Office Distractions

The next few months at work was nothing new; status quo.  Porter’s feelings for Kaden continued to grow with each passing day.  This made Porter happy and sad at the same time.  Soon he would come to the realization that he had real feelings for this man, a man other than his husband.  This was a big problem.

Late in the year, Kaden had to have a simple surgical procedure, but would be out of the office for two weeks during the Holiday season.  Porter secretly felt to himself that he was really going to miss Kaden being out of the office during this time, and felt like telling him.  He knew that might not be the best idea.  He eventually could not hold back and casually mentioned that they were going to suffer without him there for that long; Kaden was secretly flattered.  When Porter mentioned it again closer to the surgery date, still in a joking manner, Kaden began to wonder why he had said it again.  Then while Kaden was out, Porter reached out and said things were going well, but that it was quiet in the office without him and that Porter certainly missed his buddy.  A flag immediately went up in Kaden's mind.

Upon returning right after the first of the year, Porter again mentioned how quiet it was in the office without him.  Kaden was going to let it slide, but curiosity got the better of him one day.

Kaden entered Porter’s office and said, “Do you have lunch plans today?”

“None other than the standard plans we do every day,” Porter replied.  “Why?”

“I thought just you & I could catch up a bit”, Kaden said.

Porter agreed and they planned to go out.  He thought nothing of the request at the time.

As they walked to the restaurant, they chatted about the usual things: work, family, plans, etc. nothing special.  When they arrived, they sat across from each other as usual and ordered drinks.  Once delivered, they placed their order and Kaden began.

“I wanted to chat with you a bit about something that I’ve noticed”, Kaden started.

“OK, what’s that?” Porter inquired.

“Well, I’m not sure how to start, and wasn’t going to say anything, but I feel like I need to know.”

“OK, you’re making me nervous, what’s this about?” Porter asked.

“I feel like something is going on with you that I’m concerned about.  Before I had surgery, you mentioned a few times that you were going to miss me while I was out, then just yesterday you said it again.”

“Yeah, I did miss you being around.  It was so quiet and I feel like we work really well together, so when you’re not here, I feel like things move slowly.” Porter explained.

“I get that, but I think there’s something more.  I need to ask, do you have some other feelings for me, other than just a coworker?” Kaden dropped the bomb.

Porter’s face immediately began to flush.  He was caught and was scrambling inside to think of something to say, a quick lie that would be convincing, or should he tell the truth?  He was completely unsure and a hundred thoughts ran through his mind in a split second.

“Kaden, you’re my friend and I like working with you.  I don’t really know what you want me to say.” Porter spat out a lie.

“I think it’s something more, are you sure there’s not something you’re not telling me?” Kaden prompted again.

He was caught and again contemplated lying to stop the conversation, but in that second, he responded, “I’d really rather not talk about this; I don’t think any good will come of it.”

“I think we have to talk about it.  Was I right?” Kaden kept pushing.

“I don’t want things to be strange between us, so the less said, the better,” again Porter pleaded.

“We have to get it out in the open,” Kaden forced the issue.  “If we don’t, things will be tense between us and everyone will notice.  It will be inevitable.”

Porter remained quiet for several seconds trying to formulate what to say, then he decided he could hold it in no more.  “Yes, you’re right.  I do have some feelings for you.  I tried to deny it for the longest, but I guess subconsciously I gave it away.”

“What do you mean by ‘some feelings’?” Kaden asked.

“I like you; I cannot deny it any longer.  I feel terrible about it, since we’re both married, but no matter what I do, it won’t go away.” Porter broke down.  “It wasn’t something that happened at first, but over time, it’s grown and grown and it’s becoming a problem.  Don’t make me talk about this anymore.”

“Don’t worry about it, Porter.  There’s nothing to be ashamed about.  I’m so terribly flattered at the complement, but you know nothing can ever happen, right?” Kaden explained.

“Of course I do.  Can’t we just forget about this conversation and move on?” Porter begged.

“We can move on, yes, but we cannot forget about it.  It’s out in the open and there’s no way to take it back.  We are just as cool as we ever were, as far as I’m concerned, though.  Are you OK with that?”

“Yes, that’s fine with me.  Let’s just eat and get out of here.  I’m just completely embarrassed and don’t even want to be here right now.” Porter blurted out.

With that, Kaden reached out and touched Porter’s hand.  A bolt of electricity shot through Porter all the way up to his arm to his spine and top of his head immediately.  “Don’t worry about it, and don’t feel bad.  It’s not a problem as long as we’re cool with each other.” Kaden reassured him.  He quickly pulled his hand away so no one would see.

They finished their lunch and returned to the office.  Porter quickly ducked away into his office and avoided Kaden for the rest of the day.  As the day was ending, though, Kaden appeared at Porter’s door ready to leave and walk down together as they normally did.  Porter immediately felt that feeling of dread thinking about being alone with him again.  They left together and got into the elevator, just the two of them.  Idle chit chat passed between them, Porter didn’t know what to say, but Kaden was forcing conversation.  He felt it was important to make sure Porter felt as though nothing had changed in his mind.

They left the elevator and walked towards the car.  Instead of splitting at the end of the walkway like normal, Kaden followed Porter to his car, causing Porter to ask him what was going on.  Kaden extended his hand for a shake and Porter naturally obliged, but Kaden pulled him close and they embraced again as bros do, as they had done at the conference.  “Seriously, don’t worry about it, we’re cool.” Kaden whispered in Porter’s ear.  They broke the connection and Kaden disappeared towards the elevator and his own car.  All of this did nothing to relieve the feelings Porter had, but rather the opposite, they caused him to daydream about Kaden all the way home in the car and all evening.

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The next day passed as normal days do, although Porter tried his best not to be around Kaden as much as he normally did.  He still felt embarrassed and didn’t want to face Kaden.  The only problem is that Kaden was such an outgoing person that he was in Porter’s office even more than normal during the routine of the day.  Porter would daydream about him as he was standing there talking, a Porter look on his face.  Kaden noticed this as well, but was nice not to draw attention to it.

Over the course of the next few weeks, nothing changed at all.  Porter was still pining away for Kaden; Kaden was still self-absorbed, or so Porter thought.

One particular day, Kaden was going on about something or the other and Porter just stood there staring at him not really paying attention to what he was saying, but rather studying his face.  He noticed the obvious traits: his moustache & goatee and how neatly trimmed it was, his lips and how much he wanted to touch them, his broad nose, the salt & pepper quality of his hair, but he also noticed the texture of his skin and how he had acne when he was young, the way one eye looked just the slightest bit to the right and the fullness of his eyebrows.  As he was preoccupied, Kaden stopped talking mid-sentence and waited for Porter to regain his attention, which took a full 15 seconds to happen.  Porter immediately asked what was going on, obvious that he was caught.

“Are you there?” Kaden asked.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, was just daydreaming for a second.” Porter replied.

“Daydreaming about…?” Kaden prodded.

“Nothing really.  What were you talking about?” Porter asked.

“Oh, I understand, but don’t be concerned with it.  Like I said, it’s flattering.  You know if you ever want to talk about it, I’m certainly here to listen.  I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I was going to say the same thing to you, that I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” Porter said.  “It can’t be easy to know that someone likes you, and you don’t feel the same.”

“It doesn’t bother me at all.” Kaden assured him.  “Now seriously, what was going through your mind just then?”

“Well, truthfully, I was admiring your looks.  There are so many things about you that I find handsome: your mustache & goatee, your lips, your nose, your hair especially, the color of your skin, and your smile is your best trait.” Porter confessed.  While he was speaking, he felt an uncontrollable stirring in his pants.  As soon as he finished his sentence, Kaden flashed that smile, obviously flattered by the complements.  “See, that’s what I mean.  Your whole face lights up when you smile; it’s contagious.  It makes me want to smile also, and be near you all the time.  It’s really hard, though, to see it every day and know that this is as close as I’ll ever get.” Porter motioned to the physical space between them, separated by a desk.

“I understand it’s hard.  I just don’t want this to hurt our friendship.” Kaden reassured.  “I’m going to get back to work and we’ll talk more later, if that’s okay with you.”  With that, Kaden got up to leave, the whole time Porter was watching his butt as he walked to the door.  Just before crossing the threshold, Kaden turned around and said, “Behave yourself now,” catching Porter looking.  Porter blushed and diverted his eyes, causing Kaden to smile again and finally pass out of sight.

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Just a few weeks after, the pair had to make a short trip to a local town for business.  Kaden offered to drive and they met at their standard location early that morning to depart.  The trip there was nothing exceptional, just standard conversation about work, families, etc., but the way back was more interesting, at least to Porter.

Porter had looked over at one point and saw Kaden's hand resting on the gear shift, with his little finger sliding off the edge a bit.  Not knowing why he did it, Porter reached out and gently squeezed his finger.

“What’s going on?” Kaden asked, a little surprised, of course.

“Oh my gosh, Kaden, I’m so sorry!  I don’t know what came over me!  I should have never done that!” Porter blurted out.

“Hey man, it’s no problem, like I said before,” Kaden tried to console his friend.

“No, that’s a line I should not have crossed,” Porter scolded himself.

Kaden thought to himself for a second.  It was important to him that Porter not feel uncomfortable.  “Give me your hand,” Kaden demanded with his arm outstretched across the middle console.

Porter was reluctant at first, but then eagerly jumped at the chance to touch Kaden even more.  He reached out his hand and Kaden interlaced his fingers with Porter’s and rested his forearm on the console with the back of Porter’s hand and Kaden's fingers touching Porter’s thigh.

Porter’s head was swimming.  “What’s going on now?” Porter asked.

“Nothing, just wanted to show you that we’re cool and there’s nothing to be worried about,” Kaden reassured him.

Neither made any motions for minutes and although their hands were sweating, Porter was in heaven and wasn’t going to make any motion to move.  He was just enjoying what he felt was going to be the closest they ever were.  He felt a slight stirring in his pants, that old familiar feeling he would get when around Kaden for too long.  Unknown to him, Kaden felt something as well, although he wasn’t sure what it was.

Without warning, Kaden suddenly began moving his hand around a bit gently touching Porter’s thigh with his fingers as they were curled up, squeezing Porter’s hand at the same time.  Porter was thoroughly surprised and just looked down at the motion of their hands moving together in unison.  He looked up to see Kaden looking at him with a slight curve in the corner of his mouth, more of a smirk, really.  Porter was thinking that Kaden really was getting off in torturing him.  Men like power, especially over other men.

Porter took this opportunity to inflict a little bit of torture himself.  With his other hand, he gently used the tip of his forefinger to draw little squiggles on the back of Kaden's hand.  He traced the vein on the top of his hand and tickled the little hairs there and squeezed his hand as well.  Kaden made no motion to move at all.  They were moving into dangerous territory and both secretly knew this, but neither put on the brakes.  Porter decided to be the voice of reason and not make any further advances, but also did not ask for his hand back.  They rode for quite a while longer, still locked together; still heaven for Porter.

This back & forth lasted about 10 more minutes until Porter suggested they stop.  Besides, they were almost back to the meeting spot and would go their separate ways.  When they parted, Porter felt alone and confused.  Kaden knew how he felt about him, why would he be doing this, if not just to toy with him?

When they arrived back to the parking lot where Porter had left his car, Porter was about to open the door to leave, but Kaden reached over and grabbed his upper arm to stop him.

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow, goodnight,” and squeezed his bicep a bit before releasing.

Porter couldn’t help but think of Kaden all the way home to his husband, and he was hoping that Kaden was also thinking of him, but that was probably wishful thinking on his part.  That evening proved distracting for Porter.  He had a hard time concentrating on his husband and spent most moments daydreaming about his secret crush.

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During the drive in the next morning, Porter was anxious to see what would happen.  His head was swimming, but he was a realist and figured that Kaden probably wasn’t even bothered by the whole situation and would probably blow it off.  Upon arriving, he performed his standard morning routine of filling the coffee machine & tea kettle with water, etc.  He went back to his desk and awaited Kaden's arrival later.

Like clockwork, Kaden arrived just before 9am and walked by Porter’s office on the way to the kitchen to get his coffee.  “Good Morning,” was all he said, as usual.  Porter knew that meant he was blowing the entire situation out of proportion and he should just relax, knowing that wasn’t something he was prone to do.

Much to his surprise, after getting his coffee, Kaden came straight into his office and closed the door behind him.  “Hey, how are you?” Kaden asked.

“Good, what about you?” Porter replied in basic pleasantries.

“Let’s chat about yesterday in the car.  I don’t want you to read any more into it than just two friends expressing their friendship.” Kaden explained.

“That’s what I figured, even though you know to me, it was more.  You paying me attention like that doesn’t help me to get over you,” Porter chided him.

“You want to get over me?” Kaden seemed cocky.

“Come on, what’s going on? You know you were stringing me along and that’s really not fair.  Heck no, I don’t want to get over you.  I want to touch you and kiss you and do even more, but it’s not smart to dwell on something that’s not going to happen,” Porter went on.

“Who says it’s not going to happen?” Kaden surprised him.  “You never know.”

“You know what, it’s too early for this and I’m getting a little annoyed by this whole situation.  You should go to your desk and do some work and let me do the same,” Porter barked. 

He got up and started walking to open the door, but Kaden stood up first, got in his path, grabbed his upper arms, pulled him close and kissed him tenderly on the lips.  At first, Porter didn’t reciprocate, but he succumbed to the temptation and let himself loose, pouring out all his emotions at once in an equally tender display.  It lasted no longer than 15 seconds, but seemed like a lifetime.  When they broke apart, Porter felt weak.  Kaden then grabbed his coffee, walked to the door and disappeared back to his desk.

For the rest of the day, Kaden was never alone, so Porter couldn’t question him about what had transpired.  Kaden even joined the group for lunch, which was not always the case, but of course Porter couldn’t question him there in front of everyone else.  They did exchange knowing glances and Kaden would smirk as he normally did.  “What a cocky bastard,” Porter thought to himself.

It wasn’t until time to leave that they finally got a chance to be alone.  While walking out to the parking garage, Porter questioned him about what had happened, “What was that about?”

“Just experimenting,” Kaden responded.

“And?” Porter questioned.

“It was just fine; maybe something that will happen again one day, you never know,” Kaden strung him along.

“Yeah, that’s not going to work for me,” Porter bit back.  “You’re not going to string me along and expect me to be waiting around like some lost puppy.”

Kaden was quiet for a few seconds, then confessed, “You’re right, I’m sorry that I am being an asshole.  This is new territory and wasn’t really sure how to act.”

“Act like you always do.  You’re a great person and always concerned about other folks’ feelings, so just continue that,” Porter demanded.  “Enough making you feel bad for this.  The ball is in your court again.  I’ve made myself abundantly clear on how I feel many times over, so I’ll wait until you want to chat.”  With that, they parted and Porter disappeared.  It was time for Kaden to decide what he wanted to do.  He had started down a path that he might not have wanted, but was there nonetheless.