The Families in Rossford

THE MESS UNFOLDS

CONCLUSION

“I sent the kids home,” Meredith said. “I didn’t want them to see me like this for long. I told them Mommy would be home tomorrow.”

Sheridan sat down in the chair and said nothing.

“I saw her,” Meredith continued. “She was so beautiful. She looked like she was sleeping. She was perfect.

“I never even named her.

“When I was looking at her, I thought of Robin.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Sheridan said. “I want to say something smart, but I can’t. I thought… We haven’t been around death, not like this. Not since Robin.”

“The last time I saw her, when she said goodbye,” Meredith said. “I still remember us sitting in her room, singing together. And then she was gone. But there was that coffin at the funeral. And it was winter, right before Christmas. I just kept thinking about that.”

Sheridan nodded.

“Not for the reason you think,” Meredith said. “Not because she died and my baby died.”

He waited.

“It’s because I never understood,” Meredith said. “I knew she was depressed. I knew she was on the edge, but as sad as I got, even after she was gone, I never got to that edge. And when I knew Max wasn’t coming back, when I knew I was going to be a single mother, you know, I was sad. But today, when they told me I had lost her, I felt myself falling, I felt this horrible darkness and it was like, for the very first time I understood what it was like to want to die. I never really knew why she killed herself, or why Radha’s brother-in-law did. But today I knew, I knew, Sheridan.”

She looked up at him. His mouth was half open and she said, “I’m not doing it. I have two children. It’s just… This icy thing touched me. It’s like something reached out and killed a piece of me and it’s scarred forever and I’ll always be able to go to that place where I understand what suicides do. I get it. I get it. There is a part of me that wants to get away, go after my baby and not come back. I’m just so tired.”

“I’m staying with you,” Sheridan said.

“You don’t have to.”

“Do you mind if I do?” he asked her. “There’s so much I have to tell you, and I never told you about Robin. About what it did to me. I just kept it all inside.

“She told me that she wanted me have sex with her. I thought she would kill herself if I didn’t. She made me promise and said it would… fix her.”

Meredith looked at him, her face solid, not pitying, just waiting.

“Part of me always felt like she was trying to rape me, because I felt like that when we did it. I felt molested. I didn’t like doing it, but I did it because I was afraid. I had done so many stupid things but it made me feel a little ruined. And then she went and killed herself. I felt like she was trying to put that in me. What happened to her. Maybe she wasn’t, but I could never forgive it.

“That place you’re talking about,” Sheridan told her, his eyes now bright, “the place where you want to die? I know what it’s like too, that’s why I want to stay with you tonight.”

Meredith, who had begun to hope she was done crying, felt the tears coming back and nodded quickly, leaning forward to hold her old friend’s hand.        

Sheridan woke up in the middle of the night and looked over Meredith who lay asleep on her back, on a pile of pillows. He had to use the restroom, but he was also hungry and wanted to see what was in the cafeteria. He needed to stretch his legs.

Opening the door and coming out into the lobby he was surprised to see Brendan asleep, head thrown back, long legs stretched out.

He went to the chair beside him and sat down, shaking him.

“Brendan.”

It took a second call and then Brendan yawned and looked at him.

“I thought you left with Chay and Casey when I told you I was staying here.”

“I didn’t,” was all he said.

“You’re a very good man.”

He smiled at Sheridan sleepily and said, “I’m a very hungry man.”

“Me too. Can we go to the cafeteria?”

“Maybe we can find some real food?”

“I don’t want to leave Meredith for long,” Sheridan said. “Really, I don’t want to leave her at all.”

“How about,” Brendan suggested, “I go in and watch after her while you go downstairs and bring us something. You need to stretch a little.”

Sheridan nodded.

“I won’t be gone long,” he said.

“Take as long as you need,” Brendan told him.

“Brendan, I’m really glad you’re here.”

“I wouldn’t want to be anyplace else.”

“I was going to say,” Sheridan said, “that even though I’m glad we’re here for Meredith, I want to get back home. I want us all to get back home. And even though I am so sad for my friend, I am so glad for us, and I want us to start our life together. I mean, I want to wake up with you and know this time that what happened the night before is between two people who are together. We haven’t had that yet.”

“I know,” Brendan told him.

He stood up and stretched. He touched Sheridan’s chin.

“The first time, those first times I was nervous and confused about it. And I have been for a    while. I won’t be this time.”

It looked like he was going to kiss him, but instead, Brendan put a finger to Sheridan’s lips, and then he said, “Go and get us something, and I’ll go and look after Meredith.”

Pam found Layla out in the lobby looking exhausted.

“You’ve been crying,” she said.

“Is it obvious?”

“God, yes!” Pam told her.

Layla shook her head and ran the back of her hand over her eyes.

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“Will and I got bombarded by messages,” Layla explained. “A friend—well, more than a friend, she’s family—went into labor today. It was two months early. She lost her baby.”

“Oh, my God, that’s awful.”

Layla nodded.

“And she is my oldest friend’s younger sister. I just thought how horrible it is. It brought everything back to me. See, I lost two babies. I can’t actually carry a baby to term. I didn’t make it through an entire pregnancy. They just kept—I just kept losing them. And so finally I had surgery and took care of it, and thinking of Meredith, and her baby, it just brought it all back,” Layla shook her head in exhaustion.

“Oh, God, how awful for her. There’s nothing like it.”

Pam wrapped her arm around Layla and while Layla shook her head for Meredith, Pam rocked her and said,

“Oh my dear, how awful for you.”

“I didn’t think I’d see you before you left.”

“Why not?” Lance asked.

“Because you were here for Dylan.”

“Elias,” Lance said, catching his hand, “that’s not true. I was here for everyone. Cause it was Christmas.”

“That’s a load of crap,” Elias Anderson said. “You haven’t been apart from him since you got here. Not really.”

“But how could you think I wouldn’t say goodbye to you before you left?”

“Why would you?”

Lance looked at him in disbelief, almost angry.

“How could you say that?”

“Refer to the above conversation.”

“We’re friends.”

“Sort of.”

Lance turned away from Elias.

“You think I’ve been a shitty friend,” he said. Then, “Scratch that, I have been a shitty friend.”

“You were… You were what you are,” Elias said. “I’m still in high school. You’re a grown up in college with Dylan and what kind of claim am I suppoed to have on you?”

“You know exactly what claim.”

Elias shook his head and almost laughed.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“How—”

“And don’t ask me how I can say that. I can say it because it’s true. I’m a realist. I knew it then, I know it now. And I’m not jealous of Dylan. I love him just like you do.”

Lance shook his head and stood up.

“I have to go, but I’ll call you or something when I get back, cause I don’t think you understand me at all.”

“You’re a good guy,” Elias said. “And I would be really, really glad if we were friends again, cause I care about you, and I know you care about me. But I also know that what happened…” he shook his head, “I know it didn’t really mean anything.”

 Lance got up and he stooped to kiss Elias on the cheek. Then he hugged him.

He went toward the door and opened it, but before he left he said, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”