The Skin of Things

Everything Donovan Shorter had learned in Catholic school he had jettisoned. He had learned it too late anyway. There was this glorious prize, more or less between his legs, and it wasn’t to be given to anyone but a spouse. This, of course, meant a woman. For a long time this hadn’t been a real issue in his life. Most of his teen years were spent reading books, sketching, sculpting, praying, living in his head. But after seventeen, he and Andy had come closer and closer, and then, after eighteen, one day at his house, he and Andy had begun to kiss, and when they knew they liked it, Andy got up and locked the door and they kept at it. They took off each other’s shirts and kept at it until Donovan closed the blinds and locked the door. They took off their pants and kept at it. They took off their underwear and kicked off their socks, wrapped their arms around each other, pressed their bodies together and kept at it. They discovered love and fell asleep together.

“We weren’t supposed to do that,” Andy said, later on, in the darkness.

“I don’t really care,” Donovan told him. “And I don’t think God does either.”

“No,” Andy said. “I feel the same.”

He and Andy were a none too steady item, and even before they had broken up forever, there had been a few others. Donovan knew who to stay away from. For many people sex was a shameful thing. They tried to keep it tamped down and then now and again it exploded in some crazy and dangerous manifestation. They walked away hating themselves or in some cases murdering you. In school, Donovan had heard about how some people were celibate for love of God and gave themselves to the world that way, but this made no sense. When he wanted to give himself to the world, he gave himself to the world. When he wanted to make love he did it.

He sensed that Brian was much the same. In the motel across the street. when Donovan took out his credit card, Brian said, “Don’t you dare,” and he handed his to the man at the desk and then, with no shame at all, walked Donovan up to the room. He opened the door, closed it and grinned down at him.

“We should have just done this,” Brian kissed him on the mouth, and Donovan flung his arms around his neck.

“My old friend,” Brian said, his voice half a gasp. They stood there, kissing and running their hands through each other’s hair, down one another’s backs, over belt buckles, back up again. Donovan held Brian’s face in his hands.

“You are so beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Brian said. And they kissed again.

And then Donovan began to undo his shirt, and Brian helped him. Brian undid his pants and Donovan helped him, and soon they were naked and coming to the bed, kissing and tasting and touching, and then lying there linked together.

Donovan lay on his side, looking at Brian lying on his side. He ran his hands over Brian Vaughn, stopped at his hip. He kissed Brian, his chin, his throat. Don sucked his nipples and Brian moaned. Don kissed down his belly. He placed his face in the softness of the hair under Brian’s stomach and then, tenderly kissed the shaft of his penis, kissed down, while Brian shuddered, tasted, licked, took him slowly in his mouth.

Down below. Donovan Shorter was pulling light and fire from him tip of Brian’s cock. Gently, letting a cry escape his lips, Don felt Brian’s hands in his hair, kneading messaging, stroking his neck and Don swallowed his cock. Don rose up, kissing him up his body again till they were face to face and Brian pulled him forward and kissed him.

They stopped, breathing lightly, Brian’s body across him.

“What?” Brian said.

“Nothing,” said Donovan. “Only... I’m so happy now.”

“I know what you mean.”

Brian’s penis, tapered, was firm between Donovan’s thighs. Donovan rubbed his hands through Brian’s sweat damp hair. Brian’s longer, taller, body was warm and moist on top of him.

“Brian?”

“Yes?” Brian’s voice was soft.

“Fuck me.”

Brian sucked on his throat, and then kissed him, thrusting his tongue deeply into Donovan’s mouth. He pressed his body hard against Donovan, hugging him. He placed his cheek on Donovan’s chest.

He said, “Yes.”

When it was over they both lay trembling and shaking, Donovan’s thighs around him, his hands deep in Brian’s hair. They didn’t want to leave that position. They didn’t want to stop holding each other. Slowly, Brian turned over, lying on his back, his side pressed to Donovan’s. They didn’t speak right away.

“I haven’t been with… anyone. Not for a while. not like that,” Brian said. “People don’t understand. They think…”

He stopped talking.

Finally he turned around and looked at Donovan.

“Are we friends, or are we not? Because I think we are.”

“I think we are too.”

“I’m just saying there’s nothing casual about casual sex. People don’t understand, you’ve got to be comfortable with someone to do what we just did. And I don’t really know who I can talk to about this and they’ll understand.”

Donovan turned on his stomach, and he put his chin on Brian’s stomach while Brian grinned and tapped out a piano tune on Donovan’s head.

“They will say, oh my God, you met someone online, and then you all just went back and had sex. Oh, my!”

Brian laughed.

“I figure, who cares. If we’re both having a good time. If we’re both giving each other pleasure. God knows no one on this earth wants to give anyone pleasure anymore.”

Donovan could still feel Brian in him. He kissed his stomach, and his navel and his right hip and his left hip, saying:

“Well, you did. You gave me great pleasure, and as long as you’re here we can keep giving each other pleasure. We will pleasure the hell out of each other.”

“I like that,” Brian said.

Donovan came back up and lay his head next to Brian’s.

“How long are you free?” Brian said.

“Till seven.”

“It’s nearly six. Will I see you again?”

“I just said you would.”

“People say so much. Men are so brave… For all of thirty seconds.”

“I’m always brave,” Don said.

Brian, hair rumpled, looked at him with deep consideration.

“Of course you are,” he said.

How are you?

I’m great. What about you?

Good. Happy.

How did whatever you had to go to last night turn out?

It turned out great. Everything’s really great right now.

Are you in class right now?

I am between classes. I am about to go to Eighteenth Century British Lit in a moment.

Oh, that’s good. I should have gotten more lit in my system.

Speaking of lit, I really enjoyed yesterday. I’m glad it happened.

What?”

Donovan typed quickly.

We should get that out of the way, if you were wondering. I’ve actually been thinking about it all day, since it happened.

Me too.

Then, a moment later:

I haven’t been that free with someone in a long time. I keep thinking about it too.

How much longer are you in town?

I don’t know. I shouldn’t have been in town, anyway. I was headed to Maine.

For?

It’s a long story. I could tell it. If you wanted to hear it.

Do you want to get together again?

Quickly the response came.

Yes.

Donovan added:

I wasn’t sure if you would. Or how to ask. Or anything. But yes.

When?

I’m staying with a friend, and he might not be here, but then also, he might

Right.

Then Donovan typed:

My home.

You don’t live alone. You can’t.

I live with my father, but he should be keeping the store. And if anything unexpected happens. then I’ll just have to make you climb out the window. Don’t worry, I’m on the first floor.

The next day, from where he sat on the porch, Donovan waited for Brian’s car, and when he saw it, waved. A moment later a tall, dark haired professional looking man in silver grey slacks and white shirt crossed the street and climbed the porch. Donovan opened the door and let him in. Now, in his father’s house, Donovan was aware of how tall Brian was, and how he smelled of good cologne, and how he was no child, had to be at least thirty-five. He didn’t dare ask his age. He thought, I will always be with someone much younger, or someone much older.

They looked at each other for a time, and then Donovan brought Brian’s face to his and began kissing him, feeling Brian’s tongue thrust into his mouth, feeling the stubble of Brian’s cheek, Donovan’s hands went to Brian’s gelled hair, down his sides. Brian pulled him tight to him, and through his thin slacks, Donovan felt the hardness of Brian’s penis.

“Come on,” Donovan said, taking Brian’s hand and leading him through the front room, through the dining room, down the hall, and then into his bedroom where, kissing him again, he pushed Brian a little against the door, shut the door, and then locked it.