God I hope Krell doesn’t cause drama when he finds me and Grayson in handcuffs.
Noticing that my expression had changed to worry, Grayson said, “Hey, aren’t you happy? We’re gonna get out of here.”
“Of course I am, Grayson. I was just thinking… he’s gonna find me here, naked…”
The doorbell rang again.
“Don’t worry about it. My son would never make you feel uncomfortable.”
Um, Grayson… how well exactly do you know your son?
Finally, after nobody answered the front door, we heard it open.
Then, surprisingly, a female voice called out, “Hello? Grayson? Nathaniel?”
“We’re in the bathroom, honey!” Grayson called over to her.
“Your wife?” I said, my heart dropping to the bottom of my stomach. Grayson nodded.
I cringed. I’d not only made a move on her husband, I’d outright tricked him into fucking me! She was about the only person in the world I wanted to see even less than Krell. Not only was I about to see her, but she was about to walk in on me in the bathroom, where I stood naked, handcuffed to her husband.
This is gonna suckkkkk.
She knocked on the door. I was so nervous.
If I had a husband like Grayson and some trifling whore tried to steal him from me, I’d lock that bitch in a basement dungeon somewhere and throw away the key.
“Come in honey! We’ve been handcuffed!” Grayson said.
Mrs. Nash opened the door. She was pretty. She had long blonde hair and a kind face.
“We’re OK, honey,” said Grayson.
“What happened? Who did this to you?” Mrs. Nash asked. I could tell by the tone in her voice that she was really worried about Grayson. And she had every reason to be. I’d gotten her husband held up at gunpoint the day before. For all she knew, I’d lured Grayson to my apartment on purpose to get held up and forced to have sex again.
I know exactly what I’d be thinking if I were her – ‘This stupid whore wanted my husband’s hot dick again and tricked him into coming over.’
“Nothing happened to me, honey. Buddy paid Nathaniel a visit. He pulled a gun on us and handcuffed us to these pipes. We’ve just been waiting a couple hours now for someone to come free us.”
“Oh,” said Mrs. Nash. “And, Buddy? Did he have a gun?”
“Yes,” said Grayson. “But he didn’t point it at me. Just at Nathaniel. And before I got here… well… Buddy sexually assaulted him,” Grayson explained. I was embarrassed that he was sharing the details, but also kind of happy. Maybe Mrs. Nash would feel bad for me and forget how angry she was with me.
“I’m fine,” I finally said. “Really. Only thing he hurt was my ego.”
I’m sure it was awkward, but I wanted the subject to change. Mrs. Nash already knew enough details about my sex life. As it was, it was strange enough having her there in this small bathroom as I stood there naked. My dick was shriveled and my nipples were hard because the water in the tub had gone cold by this point.
“I’m surprised you came here yourself instead of sending Krell,” Grayson said, finally breaking the awkwardness.
“I’m glad I didn’t send Krell,” she said. “My gosh, Grayson, a crazed gunman was here and you’re saying I should have sent our 18 year old son?”
“He’s a man, Vanessa. Krell can take care of himself. Why didn’t you send him?”
“Krell said he wouldn’t be able to make it because they needed volunteers at the soup kitchen tonight,” Mrs. Nash replied.
I had to suppress a laugh. Krell had lied to his mother. I knew that he was getting fucked by Craig, not volunteering at some soup kitchen. I figured Craig was probably fucking him over and over and over. Krell had a cute little twink ass, and Craig was a horny jock.
“How much longer is this going to go on, Grayson? How long do I have to worry about the gunman hurting you or one of our kids? I can’t live like this.”
“I’m not going to let anything happen to the kids. And he showed us tonight that his gun was unloaded. It was all just to play mind games with us.”
“It wasn’t just mind games, Grayson!” Mrs. Nash said loudly, almost yelling. “I’m calling the police, right now.”
“Mrs. Nash,” I said. “Please don’t do that. I know this is a terrible time for this, but I really want to apologize to you. It’s bad enough what’s happened to Grayson because of me. If you call the police, everyone will know. I have enough on my conscience. I can’t be responsible for ruining Grayson’s reputation too. Please,” I begged.
“I don’t believe this,” said Mrs. Nash.
“He’s not going to come back,” I said. “He just wanted to prove something to me by degrading me. It’s over.”
“Nathaniel’s right, honey. Now how about getting us out of here? Do you see keys lying around anywhere for these handcuffs?” Grayson asked.
“I’ll have to look around the apartment,” Mrs. Nash replied.
As she left the room to look for the keys, I looked over guiltily at Grayson.
“Grayson, I am so, so, so sorry for all of this.”
“I know you are, Nathaniel.”
“But now… meeting her. I feel even worse. Grayson–”
“Nathaniel. Tell her. Not me. OK?”
I paid someone to pull a gun on her husband and make him fuck me. I’m lucky she didn’t hold my head underwater.
After a few minutes, Mrs. Nash came back with the keys. First she uncuffed Grayson, and then he uncuffed me.
Finally when we were free, Grayson asked me if I could stay in the restroom for a minute and give him the chance to talk to Mrs. Nash in private.
So as they left the room, I grabbed a big white bath sheet to dry off with.
She’s his life partner, not me. She’s his soul mate, not me. I’m nothing to him.
They were probably only talking for about 10 minutes, but to me it felt like an hour. I was overcome with jealousy.
What makes her so fucking special anyway? She’s pretty, but she’s got thin old lady arms and wrinkles. Why would he want this aging wench? I doubt she lets Grayson fuck her as hard as he wants to. He’s a man. He’s raging with testosterone. He deserves someone who can fulfill his needs. I hope her fucking cancer comes back and kills the bitch. Then I can step in to comfort the poor grieving widower.
I know my thoughts were cruel, but love makes people think and do crazy things. Sometimes humans think nasty thoughts that we don’t really mean; I’d like to think I’m a better person now than I was then, but the truth is that, deep down, every single one of us has the capacity for hatred.
After a while, Grayson came back into the room.
“I told my wife that you’re going to stay the night with us and come to church with us tomorrow. She said it was OK with her, but she wants you to drive with her.”
“Grayson, I don’t want to be alone with her!” I whined.
“Don’t you think you owe it to her? You told me you wanted to change. Part of change is showing contrition.”
I nodded.
“Thattaboy. I’m gonna go now and my wife is gonna wait downstairs in the car for you. Why don’t you pack a bag, and don’t forget church clothes.”
I was so nervous about riding with Mrs. Nash that I didn’t pay much attention to what I packed.
I wonder what she’ll say when he’s not around. She told him she forgave me. But when it’s just me and her…
I was thinking of Karen Hill in “Goodfellas.” When she told the “whore in 2R” to “get your own Goddamn man.” I laughed, as I couldn’t picture Grayson’s timid, plain wife reacting like that. But a dick as good as Grayson’s can make bitches do some crazy motherfucking things.
I walked down to the lobby of my building and looked outside. I could see Mrs. Nash pulled up in front of the building in her car.
OK. Here we go…
I opened the door to her car. “Thanks for the ride,” I said as I sat down and buckled my seat belt.
“You’re welcome, hon,” she replied.
The ride with Mrs. Nash wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. She was very kind. She asked me questions about myself, my family, and my work. The fact that she was nice made me feel so guilty about what I’d done, and about the cruel thoughts I’d had about her.
Finally, I had to unburden myself.
“Mrs. Nash… I am so sorry about what I did. I really wish I hadn’t done it. It was seriously selfish and reckless and I can’t believe I stooped that low. I just wish I could take it back.”
“You can’t take it back, Nathaniel, but you can try to change.”
“I want to change. When I look at what I did, I never knew I could do something that dark and twisted.”
“Nathaniel, it’s never too late to change. You’re coming to church with us tomorrow. Maybe this is your second chance. Maybe you’ll feel something at church, and you’ll let Jesus in. There is no higher changing power than the power of Jesus.”
It had been several years since I’d thought about Jesus, probably not since I was a little kid. But looking at Grayson and his wife, they clearly had something that I lacked. I couldn’t believe I was thinking it, but maybe they were right. Maybe religion would fill the hole that I’d been trying to fill with compulsively seducing straight men. Maybe I just needed to have more of an open mind about it.
“Do you really think so?” I asked. “Maybe it’s too late for me. I’ve already done something so terrible. Maybe I’m irredeemable.”
“You’re not irredeemable, sweetie. And, Nathaniel? I forgive you for what you did.”
I was shocked. Grayson and his wife had both forgiven me for such a serious transgression. It was remarkable. I felt so indebted to both of them for showing me that kind of grace. I really wanted to prove to them that I was serious about changing. And I wanted to prove it to myself, too.
It took about half an hour to arrive at the Nash residence. I lived in a hip, high-middle-income East Bay suburb full of twentysomething tech workers. Grayson and family lived further out in a wealthy exurb that attracted families who wanted nothing to do with nightlife or any other riffraff that comes with city living.
I knew most of my friends and coworkers would mock Grayson’s house as a “McMansion” but I liked it. It was huge for a 4 bedroom house. It was 2 stories, plus he had a finished basement, big backyard with a garden and a pool, and a three car garage. He’d made quite a life for himself.
Grayson gave me the grand tour. He was proud of showing me the trees and bushes he’d planted, and bragged that he did all of his own landscaping.
They had a huge family portrait in their foyer, which had marble floors and a grand staircase. Of course I recognized Krell, but the whole family was attractive. The best-looking son was definitely Kabb, the second-oldest who was playing college football at UCLA on a scholarship. Grayson had a manly body with bulging biceps, juicy forearms, pecs, and cut abs, but Kabb’s body made his dad’s look small by comparison. Kabb was absolutely jacked. He was huge and imposing, just a big wall of solid muscle. It was hard for me not to drool.
Obviously Krell has a thing for his dad, but I wonder if he jerks off thinking about his brothers too.
I didn’t realize just how hungry I was until Mrs. Nash served dinner. It was comfort food – meatloaf and mashed potatoes, far different from the food I was used to eating. But it was so good, and I gratefully scarfed it down.
Finally, Grayson brought me to the room I’d be staying in. The room was a typical jock’s bedroom, with trophies and posters of sports stars. There was one shirtless poster of a football player named JJ Watt. I’d never heard of him, but he had exactly the same tall, solidly muscular build and blonde hair as Kabb. This bedroom was so much different from my childhood bedroom where I’d kept posters of Taylor Swift and Hannah Montana. This was the room that his eldest sons, Kuhn and Kabb, had shared when they were growing up.
Grayson and I said good night to each other and I changed into the pajamas that I’d packed in my night bag. Once the door was shut, I headed immediately for Kabb’s dresser, hoping he’d left behind some underwear or a jockstrap or something that I could put over my head as I jerked off thinking about Grayson.
But as I opened the top drawer to rifle through Kabb’s things, I saw my reflection in the full body mirror on the other side of the room.
What am I doing? I thought I was better than this.
I shut the drawer without disturbing Kabb’s things.
If I’m serious about changing, the time to start is now. I can’t do this anymore.
For the first time since I was a little kid, I knelt down and said a prayer before bed. I prayed not to make Grayson love me, but just to open his heart. “And open mine, too,” I added.
I dreamt about Buddy. I dreamt about him pinning me down, and mocking me, and dehumanizing me. And in the dream, I liked it. The rougher he was, the more turned on I got. In my dream, I wasn’t disgusted at all by him. His simian, blue collar, dangerous energy was intoxicating to me, and I begged him for his dick. Just as he was about to fuck me, I woke up. My first emotion was disappointment that I’d woken up before the good part of the dream. Then I was disappointed in myself for dreaming about Buddy, and for getting turned on by being degraded.
I haven’t changed at all. I never will. Why try to be something I’m not instead of the sick queer that I am?
So I went back over to Kabb’s dresser. The digital clock on top of it said it was 10:00 PM. I was surprised it was still so early in the night. Then I opened up Kabb’s top dresser drawer and started leafing through it. I quickly found a pair of his boxers. I snatched them up as if I’d found buried treasure, took off my pants, and went back to bed.
I lied down, and covered my face with Kabb’s underwear. I breathed in, and even though the underwear were clean, I undoubtedly smelled the masculine pheromones that only a young, straight jock can emit. Kabb must have been 22 or something, so he was at the height of his masculine allure. My dick got so hard as I inhaled all of the manly scents that he’d left behind in his flannel boxers.
To my shame, I jerked off thinking not about Grayson, but about Buddy. I pictured Buddy’s hairy, dirty, sweaty naked body. I imagined him with a curly dark bush and thick, cut cock. I pictured him fucking me. I imagined hearing him taunt me about how much I wanted him, and what a nice obedient little twink I was, and how much he loved my asshole. What I imagined was not sensual lovemaking — it was brutal fucking. As I fantasized about Buddy and took my whiffs of Kabb’s underwear, I jerked myself off furiously.
But before I could cum, the door opened!
“Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” It was Mrs. Nash. I took the boxers off of my face and covered my dick.
Unbelievably, I was being walked in on while masturbating for the second day in a row! The first time, it had been Craig. Now it was Grayson’s wife.
“I knocked, but you must not have heard me,” Mrs. Nash said. “I just — nevermind. Good night.”
Well, that had killed the mood. I knew she would tell Grayson about what she’d walked in on. How fucking humiliating.
I wanted to finish jerking off, but I couldn’t get hard again. The adrenaline rush or maybe the humiliation from getting caught made it impossible to get turned on just from thoughts.
I considered watching some porn on my iPhone, but then I remembered I was in a muscular straight jock’s bedroom. There had to be something else in there. Maybe I’d find a used cum rag, or some nude selfies – something I could use to finish myself off.
I went through his closet. There were old yearbooks, sports cards he’d collected, board games, sports equipment and other normal items. So I kept digging. And then deep under a bunch of other junk, I saw a shoebox. Inside the shoebox, there was a fleshlight!
Well, well, well. I guess Kabb isn’t as squeaky clean as his dad is.
I was incredibly turned on by the forbidden fruit of Kabb’s used fleshlight. I placed my dick inside, and as I started the fleshlight’s sucking, I got so turned on thinking about how my dick was in the exact spot Kabb’s dick had likely been so many times before.
As the fleshlight simulated sucking my dick, I pictured Kabb thrusting in and out of the fleshlight, his big manly butt muscles flexing as he did. Then I pictured Kabb’s balls, low hanging in my mind, contracting as Kabb came inside of the fleshlight, filling it with his man juice.
And that caused me to erupt. I came and came and came as the fleshlight kept dutifully sucking me off.
When I was done, I used Kabb’s underwear to clean myself off, and I threw them into my overnight bag to keep as a souvenir. Then I put my pajama pants back on, and brought the fleshlight to the bathroom to rinse it out and wash with soap.
I put everything in the closet back where it was when I’d found it. Then I went to bed and fell back asleep.
I woke up at 6:30 AM. Grayson and his wife were still asleep, so I remembered my mission to search Krell’s bedroom for Grayson’s sperm and to recover it if possible.
I knew which bedroom was Krell’s because there was only one with Ariana Grande posters. I didn’t have to do much searching, because he had a mini fridge next to his desk. If he had Grayson’s sperm, I figured it would be in the mini fridge.
I was right.
Sitting in Krell’s fridge was the mug filled with Grayson’s sperm. I couldn’t believe it. He really had bought it from Buddy! I took the sperm with me and walked back over to Kabb’s bedroom. Kabb also had a mini fridge, so I stashed the sperm inside, figuring I could grab it later and put it in my overnight bag when it was time to go home.
Just after I’d put it in the fridge, I heard a knock at the door. “Come in,” I said.
Grayson opened the door. “Good morning, Nathaniel,” he said cheerily. I knew Mrs. Nash had likely told him about catching me masturbating, but, much to my relief, he didn’t say anything about it.
“Good morning Grayson! How did you sleep?”
“Very well, thank you. How about you?”
“Great. Very comfortable mattress, thank you.”
“I’m glad to hear that. How are you feeling about what happened yesterday?”
“You mean with Buddy? It’s fine, Grayson. I’m just happy to be alive.”
“Have you given any more thought to what I said about going to the police?”
“Yes, and I still don’t think we should. I think Buddy proved whatever point he was trying to prove yesterday, and he’s not going to bother us again.”
“OK,” Grayson said, uneasily. “But if he bothers you again, we’re going to the police. I can’t spend every day worrying that he’s going to attack you the second you’re out of my sight.”
“Agreed. If he pops back up, we’ll go to the police,” I said.
“Great. Anyway, why don’t you take a shower and get dressed and ready for church? My son Krell is on his way home and he’ll probably want to take a shower too.”
“Too late, Daddy!” Krell announced, coming up behind Grayson.
“Krell! I’d like you to meet…”
“Nathaniel, isn’t it? I think we follow each other on Instagram. But it’s nice to finally meet you in person!” Krell extended his hand to mine, and we shook. “My dad tells me you’re a very gifted graphic designer.”
“Actually, Krell is a great graphic designer as well, Nathaniel. He’s the only kid who will probably take after the old man and go into the tech industry.”
“I guess we have a lot in common, Krell,” I said, barely concealing the irony.
“Well I’m going to leave you two to get to know each other. I am going to go get dressed and ready for church. Don’t take too long getting ready, you two.”
After Grayson exited the room, Krell immediately dropped the sweet act.
“Where is it, Nathaniel?” he asked menacingly.
“Where’s what?” I responded, playing dumb.
“You know damn well what. I was just in my bedroom and you stole something from me.”
I walked over to the mini fridge and removed Grayson’s sperm. “You mean this? I know you wanted to dump it out but I figured I’d take care of it for you since you weren’t home. But now that you are, why don’t we walk over to the bathroom and dump it out together?”
He looked up at me for a minute, then down at the mug, and again back up at me.
“Don’t you dare,” he said calmly.
“Fine, then I’ll go dump it out myself. Excuse me.”
“No, I can’t let you do that, Nathaniel. Give me the mug.”
“Krell. What’s in this mug doesn’t belong to you,” I said.
“It doesn’t belong to you, Nathaniel.”
“How did you even get it?”
“None of your business. Now hand it over.”
“What do you need it for, Krell?”
“Never fucking mind. Just fucking give it to me!”
“You know I can’t do that, Krell. It’s your dad’s sperm. I can’t let you have it. It would be wrong.” I put the mug of sperm back in the mini fridge carefully. “Now let’s just discuss this calmly.”
“Fuck you,” he said.
He tried to move past me to get to the fridge so he could take back Grayson’s sperm, but I blocked his path. So he actually started slapping me.
“Krell, what the fuck? Stop it, you fucking freak.”
“You give me that sperm you fucking bitch!” He looked like he was possessed by a demon as he tried to move me aside to get to the fridge. Then he bit me.
“Ow!” Finally I got out of his way and Krell shoved me aside, now blocking me from the fridge. He opened the door.
“Krell, wait! Don’t do this. Once you do this, you can’t take it back. Seriously, stop.” I brought my voice down. “Let’s just discuss this rationally, like adults.”
With his back to the fridge, Krell folded his arms and glared at me.
“What gives you the right to smuggle my dad’s sperm, you fucking freak?” Krell asked me.
“You’re absolutely right, Krell. It was stupid, and I shouldn’t have done it. Now let’s just go flush it down the toilet and we’ll forget this ever happened.”
“No, Nathaniel, I want you to say out loud what you were planning to do with it so you’re forced to admit the exact kind of sexual predator you are.”
“I was gonna drink it, Krell. OK? Are you happy? I was gonna drink your dad’s cum.”
“And that excites you sexually, right, Nathaniel? You’re so sick and twisted that literally drinking the juices of another man gets you all hot and bothered,” Krell said, taking pleasure in mocking me.
“Yes,” I said.
“I bet it does, Nathaniel. I bet it does. Sorry, but you’re not going to get your way this time.” Krell took the mug out of the fridge. He brought it up to his lips and downed the contents in one gulp. Then he licked his lips and grinned at me. As he grinned, I could see some of the goo still in his mouth.
“My god,” I said. “You’re fucking crazy. Do you realize you just drank your dad’s cum?”
“Jealous?” he asked, grinning at me.
“What is wrong with you?” I asked.
“Don’t you fucking preach at me, Nathaniel. You’re just mad that I got to it before you could.”
“Why do you act like we’re in a competition? I was happy when I thought you were gonna be Craig’s boyfriend.”
“Girlfriend,” Krell corrected. “I’m his girlfriend. And don’t you forget it.”
“But if you’re Craig’s girlfriend, why did you just drink another man’s sperm? Isn’t that cheating?”
“No, getting fucked by him would be cheating, and I’m not trying to do that. I’m just trying to make sure that you don’t get what you’re after.”
“And why, Krell? If you have what you want, why is it so important to you that I can’t have what I want? Why can’t you enjoy your own success? Why do you also have to sabotage me?”
Krell let out a huge laugh at that.
“Get over yourself, princess. Do you really think I spend that much time thinking about you, Nathaniel? I’m going to tell you something that someone should have told you a long time ago: not everything is about you, honey.”
“Then why did you steal your dad’s sperm from me?”
“Listen to how entitled you sound. I didn’t steal it from anyone. Buddy stole it, you told me, and then I called Buddy to buy the sperm from him at a fair price.”
“You paid money to buy your own dad’s sperm just to spite me? Can’t you hear how insane that sounds?” I couldn’t believe how much Krell was gaslighting me over this.
“I didn’t do it to spite you, Nathaniel. I did it because I wanted it. And I just enjoyed it. And you didn’t.” Krell grinned.
“You are fucking crazy,” I said. “Crazy.”
“Get a new word already.”
“You know what? You’re sick. Like mentally ill. You need help.” I couldn’t believe the depths Krell had sunk to. I didn’t know if it was all just to get one over on me, or because he was really that deeply infatuated with his own father. Or both.
Krell licked his lips and winked at me. What can I do? It’s not like I can tell Grayson what he did. I just have to steer clear of him from now on.
I walked out of Kabb’s room and down the hall, not really knowing where I was going. That was some fucked up shit right there. That dude literally just drank his dad’s cum. What the fuck?
Going to church with Grayson’s family wasn’t actually that bad. I actually got to see Grayson teach a Sunday School lesson. He was so passionate about it. I could tell this wasn’t just a social activity for him. He really was a true believer. And the way the gospel sounded coming out of his mouth wasn’t half bad. When I looked at his face and I saw him preach, I actually wanted to believe for the first time in a long time. The way he was so sure about things was so… sexy.
After we got back to the Nash residence, Krell went out of his way to make me uncomfortable, always making sure to get extra close to Grayson, always in my eyeline. He was obsessed with being petty. At one point he was sitting on Grayson’s lap, his arms wrapped around Grayson’s shoulders, and he deliberately made eye contact with me, flashing me this evil grin as he wrapped his arms around Grayson’s neck. I remembered the first time I’d seen Krell, how I thought his face looked sweet. Now I understood why. He had the perfect Daddy’s sweet little angel face. It could fool you if you weren’t wise to what lies beneath. But now I knew that when Daddy wasn’t looking, the real Krell came out. When Daddy wasn’t watching, Krell was swallowing Daddy’s cum.
I started going to church with the Nashes every Sunday, and before I knew it, I was being invited to be baptized as a member of their congregation.
I know it might seem like I was just faking the Christianity thing as a way to spend time with Grayson, but I actually liked it. The more I learned about it, the happier I felt, the more fulfilled I was, the more meaning my life had.
Things were good. It all got to be normal. It got to where I could almost, almost accept that Grayson would never be my lover. I got to spend a lot of time with him, and maybe that was enough.
More and more, the pressure was coming down on me to get baptized. But I didn’t know if I could do it. A part of this religion was that same sex couples weren’t seen as blessed by the Lord. Our unions were something wayward, something not part of His plan.
If I decided to get baptized, I would be committing to a life of celibacy. You already chose that anyway, idiot. Remember, you said you’d never let anyone else fuck you but Grayson. And Grayson doesn’t wanna fuck you.
It seemed like such a waste. Here I was, physically in my prime. I had money, looks, talent, charm, everything. And it looked like I was going to spend the rest of my life alone.
What else was I gonna do? Give up Grayson?
So I made the decision to get baptized. That also meant the intentional decision to never ever get fucked again for the rest of my life, fully intending to keep my end of the bargain, fully believing that I would never again experience the heavenly feeling of a man’s penis pushing up against my anus right where God intended.
Worse than that, I couldn’t even masturbate. Before my baptism, the pastor called me into his office to make clear to me that I wasn’t ever to masturbate, as it would make me unclean in the eyes of the Lord. He also wanted to hear about my past sins.
“Past sins?” I repeated.
“Yes. Any grave sins in your past that you need to atone for now?” Pastor Snyder asked.
I was sitting across the desk from him. I could lie and tell him no, but what good would that do me? You can’t lie to God, and for whatever reason, God wanted me to confess my biggest sin to this man.
I just wasn’t sure whether or not Pastor Snyder was prepared to hear it.
“I… had covetous thoughts. And I took action on those covetous thoughts,” I said.
“Everybody covets at one point or another,” Pastor Snyder said, wanting to make me feel comfortable.
“Yes, well… my thoughts were about wanting someone I couldn’t have. Someone who was married.”
“Oh? One of your friend’s wives?” asked Pastor Snyder.
“Not exactly,” I replied. “It was… a married man. Actually, you know him. It was… Well, it was Grayson Nash.”
“You had covetous thoughts about Brother Nash?”
“Well, no. Not just thoughts. It gets worse. I paid a hobo to pull a gun on Brother Nash and threaten to shoot Brother Nash if he refused to copulate with me. So you see – my sin wasn’t just coveting, but also violating Brother Nash’s agency, and forcing Brother Nash to break his marriage vows.”
“This was… something you… fantasized about?” Pastor Snyder asked.
“No. It’s something that happened. Brother Nash copulated me. Uh… to completion. But it was my sin, not his. Because I coveted him, and then I tricked him. Ask him if you don’t believe me. But anyway. That’s my biggest sin.”
I knew Pastor Snyder wouldn’t be able to talk about this with anybody except me and Grayson. He had a duty to keep the details that I’d confessed to him confidential. It actually did take a load off confessing that sin to him. He asked me a few more questions after that to make sure I was truly penitent, but once he was satisfied, he signed off on my becoming a member of the congregation.
I was wondering if Pastor Snyder would say anything about the conversation to Grayson. Sure enough, the morning of my baptism, Grayson mentioned it to me over breakfast.
“Pastor Snyder told me that you confessed to him your sin of… of coveting me, and of violating my agency in pursuit of your unrighteous desires.”
“Grayson, I just wanted to make sure I was starting from a clean slate. I hope you’re not angry with me.”
“Angry with you? Nathaniel, I’m proud of you. I was wondering whether or not you were going to confess that. That showed real humility.”
And he hugged me. It felt really nice. If nothing else, Grayson knew how much I’d changed, as he’d witnessed my transformation firsthand.
Shows what kind of guy he is. Rather than be humiliated for himself, he’s happy for me because it means the remission of my sins. He’s really one in a million.
So I got baptised. I didn’t explicitly invite my family, but I kind of hoped they would show up anyway. It was an important change in my life. Maybe they’d show up… But, of course, they didn’t.
After my baptism, I was more spiritually fulfilled, but in some ways, I was a wreck. I had no sexual outlet, having given up the right to masturbate or engage in premarital sex. And I couldn’t get married unless I wanted to marry a woman, and there was no way that could ever work.
I was stuck, right? Hopelessly stuck.
…But you didn’t actually think I’d end my story there, did you?
You didn’t actually believe I’d end this with me never getting fucked again, did you?
Well, spoiler alert… I get fucked again. And again. And again. These days, as often as I want it, which is pretty fucking often.
But how did I manage that?
Because it wasn’t looking good for a while there.
It was looking pretty impossible, as a matter of fact. It was looking like I was gonna spend the rest of my life looking at Grayson and studying the Bible with Grayson and working with Grayson and talking to Grayson but not getting any of Grayson’s awesome dick.
But I found a way, I promise.
Just know, if you thought the story up to this point was fucked up, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Because the fucking loophole I had to find to start taking hot dick in my tight ass again makes everything we’ve covered up to this point look amateur.
So I am going to skip forward two years to get you to the next juicy part.
I hadn’t been fucked in two years. The last fuck I had was the one I’d received from Grayson. Go back to chapter one of this story if you want to read about that.
Believe it or not, I wasn’t that depressed about it.
My life was pretty great. I had an awesome job, I’d become an unofficial member of the Nash family, and I was spiritually fulfilled by religion in a way I never had been before.
Let me tell you the weird fucking part though.
Craig asked Grayson to give his girlfriend “Cindy” a job, and Grayson did – not realizing that “Cindy” was actually his son Krell.
So Krell started coming in to work in drag every day, in these ridiculous, over-the-top, feminist power suits that would put Joan Collins to shame. Krell committed himself to the character of Cindy. He gave her an entire personality, and she became the most talented graphic design artist in the entire company. Cindy and Craig were quite the power couple. And I don’t even think that most people in the company even knew that Cindy was really a man in drag. And nobody knew that it was really Krell, except for me and Craig.
So now we had an office situation where Grayson was unknowingly employing his son in drag as his Graphic Design Department head. Grayson also didn’t know that his son had been dressing up like a girl to get fucked by Craig for 2 years.
Unfortunately, this also meant that Krell’s private issues with me now became Cindy’s workplace issues with me.
Cindy openly became my office rival, trying to sabotage every project I was involved in. She constantly did things throughout the day to undermine every single decision I made. It was hell. I didn’t know why Krell couldn’t just be happy with Craig and leave me alone. Why did he also need me to be miserable to feel good about himself?
“Oh, honey, I hate it for you,” said Cindy one day.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“That new haircut. Hope you didn’t actually pay for that.”
“I think it looks good, Cindy. When I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.”
She was constantly doing things like that. Undercutting me for absolutely no reason. It was so unnecessary. She had Craig. I had nobody. What more did she want from me? Why did she constantly need to get one over on me?
I think Grayson knew about the rivalry between Cindy and me, but I didn’t dare say anything to him about it. He’d been so good to me over the years, kind of like a second father, and I couldn’t drag him into some petty personnel conflict.
Because I spent so much time with the Nashes, both at church and at their house where I was always welcome, I eventually met all of Grayson’s kids… except Kabb, who left to serve as a missionary in Africa after his college graduation. I no longer had Kabb’s underwear, as I’d thrown them out after my baptism due to the fact that they tempted me to masturbate too much.
And then one day, I was walking to the bathroom of the Nash residence, and as I turned the corner to enter, I walked straight into Kabb, my head hitting his left pectoral muscle. I looked him up and down for a minute, absolutely transfixed on more solid muscle than I’d ever seen on one man. He was wearing nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist, as he’d just gotten out of the shower.
“Oh my. P-Pardon me,” I stuttered.
“It’s all right,” he replied in his deep baritone, the corner of his mouth twisting into a sly smile. I could have sworn his left pectoral bounced just a little, but I wasn’t sure whether he did it on purpose. There was something about Kabb. He had so much fucking swagger and confidence, but in a different way than how Grayson was confident. It was like Kabb knew how sexy he was, and derived power from making people want him who could never have him.
Not that I wanted Kabb - I was still in love with Grayson. But Kabb was undeniably a sexy hunk of a man.
“I’m Nathaniel,” I said, finally formally introducing myself even though I’d been a close family friend for two years.
“I know,” he answered, flashing me his pearly whites. “I gotta go get dressed. You can come if you want to.”
Is he seriously offering me the chance to watch him get dressed? Play it cool, Nathaniel… I’m reading too much into this. He’s a football player. He’s used to being naked around other guys. He’s just saying I can follow him to his room so we can keep talking and he’ll get dressed while we talk. Totally casual and normal for two heterosexual Christian men.
“Uhh, sure,” I said, not wanting to sound too eager. “Sounds good,” I added, not wanting to sound like I was trying not to sound too eager.
Just be cool. And keep looking him in the eyes. Nowhere else.
So I followed him to his bedroom. He didn’t even bother closing the door; he dropped the towel as soon as we entered his bedroom.
I tried to act natural. I didn’t give into the temptation to stare at his cock.
“So I heard you just spent a few years in Africa,” I said awkwardly. “What was that like?”
“It was great,” he said. He was just standing there. He wasn’t getting dressed. His dick was just out, freely flopping around. I could look if I wanted to. “Are you thinking of going on a missionary trip?”
I don’t want to look. I’m a family friend. I’m not a pervert. I’m not turned on by him.
“Yes!” I lied.
“Cool. You should go.” He was still just standing there, not bothering to get dressed. It was excruciating having to make eye contact when I wanted so badly to look down.
“Maybe I will!” I lied. “So what are you planning on doing now that you’re back?”
“Get a job,” he answered. This conversation was so awkward.
Maybe he wants me to look. Maybe he gets off on it. He wouldn’t just be standing there advertising to me if he didn’t want me to look. I wonder if his dad told him I used to be gay.
“Oh. Right. What’s your line of work?” I asked.
“Don’t matter to me. Whatever pays the bills, I reckon.”
I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t resist one more second. I looked down at his dick. It looked remarkably similar to Grayson’s! It was about the same size and color as Grayson’s, only his didn’t have the same prominent vein that Grayson’s dick had. Kabb’s dick was slightly curved to the left. I hoped I could just glance real quick and then glance back up, and that he wouldn’t notice, but my eyes lingered for at least 5 seconds.
I looked back up. He was looking right at me. He’d definitely noticed me checking him out.
“Well, I wish you luck,” I said. “It was great to finally meet you.”
“Hang on,” he commanded. Now he was finally putting on his underwear. I couldn’t help but glance at his dick again – but this time I just glanced, I didn’t stare – as he pulled his boxers up and tucked his dick and balls into place. “I want to show you something.”
I already saw it!!!!
He snapped the waistband of his underwear as he walked over in my direction. “When I was in high school I used to make YouTube videos with my webcam.”
He pointed out a webcam on his desk that faced the bed.
“What kind of videos did you make?” I asked.
He began putting on his shirt. He was buttoning it up as he spoke.
“Reaction videos to college football and NFL games. I had a decent following, but I stopped when I got to college. Didn’t have time for it.”
“That’s a shame. Maybe you’ll get back into it now that you’re graduated and back from Africa.”
“Maybe,” he said, now putting on his shorts. I wondered why he was telling me all this.
“Is… is that what you wanted to show me?” I asked.
“That, and you see this motion detector on my desk?” he asked, pointing to another machine.
“Oh, right. I didn’t know that’s what it was. I work in technology, but I’ve never seen one of those before.”
“I hooked it up to the webcam,” Kabb said. “I didn’t want my mother rearranging my room while I was at college. She’s kind of a snoop.”
“That’s understandable,” I said, now becoming uncomfortable.
“So whenever it detected motion in my room,” he explained, “the webcam would turn on and I could watch my bedroom from college.”
Fuck. He saw me. He saw me putting his boxers on my face and jerking off while smelling them. He saw me using his fleshlight and cumming inside of it. He saw me. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Anyway,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Isn’t that neat?”
“Very neat,” I said, my voice full of fear.
“Yeah,” he said, making eye contact with me, and giving me a knowing smile. “Good to meet you.”
“You too, Kabb.” And I walked out of his room.
He let me off easy. He didn’t confront me about stealing his underwear or using his fleshlight. But he wanted me to know that he knew. I wonder why.
That night at the dinner table was a bit awkward. Whenever I managed to make eye contact with Kabb, I could swear he’d start doing a little of that sly smile. And I think Krell picked up on that as well, because Krell kept sneaking me dirty looks (well, more than usual, I mean.)
Over the next few weeks, the Nashes planned what was surely to be the social event of the season for our church and other local congregations. They invited over five hundred guests and rented a banquet hall. I couldn’t believe the lengths they were going to in order to make sure that Kabb’s coming home party would be a fête nobody would ever forget.
Little did anyone know, it would be unforgettable, but not for the reasons the Nashes thought. Unbeknownst to any of us, at Kabb’s coming home party, the shit finally hit the fan in epic fashion.
To Be Continued…
Thank you to CosmoPillz for editing and proofreading
