1st Love

by Gray Rose

2 Apr 2024 3167 readers Score 9.6 (75 votes) PDF Mobi ePub Txt


“We’re just ordinary people. We don’t know which way to go. ‘Cause we’re ordinary people. Maybe we should take it slow.”

-John Legend (Ordinary People)


January 2026

Noah and Mateo sat across from one another in the small, empty diner. They were the only two, minus the waitress and cook on duty. Matthew sat at the table looking at the photos of his past life on Noah’s phone. Noah observed him without saying a word.

Noah couldn’t believe Matthew was back in his life after ten years. As he picked up his cup of coffee, his hand shook. It shook out of fear and anxiety. He couldn’t hold the cup steady, so he placed it back on the table. Matthew glanced up from the phone.

“I’m sorry. I don’t remember any of this,” Matthew said as he slid the phone back to Noah.

Noah sighed, “It’s okay. I can’t believe you’re alive. It's a miracle, and I don't even believe in all of that. What do you remember?”

Matthew took a moment to collect himself. He had so many emotions and thoughts running through his mind. Over the last ten years, he had often wondered who he was and what his life was like before the accident. Doctors had told him he would probably never remember, and he had just recently started to make peace with it.

Now, he was sitting across from a man who claimed to be his husband. It was all so much to take in. Fear ran through his body when faced with the opportunity to know his past.

“My first memory is waking up in a hospital bed,” Matthew told him as tears filled his eyes. “I was in so much pain. I didn’t know where I was and remember being alone and afraid.”

Noah’s top lip trembled as he fought to hold back his tears. Looking at Matthew unlocked every feeling of hurt and sorrow he had buried in his novel.

“Mateo, I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I looked. I promise I did.”

Noah slowly reached out to touch Matthew’s hand. Matthew snatched his hand away.

Noah was shocked, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to scare you. I’ve missed you so much, Mateo.”

Matthew quickly fired back, “Greg. My name is Greg Black. It’s not Mateo!”

Noah was confused, “Greg? I don’t understand.”

“My name is Greg. I should leave. I’m sorry.”

Matthew stood up, and Noah quickly stood up as well. Matthew walked away from the table.

Noah shouted out, “Please don’t go. The last time you left me, it was snowing outside just like this, and we thought you died. You have a mother who misses you and a sister. You have friends. I know this is a lot to process, but you will regret it if you don’t know who you are. Maybe not today or tomorrow even, but at some point, you will regret not having stayed and learned who you are.”

Matthew walked out of the diner. Noah exhaled, and tears flowed from his eyes. He dropped back down in the seat. He sobbed in his hands. The man he loved for all of twenty years had no memory of him and had just walked out of his life once again.

Matthew quickly got in his car. He sat quietly in the car as his emotions played catch up with his mental state. He took a few deep breaths. The dam broke in his heart, and he started to cry. Rage flowed with his tears, and he took his fist and beat on the steering wheel.

As he banged on the steering wheel, he shouted, “Damn it! Damn it! AAGH!

He collected himself and started the car. The radio turned on, and “Ordinary People” by John Legend was playing. Something about the song pulled at his spirit. As much as he wanted to drive away, he suddenly wanted to hear Noah out.

Noah sat at the table inside the diner, staring at old photos of him and Matthew. He saw a picture of a lake surrounded by plush green trees, which made him smile. He placed his phone away and tossed a twenty-dollar bill on the table.

Noah got up and collected his things. He looked up, and Matthew was inside again, standing by the door. Noah’s heart leaped from his chest when he was him. He wanted to run and hug and kiss him. He knew that would only make things worse. So, he stood frozen and waited for Matthew’s lead.

“I think I should know who I am,” Matthew said.

Matthew slowly walked over to the table. The two men stood in silence for a moment. Finally, Matthew walked over and sat back down. Noah smiled weakly and slowly sat down.

Matthew cleared his throat, “At the book signing, you told the story of how we first met and kissed. Maybe you can tell me what happened next. I’d like to know what happened next.”

Through silent sobs, Noah replied, “Okay.”

August/September 2005

The summer had come and gone. Senior year had officially started, and everything between Noah and Matthew had changed. The kiss they had shared months ago had fractured their relationship. Noah had hoped that it wouldn’t change them. He loved Matthew and valued their friendship. He would have never risked it.

It was a different world for Matthew now that they had shared a kiss. Noah was his best friend, and the kiss was supposed to have helped Noah. Instead, it caused Matthew to feel things he didn’t want to feel. Everything was confusing for him. He had to find a way to shut out the confusion, and he did.

Over the summer, his family ran into Beverly Sinclair’s family, and he and Bev hit off. He saw her walking in the mall with her long, flowing red hair. Her green eyes were searching for something, but they landed on him. She lit up. For the two weeks Matthew’s family spent in Orlando, he and Bev were inseparable.

Bev had always been attracted to Matthew. She was one of the girls who had befriended Noah to try to get close to Matthew. Things for the two teens were blissful. The night before Matthew and his family left Orlando, Bev and Matthew shared their first kiss. During that kiss, Matthew didn’t think about kissing Noah for the first time. He decided then to make Bev his first real girlfriend. He couldn’t have picked a more beautiful girl. She was like an angel with her pale skin and attractive figure.

When Matthew returned home, he never contacted Noah. Noah would call Matthew in those first few weeks, but his calls were never answered or returned. Noah stopped by Matthew’s house three days before school to see what was happening. He had become worried about his friend.

When he arrived at the house, he could tell a party was happening inside. Kids from his grade level and under wandered through the home in their swimwear. Noah was shocked to see everyone knew about the party except him.

He went out to the pool. Music was blaring, and someone was cooking on the grill. Matthew and Bev were on a large float in the middle of the pool. They were locked into a kiss. Seeing them together and knowing he hadn’t been a thought broke something inside of Noah.

Bev noticed Noah when she came up from the air from Matthew’s lips. She waved at Noah. “Noah, you made it. Matty said you were busy and wouldn’t be able to come.”

When Matthew turned and looked at Noah, he stared daggers into his heart. Noah knew he wasn’t welcome there. Matthew didn’t have to say a thing.

Noah fought back his tears. “I just wanted to show my face. Now I have. I’m going to leave and get back to being busy.”

Noah quickly made his way back home. He didn’t want the waterworks to start before he was in the safety of his own home. Noah fell apart at the front door as soon as he was in the house.

Noah’s mother, Vivian, walked in and found her son crying. She pulled him into a comforting hug.

“Baby, what’s wrong,” she asked him tenderly.

“Why am I like this, Mom? What’s wrong with me?”

“Like what, Noah?”

“I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you. You’re part of me.”

Noah slowly pulled from his mother’s embrace. He dried his eyes and took a deep breath. It was time to be honest with her.

“Mom, I’m gay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He said through sobs.

“I know you’re gay. You have nothing to be sorry about. I love you, and you’re perfect just the way you are.” She was so loving and affectionate.

Relief washed over Noah’s body. He and his mom hugged once more. He spent the next few hours telling her everything, and she listened with her heart.

“Noah, your grandmother once told me something that helped me. Boys are stupid, and you have to give them grace to find their intelligence. You don’t stop living because of them. You keep living. When he becomes smart and realizes what’s in front of him, then you make a choice. Until that day, experience the miracle of life, baby.

School started up, and Noah kept his distance from Matthew. Matthew walked around the school like a king with Bev on his arms. He walked around, acting like Noah didn’t matter. When people asked if they were still friends, he told them they were.

To Noah, it seemed like they were not friends. What Noah didn’t know was anytime Matthew could put his eyes on him, he would. Matthew wanted to pretend that his life was better without Noah. He was miserable not talking to Noah.

September came faster than anyone had expected. Noah and Matthew were turning 18, and their birthdays were just a day apart. Matthew’s birthday was first. Noah had gotten him a gift. Matthew was having a birthday party, and Noah hadn’t been invited.

Noah went over early to give Matthew. Matthew’s mom let him in. She was happy to see Noah and allowed him upstairs. Noah was so used to just walking in that he didn’t think anything of the closed bedroom door.

He opened the door and found Noah standing in the middle of the room, completely naked. Noah’s eyes quickly took in, seeing his friend’s beautiful body.

Matthew screamed, “Noah, what the fuck?”

Matthew turned around and grabbed the towel off the bed. In the process, this allowed Noah to see his equally beautiful backside.

“I’m so sorry. I just wanted to drop off your birthday gift,” Noah said as he placed the gift on the desk with the computer.

Matthew wrapped the towel around his body. He was upset and couldn’t hide his anger properly.

“This is insane. First, you kiss me, and now you’re perving out on my body. What are you doing hiding in trees spying and waiting for the right time to come in and see me naked,” Matthew accused him with bitterness in his voice.

Noah was shocked. It took him a moment to register everything Matthew said.

Angrily, Noah shouted, “Grow up, Mateo. You kissed me. I didn’t want to do that. You knew I was gay, and I never did anything to make you feel uncomfortable. I thought you were my friend. God, was I stupid? Happy birthday, and I promise I will never come near you again.”

Noah slammed the door as he walked out of the room. He ran down the stairs and out of the house. Matthew didn’t bother to follow him. He hated that he snapped at Noah the way he did. He had so many feelings, and Noah only made him more confused.

The party was huge, and everyone from school was there. People noticed Noah wasn’t there, but no one asked about him. Matthew tried his hardest to enjoy the party but couldn’t bring himself to have fun. Someone snuck beer in, and Matthew took a liking to it.

The guys wanted to know if Matthew and Bev had sex yet. Matthew was honest, and the guys teased him. They pushed for him to sleep with her that night. It seemed like the best gift she could give him. Matthew started to wonder if they were correct.

He found Bev with some of the girls out by the pool. He walked over and pulled her into a kiss. The other girls made little cute noises at the display of affection.

“I’m ready for my gift,” he whispered in her ear.

Matthew took her hand and led her through the house. They found themselves in his bedroom.

“So, this is the famous Matthew Colby bedroom?”

“It’s famous now because you’re here.” He tried to sound macho and seductive.

Bev chuckled, “Why am I here?”

“I’m ready for us to take our relationship to the next level.”

“What level is that?”

Matthew pulled her in for another kiss. They fell back on his bed and continued to make out. Matthew didn’t know what he was doing. He was touching her, but his touches were rough.

“Matty, I’m not ready for this.”

“It’s going to be okay. I promise.” It sounded less reassuring and more nervous than anything.

Very firmly, she said, “No.” She pushed him off.

Matthew rolled over on his back and yelled, “Fuck!”

“What is wrong with you, Matty? You’re drinking, and you’re treating Noah like shit.”

“Why do you care about Noah?”

“Because I care about you. Last year, you were happy when he came into your life. He was the first person to crack the Matthew code. Now you’re just pushing him away, and you're acting like an ass. You need to figure your shit out, Matty. I’ll call you later. Happy birthday.”

Matthew wanted to scream. He was starting to hate life and hated that Bev was right. Matthew got up and was about to walk out of the room when he saw the gift that Noah had left him. He opened the small gift box and read the card. It read, “Happy birthday, Mateo. I know I’m not your favorite person in the world anymore. I’m not sure what I did, and I wish I could fix it, but I just wanted you to know that you’ll always be my favorite person, no matter what. Love, Monty.”

Inside was another small box. He opened it, and a gold locket fell out. Matthew opened the locket and saw a photo of Matthew and his dad. It was his favorite picture with his dad. Only Noah knew about the picture. It was one of the last photos he had taken with his dad before his death. Matthew stared at the photo as tears fell from his eyes.

The time on the clock read midnight as Noah stared at it. He rolled over in bed and pulled out a photo of his dad. He hugged the photo tight. There was a tapping at his bedroom window. For a moment, Noah thought it was his dad back from beyond.

He walked to the window. It was Matthew. Noah laughed to himself and opened the window.

“Matthew? What are you doing?”

Sarcastically, Matthew said, “I’m practicing being Spider-Man.”

Noah raised his eyebrow, “Oh, you’re a superhero now that you’re 18?”

They both chuckled. Matthew climbed into the room and sat on Noah’s bed. Noah closed the window and stood in the middle of the room.

“Monty, why are you standing there acting scared?”

“Because I don’t know how to act around you, Matthew. You don’t like having me around anymore.”

Matthew took a deep breath, “That’s not true. I love having you around, and I know I’ve been a dick lately, and I’m sorry. I miss you, and I loved my gift, Monty.”

Matthew patted the spot next to him on the bed. Noah sat quietly next to him. The two men were quiet for several minutes. Matthew reached out and placed his hand on Noah’s hand. Noah looked down, and the tension escaped from his body.

Matthew squeezed his hand lovingly, “I’m still your Mateo.”

Noah smiled and said, “Tell me a secret. Something no one else knows.”

Matthew exhaled, “I thought about our kiss the entire summer. It freaked me out. You do something to me that I don’t understand. I never liked a guy before, but with you, it’s different; I can’t explain it. I feel safe and happy, and it makes me feel things I should only feel for a girl.”

Noah’s only response was, “Wow.”

“I know. You tell me something.”

“You always asked me about my birthday, and I would say figure it out. I don’t celebrate my birthday. It’s today. I turned eighteen today. My day also died one year ago today. He died on his way to my birthday party.”

Matthew turned and faced Noah. Noah’s eyes were filled with hurt and sorrow. Their foreheads rested on each other.

“We are celebrating your birthday. Just you and me. Let me do this for you.”

Noah nodded his head in agreement.

 Matthew touched Noah’s face, “I’m sorry about earlier. You’re the first person outside of the guys in the locker room to see me naked. I have these ideas of how my body should look, which freaks me out. I feel like it’s not ready to be seen.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your body is amazing. I wish I had your body—this perfect flawless skin, long curly hair, eyes, and other things.”

 “The other things? What other things? Tell me.”

 Noah laughed, “It’s inappropriate.”

 “We are 18 now—adults in the eyes of the law. Tell me, Monty. Please”

 “Your dick. It looked massive, and it wasn’t even erect, and your ass was nice and round.”

 “You think I looked good naked?” Matthew asked with a confident smile.

 “I did. Don’t get cocky.” Noah playfully warned him.

 “But you liked my cock,” Matthew said as he stroked Noah’s face. “Monty, can I see you naked? We can do it together.”

Noah searched Matthew’s eyes. He saw beyond them and into his soul. Matthew was vulnerable with him. He wanted to be vulnerable as well. Noah stood up and slowly removed his clothing. Matthew watched him carefully as he removed everything.

Noah stood before him, completely naked. Matthew took in his chocolate friend’s smooth body. Noah didn’t have any muscle or body fat. He was a cross between lean and thick. Noah had neatly dark-trimmed pubes around his penis. His penis hung about 3 inches flaccid. He wasn’t as thick as

Matthew, but it was nice. Two beauty marks went right up the shaft.

 “Let me see the rest of you, Monty.”

Noah nervously turned around. Matthew feasted his eyes on Noah’s fantastic ass. It was huge. It was round and fat, like two basketballs sitting on two thighs. Matthew liked his lips. He liked the way Noah’s body looked. Matthew stood up and removed all his clothing. 

Matthew walked over, wrapped his arms around Noah’s waist, and kissed his neck. Noah flinched upon feeling Matthew's bare erection pressed against his backside. 

“What are you doing,” Noah asked, shocked by this display of affection.

“What I’ve been afraid to do for a few months.”

Matthew pulled Noah in for a long, passionate kiss. Their tongues wrestled, and Matthew ran his hands up and down Noah’s back.

Matthew breathed heavily, “I’m so excited.”

“I can feel it.”

Matthew chuckled, “I can feel you as well, Monty.”

They both laughed. It was a strange but exciting first for them.

Matthew kissed Noah again and asked, “What is wrong with us?”

Noah smiled and said, “I think John Legend said it best.” Noah sings, “Cause we’re ordinary people. Maybe we should take it slow.”

 “Take it slow, oh-oh. This time, we’ll take it slow.” They sang in unison.

Matthew smiled, “Happy Birthday, Monty,”

The two fell back on the bed and started making out again. They rolled in the bed. Matthew ended up on top and in between Noah’s legs. They looked into the eyes of one another. They both knew what was coming. Their bodies craved it, and their hearts longed for it.

“I don’t want to go slow tonight, Monty. I also don’t want to hurt you,” Matthew professed as he kissed Noah.

“I don’t want you to go slow. You’re my favorite person in the world. It should be you, Mateo. You should be my first.”

“You’re my first as well,” Matthew told him as he stroked his face.

Matthew pressed his erection against Noah’s. He wrapped his hand around both of their cocks. Slowly Matthew started to stroke their cocks together. Their eyes grew excited, and their bodies responded with a need to explore more. Noah raised his hips off the bed and made his cock move up and down the length of Matthew’s long shaft.

Their breathing intensified. Instincts took over, and Matthew spit in his hand and then coated both their erections in his saliva. The sudden wetness sent a tingle through both their bodies. Matthew ran his hand over Noah’s dark thighs. Noah ran his fingers along Matthew’s shaft and then along his heavy testicles.  

Matthew’s cock slipped out of his hand. His member ran up and down Noah’s heavy nut sack. Noah gasped and bit down on his lips. Matthew felt a surge of passion and power, knowing he had made Noah feel good.

Noah kissed Matthew deeply and planted his hands on Matthew’s beautiful round glutes. Matthew humped and ground his cock into Noah’s balls. The two started to grind against one another. Their cocks throbbed, and their bodies gave into the heat of things. Matthew’s round globes flexed as he humped his friend.

Matthew humped harder and faster. His cock grew desperate for a release with each thrust. Noah’s dick swelled, and his balls began to churn with hot cum. The two started to moan and hump one another faster. Noah groaned loudly, and cum began to spew from his cock. Matthew shoved his tongue deep into Noah’s mouth, and cum erupted from his cock. The two coated each other with thick white cream.

For a moment, they lay in silence. Matthew rested his head on Noah’s neck. Noah ran his hands down Matthew’s back and onto his sweet ass. Everything felt perfect and right. They both wanted more.

Matthew's cock stirred, “You’re making me hard again. I want it to put it inside of you, Monty.”

“I want it in me.” Noah had never been more certain of anything in his life. He wanted Matthew.

Noah rolled off the bed, put the picture of his dad away, and plugged his iPod into the speaker system.

“What about your mom? Won’t she hear the music,” Matthew asked.

“No, she’s working the graveyard shift in the ER tonight. She gets off at 7 Am. Now we need the perfect song.”

Matthew walked over and stood behind Noah. He took the iPod and scrolled through the music.

“I have the perfect song,” Matthew said as he pressed play.

Just as he was about to press play, there was a loud knock at the front door. The two young men looked at one another. Noah knew there shouldn’t have been anyone coming over that late at night.

by Gray Rose

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