Gay Bulges Blog

Some guys show off accidentally on purpose and you may find yourself accidentally on purpose at the right angle to stare like all hell at them. Also known as winning the beefcake lottery.

Or as a precursor to filing a sexual harassment lawsuit. Whichever.

As much as they tout their utility, those trip planning sites just don't offer a Bulge World Tour. And I mean ass bulge, muscular arm bulge, ass bulge, and of course the most important one of all.

Wallet bulge. 

Isn't that what makes jeans bulge out in the front? THat's where I wear my wallet. Meanwhile, I wear my dick in my back pocket. It's complicated.

Technically, that would be muscle and crotch bulges and muscle bulges. And why not throw in another bulges while we're at it. Or a dozen.

I must assert that it's wrong to grab a guy's pecs out of nowhere. Definitely say hello first. And not with your hands but with your words and eyes. Or hands and eyes if you speak that way. As long as he understand and accepts.

Plus jocks. Because what good is working out if nobody sees. It's like if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound? Okay, not that because yes it does because that's physics. Plus animals hear it. More like if a jock strap is stuffed to maximum and nobody sees it, then why the fuck didn't that person show it to me because I want to see it, dammit!?

Everyday guys with ever day dick  I hate the word lifestyle when it comes to gay stuff, as it’s identity not lifestyle. And yet, I would not mind a lifestyle involving dick every day. Dick for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Plus on weekends, dick for brunch, which is where the word brick came from. Trust me. I know my homosexual etymology.

It’s like commercial fashion vs. couture. Everyday dick vs. seasonal. Though when people used to have nervous yet somehow carefree sex in parks, that was somewhat seasonal. After all, you can’t slide your dick out the leg of your jogging shorts if it’s not jogging shorts weather. If you’re outside anyhow. Unless you're into shivering. Or live in Florida.

What's better for you? A major bulge ready to explode out of super tight jeans? Or flopping cock and sack doing their thing out a shorts leg?

Frankly, I would prefer a flopping cock and sack hanging out the bottom of a pants leg, as in by the ankles. Though as that size package is only a Photoshop thing, I'll have to settle for cock out of shorts.

And what an arousing way to settle it is. Not like settling for soggy french fries. This is serious cock we're talking about.

Not "double-dicked" but "double-dick" as in two dicks. His two dicks. He has two dicks. Which is one more than required. Or if you're FTM dude friendly, then potentially up to two dicks more than the zero required. 

I get that it's the fold of the singlet. I get he doesn't have two dicks. Except, facts show he totally does! Two dicks! Double! And he hasn't let it hold him back from great athletic success, such as jacking himself off two times at once. 

At what point was an entire type of person named after a jockstrap? Not logical, I know. But logic goes out the window when bulges and muscles are involved. And without logic, I have all sorts of great ideas of a first date.

Forget the whole "Let's meet for coffee" thing, which yes is my standby if meeting someone in person for the first time. Better to meet while he's in the middle of changing his clothes outside. Or in the middle of having a boner on the train. Or in the middle of having a naked chest when he walks by with a naked chest.

Whether in motion or at rest, jocks are just plain awesome. As long as I don't have to make conversation with one. How much can one talk about sports without losing consciousness? Like the guy on the airplane who thought maybe he'd be safe from being snapped if only he closed his syes.

Isn't that a mental development thing? That age when a kid thinks the world disappears if they close their eyes. Or is it that thing where if you put an object behind your back, the child thinks it no longer exists so it's a magical amazing surprise when you make it reappear.

These working fellas are so darn cute! The hours they must spend in front of the mirror to get that carpenter / construction worker / dry waller look could not have been better spent. Is there a secret store where they can buy pre-soiled, wrinkly clothes and lived-in work boots for that touch of realism!?

Bravo! But I sense celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe may have had a hand in this.

There's the slight possibility these guys actually earn a living in the physical, constructive arts, but there is no chance they aren't self-aware of their appeal to clients, random onlookers, Home Depot checkout clerks and homos.

Well I wish they were all my buddies. We'd spend awesome time together, like they could do all their jock things, or sitting with legs spread things, or showering things and I could do all my watch their crotches things.

Actually that's just one thing. Me watching the guy's crotch. One long thing.

Being on high alert can be exhausting. At least when it's about keeping an eye out for threats. But how about a much better way to be on high alert, on that is rejuvenating? Be on the look out for bulges and muscle, because sometimes the hottest moments can pass by in an instant.

Until the day when digital cameras will be built into contact lenses (yes that will happen and it will be called the iEye) you just have your brain to snap a mental picture. Or your camera if you're fast enough.

Gee, math sure is hard! Trigonometry. Geometry. Calculus. All that jazz. Except when it's trigonometry of the ass. Geometry of the biceps. And calculus of the cock.

Where are the college professors who use the male body to teach math lessons? Not to mention logic. Ramone is 12.2 miles away from Daniel on Scruff. Ramone is 57% horny while Daniel is 97% horny. Daniel is traveling to Ramone in an electric car which is only 24% charged and will run out of power part of the way to Ramone's apartment due to unexpected traffic at 2 a.m. (mostly other horny guys) combined with a steep incline and a reverse lightning storm sucking all the ohms out of the air. When will Daniel ejaculate?

With food, mmmmmmm is what you say after you eat it. With guys, it's what you say before you partake, or to tackily hit on a guy with the goal of making him creeped out and uncomfortable. Isn't that everyone's goal? Straight guys may want head but they tend not to want to be hit on when they're not in total control. But it's the male gaze. And straight guys need to deal with it.

If you're at a gym and see a guy with headphones in but you're wanting to hit on him, consider that he may be wearing the headphones because he doesn't want to be bothered. I heard a couple of physically desirable straight guys at the gym comparing notes on strategies and the headphones with no music playing thing was the preferred method.

All the world's a stage. Or in the case of bulging crotch guys and jock guys and hot guys of every stripe, all the world's a male strip club stage. Or at least when I undress them with my eyes.

That can lead to problems though. Sometimes when you undress a guy with your eyes, you end up being horrified by his tacky imaginary underwear. Nearly enough to confront him about his poor taste in undergarments.