It’s Not Working
Weeks later, at 5:00 am, a phone sitting at Kent’s bedside rang. Waking abruptly, he saw it was John’s phone with a post-it note that said “Answer Me!”
What the fuck?
Picking up the phone, he tapped accept, and the screen was filled with a close-up of a man’s face. John had turned the volume up when he snuck the phone in, and a loud voice boomed through the quiet of the room.
“Is there some asshole Lance Corporal there named Kent Moore?”
In the background, another one of his buddies said, “If he doesn’t answer to that, ask for Dickhead instead.”
Kent’s face broke into a big grin, and he blurted out, “Miller! Damn, what are you doing calling me? This isn’t even my phone?”
“Bro, we’re sorry we haven’t called before now. We just got back to base camp. Things have been a little hairy here without your sorry ass to find the bad guys for us.”
Miller set the phone down and backed up, and Kent saw his four closest buddies.
The conversation felt as if he had never left and was still with them. Their camaraderie wrapped around him as they joked and hung shit on each other, and he updated them on the condition of his leg and what he was doing.
While they were talking, Kent heard a bark and he blurted out, “Is that Ranger?!”
The light in their tent shifted when the door opened, and Miller lifted Ranger so Kent could see him.
“Ranger! Fuck, you’re okay too! Good boy!”
Miller said, “This little fucker is keeping us straight.”
With the phone unsecured, his buddies couldn’t share any real information outside of themselves, but seeing and hearing them, and seeing Ranger lifted Kent’s spirits.
Miller said, “Sorry to cut this short, but duty calls. We just had to check in on your sorry ass. Take care of yourself. Miss you, brother!”
The call disconnected and Kent stared at the screen, craving more. His smile faded and tears welled up. Once again, John had done something amazing for him. Seeing and hearing his brothers and Ranger was something he didn’t expect, but it also drove home that he wasn’t with them and could never return to the Corps.
When John arrived at 10:00 am, Kent surprised him with a bear hug—literally picking him up and squeezing the life out of him. John was a solid man himself, but Kent lifted him like a rag doll. The sensation of Kent’s arms around him caught him off guard, and a wave of emotion washed over him.
Kent was laughing, and when he set John down, John asked, “So I take it you talked to your buddies?
“Dude! How the hell did you manage that? Thank you!”
“Was Ranger there?”
Kent’s smile lit up the room as he said, “He was! He looked great.”
Kent’s smile was contagious, and smiling back, John said, “That’s awesome, Kent.”
Seeing Kent smile, truly happy and upbeat, made John’s heart skip a beat. He genuinely felt happy for Kent, but in the back of his mind, he longed for Kent to smile at him like that.
Based on his call to John’s buddies, the next part of his surprise was going to take six months, but the wheels were in motion. John could only imagine Kent’s look when that day arrived.
<><>
Kent excelled in every physical aspect of his therapy. However, the slow healing of his leg frustrated him, and it started to affect his mood. He wanted to get his first prosthesis and gain more freedom.
John began taking him out of the hospital for short drives around town and occasionally out to eat. He even took John to his apartment to cook. Kent needed a change of scenery to avoid going stir crazy. The last two veterans under John’s care had stayed in the hospital for over a year, and it depressed Kent to think it could take that long.
On the bright side, with John preparing his meals, he regained the twenty pounds he had lost after the first surgery. John provided a sling to hang weights off of that Kent could lift with his bad leg. They were both surprised at how little atrophy occurred and how much weight Kent could manage.
Dr. Hiner cautioned against working the leg too soon. Building muscle could affect the internal vascular remodeling. John pushed back a little, saying he thought it was helping.
“You work with him every day, John. I said I trust your judgement and I meant that. Just monitor his leg closely, and keep an eye out for any external evidence of trauma, even if it's minimal.”
“Of course, sir. I won’t take any risks. Kent knows that pushing too hard can cause setbacks, and he doesn’t want that any more than we do.”
John noticed a decline in Kent’s outward demeanor and wondered if depression might be taking hold.
Kent caught John off guard when he asked, “John, you work out at your gym, right?”
“Yeah, I go at least four days a week, why?”
“Could you work out with me? The hospital has all the equipment. I could push myself more if I had a workout partner, and I could help you with your routine, too.”
“It’s not usually permitted. If you pitch it to Dr. Hiner, he’ll be more receptive to the idea. The main issue is liability, so it might not be possible.”
“I don’t want you in any trouble with the hospital, but it never hurts to ask.”
Dr. Hiner agreed, but HR made John sign a liability waiver. If he sustained any injuries, he couldn't sue the hospital. The upside was John spent even more time with Kent and got to know him better. John found himself caught in the “Buddy Trap.” It was like the “Friend Zone” women put men into, the safe zone that kept romantic interest at bay. Of course, Kent had no idea John was gay.
John ended up eating, working out, and showering with Kent four days a week. John still wore his bathing suit, but the physical contact was difficult, especially as his feelings deepened.
One afternoon, John sat in the employee lounge. He had to step out of Kent’s room for a few minutes and regain his composure. His nurse friend Barbara caught him by himself, teary eyed, and immediately knew what was wrong.
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.”
She covered his hands with hers, squeezing them tightly.
“I tried so hard, Barbie. After Roger, I was on guard against it, but it still happened. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t ask for reassignment. Kent wouldn’t understand and it would break his trust. I promised I’d stick with him and see him through this. I can’t go back on my word, no matter how I feel.”
“Have you thought about talking to him? I know he’s straight, but if he knows your gay, it might be easier to be around him.”
“I don’t know how he’d react. I mean, we’re pretty close now. Not as close as his buddies in Afghanistan, but I’m the only friend in his life right now. What if I fucked it all up by coming out to him?”
“It’s not fair to you, though. You can’t keep torturing yourself.”
“I’ll just have to live with it for now.”
“I’m sorry. If I can do anything, let me know. We can have a good cry and eat some ice cream.”
John laughed and said, “That’s such a girl thing. Sorry, but no. But I promise to call you if I need to.”
When John returned to Kent’s room, he found Kent lying in bed with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. His Kindle sat on the tray, in sleep mode. Kent tried to mask his emotions, but John saw the stony expression on his face when he first entered the room. John pulled a chair over and sat close beside him.
“You want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“Whatever is bothering you. I’ve noticed that you seem down lately. You hide it well, but I’ve picked up on it. I told you I’m here for you, in any capacity, and that includes counseling if you need it.”
Kent remained quiet and didn’t respond at first.
John said, “Talk to me, Kent. Don’t bottle whatever it is up.”
“Can you shut the door?”
Without question, John closed the door and pulled the privacy screen around the bed.
Kent sat up and dangled his good leg off the edge. His stump pushed straight out, starkly white with fresh dressing.
It took Kent a minute to start talking, and John was present and patient, not putting any pressure on him.
“This is personal.”
“Okay. Anything you say is just between us. I promise.”
“You sure?”
“Well, if you’re planning a murder, that’s a different story.”
The corner of Kent’s mouth rose in a half smile.
“This is complicated.”
“I’m listening.”
“There are two things, really, but related. I was so worried after the surgery that my dick wouldn’t work. I can get hard, but I can’t get off. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve stroked myself raw trying to get off. I’m worried that something really is wrong.”
“According to Dr. Hiner, there is no medical reason that should be the case, so it must be in your head. Maybe I can help you work through it.”
Kent started to tear up, and he stammered, “The other part to this is… what the fuck does it matter? I’m broken. I’m so appreciative of everything you’ve done for me, and how far I’ve come, but no woman will ever want a man like me. I’m not whole.”
Kent broke down, holding his head in his hands. John wanted to cry from hearing the pain in Kent's voice. Deep down, he believed what he said.
John rested a hand on Kent’s shoulder and said, “That’s not true, Kent. Jesus, I wish you could see yourself like I do. You’re such a great man. You’re handsome and a total stud. Any woman would be lucky to have a guy like you.”
“But what if I can’t have children? I can’t perform in bed….”
“One step at a time here. I’m going to go Dr. Phil on you here… Right now, you see yourself as unlovable.”
John placed his hand on Kent’s stump and said, “You think this makes you unlovable, but this doesn’t define you. Guys who have lost more than you get married and have families all the time. You’ve got to get out of this mindset. You are lovable, and you’re especially desirable. With your face and body, and more importantly, what kind of man you are, any woman would be lucky to have you.”
Kent was upset, and he heard John’s words, but John wasn’t sure he was convinced. Kent also didn’t see John's vulnerable, almost pleading expression.
“Let’s take the rest of the day off, and get out of here.”
Kent wiped away his tears and nodded. He didn’t say anything and remained thoughtful. John hoped he at least planted some seeds that would take root, but it would take more than one conversation to convince him.
<><>
John received permission to take Kent to his parents' beach house on Tybee Island for a long weekend. Kent hadn’t been out of the hospital for nearly six months, except for a few hours now and then with John, and while it wasn’t normal procedure to do anything so personal with a patient, it presented a great opportunity.
John walked in at 10:00 am and, as usual, said, “Good morning, Kent. How’d you sleep?”
“As good as I could on that piece of shit bed. That thing is criminal.”
“Hey, I have something I need to run by you.”
Kent moved to the edge of the bed. John loved seeing him in the mornings, with a bit of bed head. The sleeveless T-shirt he slept in exposed his powerful shoulders, arms, and upper chest, and John watched his muscles move as he shifted his body.
God, if he only could see how beautiful he is.
“So what’s up?”
My parents own a small beach house on Tybee Island, outside Savannah. It’s about a five-and-a-half-hour drive from here. I like to go there when I need to recharge. I cleared it with Dr. Hiner, and I got permission to take you with me for a long weekend. Does that sound like something you’d like to do?
Kent’s eyes widened in surprise, and he said, “Seriously? I love the beach.”
“You can’t go in the water just yet. I want to be up front about that, but it’s a nice place and this time of year it’s not crowded. We might even have the beach to ourselves most of the time.”
“Fuck, yeah!”
“I was hoping you’d want to. I already talked to my parents, just in case. All we need to bring is food and clothes. Everything else we need is there. We leave tomorrow.”
Kent seemed to be in a better mood all day. The next morning, when John picked him up, Kent received another surprise.
“You want to drive? My insurance will cover you.”
“Man, John… fuck, dude, I don’t know what to say. You’re going so far above and beyond for me….”
“It’s my job, Kent. This is another activity you need to practice. I also thought you’d enjoy getting behind the wheel. I went grocery shopping. I also ordered you some clothes through the VA, since we’ll be out in public. You’ll have to maneuver with your crutch.”
Kent seemed concerned and asked, “How will long pants work? I’ve only worn shorts since I’ve been here.”
“I got you some sweats and a pair of jeans. I’ll show you how to pin up your short leg when we get there. I also got you a bathing suit even with the no swimming rule, in case you want to catch some sun.”
“I’d fucking love to get some sun. You wouldn’t believe how dark I got in Afghanistan.”
The image of Kent’s muscled body, deeply tanned and sweating in the bright sun, burned in John’s mind.
“Once you get your prosthesis, you’ll be able to play volleyball, go jogging, or do nearly anything you did before. The beach can get crowded in the summer, but during this time of year, especially on weekdays, it shouldn’t be. This isn't our first trip either. It will be good therapy for you to learn how to maneuver with the different legs.”
Unbeknownst to Kent, John called a family friend who lived on Tybee with her parents. She was attractive and a bit of a slut, and John was sure that if he introduced her to Kent, she’d be all over him. He hoped it would prove to Kent that he was still desirable to the opposite sex. He had some condoms stowed in his bag, along with some lube, just in case.
The thought of them together was repulsive to John, but Kent needed reinforcement that John couldn’t give him.
I wish I could, with everything in me. I’d prove to him that he’s desirable and that he can get off with another person. I’d drain his balls into oblivion.
While they were talking, Barbara stuck her head in the room and asked, “Come by and see me when you get a sec.”
John was ready to leave, so he went out and found Barbara at the nurses' station. She pulled him aside and glanced around to make sure no one could overhear their conversation.
“Sweetie, be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“He’s not Roger.”
“No, he’s more than Roger. I can tell. I want you to be happy. You are the nicest, most selfless person I know, but you keep barking up the wrong tree.”
“You’re right. Kent is more than Roger. I didn’t think that was possible, but he is. And it’s really too late on getting hurt. Working with him is hard. Every second is a challenge. But he deserves to be well, and I push everything aside and do my job. I do it for him.”
“I wish you would do for yourself what you do for him.”
“I wish I could. I don’t know why I keep doing this. I don’t seem to be able to prevent it from happening. At least I get good results with them.”
Barbara pulled him into a hug and said, “Have a safe trip. Call me if you need me.”
John stood still for a minute after she left, doing his best not to cry. He returned to Kent’s room, and then they headed to the employee parking garage to leave.
Kent noted that John seemed a bit reserved after he came back, but figured it was work-related, so he didn’t say anything.
<><>
The first challenge for Kent was getting sunglasses. He didn’t have any, and John’s didn’t fit him, so they pulled off the interstate just south of the hospital into a QuickTrip. Kent wore a sleeve over his leg that hid the scarring, but he hadn’t been out in public, and John encouraged him to go inside using his crutch and pick out a few pairs on his own.
“You need to get used to being in public. Trust me, nobody cares, at least not the way you think. Everyone’s going to see a good-looking, imposing guy. Most likely, they’ll be looking at your arms, not your leg.”
Kent wore a VA ballcap, too, and John said, “A lot of people will thank you for your service, too. Be prepared and answer however you like.”
John knew from his own experience that people meant well when they said that, but it was often embarrassing for a vet. Most vets took their service in stride. They were proud, but very few wore their service on their sleeve as a badge of honor.
John couldn’t believe how the sunglasses elevated Kent’s appearance. With the ballcap and glasses he looked criminally handsome. Kent did great driving with only one foot, and John navigated the few turns they had to make. Kent’s biggest issue was how rude Atlanta drivers were.
John had created a few playlists on his phone with songs he knew Kent liked, and as they drove and listened to the music, Kent seemed to become the man John wanted him to be – relaxed and chill, without a care in the world.
John wanted to create more of those moments. He cherished them, and being part of Kent’s life made him happy. He dreamed that he and Kent were together, and wished with all his heart that Kent would reach over and take his hand while they drove.
When Kent managed to find his center, like during weightlifting sessions, he was enjoyable to be around. He started joking around with John and hanging shit on him like he would with his buddies in Afghanistan. While John appreciated the deeper friendship, it also intensified his pain. He cried himself to sleep most nights, praying to the universe to find some way out.
Kent whistled appreciatively when they pulled into the short driveway of the house.
“Man, this is nice! Your parents must be well off.”
“They’re definitely financially comfortable, but Dad is just smart with money. They bought this place before I was born for a pittance compared to what it’s worth today.”
Kent did his best to help John unload everything, hanging bags off his shoulder or around his neck, and in short order, they had the kitchen sorted. John put their bags in separate bedrooms.
Kent couldn’t take his eyes off the water. It was late afternoon, the tide was low, and the sun was still shining. A gentle breeze blew off the water.
“Why don’t you go out on the beach, and I’ll get some dinner started.”
Kent disappeared to change and came back in just his bathing suit, sunglasses, and ballcap.
John said, “It looks like the beach is empty. Since it’s late, you probably don’t need any sunscreen, but I brought some for the next few days.”
“I don’t mind a little burn, and I tan fast, but I’ll be careful.”
John stopped moving to watch Kent walk down the steps to the ramp leading to the sand, observing the muscles in his shoulders and back as he maneuvered with the crutch.
He’s going to be so happy on Monday. I can’t wait to see the look on his face.
Kent’s first prosthesis arrived, but he wouldn’t be allowed to use it outside the hospital for at least a week while he learned how to walk and care for it. John was worried he might try to overexert himself, as many amputees often do. He needed to gradually build up to supporting his weight on his stump. Still, it was a huge first step—one that brought Kent closer to moving on and out of John’s life. John’s last surprise for Kent was going to be more of a graduation gift, and it was still in the works.
While the grill heated, John looked out and saw Kent sitting on the sand, enjoying the view and the breeze. He had both arms around his knee and was staring out at the water. The sun set quickly, and the sunset was breathtaking. Just as John was setting everything on the table, he heard Kent on the steps.
John started marinating two large ribeyes in Ziploc bags stored in the cooler. He preferred baking potatoes in the oven, but he used the microwave to save time, and he threw together a spinach salad with balsamic vinaigrette.
John had changed, and wore his bathing suit as well, and no shirt.
Kent grinned and said, “I was going to put on a shirt.”
“Hey, we’re at the beach. Shirts are optional and besides, it's just us.”
“Damn, John, what a spread.”
“I know ribeyes aren’t our usual, but I wanted this to be a special meal for you.”
Kent lowered his head, and ran a hand through his hair. He looked sheepish, almost hesitant and John knew he was emotional.
“I don’t say this enough, man, but I can’t thank you enough for everything you do for me. I was so fucked in the head right after the third surgery, and you stuck with me. You guided me out of that, and I appreciate it more than I can possibly say. You’ve become a good friend to me through all of this. Way more than just my OT.”
John started to respond, making light of the situation, but Kent cut him off.
“Don’t think for a minute that I don’t see how far above and beyond you go for me. The meal preps, getting me out of the hospital, and bringing me here—this place is incredible. You make it easy for me to feel normal.”
Kent’s words poured over John, warming his heart. In that moment, it made the pain worth it.
“You’re welcome, Kent. You’ve become a good friend to me, too. I’m going to miss you when you’re finally ready to leave.”
“I still don’t have a clue what I’m going to do.”
“I’ve done some digging on your behalf. There are still a lot of things you can do in the Corps if you want to stay in. Your former MOS isn’t an option, but if you really want to go back in, you can.”
“I’ve thought about it, but I don’t think so. It tears me up inside, but it seems like I’d be settling. I think it will be time to put that chapter of my life to bed and start something new, whatever that may be.”
He chuckled and said, “If you have any ideas in your bag of tricks, I’m all ears.”
“That’s still some months down the road, but it’s good to start thinking about.”
They dug into their steaks, and once the plates were cleared, John pulled out a small cheesecake with strawberry compote.
Kent said, “You fucker. This is my favorite! How’d you know?”
“You must have mentioned it at some point. My mind is a steel trap. I remember everything.”
“That must drive you nuts.”
Just as they were finishing, there was a knock on the door and a woman called out, “Johnny!?”
“Alicia! Come in!”
“I thought that was your car!”
As soon as she saw Kent, she stopped. She knew about Kent, but seeing him in person stunned her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company.”
“It’s fine. Kent, this is Alicia. Alicia, this is Kent. Alicia is an old family friend who lives down the road. We used to play together when we were kids.”
Alicia moved forward and hugged John, and ran her hands over his arms and shoulders, saying, “Look at you!”
Laughing, John nodded to Kent and said, “It’s his fault. We work out together.”
Kent stood on his good leg and shook her hand, saying, “Nice to meet you.”
She mumbled, “My, my, my,” as she stared at Kent’s arms and chest. She didn’t pay the slightest attention to his stump.
“I just wanted to come say hi. How long will you be here? Can I come over tomorrow for a catch up?”
“Sure. We’re going to be here a few days. We have no plans other than to get some sun and chill.”
The lust in her eyes was not lost on Kent, and he had to sit down.
“My favorite pastimes, among other things.” She glanced at his crotch briefly when she said that.
John said, “We’re probably gonna turn in early. We just had a big dinner and it was a long drive. Come over tomorrow anytime. Just don’t make it too early. I’m planning on sleeping in.”
Alicia left, Kent looked a bit stunned, and John chuckled.
“Dude, I’ve known her since I was like three. She’s a really nice girl, but she’s also very free-spirited. If you show any interest at all, she’ll be all over you.”
John couldn’t read Kent’s expression when he asked, “Is this another one of my surprises?”
John sat down and said, “Not exactly. I knew Alicia would be here, and I know how she is. I know you push every button of hers.”
Just like you do mine.
“I brought condoms and lube, just in case. I know you’re worried about sex. This might be a good opportunity to break down that barrier, if you want to. There’s no pressure, Kent. Trust me. If you want me to, I’ll tell her to back off, but I know you haven’t gotten laid in over a year.”
Kent’s face flushed and John knew he was hard at the thought, but he also saw worry, and John knew what the issue was. His stump.
“Kent, I’m going to be blunt. I understand your concerns. You think she’ll be repulsed by your leg. Let me remind you, she didn’t bat an eye when you stood up. She doesn’t care, and you shouldn’t either. You need to learn to be intimate with another person again. My god, with your body, there’s no need to be self-conscious. If you want, put a pillow case over your stump, at least to start.”
“What about balance…”
John actually laughed and said, “Dude, you are a machine. You do one-armed pushups with me all the time, just to show off. You won’t have any issues, believe me.”
“But I haven’t been able to… you know.”
“Yeah, I know. But that’s by yourself. When you feel her against you, I bet you’ll pop off so fast your eyes will spin.”
Kent nearly spit out the water he just sipped, but then he laughed and said, “You’re probably right. God, I hope you’re right.”
“How often have I steered you wrong since we’ve been working together?”
“Never.”
“So trust me on this. You need this, as a man. Consider it another part of your therapy. Just don’t tell Dr. Hiner.”
<><>
Thinking about Kent and Alicia fucking brought tears to John’s eyes. He couldn’t sleep as images of Kent’s naked, virile body, sweaty and pounding Alicia filled his thoughts. He wanted John on top of him, pounding his ass. He wanted to feel every muscle in Kent’s body, flexed and sweaty, against him.
A startled shout from Kent’s room caused John to jump out of bed and rush to Kent’s room. Kent was sitting up, sweating and breathing hard.
“Kent?! What’s wrong?”
Kent seemed disoriented and John moved over, sat on the edge of his bed, and turned on the lamp on the nightstand.
John saw tears and Kent sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm himself.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, John. I had a bad dream, and when I woke up, I didn’t remember where I was…”
John noticed his trembling and gently ran his hand over Kent’s back. “It’s okay, man. I understand. It’s been a while since you’ve had any dreams, but they can creep up at any time. A new environment like this can stir things up in your subconscious. It’s another unknown.”
“I’m okay, thanks.”
“Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?”
Kent lowered his head. John knew Kent wanted him to stay, but was afraid of looking weak.
“It doesn’t make you weak, Kent. I’m here as a friend.”
“Thanks, buddy.”
Kent rolled over and John waited for him to fall asleep. He wanted to keep rubbing Kent’s back, but he refrained.
The next morning it was as if the incident never happened. John made them a huge breakfast.
John said, “You said you wanted to get some sun. I brought a few sunscreen options. They’re in the bathroom.”
Kent grabbed a beach blanket and towel and came into the kitchen.
Holding out a spray can of sunscreen, he asked, “Would you mind? It’ll be easier.”
Going out on the back porch, John took the blanket and towel and set them down.
“You should take off the sleeve. The sun will be good for your skin.”
Kent hesitated a second but leaned over and slipped it off, exposing his stump. He had to admit how much better his leg looked compared to right after the surgery.
“Arms out.”
Kent’s balance was good enough that he didn’t use the crutch, and he spread his arms straight out and stood on his good leg, while John doused him liberally with the sunscreen. It made Kent’s skin shine, and John loved the scent of the brand he used.
“Close your eyes.”
Kent did as instructed and John put his hands over Kent’s eyes and sprayed his face and neck too, then used his hand to spread it over his nose, forehead, and around his eyes.
Kent smirked and said, “Thanks, Mom. Can I go play now?”
“You’ve been a good boy, so yeah. I’ll have lunch ready around noon.”
“You aren’t going to join me?”
“I need to do some laundry and make a few phone calls. I’ll join you if I have time.”
Kent seemed a little put out, and John wondered at it. He wasn’t joining Kent because he knew Alicia would see him on the beach.
Man, this could really backfire. I hope it works.
John watched Kent move down the steps and along the ramp to the beach. The tide was much higher and closer to the house, so he didn’t have far to go.
Jesus, he’s so perfect.
In a moment of weakness, John let his bottled-up feelings for Kent escape, and tears welled in his eyes. He sat at the table, resting his head in his hands and sobbing openly. John didn’t just love Kent; he was in love with him. At first, it was his handsome face and physique that drew him in, but as he got to know him, everything about Kent’s personality captivated him. Kent Moore was a beautiful man beneath the rough exterior he presented.
John sat at the table, unable to think clearly for almost an hour. When he finally pulled himself together and stood up, he saw Alicia sitting with Kent. She was running her hand up and down his back.
Seeing her touching Kent was like a knife in his heart, and his tears returned. He watched Kent stand up, and Alicia grabbed his blanket and towel as they headed back to the house. John panicked, not wanting Kent to see that he had been crying, so he went into the bathroom and started the shower.
He sat on the toilet, crying his eyes out even more when he heard Kent’s bedroom door shut. Shutting off the shower, John quietly crept into his room and shut the door. It wasn’t long before he heard Alicia moaning, and then Kent grunting in exertion. The bed creaked loudly and images of Kent, his naked body covering hers, sweating with effort as he thrust his hard cock into her. The picture of Kent’s back and ass muscles undulating with his thrusts was incredibly vivid.
The noise went on for nearly half an hour. From her screams, John was sure Alicia came multiple times. There was no way she faked what he heard.
<><>
As hard as he tried, thrusting his cock into Alicia for half an hour, Kent couldn’t get off. Dripping sweat, he bridged his body over her, holding himself up by his arms and good leg. She did everything she could, caressing him, kissing his neck, all the things he liked, but he couldn’t cum. Finally, exhausted, he collapsed on top of her and then rolled to the side.
He stared at the ceiling, unblinking, while his hard cock, wet and slick, continued to throb. Alicia tried to comfort him, running a hand over his chest.
His eyes watery, Kent finally mumbled, “Sorry. It’s this damned leg.”
“Are you alright?”
“I don’t know. John said this shouldn’t be an issue. He said there’s nothing about my injury that would cause this, but….”
“Maybe you should let John try.”
Kent did a double-take and lifted his head to look at her, “What?”
“Oh, no! I thought you knew. Please don’t tell him I told you!”
“John’s gay?”
Alicia started to cry, “He’s going to be so angry with me.”
Like dominoes, so many things fell into place in Kent’s mind. All the extra things John did for him, far beyond a normal OT… Fuck, I didn’t see any of it. John masked everything so well, and was so professional. He never took advantage of Kent when they had to shower together, or worked out, or anytime he had to touch him during his therapy sessions.
But aside from that, now that he knew John was gay, everything made sense. What surprised Kent was that he didn’t feel shocked or angry; he felt betrayed.
“I want to be alone.”
Alicia quickly dressed and quietly left. John heard her leave, but stayed in his room, trapped by his emotions. Looking at the clock, it was almost lunch, and he promised Kent he’d have lunch ready, so he pulled himself together and went to the kitchen. When Kent didn’t come out, John feared the worst.
John’s anxiety kept him from functioning. He had never felt so incapacitated before and felt like he was drowning. Instead of making lunch, he went to the beach and sat alone, staring out over the water.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been there, but he had no sunscreen on, and his shoulders were starting to turn red. He was about to get up and go inside the house when he heard Kent behind him. Kent didn’t say a word but sat down close enough that their arms touched. Even that brief skin contact sent a shiver down John’s spine.
When Kent put his arm around John’s shoulder, John broke down and lowered his head, sobbing uncontrollably. Kent pulled him closer and let him cry it out. John’s head hurt from all the tears he had shed that day.
Once he quieted somewhat, Kent softly asked him, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
John’s throat was still thick with emotions, but he finally found his voice.
"I don’t know. I should have said something, but you were having such a hard time early on that I didn’t want to throw you a curveball which could affect working together. Then I waited too long, so I just kept it to myself. I’m sorry if you hate me."
John was surprised to hear Kent sniffle.
“I found out that one of my best buddies in Afghanistan was gay. He was the bravest man I’ve ever known. A year later, he killed himself. After all the shit he went through, all the lives he saved, he killed himself over some guy. He was one of us, and when you know another brother has your back no matter what, that shit doesn’t matter. I was so angry at him for checking out, it took me months to get over it. It still hurts to this day… don’t be mad at Alicia. She thought I knew. I’m glad she let it slip.
“When she did, so many things fell into place. The things you do for me, so far above and beyond what you’re supposed to. I feel like I’ve used you. I accepted all of that. I know I thanked you, but now that I know why, I feel like a heel. You’re a great man, John. Just as kind and brave as Will. You save lives, too, just like him. You saved mine, that’s for damn sure. I was on the verge of checking out before my last surgery. I just didn’t see a way forward for me.
“Then you showed up. You never once considered my stump a handicap. You didn’t allow me to think that either, and when I tried, you pushed back, not with loud words, but through your actions. You were like this wall that I could lean on, and no matter how hard I leaned on you, you didn’t budge.
“I’m sorry, man. I’m straight, but I wish I had known. You’re the only friend I have here in the states, the only one who cares about me. You arranged for my buddies to call me. You have no idea what that meant to me. Seeing Ranger, too, that pesky mutt. Hearing his bark was another burden that lifted off me, knowing he was still alive.”
John kept wiping his eyes as he listened. Kent’s words were a boon in so many ways. The fact that he knew was a huge weight off John, but it still didn’t address John’s feelings for him.
John said, “Let’s go in and get some lunch.”
Kent’s arm tightened, then he patted John’s shoulder in comfort. He quickly got to his feet, extended a hand, and pulled John up. His casual strength never ceased to amaze John.
Kent sat in the kitchen while John made them hoagies. He grabbed Kent’s favorite beer and placed two bottles on the table. Kent picked up the bottle and chugged it without stopping for a breath. John’s eyes widened.
“I hope there’s more.”
John set another one down.
“God, John, everything you do for me. Getting my favorite beer is another example. You make it all about me. All this time, it’s been about me, not you. You’ve been selfless and given up so much for me.”
John didn’t know what to say, and they finished their sandwiches in silence. When Kent was done, John asked, “Do you want to go back out and get some sun?”
“Not yet. There’s something I need to say.”
John went cold inside, afraid of what Kent might say.
Kent reached across the table and took John’s hands in his. He held them firmly, not letting John pull back. The warm strength of his hands sent a tingle through John that went straight to his dick.
“I’ve been thinking about how to say this. My mind has been spinning since Alicia left. What you did for me by setting me up with her… what that must have done to you. I can tell how upset you were. I feel like that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m terrified, John, but I’m mad too. You let things go way too far. I can see what doing that cost you, and it was completely unfair of you to do that. I know you did it for me, but now that I know, I feel like a total jerk.
“I wasn’t able to get off with her, either. That’s the first time you’ve been wrong since we started working together. I tried so fucking hard, man. I made her cum three times, and I tried until I was about to pass out. Hell, my arms and leg are still shaky. You were right about her not caring about my stump. She actually got off on it, which is weird as fuck, but it proves you were right about that part. I care way more about it than anyone else seems to, and I think I can start to let that go.
“After I finally gave up trying, I was still rigid as fuck and so horny I could hardly think. But I think I figured out my mental block. Like I said earlier, you’ve been a wall for me, and the trust we built over all these months was the one thing I could rely on. You broke that trust by not telling me. I get why, but it also helped me figure out why I can’t get off. It’s about trust. Trusting that part of me. I don’t trust anybody but you. I know that sounds fucked up coming from a straight guy, but when Alicia said I should let you get me off, I almost came from just at the thought of it.
“I‘m hesitant to ask you, though, because I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. It would be incredibly unfair of me to ask that of you.”
John sat, stunned. They sat at the kitchen table, shirtless, both still a bit sweaty from the heat of the beach, their hair wind-blown. Kent’s skin still shone lightly from the sunscreen, accentuating his muscles in the stark lighting of the room.
John’s eyes started to water again and he whispered, “You don’t have to ask. I’ve wanted that ever since I laid eyes on you. At first it was just your face and body, but I’ve fallen in love with for who you are. I want to do that for you.”
“But John, I’m straight. I don’t think I can reciprocate like you need. I’d just be hurting you further.”
“How about, for starters, we just make it about sex. I’ll get you off. I’ll get off just by being with you. You have no idea what you do to me that way.”
Kent smirked as he peeked over the edge of the table to see John’s hard-on filling his bathing suit.
“I think I have some idea. I’m still so horned up, I could jack up a car.”
Kent stood up, put his crutch under one arm, and started down the hallway.
“Let’s go to your room. Mine’s a bit messy.”
The cold ball in John’s stomach turned to fire, and his chest felt tight. He felt as excited as he did when he lost his virginity. His cock ached for attention.
Kent dropped his bathing suit and stood naked beside the bed. He looked like a statue brought to life. Leaning his crutch against the doorframe, he lay down and moved to one side of the bed, holding one arm out, beckoning John to join him.
As often as they showered together, John was always covered, and neither man had seen the other hard. Kent had never seen John’s dick, and he was surprised at how large it was. Not as big as his own, but larger than most men.
John asked, “Did you use a condom with Alicia?”
“Yeah. You said I should. I thought that might have been part of my issue, but I know now that wasn’t it. I’m glad I used one, though.”
“Good. Me too.”
John climbed onto the bed and lay beside Kent.
Kent already breathed hard, and his cock throbbed, matching his increased heartbeat. He was as horny as he had ever been with a woman, and it surprised him.
“John, I want you to get as much pleasure out of this as me. You can do whatever you want to me. Touch me in any way, or any place you want. I trust you.”
John swiped a tear that threatened to leak down his cheek. Kent’s willingness to expose himself to John, and his vulnerability in doing so with another man sent John to another place.
Tentatively, he began exploring Kent’s body. He had washed him before, and felt his muscles, but never like in this moment. Now he was touching him with genuine desire, and it changed everything. Kent’s cock kept flexing, and precum oozed from the head, dripping onto his taut stomach.
“I’m sorry, Kent. I want to stretch this out, but I’m about ready to explode. I want to get you off quick, and then we can take our time.”
The look on John’s face, his tender but firm touch, so unlike a woman’s, sent a signal from Kent’s heart straight to his dick. He sucked in his breath when John’s hand gripped his cock, stroking him and smearing his precum over the head and shaft. John began kissing Kent’s chest, slowly going from side to side and taking each nipple into his mouth briefly, causing another shudder. John felt Kent’s cock react at the stimulation.
Moving down his abs, John kissed each one, but Kent’s cock was long and thick. John’s mouth quickly found the object of his desire. He opened his mouth and took Kent in.
Kent cried out, “Oh, God, John. Fuck!” as one hand found the back of John’s head, running it through his short hair. John’s tongue swirled over and around Kent’s cockhead, focusing on the top few inches. With his other hand John stroked the shaft below his mouth.
The sound that came out of Kent almost sounded torturous as he exploded, filling John’s mouth with his load. He kept cuming and cuming, spewing out nearly a year's worth of pent-up need and frustration.
John’s eyes bulged at the sight of Kent’s reaction to his orgasm. His body turned a deep red as every muscle tightened in pleasure, and veins popped out on his neck, upper chest, and shoulders. His arms bulged and he thrust his cock as far into John’s mouth as he could. John took his full length after his first few spurts, swallowing to massage his head.
Kent collapsed, out of breath, with his cock still in John’s mouth and throat. He kept repeating, “Oh, fuck,” as he came to grips with what he just experienced. John withdrew his cock, cleaning off the cum, but Kent’s cock still pulsed, trying to pump out even more cum.
John held his cock reverently, caressing it with his hands and massaging his balls. As Kent’s breathing slowed, John moved his hands up over his abs and chest, enjoying the feel of him. Kent’s chest hair was matted down with sweat; his body shone from the intensity still moving through him.
John formed a sheath with his hand and ran it up and down Kent’s cock, using the spit and cum as lube. He kept Kent’s cock hard, and his pleasure didn’t stop. John paused only long enough to move beside Kent, pulling him partially on top of him, so he was cradled in John’s arms and one leg. In that position, Kent could rest his head against John’s shoulder, and John could rub Kent’s upper body with one hand while stroking him with the other.
Neither man spoke. John was fulfilling a fantasy that was nearly a year in the making, and Kent was being pleasured in a way he had never imagined. He had sex with women, and it felt good, but nothing like what John was doing to him. It hit Kent that no one he had ever had sex with cared about him as deeply or intensely as John.
Fuck. I didn’t know an emotional connection made such a difference. It doesn’t say much about me, does it?
Kent’s pleasure continued from John’s sustained stroking. He used long, slow, steady strokes, twisting his hand at the head slightly. Kent had never been edged before. Like most guys, when he jerked off, he made it fast, but John drew his pleasure out. No woman had ever done that to him or for him. Most of the women he had been with didn’t even like his cock. He rarely received blowjobs, and he was larger than average so most women couldn’t take his full length. Alicia was an exception, and he felt sure he would have been able to cum with her, but it didn’t happen.
The way John touched his body and muscles was almost reverent. After another half an hour, Kent came again. After his first orgasm, his second one wasn’t as urgent, but John drew it out and Kent had plenty of time to recover. He sprayed his abs and chest with cum when he came, and got quite a bit on John, too.
John rubbed most of it into his sweaty body hair, but he leaned down to clean off Kent’s cock with his mouth again. Kent didn’t fall asleep but he was so relaxed he didn’t want to move. John rolled him over and spooned him, holding him snuggly, rubbing his arms and shoulders. He rested his chin on Kent’s shoulder. The room reeked of sweat and cum, which John found euphoric.
After a while Kent said, “Jesus… I don’t know what to say, John. That was incredible. No one’s ever done that to me before. Thank you.”
John chuckled and said, “I’m not finished, I’m just letting you recover. There’s one more thing I want to do. I don’t know where we go from here, Kent. You said I can do whatever I want. This is really more on you, but I want you to fuck me. Just this one time. I have to know what it feels like to have you inside me, and I want you to know what it feels like to be in me.”
Kent didn’t expect that, but he should have. His buddy Will talked about getting fucked. He said he was versatile but liked to bottom. Kent knew what it meant, but never understood how that could feel good on the receiving end. Will told him fucking a guy’s ass was way better than pussy, too.
I guess I’m about to find out.
John lay facing Kent, with one arm propping his head up. With his other hand he touched Kent like he always wanted. He brushed his hair off his forehead, and ran his fingers over his manly face. He caressed his ears and neck and ran his hands through the hair on his chest.
It didn’t take long for Kent to get hard again. John’s touches drove home how much he loved him, and that knowledge went straight to his dick.
“I’ve never done this with a guy. Do I need to use a condom?”
“No, I flushed myself out. Don’t ask me why. I don’t want anything between us. I haven’t been sexually active for almost two years, and my last test before that was negative on everything. I know from your medical records you don’t have any momentos from Afghanistan.
“Let me guide you in. I’m out of practice and I’m going to be tight. Once you’re in, you can continue however feels best to you. Just remember one thing… I’m not Alicia. I’m a man, and I’m strong. You don’t have to be gentle. I want to feel you on top of me.”
“Jesus, John. You make it sound hot.”
John grinned, “It will be. I want this to be the best sex either one of us has ever had.”
John lubed up Kent’s cock and his own ass, and straddled Kent’s stomach. Kent lay back with his hands above his head and John took in the sight. With one hand he guided Kent to his entrance, and he placed his other hand on Kent’s chest to support himself.
The head went in right away and John gasped, “Fuck, you’re big.” The pain was sharp and it took a minute to lessen.
“I don’t usually do poppers, but I think I need to.”
Leaning over, he opened his nightstand and pulled out a small bottle.
“What’s that?”
“Amyl Nitrate. It’s a vasodilator and helps me open up. I get a bit dizzy when I use them, so you might need to hold me up for a few seconds.”
John loosened the cap and took a long whiff in each nostril. Warmth spread through his body, and a slight euphoric feeling. The pain was still there but much less severe, and he pushed back, taking half Kent’s length in him.
Kent didn’t know what to expect, but he gasped at the heat and tightness around his cock.
“Jesus, don’t stop, John. I’ve never felt anything like this. Your ass feels alive. It’s gripping my cock.”
John waited a few seconds and pushed out and he sank all the way down. He felt every vein and contour of Kent’s cock inside him. His ass molded itself around Kent’s perfect, beautiful cock. Slowly he started to move up and down, and Kent made the cutest noises as he breathed.
“I’m ready now if you want to turn us over.”
Kent could hardly wait and manhandled John like he weighed nothing. He did what John wanted and put his full weight on him, driving his cock as deep as he could. He held it there at first, acclimating to the sensation. It felt too good to stay still, so he started moving his hips slowly and steadily, trying not to shoot, never wanting the feeling to end.
He breathed into John’s ear, “You feel amazing, John. I never knew it could feel like this.”
The angle of Kent’s cock made his shaft hit John’s prostate. John remembered that feeling and felt like he was about to cum. John could tell by the urgency of Kent’s moans and his thrusting that he was getting close, too.
“Kent, let me turn over. I want to see you over me.”
Kent didn’t withdraw, and spun John over. The image of Kent’s incredible body, dripping sweat, his muscles in motion as he thrust into John, was every fantasy of John’s come true. When Kent couldn’t hold it any longer, he lay on top of John, holding still while he filled John’s ass with his cum. John came at the same time, and Kent felt his cock spurting between them.
After the emotions of the day, and the sex, both men fell asleep together, holding one another.
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
