In Real Life

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction made from my brilliant imagination.

Chapter 2: Groucho Club at 10

Russell and I walked up to Groucho Club entrance and were greeted by paparazzi. They seemed to camp outside of places like this. Russell and I hurriedly walked into Groucho. I don't think I've ever been to Groucho so I just followed Russell into an area which had couches and a table in front of the couch and on the table had an image of a white duck (which was the symbol of Groucho Club). There were already loads of people there sitting, drinking, dancing, snogging or just talking loud over the music.

I guess I was just standing there for awhile observing people because Russell pushed me along and before I knew it I had landed in a couch that had Miquita 'coincidentally' sitting right next to me. Russell sat down on the other side of me, so close that I could barely move.

I first looked at Russell, then I looked at Miquita, 'Is this an intervention?' I asked with a bit of sarcasm and a bit of worry.

'Russell called me up and told me he was going to convince you to come out to Groucho. I was wondering why he didn't ask me to try and convince you to get you out of your funk myself. He said my idea of getting you back to normal would include me and you, at your house, listening to Michael Buble and bitching about how men are bastards.' Miquita took a big swig of her drink.'Russell's words exactly.'

'Miquita, you weren't supposed to tell him about Plan B.' Russell whined.

'Oh piss off Russell, I can bloody well tell Simon anything I want to, he's my best friend.' That's the result of Miquita when she's irritated, just wait 'til she gets drunk.'I'm going to over there and talk with Lily.'

'Okay, maybe next weekend we can do Plan B together.' I said to Miquita.

'Sure, ring me up soon we'll get together just me and you. See you later love.'

'Bye Miquita.'

I sat back into the couch and tried to get comfortable. Then I looked around and realized that Russell wasn't sitting next to me anymore. I looked around then lazily sunk back into the comfy couch. Am I always going to be alone? Gosh, can I for once not be so depressing, could I let myself be happy for at least a little while?

I started looking around the room observing all the people. Everyone looking trendy and put together. No one looks like their upset over breaking up with their boyfriend which happened over 3 months ago, but are too pathetic to get over it. It's annoying how I always make everything about me. Before I got too entranced in my thoughts I saw Russell approaching with two drinks in his hands. He sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders and had a cheeky grin on his face.

'What are you smiling about?' I asked with a bit of attitude in my voice.

'At you my love, now here's a drink for your thoughts.'

'Oh cheers, but I could've gotten my own drink.'

'Yeah you could've, but you were too caught up in your multitude of thoughts to walk over to that bar to order yourself a drink.'

'Well thanks anyway.'

'Hey, I don't mean to leave you high and dry, but I just saw Noel over there and I haven't seen him in ages. So I'm going to catch up and then I'll be right back to get you drunk.' Then he got up and left me with a drink in hand.

I started looking around, watching people as I started to drink. I saw Miquita animatedly talking to Lily Allen, I could see Russell and Noel Fielding standing and talking very closely in a corner. Before I knew it the glass was empty (now keep in mind that I'm a light weight so one drink already and I'm rolling). I looked back to where Russell and Noel were talking but they weren't there anymore. I looked around the room and didn't see them anywhere. Great, he left my sorry ass just like everyone else.

For some reason I looked down at the table and then saw a drink, the same kind of drink that Russell gave me a little while ago. I don't know what I was thinking but I picked up the full glass and started drinking it.

Then a think northern accent said,'Hey, what you doin with me drink!?'

I was startled when I turned to the left and saw Danny Jones, Harry Judd and Dougie Poynter (all from Mcfly), sitting at the other end of the couch. I guess when I get drunk I lose all awareness of what's going on around me. I hadn't even realized that they had sat down next to me.

'Oh, hey look guys it's Simon Amstell.' Danny said whilst gesturing for Harry and Dougie to look at me.

Oh great now I've got more unwanted attention.

'Hey Simon I haven't seen you since I was on Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Why aren't you hosting the show anymore?' Harry asked.

'Yeah, I just kind of left the show. I did a stand-up tour for awhile and soon my new TV show will be coming out. So everyone can stop taking pity on me, thinking I got fired or something.' I guess I'm not in the mood for ideal chat. Maybe if I get more drunk, I'll loosen up. On that note I quickly gulped down the rest of the drink in my hand. I wonder where the drink came from.

'So you enjoin my drink?' Danny asked me with a chuckle.

Oh yeah, that's where the drink came from.

'What's so funny mate?' Danny asked.

'Oh, I was laughing cause I forgot where I got the drink from. Then you asked if I was enjoying your drink and then I remembered where the drink came from.' I couldn't help but laugh.

'You're a light weight aren't you?' Harry laughed.

I held up my hand and made a pinching motion, ' Just a little bit.' I said with a laugh. Why is everything so fucking funny all of a sudden?

'You get more funny with each drink. This could be interesting.' Dougie exclaimed.

'Wait a minute, wait a minute...there's only three of you, where's the fourth part of you guys? I thought you four went everywhere together like Jedward. I thought you guys had that 'attached at the hip' syndrome going on.'

'Tom's at home having a romantic evening with Giovanna. Whatever, we don't need Tom, we get more drunk when he's not here anyway.' Danny said as he held up his glass then chugged it down.

I saw Dougie sit back down on the couch, as if he had and come back. Actually I think he did go somewhere and come back because he has a bunch of shot glasses filled with some sort of drink (I'm guessing an alcoholic drink).

'Hey does anyone want to have a drinking contest with me? Harry asked.

'I will!' I exclaimed and raised my hand.'Let's see who can drink the most shots of...' I paused. I didn't know what was in the shot glass.

'Tequila' Dougie stated.

'The most shots of Tequila in one minute.' I wagered.

'How 'bout this, the loser has to do something outrageous in front of Groucho Club.' Danny said to Harry and I.

'Like what?' Harry asked.

'I don't know, you can decide once your drunk off your tits with Tequila. That'll probably help you decide better anyway.' Danny replied.

'Okay, I'll do it. You in Amstell?' Harry asked with a smirk.

'Yeah, of course Judd, let's do this.'

'Okay, on you're marks, get set, go!'

I didn't know what I was doing, I was picking shot glasses left and right. That Tequila is one strong bitch. It burns when it goes down. Either way I didn't want to be the loser of this challenge so I kept taking them back fast and loose.

'Time, stop!' Danny shouted.

I don't think I could've taken anymore even if I wanted to. I sat back on the couch and closed my eyes.

'Looks like you guys tied.' Danny proclaimed.

'I think you guys should both do something crazy in front of Groucho.' Dougie said.

'Good idea Doug.' Danny said.

'Sure I'll do it.' Harry slurred a bit.

'Yeah me too.' I was more than a little bit tipsy. I'm a light weight and I've had more than my fair share.

Harry actually had to help me get from off the couch.

Let's do something no one will ever forget Simon.' Harry whispered into my ear.

To be continued...