Disclaimer: This story is fictional, made from my brilliant imigination.

Chapter 1: A chat with Russell Brand

As soon as Russell and I met up at the Coffee Cup the paparazzi were taking loads of pictures. They took a picture practically every time Russell or I made the slightest movement. Finally after a couple minutes of the paparazzi bombarding us the manager shooed them away. Russell and I sat at a table that was a bit away from the majority of the people. Still once we were seated these girls who looked like they were late teens or early twenties, came up to us and asked if we could take some pictures with them. I realized rather quickly that meeting in a public place was not such a good idea, but we stayed anyway.

'Simon you can stop looking like someone's torturing you. Everyone's got what they wanted, you can relax.' Russell said with a smirk, 'How've you been holding up since the break up?'

'That was ages ago, it's over and done.' I'm just really tired of talking about it, thinking about it and obsessing over it.

'Simon, that was like 3 months ago. Plus we haven't had the chance to talk about it. I've been in America and I've been so busy lately that we haven't had a chance to talk. I mean really talk.' he looked at me in pity. I hate the look of pity. I always get that look whenever I tell people that I recently went through a bad break up.

'It's hard, you know... it's really hard. I'd gotten so used to him being at the house, being with me, talking to me. I just don't know what to do.' my voice was getting a bit hoarse.

Russell put his hand on my shoulder, he probably thought that I was going to cry, but I wasn't. I've cried for a long time. I would cry at random times, I think I've cried more in the past 3 months than I have in my whole life. But I'm all cried out, I'm too exhausted to even think about crying anymore.

'Don't worry Russell I'm not going to cry, I'm not a complete basket case...anymore. I feel like I'm finally getting over it. I was with Matt for 4 years and we were coming up on our 5th anniversary -' I stopped for a second and looked down at the table.Why do I always do this to myself, it's like I'm trying to make myself have a break down. 'How about we talk about something else?'

'I was thinking, since you've been single for 3 months I should take you out to Groucho Club to show you off. You can meet a randy bloke who will make you forget all about what's- his-name. You can relax, take your mind off things and get bling drunk.' Russell said enthusiastically.

'I don't know, I'm not sure if I'm ready to get into a relationship again.'

'Who the bloody hell said you should hook up with someone to take your mind off things.'

'I don't want a one night stand either. I'm not going to go to Groucho Club just so I can hook up with some random guy and have to take the walk of shame in the morning. I don't think I could handle something like that right now.' I said with a sigh.

'You're going to Groucho, no matter if I have to carry your skinny little bum all the way there.' Russell said with a serious look in his face.

'You mean that?'

'Yeah I mean that, you're like a twiglet. How do you manage to stay that thin?' he looked almost jealous, but I ignored it.

'I mean you're really going to make me go to this club tonight?' I rolled my eyes and raked my hand through my curls.

'Yes I am. I'm tired of seeing you look so fucking depressed, so my plan is to get you intoxicated and see you have some mindless fun. I want to see you loose absolute control and have your crotch shot all over the tabloids tomorrow. You'll be alive again, don't worry we'll have fun. I'll pick you up at 10.' he said with a cheeky smile.

'How do you know that I'm gonna agree to go with you?' I said jokingly.

'Cause I know you want to have your crotch shot in the tabloids like Britney Spears.' Russell got up from his seat. 'See you at 10.' Then he walked out of the place.

To be continued...



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