

Brax: “Told you so”

Zak: “I fucking told you so… and see everybody was right”

I smile as I sit there thinking about how I want to come out right now and decide that the simplest way to do it is writing a message from the heart about me and even then it’s not going to be some long-winded piece of media-driven dribble but my own words.

“I’ve always tried to live my life as an open book for everyone to read, but for too long I’ve been keeping a very important chapter of my story in the closet and today after telling the most important people in my world it’s today where I get to yell you all that I am gay” 

I don’t know what the response is going to be as I put what I wrote both on Twitter with a picture of me smiling and just put it out there now being totally honest and free about myself.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting out there for but my grandfather comes down and finds me as I sit there and he stands behind me. “This has always been your spot,” he says as I smile and get a chair out for him as he sits down and has a look at me.

“I’m really proud of you Stevie, not just for tonight but everything you’ve been doing has been putting the company into a good light and making your own statement on things which is good for the future,” he says as I smile and give him a really big hug. “I know you say that a lot to me but I’m glad because I’m trying to build on your legacy because without your hard work, I know that none of this exists without you,” I say as my grandfather looks across at me and just smiles.

“I know that Stevie, but this is your company too and hopefully one day if you want to have kids, you can pass it down as your legacy as well,” he says to me as I smile and hug him yet again. I nod as grandad keeps telling me about how I need to leave my own mark on the company because this is what he wants for the company as well.

We head back upstairs and I head to my bedroom and just strip off my clothes and lay on my bed just in my underwear as I can’t believe everything that happened today and that all my panicking and worrying was just as everybody told me it would be. I grab my laptop out of my bag and have a look over my plans for the new travel company and I decide that I want to show my grandfather my plans and start my own legacy.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to give you a heads up that this is the penultimate chapter of the story for now; I've been having a fair bit of writers block with this story so after the next chapter, I'm going to rest this story and put my energy into something else that I know you'll all enjoy again.