The Doctor's Appointment
The faint light comes from the crack of my window. The wooden panes are old and a little bent. I realize it’s time to I wake up. I hear the rooster crowing and get up. I make my small bed and run my hand over the old liver-colored thin blanket. I feel a bit drowsy as I look for my clothes. I take a long sleeved shirt, with some patches on, and my old pair of jeans that is also patched up. On the farm we wear simple clothes, unlike people who live in the city. At times, Mom would get some used clothes from our relatives in São Paulo, when she goes there for visits. Then, we’d wear them on the farm.
I go to the toilet and wash my face. I admire my smooth face and wonder when I should shave myself again. They say if you shave once, the hair grows thicker and stronger. Let’s see if it’s true. Will I ever grow a moustache as thick as Manuel’s? Probably not, for Manuel is European, and I am Asian. Perhaps that’s why I feel so attracted to him, for we’re the opposite of each other.
Back to the kitchen I begin to make coffee. Mother joins me, helping with the preparation of breakfast.
“Good morning, Ken. Did you sleep well?” I nod.
“Good morning, Mom.” Dad also joins us. Marcelo is the last one to get up.
“What time should I call Manuel to confirm the doctor’s appointment, Mom?” She shrugs her shoulders.
“I suppose a bit after eight. Even people in the city must wake up early.”
Dad’s workers arrive at seven. We have a quick breakfast and join them in the field. I help Dad pick up some green beans. Then, I keep my eye on the watch. Later, I return home and call Manuel up. He is happy to hear my voice, and says he’s calling the doctor right away. Then, by lunch time he’ll confirm our appointment. He believes we can have the appointment at three P.M. I agree with him.
After lunch, time really flies. Dad is delivering some produce to a middle-man and on the way back, he says he can drop me off at Manuel’s house. That sounds good to me.
As we stop by Manuel’s house, Dad tells me to call him when I’m done, so he can come to pick me up. I nod. I walk up to Manuel’s tall gate and ring the doorbell, hardly believing I already know its interior and more importantly, its master.
“Hello, dear! You must be Ken. Come in! I’m Mariana by the way!” She smiles and I kiss her.
“Nice to meet you, Mariana.” I smile and enter the house.
“Manuel hasn’t arrived from the store yet. He told me to take you to the living room. Would you like anything to drink?”
“No, thanks.” She smiles.
“If you allow me to say, you look very young, and handsome.”
“Thank you, Mariana.” The doorbell rings.
“It must be Dr. Bezerra. Excuse me, honey.” She opens the door and greets the older doctor. I greet the kind doctor rather awkwardly.
“Hello, my young man! I’m Dr. Bezerra.”
“I’m Ken. Nice to meet you, Dr. Bezerra.” He is an older physician who is always smiling. I take to him and feel confident about our appointment. Manuel says this distinguished gentleman’s been the family doctor for decades. Besides being the family doctor, he is also a friend, he told me.
He asks me several questions about my health and feels a little surprised when I tell him how little I’ve been to the doctor. I don’t have the heart to tell him that on the farm, Mom always makes her own home medicine.
“It’s no wonder you’re such a healthy young man!” We hear the front door and Manuel comes rushing in.
“I’m sorry for being late! Dr. Bezerra, how are you my friend?” They shake hands. “Ken, how great to see you so fresh and handsome.” He kisses me in front of the doctor. I blush and feel terribly conscious. Manuel however is confident and quite master of his actions.
“Dad drove me here, Manuel.” I smile.
“In this case, I’ll drive you back.” I am about to protest, saying I can call Dad and he can pick me up. But I know Manuel means well, and intimately, this way I can spend more time with him, and remain quiet.
He invites us to his large office and closes the door. Then, he sits beside me on some upholstered chairs. The older physician arranges his tools on the large dark mahoganny desk. He also brings a large book about the male anatomy, sexual organs, and STDs. He talks about the male sexual anatomy, its functions, and anal intercourse with its joys and possible risks if not done properly. He goes on talking about the importance of lubricants, a good cleaning, different methods for doing it, rimming, relaxation during penetration, and best positions. I blush and gulp as the doctor continues with his lecture. He hands us a book about gay sex, which I find very educative. Then, we ask him some basic questions about sex.
Later, it’s time for the medical examination. I turn to Manuel and he says he can leave the room if I wish. I wave my head and pretend to be brave, while I’m shaking like a leaf.
The next thing I know, I’m taking off my clothes, conscious of Manuel’s stare. Dr. Bezerra gives me a thorough examination, checking my penis, testicles, and finally, my prostate.
When it’s time for Manuel, I cannot help but admire his stocky hairy body, big solid muscles, forest of long thick pubic hair, some are turning gray, which I find charming. The doctor examines the thick long penis and pulls back the foreskin, revealing the large purple mushroom cock head. He examines his large testicles and feels for any veins or cists. Nothing is wrong with him. He then examines his prostate and tells him that he’s fine. Finally, he says we’re fine and healthy, and can have a normal sex life. I blush terribly as he says that. I also feel Manuel’s heavy hand on my shoulder. The kind doctor then hands me a card and says he’s available at any time in case I need further assistance.
Manuel then asks Mariana to bring coffee and some cake to be served in the living room. I feel much relieved and happy for today’s appointment. We all drink and have cake, while Manuel talks to his old friend about business and farming. Then, it’s time for him to go, for he’s visiting other patients. The moment the kind doctor leaves, Manuel hands me the books he’s bought for me. He also wishes me to stay for dinner and won’t hear a no for answer.
Inside, I cry of joy and feel as happy as a child that I am. He then tells me to call my family and say that I’ve been kidnapped and will only be returned to them tonight. I smile and accept his invitation. He excuses himself and says he’s got some work to do in his office. I follow him to the office and take the books.
As I leave it, I close the door, and carry the books and the other material to the living room. I sit quietly and enjoy the stillness of the large luxurious environment. I’ve rarely been to such a sumptuous place like this before. I feel conscious of myself and wonder if my shoes haven’t stained the thick carpet. I take a deep breath and finally pick up the phone and call Mom.
“Hello? Oh, that’s you, Ken! I’ll tell Dad to go and pick you up.”
“Mom, listen, the doctor’s appointment went well and I’m fine and so is Manuel. Well, he’s kindly invited me to stay for dinner.”
“What? To stay up for dinner? Don’t you think you’re already bothering him with this appointment? A doctor’s visit costs money! Of couse Manuel is a rich man and can afford that, but be reasonable, child. He is a busy man and you’ll be on his way. Besides, we’re in the middle of the week and not on the weekend for you to be amusing yourself.”
“Please, Mom. Manuel was so kind to invite me. I would hate to say no to him.”
“All right then! But once you get home, your dad and I will have a talk with you! You can’t be bothering this man like this. You’re a simple farm boy and needs to help us on the farm. That’s the place you belong!”
“All right, Mom. Bye.” She hangs up on me. Many thoughts cross my mind as I gently hang up the phone. I start as I realize Manuel is in front of me and smiling.
“Is everything ok, my precious?” I smile and nod. “I’m sorry, but I accidentally picked up the extention in my study and overheard your conversation.” He bites his lower lip. I blush completely.
“It’s ok, Manuel.” He kneels down before me and takes my cold sweaty hands. I always get sweaty hands when talking on the phone.
“Listen, Ken, I don’t want to bring problems to your family. But hey, cheer up! You’re my guest and shall have a great time with me in this house! And don’t worry about me, for I’m all right to stay home and not be in the store working. You’re not bothering nor disturbing me, my precious! You’re my sweet loving country boy! See, now you’re smiling! Give me a kiss and I’ll go back to my home office and call up clients and do some work.” We kiss. “Now, as I do some work in the office, you’re free to walk around the house, the yard, upstairs, anywhere you want. And don’t worry, my boy, I don’t have any mean dogs in the property.” He smiles.
“Thanks, Manuel.” He is about to leave when I stop him. “Wait, can I have some paper and a pen? I wish to write some notes.” He smiles and takes my hand. We enter his office and he hands me his heavy gold pen and some white paper.
“There you are, my precious.” He kisses me again and I leave him, closing the door behind me.
Well, he said I am free to roam his lovely property. So, I decide to go to his yard and sit by the pool. I sit at the sturdy glass table and begin to write.
“Excuse me, Ken. Would you like some juice?”
“Oh, Mariana, thanks.” I take the large crystal glass carefully not to break it.
“You’re welcome, dear. I’ll be in the kitchen in case you need anything.” She exits and I sip the pink juice. It’s a mix of acerola and strawberry. How lovely, aromatic, and refreshing.
‘Dear diary, I’m writing on these loose white sheets of paper instead of my simple spiral notebook at home. I’m also using his pen--yes, it’s Manuel’s pen instead of my simple cheap kind I used in school. I’m not home and it’s not evening as I usually write my thoughts and feelings on my pages. I’m in his house, by a lovely pool, and beautiful perfumed garden. Well, today Dad brought me here to have my doctor’s appointment with Manuel. Oh, dear, there’s just so much I have to learn in such a short period of time. I felt conscious as he gazed at me, totally naked in his study. I also saw him naked in his full splendor. What a muscular hairy man Manuel is! He is just perfect, confident, kind, and sweet. He’s invited me to stay for dinner. I promptly accepted, against my better judgment. Yet, I have to agree with Mom on this matter. I’m a working farm boy who has nothing to do with this dandy lifestyle, and at the expense of a man I am beginning to love. The feeling of guilt is quite heavy upon me, as I sit by this lovely nice pool, sipping juice from a crystal glass, and being comfortable like a guest. I’m sure Mom could use my help to clean the house, prepare dinner, and what-nots, for there’s always something to do on a farm. And yet, I seldom have time to sit, write, and think about my life. I suppose I’m just too young to think of that. And yet, here I am, ready to embrace a lifestyle that I wasn’t cut for, and becoming intimate to a man of my dreams! My life belongs to the farm, to tend the land, to help my family. As I sit here, on this lovely chair, and by this costly beautiful glass table, I feel like an impostor trying to fool others, especially Manuel. I feel I don’t belong in this place of luxury and comfort.
Yes, this is how I feel, like an impostor! I’m sure that Manuel must already have realized that, as he’s been to my house and seen how simple we rural people are. I have no sophistication, barely know how to speak, graduated from the public high school with just average grades, and have no future ahead of me, but to live on the farm and toil on the land. Perhaps I should put a stop to this nonsense before it’s too late, and consequently, hurt others. I’m sure Manuel will understand and forgive me for being an impostor. I must tell him he’s been mistaken. I must show him I’m but a simple country boy like Mom said. What kind of role will I have in his life? He’ll probably get tired of me as he realizes he’s picked a boy who can hardly look after himself. I don’t even know the art of sex and love-making. Manuel probably thinks I’m a moron, an outcast, a queer. I am all those things and, well, I also have no money to my name. The only thing we own is the land, which is not much either, for it belongs to Grandma.
Well, I do hope Mom and Dad can put some sense in my head. I’m sure they’ll show me the facts of life and that things cost money and we must work for our money as honest people do. As for dinner with Manuel, I just hope he can put up with me, my unwelcomed, and awkward presence in his beautiful ancestral house. I just hope he can tolerate me until he drops me off on the farm, the place I shouldn’t have left in the first place. I really should stop this situation before both of us end up getting hurt, for I’d never forgive myself if I ever hurt this man’s pure and well-meaning heart.’
His pen feels heavy in my hand. I close the cap and mean to return it to him, for I feel afraid of breaking or evem losing it. I could never buy him another pen like this one. I fold my papers and mean to return to the living room and sit there as quiet as a mouse. This way I won’t disturb him and will be better tolerated in his house.
“I hope you like simple food, my dear. Manuel has forgotten to tell me we have a guest for dinner tonight.” Mariana is all smiles. I look around me and think she must be confusing me for a real guest in the house.
“Pardon me, Mariana?” She smiles.
“You see, we don’t have many guests coming for dinner. So, even if Manuel told me to prepare something special, I would have forgotten about it.” She smiles.
“I thought you were talking about a real guest, Mariana.” She pauses, then laughs.
“Dear, no! I’m talking about you, child! You’re the special guest!” She takes my hand and smiles. Immediately, I take to her. I know she means well. I smile and just then, remember I’d left my glass on the table.
“Mariana, you’ve got to excuse me. I forgot the empty glass on the table.” She takes my hand.
“No, dear! I’m the housekepper here! You just sit in the living room and I’ll do my job.” She smiles and exits the large kitchen.
With my head still spinning, I put my papers on the pile of books and mean to return the pen to Manuel. As I see his office doors closed, I think I’d better not disturb him, and decide to return the pen later. I hear Mariana back to the kitchen and cutting something.
“May I join you, Mariana? Manuel is busy working in his study and I don’t want to disturb him. I feel I can be of some help.” She opens a wide smile.
“So, do you know how to cook?” I smile and tell her I know how to prepare a few dishes and enjoy cooking too. She then smiles and tells me what she’s preparing for dinner. A green salad with tomatoes, palm hearts, olives, cucumbers, radishes, croutons, and shredded cheese, for Manuel loves cheese. She’s in doubt whether she should prepare ranch, rosé, honey and mustard, French, or Italian salad dressing. She asks my opinion, for I’m the guest. I blush and say I’ve never tasted these different types of salad dressings before. She smiles and describes each one in detail. I ask which Manuel likes, and it’s settled then. She says we’re also preparing roast veal with dry red wine sauce and mushrooms, sautéed vegetables, and mashed potatoes. For dessert she has prepared a pudding, for Manuel requested her to make one for me. I can hardly believe rich people have this feast. On the farm, we have simple food. What Mariana is preparing are special dishes we farm folks only have on Sundays or holidays. As I take the knife and begin chopping some vegetables, she smiles.
“I can tell you know how to cook, honey.” I help Mariana prepare our dinner and try to learn as much about the household as possible. She gives me a crash course of the house and household items as we work. She demonstrates how everything works, where she keeps everything stored, and much more. I feel happy and free for the first time.
I don’t feel like an intruder nor an impostor anymore. In fact, I feel Mariana and Manuel are quite simple people. The only difference is that they live in a world totally different from mine. She goes on talking about dishes, wines, table settings, and a million things about basic etiquette. I am all ears and pay careful attention to every single detail.
“I see you’re a quick learner, child. Besides, I can also tell that you are an intelligent and hardworking young man. I’m sure you’re going to be a star in Manuel’s social setting.
Manuel in the meantime is at his study talking on the phone, filing papers, making calculations. At times we hear him clearing his throat, a clear sign for us to speak more quietly and not disturb him. I turn to Mariana and we smile. I help her set the table, and just then realize it’s already past seven o’clock.
“Mariana, dear, I’ll call Manuel for dinner.” I knock on the door gently. He opens the door with a big smile. He takes off his glasses and I return him his pen.
“No, you keep it, my precious! It’s yours! Take it as a gift.” He smiles and kisses me.
“But Manuel, I can’t accept it. It must have cost a lot of money.” He smiles and puts the pen into my pocket. “Ok, Manuel. But I’ll accept it in one condition.” He smiles.
“And what is your condition, my precious?”
“That you’ll stop giving me presents, Manuel.” He considers it for a while.
“Well, for the time being, ok. But, please, my precious, you can’t imagine how glad my heart feels every time I give you something.” I smile.
“All right, dear. I see I cannot dissuade you from this habit. But, please, dear. I’m but a simple country boy. I can’t go on accepting so much from you.” He smiles and kisses me.
“All right. You win, my angel. But, can we have dinner, for I’m starving.” He leads me to a nice bathroom with a large white sink. We wash our hands and dry in a delicate soft white towel. We go to the dining room, where Mariana has laid all the dishes for us.
“Anyway, how did you like your doctor’s appointment, my precious?” He drinks water from a lovely crystal glass. I admire his solid silver ring and the studded black onyx shining under he light.
“It’s a lot of new information for me.” I also drink some water. “Why don’t they teach you all those things in school?” I speak in a lower tone, fearing Mariana will hear us talk about such a delicate topic.
“Because we’re still living in a predominantly religious society. Besides, speaking about such topics is still a taboo, my precious.”
“I see. But I can only think of the problems teens and young adults could avoid if they were only told frankly about this topic.” I lower my voice again. He smiles. “Well, my parents would never talk about it with me at home. Much less about gay sex.” Manuel smiles and agrees with me.
We start with the marvelous salad dish. Mariana has prepared the Italian dressing, which tastes exquisit! Manuel loves his greens just like me. Then, he helps himself to some veal, sautéed vegetables, and rice. I mimic him, and learn how to hold the fork and knife properly. He smiles and asks if the food is to my liking. I nod.
“Mariana is a great cook, Manuel.” Needless to say, the veal is tender and quite tasty. The entire meal is perfect, well-seasoned, and properly cooked.
After our sumptuous veal dinner, we have a wonderful bread pudding. To my surprise, Manuel takes a large portion, instead of a thin slice, like they show it in the movies. I take a piece and love the taste. After our dessert, he invites me to take a stroll in the garden. I am about to take the dishes to the sink, but he says Mariana will take care of that.
“Manuel, I’m honestly not used to be served by the table, and much less not doing the dishes after meals. This is so different for me.” He smiles.
“Well, I only insisted Mariana stay here later because you were having dinner with me. But on ordinary occasions, I usually have dinner alone, and take my own plate to the sink. Like I’ve said earlier, I’m a simple man, my precious.” I smile.
“Thanks for making me feel so welcomed in your house, Manuel.” He smiles.
“It’s also your house from now on, my precious!” I smile and say nothing. We enjoy the evening and warm summer air.
“How about taking a swim in the pool, my precious?”
“But I haven’t brought the pair of Speedos that you gave me.” He smiles and tells me to wait.
He disappears into his house, and after a short while, comes back with a large silver tray with a jug of orange juice and crystal glasses. He also brings two large towels. He puts the tray on the large garden table and the towels on a chair. He removes his nice gray shirt, revealing his hairy muscular upper body.
“Ken, my precious. I’ve already dismissed Mariana for the night.” He removes his shoes and socks. He approaches and kisses me. “Now, we take a swim without any clothes on, what do you think?”
“But Manuel, you live in the city! There are houses around us!” I gasp as he opens his pants, lowers his zipper, and remains in his blue cotton briefs.
“Yes, but no one can see us. The walls are very high and there are plants surrounding the whole property. Besides, it’s beginning to get dark and I won’t turn on the lights. No one will be able to see us.” He helps me take off my T-shirt and shorts. “Besides, you’ve already seen me totally naked in the office.” He smiles.
“Ok, dear.” I blush. He lowers his briefs and smiles to me. He lifts a leg then another and places the fallen pair of briefs on a chair. He crosses his arms over his chest and spreads his legs. I lower my briefs and smile at him, feeling extremely conscious of myself.
“Let’s go for our swim!” Manuel jumps in the pool. I join him and feel the cool water.
“This pool is the best thing in the world, honey!” We swim and play in the water until it gets dark.
“Why don’t we have some juice, my precious.” We exit the pool and Manuel pours some juice in my glass.
We dry off and drink. Both sit naked on our chairs. He takes my hand and kisses it. I admire his hairy body, arms, hands. He looks at me and smiles. The light coming from his kitchen ilumines our naked bodies partially.
After our juice, we get dressed and he says he’ll take me home, for my parents might be getting worried about me. In the truck, I ask him to stop it in the middle of the fields, completely dark.
“Thank you Manuel for being the most understanding boyfriend in the world.”
“No problem, my precious. And thank you for being this angel who is making me he happiest man in the world!” We kiss.
Manuel joins my family for coffee and cookies which I baked myself. We all laugh at his stories and jokes. My little brother tells Manuel to come more often, for he wishes to hear more of his stories and jokes. I tell them about Manuel’s idea of camping by the waterfall some day in the future, and they say it’s a good idea, though they don’t like to hear about bugs and snakes. My little brother begs to come along, but Mom says it’s not for kids. Manuel takes my brother in his arms and promises him to bring a gift for him the next time he comes for a visit. My brother smiles and says he’ll love to get a gift from him. Then, I walk Manuel to his truck and kiss him.
“Manuel, I feel that I’m almost ready to move in with you. At least my heart, well, you already have it,” I kiss him.
“My precious, take your time and know that I’ll wait for you. And know that there is nothing else in the world I want more in life. “Good night, my angel.”
“Good night, honey.”
As I return home Mom and Dad ask me several questions about the doctor’s appointment. Marcelo is watching TV, so we can talk at ease in the kitchen. Mom says she feels anxious about my bond to Manuel. Dad smiles and says I can already take care of myself. I nod and tell them I wish to move in with him sometime next week. They agree with me.
“Well, one day or another you would have to leave this house, son. As far as I know about your boyfriend, he’s a decent man. It would surprise me if he were just interested in taking sexual advantages of you. But I’ve already spoken to your mother about your relationship to this man. We believe you’re not going to be like your cousin Trisha, who ran away with a boy, and months later, returned home pregnant, and became a single mother. It turned out her lover was already a married man. Ken, I’ll just ask you this once. Answer me to your best judgment. Then, you can do whatever you want with your life. Do you love this man?” Mom and Dad look at me.
“Mom and Dad. I’ve always been attracted to men. Yet, I was afraid of coming out, for I was quite confused myself. Then, when I came out, you gave me full support. Mom and Dad, I’ve been told never to lie, and I won’t do it now. I feel in my heart that Manuel is the man of my life. For him, I’d give my own life. And today, as I stayed with him at his place, I had time to think about life. At first I felt odd, being in such a lovely luxurious place. I know I am a simple young man and have no big ambition in life. But then, both Mariana and Manuel demonstrated so much simplicity. He welcomed me so kindly into his life and house. How can I not feel happy about my future beside this man! Mom and Dad, I feel there is no turning back, for I have strong feelings for him.” Dad smiles and gives me a hug. Mom does the same.
“In this case, you’re ready to leave the house and seek your happiness!”
In my bedroom, I hold his gold pen and mean to write some more on my diary. Just then, I realize I’ve left the books and the diary entry I wrote in Manuel’s house. I feel terribly conscious of what I’d written, for he’ll now know how I feel about being his lover and feeling like not being in his life anymore! Poor Manuel! I just hope he won’t read my lines, else, he’ll think I don’t care about him. I wish to call him and beg him not to read my notes. I cry of shame and lament the fact that he’ll not love my anymore as he reads my lines.
Tomorrow I’ll wait for him to call me. I do pray he will understand my silly and simple heart and will forgive me for what I’ve done. In bed I close my eyes and hug my pillow, murmuring his sweet dear name. I murmur my prayers and mix them with his name, his dear sweet name: Manuel!
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