Dan and Tommy’s Summer

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Aiden

He thumbed out “I can’t believe we are doing this tonight…” before Dan pushed the send button.

Within a minute his phone chirped advertising Tommy’s reply. “No matter what happens, I’ll be there next 2 u n we’ll figure it out together” Tommy’s support was more important to Dan than he could usually quantify into words, however tonight it would empirical.

“Thank you so much baby!” Is what Dan replied to the prior text messages. He wondered what good he had done in his short life to deserve someone like Tommy.

His phone chirped one more time. “C ya soon. I luv you!” Dan felt his cheeks flush a little as he read Tommy’s words.

—-Tommy—-

“Alright mom! I’ll be careful.” He yelled out trying to hide his aggravation as he neared the front door.

It wasn’t often that his mom would let him use her car. Her baby was a slick black Cadillac the song should have been written about, only it was forty years too soon. Her 2018 CTS was her baby, it lived in the garage, was detailed every week by the little car wash down town and still had that new car smell two years later.

“Yes mom, I’ll text you when I get there!” Tommy huffed his response, still excited to drive the Caddy. “I know mom, home by eleven.”

It was like driving a space ship, the dash and center console wrapped around you, there were lights and gauges everywhere and a touchscreen in the center to control everything. And fuck was that car fast! The handful of times she had let Tommy drive it, he tested all of the CTS’s abilities.

He arrived at Dan’s house a little after seven. The plan was for them to ‘have the talk’ with his parents after dinner. Dan was emphatic that he didn’t want to ruin their dinner with ‘the talk’.  Unlike Tommy’s house and Dan being like family and just walking in, Tommy rang the doorbell and waited for permission to enter.

The door opened and revealed Daniel a.k.a Big Dan to his close friends and family. His nickname was fitting. He stood atleast a head taller than Tommy that was emphasized even more by the step up from the porch into the house. The guy looked like a Buick, Tommy guessed he weighted three hundred pounds and his short cropped hair rounded off one of the most imposing figures he knew personally.

“Come in Tommy, Dan’s in the kitchen cleaning up dinner.” Big Dan stepped to the side, his normal deep voice sounding more stern than normal. Tommy assumed it was just his mind playing tricks on him.

“Thank you!” Tommy offered trying to not shrink as he slid around the big guy to find his man.

Tommy found Dan in the kitchen as his dad had said, he was putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher when Tommy caught his attention. Putting the dish tab in its slot, closing and starting the wash cycle before closing the distance between the two boys, Dan nearly knocked Tommy over when they collided in a hug.

Tommy could feel Dan’s body trembling with nerves over coming out to his parents. He made a point to squeeze back and rubbed small circles between Dan’s tense shoulders. “It’s ok. I’m here. Calm down.” Tommy encouraged him. “We got this, no matter what.”

Dan nodded his agreement with a soft sigh before he broke away from their embrace and finished cleaning the counters and table off. That gave Tommy the opportunity to send the text his mom required of him. After finishing up in the kitchen, the boys gave each other a nod of confidence.

“You ready?” Tommy asked, more than ready to get this conversation behind them.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Dan relied, his words shaky and deflated. He took a couple deep centering breaths before leading Tommy towards the living room.

The boys found Big Dan and Sheila, Dan’s mom in the living room with the television playing in the background. Big Dan was flipping through the news on his phone and Sheila had her nose in some book, probably a romance novel.

Dan’s mom was a soft spoken woman, pretty much the epitome of June Cleaver. A petite woman with grey slowly starting to show in her long brown curly hair. She blamed Dan’s older sister for the early streaking she was kind of proud of. The opposite of Dan’s dad, she was always so kind and thoughtful.

“Mom, Dad?” Dan started his nerves obvious in his short shaky words. “Can we talk to you guys about something?”

Big Dan raised his eyes above the black device in his hand, his glare spoke volumes about his displeasure at being pulled away from whatever he was looking at. “Sure hunny.” Sheila said closing her book and patting on the couch cushion beside her. “Come sit down.”

The boys sat side by side, keeping a little distance between them next too Sheila. The room was silent for several very long and stressful seconds as Tommy and Dan’s parents waited for Dan to start.

“What is it hunny?” Sheila probed Dan, resting her hand on his bouncing knee.

After a deep inhale and exhale trying to center his thoughts Dan started. “I really don’t know how to tell you guys this mom. I’m scared.” His heart pounded in his chest and he felt like he was floating above himself watching the life drain out of his body as his vision seemed to narrow. “I don’t want you to hate me?” He tried to blink the small tears that started to form in his eyes turning his sight to his dad.

“Oh baby, he could never hate you!” Sheila spoke up trying to comfort her son, her mind racing on what could be so bad for her baby boy.

“Who’d ya get pregnant?” Big Dan bellowed from his spot in the recliner. His voice seemed to shake the pictures on the wall. His phone was laying in his lap and his full imposing attention targeted Dan.

“No dad. It’s not… I didn’t…” Dan huffed, on the edge of calling this off and running away. “No one’s pregnant dad!” Dan almost snapped his response as his shoulders slumped even more than Tommy thought was possible. “I… I think” the words choked in his throat, just short of spilling out into the room. The fear of his dad’s reaction stopped him silent.

Tommy reached over, put his hand on Dan’s shoulder and gave a little squeeze of encouragement. Instinctively, Dan leaned his head to Tommy’s hand, searching for some hidden strength he didn’t think he would find.

“Well, what is it then son?” Big Dan asked, his voice slightly less thunderous this time. Big Dan’s face seemed to soften and showed hints of concern for his now crying son.

Dan sobbed, deep liquidy sobs as he fought between his fight or flight instincts, flight trying reach out for survival. His chest heaved with each one. Tommy pulled Dan into himself and held the man he adored, not caring about the snot and tears he was inevitably leaving on his shoulder. “Remember, no matter what, it’s going to be ok. We got this!” Tommy whispered into Dans ear.

Sheila patted and rubbed Dan’s back as he sobbed into Tommy’s neck. Big Dan moved forward to the edge of his recliner, his arms solid on his knees supporting his weight. “Son, whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.” His voice came out almost a whisper, shocking everyone in the room.

Dan looked up from his safe place in Tommy and sucked in a deep loud breath. When he spoke, his words were soggy with tears. “Dad, I think I’m gay. Can we figure that out too?” The words rode his breath out of his mouth in haste, sounding sharper than he thought they probably should have.

Tommy’s and Sheila’s hands were both still connecting with Dan as the room fell into a painful silence. Dan looked away from his dad, feeling suddenly ashamed of who he was, his face was buried into his palms. The sobs had mostly stopped and Tommy had to check to make sure his breathing hadn’t stopped too.

Tommy looked up at Big Dan who’s face seemed to have lost all of its color, looking milky white. When he looked at Sheila, she was leaned in close to Dan while petting his arm, her expression showed a sweet almost compassionate look. 

This could have gone worse! Tommy thought to himself seconds before Big Dan growled “I suppose this is your fault!” His glare targeted straight at Tommy.

Tommy was stunned at the direction the man had taken. He tried to spat something… anything back in his defense, but his mouth fumbled the words his brain sent. He returned Big Dan’s evil eyed glare as the furious wave of less constricted words finally reached his mouth. “This isn’t MY fault!” He snapped emphasizing my in his statement. “It’s nobody’s fault! Your son isn’t broken, he’s not defective! He’s Dan and I love him!” The last sentence spilled out in a frenzy of emotions before Tommy could stop them.

All three of the other faces in the room now displayed an unhealthy mix of shock and confusion as the room quieted again. Dan’s father sort of collapsed back into his recliner Sheila sat straight and her gaze was alternating between Dan, Tommy and Big Dan. And Dan, his look melted the anger Tommy had lashed out towards his dad with. His cheeks were splotchy, his eyes now puffy and red but his mouth, that opened in surprise look with something that looked like a smile trying to overtake everything else.

Sheila spoke first, breaking the awkward tension. “Well,” she drug the word out cautiously. “That’s not what I expected to hear.” Tommy couldn’t decide if that made him feel better or worse. Her voice held it’s typical kindness, so he chose better.

Big Dan followed. “Which part Sheila? The part where our son’s gay or that he thinks he loves Tom…”

“Dan!” Sheila snapped causing her son to jump. “Think before you speak!” Her distrust in her husband’s ability speak compassionately was evident.

“I’m sorry I…” Big Dan tried to start. 

“Dan!” She stopped him abruptly before facing Tommy and the younger Dan. “It’s ok, we will figure this out.” She told both boys before flashing a ‘don’t say a thing’ glance at Dan’s dad. Rubbing Dan’s back again she asked “So, how long have you…” looking at Tommy trying to find the right words. “…been more than friends?”

“I guess it kinda started just after graduation.” Tommy admitted almost proudly. “Something changed in our relationship and we’ve been trying to figure it out alone, together ever since.” Tommy continued trying to spare himself and Dan more embarrassing discomfort while the memory of his dream played in his head, not wanting his parents too informed on how things actually started.

“And do your parents know?” Dan’s mom asked, sounding like she’d be disappointed to be the last to know. 

Tommy looked across the room towards Big Dan, sitting mostly quiet with his arms crossed over his chest. “Not yet. Only a couple of our close friends know.” This seems to be going better than expected. Tommy thought to himself kind of pleased about the back and forth question and answer session. Atleast Big Dan wasn’t jumping around screaming! He thought to himself.

“I’m sorry if you guys are disappointed.” Dan mumbled, still sounding so broken under the weight of his dad’s silent gaze.

“It’s a shock, it was unexpected and…” Sheila stumbled through her response. “…This is just, new.  I think I speak for dad too,” she turned her full attention to the younger Dan. “You’re not a disappointment hunny. We just need a little time for all of this to sink in… to process this.” She ruffled Dan’s hair trying to ease his mind. “Right Dan?” She glared at her husband.

“Yeah.” Big Dan puffed when he felt obligated to answer his wife. 

The room fell back into silence, less awkward, but still quiet. Big Dan sat still for a few more minutes before going back to whatever he was reading before the boys had come in. Tommy was sure that his apparent concentration wasn’t fully directed at his phone. Sheila had Dan scooped up into her chest, holding him through his soft sobs while occasionally giving Tommy some looks that felt more reassuring to him than judging.

Tommy’s Dan sat up, heaving a clearing sigh and put his hand lightly against his mother’s cheek. “I guess that’s it. Thank you mom.” He breathed the words out like his load was a little lighter. “We’re gonna go for a walk.” He looked over at his dad who was lost in his phone before he turned to Tommy, “Wanna go for a walk?” Tommy nodded as he stood up anxious to get out of that room.

“Ok. You boys be careful. It’s getting dark out there.” Sheila instructed sounding like she was trying to over compensate for something.

Big Dan’s voice could be heard shouting “Now he’s fucking gay?” from inside the house as the two boys left the yard. Dans body shook again and Tommy wrapped his arm over Dan’s shoulder pulling them close together. “Whew!” he exhaled audibly. “Well, that’s over!”

“No, it isn’t.” Dan sighed. “Dad’s got more.”

Headed towards the lake, they walked in silence through the neighborhood. It wasn’t until they were sitting side by side with their feet dangling over the edge of an old wooden dock before talking began, drowned out by the sound of the lapping waves. 

Tommy told Dan how proud of him he was, their fingers laced together and sitting on Dan’s thigh. “Me?” Dan questioned. “You fucking yelled at my dad! I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like!”

Tommy looked over at Dan’s shadowed face. “I’d do it again in a second for you!” The light on the other side of the boat ramp illuminated his smile. “You’re not broken… you’re worth it Dan!”

Dan sighed, “I don’t feel like it right now.”

“I know. So I’ll feel it enough for the both of us until you do!” Trying to make his voice bubbly and light, Tommy took Dan’s chin in his hand, turning his face towards his own and brushed a light kiss against Dan’s bottom lip. “I love you, and I’m so fucking proud of you Dan! You faced a mountain today. And you climbed it. You stood true for who you are.” Tommy paused and looked out over Lake Erie. “You’re fucking AWESOME!”

Dan forced himself to smile trying to believe everything Tommy was saying. If Tommy believed it, it was worth trying to believe it himself. “So, your parents next?” Dan chuckled with just a hint of sarcasm. 

“Yes indeedy!” Tommy sat straighter. “They’ll be so much easier!” He laid his head on Dan’s shoulder and Dan rested his head on Tommy’s as they watched the waves roll by in a never ending cycle. 

Dan pointed out over the lake towards the row of three distant cooling towers with their blinking red lights. “Right over there baby. That’s where our most epic summer adventure got started.”

“I wouldn’t change it for the world!” Tommy’s voice soft and genuine. 

“Me either.”

Dan was relieved to not find Big Dan waiting for him when he walked in the house after kissing Tommy goodnight. Even though it was under a veil of darkness, if felt strangely right to not hide it anymore. He had watched Tommy’s mom’s tail lights shrink to the end of the road and turn away before went inside.