This time when Will approached the frat house, he simply pushed opened the door, correctly assuming that nobody bothered to lock it. Anyone trying to steal something from them or break in was signing up for their own funeral, with the amount of muscle and aggression in this house. This time, Sam sat in the kitchen in a tank top, eating cereal, with his hair a mess.
“What the fuck, that was quick,” Sam munched on a sugary cereal, that made no dent in negatively affecting his bulky physique.
“I told you fifteen minutes?” Will looked down at his phone. It had only been eight; maybe he was rushing faster than he thought.
He stood awkwardly in the slightly grimy kitchen, which had a few lights out and various different hues to the bulbs, casting a weird, dilapidated glow on the remnants of a party; or maybe this was how it always was. There were two old coffee makers in a corner, with multiple wide open bags of cheap coffee next to them, an endless stack of empty 30s of beer, and six pizza boxes stacked up. On the wall was a complicated, multi-colored board with photos on it of all the guys in the house alongside columns of chore duties. Based on the look of the house, Will assumed there weren’t any consequences for guys who skipped their duties.
“So…whatcha thinking, Willy?” Sam teased, his voice rumbling, sarcastically but with a hint of hope behind it. It was Sam’s superpower, Will was learning, to operate in multiple emotional registers at once. It started to explain why girls were so drawn into the mystique of a bad boy, even when they were being a completely asshole. “You decide you can’t get enough frat boy dick?” Sam chuckled to himself, trying to be his usual douchey self, despite Will knowing now that deep down, he was far more tender.
Will managed a weak, self-conscious laugh, still uncomfortable with what all of this meant for his sexuality, but unable to deny he was having fun. He ran a hand through his own hair, feeling frizziness. He’d barely slept for days and breaking up with Maddie was causing a pounding headache.
“It’s a lot Sam…” he managed, his voice barely above a whisper and shaking from anxiety. “Everything is a lot and my head just hurts. I just broke up with my girlfriend. We were dating for four years, she was my first…everything…”
Sam put his spoon down, with genuine shock on his face as it dawned on him how serious this all was, “you…what…?”
“Because of...this.” Will opened his arms wide, alluding to the whole house. “Because of you.” Will struggled not to cry. He didn’t mean to infer that he expected something from Sam, but he wasn’t a pushover himself either. Despite his usual happy go lucky persona, he didn’t think it was unfair to hope Sam realized the effect he was having on fucking up his perfectly planned, vanilla life. He perhaps naively assumed that Sam had to realize what they were doing wasn’t some stupid game.
Sam pushed off the table, moving closer, his eyes scanning Will’s face intensely. He paused, softening his tone, “my bad. Take a deep breath. Do you want to talk about it?”
Will nodded, feeling a strange mix of relief and apprehension. “I do. I just…I don’t know what I’m doing. Or what’s going on. One minute I’m completely sure about my life, the next I’m…sucking a dick…no, wait, two dicks…and…and…breaking up with the girl I thought I was going to marry…” He swallowed hard, the last words catching in his throat, a tear falling down his cheek.
Sam’s expression shifted, the sarcasm receding completely but sticking to his blunt tone, “yeah, well…college is about growing up, kid. It’s a shit show. Sorry but I’m gonna call it like it is.” He leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s better? That you stayed with her, got your 9 to 5, a little dog, married, all that shit, and the whole time you’re wondering what the guy next door or at the gym might look like on his knees in front of you? Or is it better you figured this out now? Sure it fucking sucks today, but at least you know now…”
Will was speechless. He’d never get used to how they talked. The rawness to it. It felt like Sam stripped away all the common pleasantries and ways people were just supposed to talk with. Advice his whole life had been a series of cliches and boring nods to a simple, stereotypical life. What was strangest was that Sam’s path; a frat, muscles, sleeping around, was all a part of that usual ‘guy’ pathway, but there was something deeper there. It was a freedom and bold side that was actually anything but a cliche of how things normally went.
“You think we’re absolute shitheads, don’t you? Me, Chase, all of us?” Sam eyed him up, suspiciously.
Will shrugged, a small, wry smile across his lips. “The thought might have crossed my mind when I met you…”
“Fair enough,” Sam conceded, a hint of his usual smirk returning. “And yeah, sometimes we are. A lot of the time, even. But there’s more to it than that. We look out for each other. More than you’d think. It’s a family, a really messed-up group, but I know I can fall back on the guys when I need ‘em. We pick each other up when we’re down. We’ve got each other’s backs.”
He paused and held Will’s gaze for a few seconds before speaking with a confident tone, not commanding, but direct and unwavering, “I want you to join Will.”
The compliment, unexpected and sincere, warmed Will’s chest. He looked down at his shoes, then back up at Sam. “I’m just so confused,” he admitted, his voice raw. “About myself. About…all of this. My sexuality. What I’m supposed to be doing. Maddie and I…we talked about me exploring this, seeing if I liked guys. But I didn’t expect it to be so intense.” He gestured again, helplessly. “With you. And with Chase last night. Sam, I’m a mess. And now, you want me to flip my life upside down and join this group that I feel like I don’t fit in with at ALL.”
“How do you know you don’t fit in?” Sam prodded hard. “What makes you so sure? Bullshit assumptions about us? About me?”
“Sam come on…even if I were…straight…” he shook his head, realizing it was the first time he’d really acknowledged it, “I’m not like you guys…”
Sam pushed off the counter again, closing the distance between them until he was just a few feet away. His eyes never left Will’s. “I’ve never offered an automatic bid like this to anyone else Will. I wouldn’t put myself out there to vouch for you if I didn’t think you’d like my friends too,” he paused, thinking carefully about his words, “and it’s not because I want to use you or anything. Obviously last Saturday was unexpected but last night was just three friends hanging out. The bros gaming at the house. And sure…with some stuff at the end…BUT…it wasn’t just that. And you know it.”
Will shook his head, “oh yeah? Is that what you guys do when you normally hang out?”
Sam chuckled. “I mean, obviously not. But that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t. Just because the three of us had the balls to just have some fucking fun, doesn’t mean it’s weird or wrong or unique. People will judge the fuck out of me and my friends, but at least we’re close enough to make crazy ass decisions that don’t fit in some fucking box…”
The honesty in Sam’s voice was disarming. Will felt a strange stir of warmth in his stomach again. He took a shaky breath. “Okay,” he said, the word coming out a little breathless. “Okay. So…if I join. Do I…could I live here?”
Sam’s brow furrowed. “Live here? Like, in the house? Nah, man, there’s no space. This place is packed. Every room’s got like, three guys crammed into it already. It’s a sardine can as it is.”
Will’s shoulders slumped slightly, a flicker of disappointment running through him. Living here would have solved so many problems. He’d be fully immersed, fully committed, with no going back.
A sudden and risky thought struck his mind. “Wait,” Will said, looking around the kitchen, then up towards the ceiling, remembering the layout upstairs. “Your room. Up in the attic…”
Sam blinked, “Yeah. What about it?”
“It’s huge,” Will blurted out, a wide, excited grin spreading across his face. “Yeah wait…it’s huge! What if we switched the couch out for a twin? I wouldn’t mind a small bed and I already have a roommate anyway. You said the other rooms are already packed with guys. I promise I’d stay out of your way!” The words tumbled out, faster and faster, as the implications settled in his mind.
Sam stared at him for a long moment, his eyes unreadable. A faint blush crept up Sam’s neck, barely perceptible, but Will saw it. It was the first time he’d seen Sam look anything less than completely confident in himself. “You want to…you want me to…to share a room with you?” Sam asked, his voice unexpectedly quiet, almost uncertain.
Will’s excitement dimmed a fraction as he became aware of the boldness of the suggestion. He’d barely known Sam a week, thought he probably was still straight, and knew he had earned that large, private room as president of the frat, and yet here he was, asking him to give up his private space and let a borderline stranger live a few feet away.
“Well…I mean…,” Will said, his voice softer now, more tentative. “Yeah I mean like…if…if that’s something you’d consider? And it’s just a few more months, right? Until you graduate? I could pay you rent too? Or clean or something?” He offered up practical offers, hoping they would mask his nerves.
Sam watched him, his gaze intense, a complex mix of emotions playing across his face. He looked away for a second, towards the messy counter, then back to Will.
A slow, almost imperceptible smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “You know…,” he said, his voice returning to its characteristic low drawl, “you come across as this really shy dude, but I don’t think you’re the guy you tell yourself you are. I think you just push down what you usually wanna say out loud. And do too much of what you think you’re supposed to be doing, instead of what you want to do…” He paused, allowing the silence to stretch, making Will’s stomach churn. “Yeah. Yeah, we could make that work. It’s a big room. And it’s…I wouldn’t mind the company...” The last part was said almost too quietly, nearly swallowed by the hum of the fridge.
A wave of relief and exhilaration washed over Will. “Really?” he breathed, a genuine, unburdened smile finally breaking through the tension that had gripped him all morning. “I could move in?”
“Yes, William,” Sam said, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. “You can live in the corner of my room, ha. So does that mean you’re in? For the frat?”
“I’m in,” Will confirmed. It felt right, solid. “Definitely. Thank you, Sam. For everything.”
“Don’t thank me yet kid!” Sam scoffed, though his eyes were warm. “Can you move in Saturday?”
“Oh, shit. Uh…” Will hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Like in two days?”
“Mhmm,” Sam mumbled, his expression softening again, a flash of understanding in his eyes. “Tell you what, I’ll talk to the guys, explain the situation. Tell them you got an automatic bid because I said so, and that you’ll be my new roommate. We can tentatively plan for this weekend. Give you a couple of days to pack up?”
Will hesitated, his gaze dropping to the floor, then back up to Sam’s face.
Sam watched him carefully. “What is it now?” Sam asked, half annoyed and half gentle. “Spit it out. We’re going to be living together, dude. You need to say what’s on your mind, so whatever it is, just ask.”
“Sam,” Will began, his voice barely a whisper, “what…what are we?”
Sam’s easygoing confidence shattered. His own heart sank at having to face a question he’d pushed so deep down that he hoped it’d never see the light of day. He’d brought it on himself, egging Will on to speak his mind more, to go for what he wanted. He ran a hand through his already messy hair. The arrogant, sarcastic frat guy was gone. In its place now, was a vulnerable, scared, young man.
“I…I don’t know,” Sam said, his voice low, rough, devoid of any confidence. The admission was raw, surprising Will that it wasn’t an outright rejection of the mere idea. “I really don’t know. I’m sorry…” He paused, taking a slow, shaky breath. “I’m not into you like that…” even as he said it, his voice shaking, neither of them really bought that he was so sure. “But I care about you. A lot. More than I expected when you were the weirdo cowering in the corner last weekend.” They both smiled. “Wherever this goes, I’ll make sure you’re okay.”
He took a step closer, reaching out, his hand hovering for a second before gently gripping Will’s shoulder, sending shivers down his spine. “And if you’re ever uncomfortable,” Sam continued, his eyes locked on Will’s, “with me, with the guys, with anything about this…just tell me. No matter what. Okay?”
Will could only nod, tears pricking at his eyes, not of sadness, but of overwhelming appreciation and burgeoning feelings.
“Now please stop making me talk about all this sappy emotional shit and go pack your stuff,” Sam lightly slapped Will’s cheek and turned to put his dish in the sink, leaving Will to prepare for this next, unexpected phase of his life.
If you enjoyed this story, consider supporting the author on Patreon.
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
