Mike Does Some Research
I was thinking about Kyle and the talk that we had after our first make out session. I looked up homosexuality in the set of encyclopedias that we had in the house. As I read the description, I was pretty sure that I was gay. I knew I enjoyed the sex part, at least what little we had done so far, but I was starting to develop other feelings for Kyle. I just wanted to be with him even when we weren’t messing around. I could talk to him about anything, and from what I could tell, he was feeling the same way.
The next day, my list of chores wasn’t too long, I was done in about an hour. Kyle wasn’t going to be able to come to the shed today. His mom was going to visit her mother, so he had to watch his little sister. I decided to use the time to do a little research and walked to the library.
As I walked into the library, Mrs. White said, “Good morning Mike. Have you finished the book you checked out last week already?”
Mrs. White had worked at the library for as long as I had been going there. She was always smiling and eager to help anyone find something that was suitable for them. Today, I was going to research something a little bit more personal.
I smiled, “No Mrs. White, I’m still reading that book. I’m just doing a little research today.”
She said, “Is there anything I can help you find?”
I shook my head, “No thank you, I think I can find what I need.”
She smiled, “Ok, just let me know if you need anything.”
I walked to the reference section and was glad that it was out of sight of her desk. I found some books about laws. Most were a little confusing and I wasn’t sure what a lot of it meant. Good Lord why do lawyers have to write like this. I wasn’t surprised to find out that there wasn’t much information on homosexual laws. The book I found the most information in just said that sodomy was illegal, other than in Illinois. It had repealed their law in 1962. After I looked up what sodomy meant, it seemed to me that being gay was illegal. I closed the books up and put them away. (**more info on homosexual laws at the end of this chapter)
Mrs. White saw me and said, “Oh Mike, I can put those away.”
I pushed the last book into it place and smiled, “That ok Mrs. White, I’m done.”
She asked, “Did you find what you were looking for?”
I nodded, “Sort of.”
She said, “I would more than happy to help you find more.”
I smiled, “Thanks, but I need to be going home, maybe next time.”
Mrs. White, smiled, “Ok, that’s what I am here for. See you on your next visit.”
I tucked my notebook under my arm and said, “Have a good day.”
I went back to the shed and reread some of Walter’s entries. I never read anything that Kyle and I hadn’t read yet, I didn’t want to break our promise. I could tell that Walter really had feelings for Ellis, and Ellis was so caring toward Walter. So, I assumed that Ellis had similar feelings to Walter. Walter said on more than one occasion that he felt so safe with Ellis, there were even several entries detailing their talks about their hopes and dreams with each other. I actually enjoyed reading these entries more than the ones where he was talking about their sexual experiences. They actually spurred conversations between Kyle and I about our real feelings. I will always be grateful for that. I still was not ready to tell my parents or any of my friends but just admitting that I was gay to myself made me feel a lot better.
The Journal’s Final Entries
The next day I met Kyle at the pond as we had planned. After a quick swim we headed up to the shed to read the next entry in the journal. We sat down next to each other, and Kyle put his arm around me. I turned to him and gave him a kiss, then opened the journal and started to read.
***
July 5, 1922
I hadn’t been able to see Ellis for a while. My extra jobs kept me busy, and his mother had been sick, so he was watching his brothers and sisters. Thankfully she was feeling well again, and he was already waiting at the pond when I showed up today. We stripped and took a quick swim and walked to the shed naked as had become our new habit. Once we were inside, we began kissing and pulling at each other’s peckers. We were soon laying on the floor sucking on each other. Just like last time, after we each had a mouthful of each other’s love juices we held each other as we kissed.
We lay there talking about how we felt about each other and were still trying to figure out what all this meant. We just knew that we wanted to be with each other all the time. But that was just something that wasn’t done. I’ve heard pa and some of the others around town talking about those queers in the big city. It was just one more reason for me to get out of here. I really wish that Ellis would be able to go with me, but I knew his family needed him and he wanted to stay with them.
At some point we must have dozed off holding each other. I panicked when I woke up and realized it was late. Ellis and I hurried to get dressed and go home. My stomach flipped when I saw pa’s truck already parked in front of the house. I prepared myself for a beating as I walked toward the house.
***
Kyle and I sat in silence after we finished the entry. What was Walter’s dad going to do or say to him?
Kyle said, “I really feel sorry for Walter, God I hope his dad doesn’t beat him again.”
I sighed, “Yeah, I know what you mean. Jesus, that guy is truly a prick.”
I looked at Kyle and turned the page, bracing myself for what was to come next for Walter.
***
July 6, 1922
I took a deep breath when I got back to the house after Ellis and I had fallen asleep. Pa had already finished about a quarter of his new bottle. He gave me a nasty look as I walked in. He threw an empty plate at me, just catching my shoulder.
He yelled, “Where the hell have you been?”
I stuttered, “I was just out in the trees pa, I lost track of time. I’m sorry I’ll get your supper right away.”
He screamed, “Too late, you worthless pile of trash, I ate some leftovers from last night.”
I sighed, “I’m sorry pa.”
He took another swig from his bottle and said, “Sorry don’t feed me.”
As his hand came across my face, I stumbled back a bit as he swung wildly again. He had drunk just enough to be unsteady, and he lost his balance; he missed me and fell to the floor. I turned and ran out the door. I didn’t stop running until I was inside the shed. I put a board across the door just in case pa followed me, although that probably wouldn’t have stopped him if he tried to break in. I sat in the corner that was furthest from the door with my knees tight against my chest and waited. My mind went to Ellis, what we had been doing together and what it all meant. From the first time I saw him swimming in the pond I felt a strange attraction to him, I wanted to be around him all the time. Thankfully, pa never came to the shed.
I slept in the shed that night and woke up to the sound of pa’s model T heading down the road. I snuck into the house once I was sure he was gone. I grabbed something to eat and the rest of the things I wanted to take with me when I left and headed back to the shed. I had to come up with a plan for when he came home tonight.
My thoughts went back to Ellis, would he show up today? How would he act toward me? After I ate a little bit, I walked toward the pond. Ellis was sitting on the rock beside the water; he turned when he heard my footsteps.
He smiled, “I was wondering if you were coming,” he looked at me and jumped up. “What happened to your eye?”
It hadn’t even occurred to me that my eye might be black and blue from pa hitting me.
I put my hand to my eye, “Oh, it’s nothing, pa was upset that his supper wasn’t ready. He smacked me, I’ll be ok.”
Ellis came closer to me, gently putting his hand on my eye, “I am so sorry I made you late, is there anything I can do to help?”
I shook my head, “No thank you, I just don’t know how pa will be tonight. If it is all right with you, I really don’t feel like swimming today. Would you like to come up to the shed with me?”
Ellis took my hand, “Sure, that will be fine.”
We got to the shed and Ellis saw my clothes and the blanket in the corner, “Did you sleep here last night?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
We sat down next to each other, and he put his arm around me. I felt safe again. We sat in silence for a few minutes, then Ellis turned to face me. “Are you going to be alright?”
I sighed, “I think so, I just have to figure out how to deal with pa, that’s all.”
He said, “I wish I knew what to do to help you.”
I gave him a weak smile, “Just being here with me now helps a lot.”
He pulled me in tighter and held me until he had to go home.
***
Kyle and I both took a deep breath when we finished reading.
I said, “At least Walter’s old man only got one hit in.”
Kyle nodded, “For now.”
I asked, “Do you think his dad might go looking for him?”
Kyle shrugged, “I don’t know, the old man was already drunk and was in no condition to fight. Maybe when he’s sober, he might try something.”
I ran my hands through my hair as I turned the page, we continued to read.
***
July 7, 1922
I’ve been staying in the shed the last few nights, not wanting to face my pa. I sat against the back wall staying still and completely silent when I heard pa’s model T coming up the road. I heard him yelling for me and then heard him throwing things around inside the house, just as he had done the night before. After about an hour, I hadn’t heard any more sounds. I assumed he was far enough into his bottle to have calmed down. I was still trying to form a plan to get out of this hell hole, maybe I could still convince Ellis to run away with me. I didn’t want to pressure him, but I needed to ask again, just to make sure.
The next day, Ellis and I met at the pond for a swim. It was a hot summer day, and the cool water felt refreshing against our bare skin. Being with Ellis helped me forget about pa, at least for a little bit. After about an hour I couldn’t control my erection any longer, just being close to Ellis always caused me to become aroused. We gathered our clothes, again, not even bothering to get dressed and walked to the shed hand in hand.
As soon as we closed the door, we were locked in a passionate kiss with our hard peckers rubbing against each other. We lay on the floor and started to suck each other. We had become so familiar with each other that we both knew what the other liked. I let loose of Ellis’s willie and went up to kiss him, it was my favorite thing to do with him. Ellis was lying on his back, and I straddled his waist as we pushed our tongues in and out of each other’s mouth. I felt his pecker rubbing against my ass and it was getting me more and more aroused; I felt the liquid that was leaking out of the tip of his manhood smearing all over my crack. I felt the urge to pull his pecker closer, and I reached back and started to rub it against my hole. It felt so good I couldn’t control myself any longer, I sat back and felt Ellis enter me. I paused for a bit, feeling the pain of Ellis’s big pecker stretch me to the limit. I shifted a little bit, and the pain began to subside as I was going down further onto Ellis. The pain was replaced by a feeling of pleasure that I had never felt before.
Ellis looked me in the eye. “Are you alright? I can’t believe you are doing this.”
I smiled back at him, "Do you want me to stop?”
He shook his head, “No, I just don’t want to hurt you.”
I panted, “I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t want to.”
Ellis grinned, “I’m glad because it feels really good.”
We resumed our kiss, and I started to move up and down on the perfect pole that I was impaled on. I felt Ellis’s breathing increase as he began to moan, he gave a push, and I felt his nuts against my ass cheeks and we both exploded. I shot across his stomach and chest, and he filled my hole with his warm seed. I collapsed on top of Ellis as we continued to kiss, Ellis’s deflating willie fell from my hole as I rolled over to lay beside him.
I said, “Ellis, that was really amazing, I don’t know why I felt the urge to do that, but I am really glad that I did.”
He nodded, “It was very pleasurable for me too, you were so warm and tight. I know that I am going to want to do it again.”
I smiled, “That’s good because I really want you to do it again.”
We held each other in silence for a while, and both drifted off to sleep for a short time. Ellis shifted and we both woke up.
Ellis looked me in the eyes, “Walter, what did it feel like?”
Not sure what he was talking about, I asked, “What did what feel like?”
He said, “When my pecker was in your ass.”
I shrugged, “Oh, it hurt a little bit to start, but once I got used to the size and you were a little deeper inside It felt really good. It was like you hit a spot that caused my nerves just stand on end.”
He asked, “Would you like to try to do it to me?”
I felt my eyes widen and said, “If you want me to, I would love to try.”
We kissed and then sucked each other until we were both hard again. Ellis was still on his back; I lifted his legs so that I had a clear path to his hole. He grabbed his legs as I started to rub against hole with the head of my leaking pecker. He relaxed and I started to push in; he tensed up and I stopped to let him set the pace. Once again, he relaxed, and I made it past his first ring of muscle. I paused again to let him get used to my willie inside of him. He gave me a smile, and I started to push further until I was in as far as I could go.
I paused until Ellis began to rock back and forth. “God Walter, you are right, there is spot that feels great, please push in again.”
We got into a rhythm and were both moaning with pleasure as I leaned forward to kiss him again, trapping his pecker between our stomachs. Ellis was right, it was so warm and tight, and my willie had never felt so good. I felt my nuts tighten and as Ellis’s pecker was rubbing against our bellies it suddenly shot a load all over both of us. It felt like his hole was clamping down on my willie and I exploded inside of his ass, once again we lay next to each other catching our breath.
Ellis panted, “Good God, Walter you were right that was incredible.”
I said, “And you were right too, it was so warm and tight. I have never felt anything like that before.”
After a few minutes of silence, Ellis asked that same old question, “Walter, what does all of this mean?”
I replied, “I don’t know Ellis, I just know that I want to be with you all the time. Not just when we fool around naked, but I can’t wait to see you every day. You make me feel safe and I forget about my old man when I am with you.”
He gave me a pitiful look and said, “I wish there was something I could do to help you with your pa. But my folks need me to help with my brothers and sisters. If they didn’t need me, I would run away with you, and we could be together all the time.”
I sighed, “I know Ellis, that means a lot to me, but I can’t ask you to leave your family. I will figure something out.”
Ellis leaned up on his elbow, “Walter, I think I love you.”
I looked up at him as I felt a tear come to my eye, “Ellis that is what I feel too, yes, I love you too.”
We kissed again and went back down to the pond to clean up and cool down. Ellis went home and I went back to the shed to spend the night again. Pa didn’t yell for me tonight; he must have thought that I ran away. I counted my money, just to see how much I had saved up. I sighed, it wasn’t much, but I needed to get out of here soon.
***
Kyle and I sat and stared at the words written on that page. I had no idea what Kyle was thinking as I slowly turned to look at him.
He sighed, “Wow.”
I nodded, “Yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it up.”
Kyle said, “I’m not sure if I was ready for that.”
I said, “I guess I knew guys did that, but I don’t think I’m ready for that either.”
We sat in silence for another few minutes and I said, “It looks like there is only one more page, do you want to read it?”
Kyle nodded, “Sure, we might as well finish it up.”
I turned to the next entry; it was only about half a page and looked like it was written in a hurry.
***
July 8, 1922
The next day, I waited in the trees until late afternoon to see if Ellis was going to show up. I decided I was going to jump on that freight train tonight and I wanted to say goodbye to him. I wasn’t looking forward to that part of our meeting. I finally saw him walking down the trail to the pond, bringing a smile to my face. We gave each other a hug, and we immediately stripped and swung from the rope into the pond. Again, I was able to put my pa out of my mind and enjoyed my time with Ellis.
We started to get dressed to go to the shed. I felt a fist connect with my face and then another as I fell, and everything went black. I woke up a while later, it was dark, and I scanned the area for Ellis. I couldn’t find or hear him, so I made my way to the shed for the night. I woke up the next morning tasting dried blood in my mouth and feeling like my ribs had been broken, I could hardly breathe. I walked out of the shed, and I saw pa’s truck in front of the house. I realized that it was Sunday, and he didn’t have to work today. I hadn’t seen pa since that night when he hit me. I went around to the back of the shed so that he wouldn’t see me and headed for the pond. I got to the pond and immediately turned and headed back to the shed. I sat in the corner and started to bawl my eyes out, God my life is a mess. I can’t go on any longer, I am going to end it all right now.
***
I quickly flipped through the pages, everything after that entry was blank.
Kyle asked, “What the hell just happened?”
I shrugged, “I have no idea.”
To be Continued…
Research notes:
**Being gay wasn’t technically a crime, but sodomy laws were used to target gay men, enforced differently from state to state.
· Illinois was the first state to repeal its sodomy law in 1962, setting a precedent for other states to follow.
· Over the next several decades, advocacy groups worked tirelessly to challenge sodomy laws at the state level.
· Tennessee didn’t repeal its sodomy law until 1996.
Landmark Legal Cases
- Bowers v. Hardwick (1986)
- In this U.S. Supreme Court case, the court upheld Georgia’s sodomy law, ruling that there was no constitutional right to engage in homosexual acts.
- This decision was a setback for LGBTQ+ rights but also mobilized activists to intensify their efforts.
- Lawrence v. Texas (2003)
- This pivotal case reversed Bowers v. Hardwick. The Supreme Court ruled that laws criminalizing consensual same-sex relationships violated the Fourteenth Amendment’s due process clause.
- This decision effectively decriminalized homosexuality nationwide, overturning sodomy laws in 13 states.
