Big Changes
Kent couldn’t concentrate. Very little scared him, but he was terrified for John.
You have to be okay, fucker!
The idea of John being gone debilitated him. It was even worse than losing his best friend in the war. Kent wasn’t aware of the tears in his eyes until the Uber driver asked him, “Hey buddy, are you alright?”
Swiping at his eyes, Kent said, “I’m fine.”
The driver didn’t look convinced. They were headed to Gwinnett Hospital, so it must be serious for someone like Kent to shed tears. Tipping the driver on the app, Kent quickly got out of the car. His leg wasn’t built for running, so he sort of skipped every few steps but managed to reach the main desk.
“What room is John Littleton in?”
The nurse typed in his name and asked, “Are you family?”
Kent lied and replied, “Yes.”
“He hasn’t been assigned a room yet. He’s still in recovery and probably will be for some time. He’ll be on the tenth floor if you want to wait there. What’s your name, and I’ll let them know you’re waiting.”
“Kent Moore.”
She looked at him questioningly, and he said, “We’re half brothers.”
That seemed to satisfy her, and Kent left, mumbling about damn stupid rules.
<><>
Sitting in the waiting room, Kent reflected on how much his life had changed since losing his leg. Pain, trauma, and self-pity had initially overwhelmed him. Each surgery removed more of his leg, and he feared that eventually it would be gone entirely.
Then he woke up to John, who refused to tolerate his bullshit. John pushed back, not accepting self-pity. Kent was physically larger and stronger than John, but John was much tougher. Now knowing that John was gay and how he felt about Kent, many things started to make sense. But at the same time, Kent now understood how painful it was to do those things out of love for someone who didn’t love him back.
Fuck. He hurt every day by helping and caring for me. For loving me. Even now, I’m making this about me and not him. I’m afraid of losing him, but I need to focus on him. He needs to know I’m here for him.
Kent waited in silence, invoking the patience that made him good at his job as a Marine. Finally, a nurse stepped into the waiting area and called, “Mr. Moore?”
Kent stood as quickly as his leg allowed and went to her.
“Mr. Littleton is in his room now. He’s still unconscious, but when he wakes up, he’s on some strong pain medication that might make him groggy.”
“Do you know what happened?”
“Sorry, no. Dr. Grisham will stop by to talk to you soon.”
Kent entered John’s room and froze, staring at his heavily bandaged body. The room appeared filled with wires and monitors. Half of John’s face was covered, and his head was bandaged from his forehead up.
Pulling a chair closer, Kent sat as near as he could. John’s arms lay still at his sides. Kent’s heart ached at the sight of his best friend, and new tears began falling uncontrollably down his face.
“Mr. Moore?”
Kent turned to see a middle-aged man wearing scrubs and a surgical cap. His hand extended, and John took it.
“I’m Dr. Grisham, John’s surgeon.”
“What happened?”
“We don’t know any details of the accident yet. Once Mr. Littleton is conscious, he’ll need to make a police report. He’s fortunate to be alive.”
“Will he be okay?”
“John sustained a severe head injury, which created an intracranial hematoma. The bleeding was excessive and required immediate surgery. I relieved the pressure, but there is still bleeding. We’re going to keep him under close observation. If it doesn’t resolve on its own, we will have to operate again.”
“What about his other injuries?”
“He received a severe laceration to one eye and has three broken ribs. Neither of those is life-threatening and will heal in time. I don’t believe there will be any vision loss, but scar tissue may develop. If it does, there is a simple procedure to remove it.”
“So his head injuries… no lasting effects?”
“Unless complications arise, no. It will be a good sign if no further swelling occurs in the next ten to twelve hours.”
Kent sat holding John’s hand, staring at his best friend. He desperately wished for John to wake up and be okay. Suddenly, John’s body twitched and he began to convulse. Kent’s combat instincts took over, and everything slowed down as adrenaline flooded him.
He bellowed, “HELP! I NEED A DOCTOR!”
Nurses arrived immediately and ordered him out of the room. Dr. Grisham was there, and Kent heard his urgent commands. Within a few minutes, John was wheeled out and returned to the OR.
Kent’s chest tightened to the point that he could barely breathe. He had never felt so helpless. A nurse saw him and approached. She watched this large, strong man, crying and lost, and said, “He’s in good hands. All we can do is wait, so why don’t you take a seat. Can I get you anything? Would you like some water or coffee?”
Kent let her guide him to a seat in the waiting area, and he sat down. He couldn’t speak, but he shook his head no.
“If you need anything, come to the desk.”
She left him in silence, but when he finally spoke, he quietly mumbled, “I need him.”
His leg hurt, so he took off his prosthesis. He looked at his stump and the artificial leg. In a bizarre way, he equated John with his prosthesis. It supported him and connected him to a life he desperately wanted. Kent had been so terrified when they kept removing more of his leg, fearing there would be nothing left of it. John got him through that, supporting him in ways Kent didn’t even realize. John held him up when he needed it most, and now that he realized that he might lose John, he couldn’t live without him. John was his leg.
I’ve been such a dumbass.
The conversation he and John had at Tybee Island, when Kent told John that he was straight and couldn’t love John back the way he wanted and needed, replayed in his head.
John’s voice, crystal clear, came back to him:
“Do you really believe that? Or are you repeating what you tell yourself about how you're supposed to feel?”
He’s right. I keep telling myself I can’t love him because I’m straight. Not in the way he needs. Another barrier my fucked up brain put up to keep me from seeing what’s right in front of me.
With his epiphany, Kent admitted to himself that he not only loved John like a brother, but he was also in love with him. With his admission, his self-imposed barrier shattered, and the feelings he had suppressed filled his heart.
God, I’ve been such an ass about this. I was willing to fuck him, but not love him. How can he love me when all I do is hurt him?
Kent’s eyes leaked more tears, and his shoulders shook as he put his head in his hands. Another hour passed, and people came and went. The one constant was that almost everyone cried for whoever they were there for. A well-dressed elderly couple entered and sat nearby. Always alert and observant, Kent was stunned when he looked closely at the woman’s face. She had to be John’s mother.
John’s father appeared stoic and didn’t cry, but his mother kept dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She noticed him staring, and he cleared his throat, asking, “Are you John’s mom and dad?”
Mary’s voice was quiet and gentle, “Yes, we are. And you are?”
“I’m Kent Moore, a friend of John’s.”
“Oh! You’re that young man he’s been working with? The one he took to Tybee Island?”
“Yes, Ma’am. That’s me.”
Kent put on his leg and stood to shake hands with John’s father.
“Kent Moore, Mr. Littleton.”
“I’m John, and this is my wife, Mary. Do you know what’s going on?”
“I only know he was in a car accident. He hurt his head, and there was bleeding. He was out of surgery, but while I sat with him, he had some kind of seizure, and now he’s back in surgery.”
Mary’s hand went to her mouth, “Oh, my.”
“I don’t have any details about the accident. John was supposed to meet me at the hospital this morning, and I got worried when he didn’t show up. He must have been wearing his name tag, and someone called the hospital to let them know he was hurt. I came as soon as I could.”
Mr. Littleton said, “I’m surprised they let you in to see him.”
“I lied and told them I’m his brother. I’m not sorry about that, but I understand if you don’t want me here.”
Mary said, “John’s spoken of you quite a lot. I can tell you mean a lot to him, and he would want you here.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Littleton.”
“Call us Mary and John.”
To pass the time, Kent recounted his story of waking up from surgery to John telling him good morning, and how he didn’t put up with his attitude. He told them how good John was at his job and how close they had become.
“That sounds just like our Johnnie. When he makes a friend, boundaries go out the window. It’s caused him no end of heartache over the years.”
Mr. Littleton said, “The patient he had before you nearly did him in. We were worried about him.”
Kent said in a declaration that surprised even him, “I can assure you, Mr. Littleton, that is not the case this time. I know this isn’t the time or place to talk about this, but when I got here and saw John in the bed, all bandaged up, I realized how much he means to me. I love your son, and I'll tell him if he makes it through this. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”
Mary teared up and patted Kent’s hand. Her hands were so tiny compared to his.
“I can’t tell you how happy we are to hear that. Our John is special. As his mother, I’m supposed to say that, but beyond that, he’s selfless, caring, and strong. I’ve worried about him so much, especially when he was overseas.”
Mr. Littleton said, “Son, take my advice. If you meet someone who devotes themselves to you wholeheartedly, don’t push them away. Hang on to whoever that is, because it’s rare. When John called to ask about using the beach house, he said he wanted to take his current patient there, but I could tell there was more to it. I can read my son like a book. If he makes it through this, I only ask that you look after him like he’s looked after you. If you love him, hold him tight and never let go.”
Kent’s voice expressed his determination, almost like a challenge, “If he makes it out of this, I intend to tell him how I feel. I’ve been an idiot, and it took something this extreme to realize my feelings for him. I’ll hold him so tight he won’t be able to breathe, and I’ll never let him go.”
Dr. Grisham approached and introduced himself to John and Mary, then nodded to Kent.
“I don’t have much news, I’m afraid. We stopped the additional bleeding that caused his seizure. Similar to before, the next ten to twelve hours will be critical. His chances improve greatly if he doesn’t have any more incidents during that time. He’s in recovery and won’t be back in his room for a few hours, so if you need to leave briefly, now would be a good time.”
“By the way, Mr. Moore, I received a call from a nurse at Piedmont, where you are currently a patient. You lied about your relationship with Mr. Littleton.”
John’s father interjected, “He stretched the truth. He and my son are like brothers, and we want him here. As far as we’re concerned, he’s family.”
“I see. Then that’s settled. You are, Mr. Moore, still in trouble with the staff at Piedmont. You weren’t supposed to leave the facility unescorted. A nurse is coming to stay with you so you can remain here.”
“Thanks, doc.”
A short while later, Barbara arrived. She hugged John and Mary, then sat with them while waiting for John to be moved to a room.
Kent said, “I’m sorry about rushing out.”
Barbara smiled, “No, you’re not, and I don’t blame you. With the look on your face, I wasn’t about to try and stop you. I’m here as long as you want to stay, and then I’ll take you back to your room.”
“Thanks, Barbara.”
“I want to be here too, so it works out for both of us. Johnnie’s been my work bestie for a few years now, and he’s like family.”
Kent started to tear up again from worry, and Barbara looked at him shrewdly.
Putting a hand on his, she leaned in close and said, “He’s going to be alright. Johnnie’s strong. He’ll pull through this.”
“God, I fucking hope so. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t make it.”
With an astute look, Barbara asked, “So you finally figured it out, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“You know, John’s language has really gone downhill since you showed up. He was like that in the military, and you brought that back in him.”
Kent chuckled and said, “Sorry, when it’s just us guys, we tend to revert.”
“Just make him happy, Kent. If you can make his heart as happy as his ass, he’ll be one lucky man.”
Kent’s eyes bugged out, and he blurted, “What!?”
“Honey, John tells me everything. I’m his big work sister. I know every detail of your anatomy and how you used it on him that weekend.”
Kent blushed ten shades of red and mumbled, “Jesus.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not a gossip like most women. Anything John tells me is just between us, but you owe me a few dozen batteries for my vibrator.”
Kent didn’t know how to respond other than to blush and grin.
<><>
Once John was moved into a room, only two people were allowed at a time, so his parents went first. It was still some time before his good eye opened, and he mumbled, “Mom? Dad?”
Mary burst into tears and held his hand, saying, “We’re here, sweetheart.”
Confused, John asked, “Where am I? What’s going on?”
His father said, “You were in a car accident, son, and hurt very badly.”
“I… I don’t remember.”
“Never you mind, honey. You just focus on getting better. Your father and I are staying just down the road, so we’ll be close and see you every day.”
His father put a hand on John’s arm and squeezed it slightly, “There’s someone else here who wants to see you, so we’ll go back to the waiting room for a few minutes.”
“Who?”
John and Mary stepped out, and suddenly Kent filled the doorway. He wore his tank top, which showed most of his strong upper body, and his gym shorts. His prosthetic leg somehow made him seem even more powerful. What surprised John were the tears streaming down Kent’s face. He moved to John’s bedside and took his hand.
His hands feel so warm.
Kent tried to say, “Hey, buddy,” but choked up.
John still sounded groggy and asked, “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Kent broke down and started sobbing, and he leaned down until their faces were only inches apart. John cupped Kent’s face in his hands and let him cry.
When Kent could talk, he said, “I thought I lost you, man. I didn’t know what I was going to do. You have to be okay. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.”
Kent stood up and took both of John’s hands in his. His grip was warm and firm. John got the surprise of his life when Kent leaned over and kissed his forehead, and then, with their faces close, with a fiery intensity, Kent said, “I love you, John. I’m sorry it took something like this to make me realize it. I’m in love with you, fucker, so you better make it out of this.”
A big tear dripped from John’s good eye, and he said, “Oh, God. Kent….”
“Don’t say anything right now, John. I had to tell you right away, so you know. I’ll be here as much as I can. I broke some rules to be here. Barbara’s here, so I can stay. I’ll be here as often as possible until you get discharged.”
John seemed speechless, but when Kent started to stand up, he said, “Wait. Bring your face back down here.”
Kent did as he was asked, and was surprised when one of John’s hands went behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss. It was gentle, and hot as hell at the same time, and Kent immediately got hard. Kent moved his hand down, felt how hard John was too, and smiled, “I’d say this is a good sign. I wish I could do something about it. Let this be motivation to get better. When you get out of here, I want to do everything to you that you do to me. You have my heart and my dick, John Littleton.”
John felt like he was in a dream. Kent gave him the only thing he truly wanted – his heart – and John's elation was unimaginable.
But his dick sure doesn’t hurt.
John laughed at himself, because Kent's dick did hurt, at least at first. But once he was in... Holy Shit.
<><>
John’s recovery took nearly a month. He suffered no vision loss in his eye, and his ribs healed before he was discharged. His biggest problem was not having a car, since his was totaled in the accident. His insurance didn’t cover the full replacement cost, but his parents chipped in and paid the difference. Barbara and Kent picked up John’s new car at the dealership, and Kent drove it to the hospital to pick John up.
With John's recovery, even though it bent the rules, he filled the role of a Piedmont escort for Kent to be out of the hospital. Barbara’s final comment before she drove off was, “John just got out of the hospital. Don’t put him back in by going crazy on his ass his first night home.”
Kent pulled a small bag from his backpack and tossed it to her. She burst into laughter when she saw it was a twenty-pack of Eveready batteries.
Kent pulled up to the front entrance of Gwinnett Medical, where John waited in a wheelchair. He was fully healthy, but it was another one of those policies that the hospital insisted on. Kent got out and tossed the FOB to John so that he could drive his new vehicle.
John sat behind the wheel, looking at Kent. Kent knew what he wanted and leaned over to kiss him. It was short but passionate, and they both smiled as they pulled apart.
John said, “You’re a good kisser.”
Pulling out of the parking lot, he said, “I want to go home, but we need to stop at the store. I have a few prescriptions I need filled, and I don’t have any food for dinner. Everything in the fridge is probably spoiled by now.”
“Me and Barbara cleaned out the fridge. If you don’t want to cook tonight, we can order out. We can swing in, get your meds quickly, and beeline it home.”
“That was thoughtful, thank you.”
“I admit it was Barbara’s idea, but I helped.”
As soon as they walked in the door of John’s apartment, he dropped his bag, and Kent dropped his backpack. Turning to face each other, Kent pulled John against him, just like he told his father he would, and he squeezed the breath out of him. John jumped and wrapped his legs around Kent’s waist, holding onto his powerful shoulders. Kent didn’t flinch and held his full weight while he squeezed him.
“God, you feel so good. I’ve wanted to do this for so long, but I didn’t want to push you into doing something you didn’t want to do.”
Kent sighed, “I want to hold you as often as you want from now on. You feel good to me, too, John. It’s not one-sided. I’m past that. You’re a handsome fucker, John Littleton, and you’re mine.”
John grinned and said, “Do you wanna mark your territory? Like right now?”
Kent walked them down to the bedroom to do just that.
<><>
They made love all night, and Kent jacked and sucked John off multiple times. He wasn’t ready for John to fuck him yet, and he might never be, but it didn’t matter. John was in heaven with what Kent did to him and how he made him feel.
John didn’t have to return to work for another week, but he went in anyway to be with Kent, work out with him, and assess his progress. Now that they were together, the sense of dread over Kent being discharged no longer bothered them.
John had one last surprise for Kent, which had been in the works for the last six months. The date of his efforts happened to coincide with the day of Kent’s official release from Piedmont. It went unsaid that he would move in with John. He had nowhere to live, and they didn’t want to be apart. They would assess their financials together and determine whether they would stay in John’s apartment or move.
He received his DD-214 from the Marine Corps, indicating an ‘Honorable’ medical discharge. He was also notified he would receive a Purple Heart and a few other medals for his service, as well as a decent stipend for disability.
Kent’s last day at Piedmont fell on a Friday, and John had to return to work the following Monday, which left the weekend. As they drove out of the parking lot, John said, “We need to make a short road trip.”
“What? Where?”
“It’s a surprise. There’s someone we need to meet.”
“Who?”
“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it?”
“I don’t like surprises.”
“You’re gonna like this one.”
John got on I-85 South, merged onto I-285 East, and then picked up I-675 South. After an hour, Kent asked, “Where the hell are we going?”
“Patience, Grasshoppa.”
“I’m gonna snatch that damn pebble from your hand if you don’t give me a clue.”
John laughed and said, “I didn’t know you liked 'Kung-Fu’.”
“I love vintage TV. It’s way the fuck better than the “Real Housewives” shit on today.”
“You’re full of surprises.”
They continued their banter, hanging shit on one another, and Kent noticed John exit onto Loop Rd, which circled the Atlanta Hartsfield International Airport. Then he took the exit that read “Int’l Air Cargo.”
Kent mumbled, “What the hell?”
As soon as John turned into the “Livestock Pickup/Delivery,” Kent realized what was happening and blurted out, “No way! John?”
Kent’s chest tightened with anxiety and anticipation. He figured out what was happening, and tears formed that he couldn’t hold back. He opened the car door before John had come to a complete stop. Rows of kennels lined the area of the tarmac, and Kent let loose a piercing whistle. One particular dog started barking.
“Ranger!”
Kent couldn’t move fast enough. It took him a minute to locate the right one, due to the echo and other noise. The kennel was clearly marked. John caught up with him and had the paperwork in hand to give to the air cargo worker who was fast approaching.
Kent opened the crate, and Ranger jumped into his arms, wriggling excitedly. Kent could hardly hold him, and he knelt to keep from dropping him.
“Oh my God, boy! It’s you! John, how?”
Kent pushed his face into Ranger's fur, smelling and running his hands all over him.
“When I contacted your old CO and arranged for Miller and your other buddies to call you, I enlisted their help to get him here. A few awesome non-profits help veterans bring home animals and service dogs they served with. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t an official service dog. I pleaded your case, and they accepted and even paid for it. He got all his shots and spent almost six months in quarantine. I know he didn’t like that, but he sure seems happy to see you.”
“You started this that far back? Before you and me….”
“Yeah. You were having such a hard time with things, I thought it would be a nice thing to do. It still is, but even more now that we’re together. We might want to consider moving to a house with a yard now. Until then, we’ll have to walk him and all that jazz. I’ve got food and water bowls already at the apartment. I hid them from you, but he’s set for food, so we can just take him to his new home.”
Holding Ranger’s face in his hands, Kent asked, “Does that sound good, boy? You wanna see your new home? This is John. He’s a standup guy, and your new dad, too.”
John signed the necessary paperwork, and they loaded up the kennel, and Ranger rode in the backseat. He started in the back seat, but a few miles down the road, he jumped between the front seats to sit in Kent’s lap.
Kent couldn’t believe the man beside him. The man he could now openly admit he loved. On the ridge home, he couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to have John, and now his dog, in his life.
He had three legs, instead of one, and counted them as a blessing. He actually had four, because he still counted John as one of them in a metaphorical sense, and the most important one. John showed him the path to think that way. He counted himself the luckiest man in the world and looked forward to his new life. It couldn’t get any better.
The End
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
