The Families in Rossford

“So, why did you and Logan really break up?”

“I thought we had this discussion.”

“You said,” Brendan said, sitting on the couch, “that it just didn’t work out.”

“Well, it didn’t.”

“But why didn’t it work out?” Brendan insisted.

“Look,” Sheridan said, “we’ve been split up for well over a year, and you just split up with Kenny days ago. I don’t ask why you all broke up.”

“Well, then ask,” Brendan said.

“Alright, then. Tell me why.”

“We didn’t love each other the way we needed to. We weren’t in love anymore.” Brendan shrugged.

“But when did that happen? When you went to Chicago?”

“Yes,” Brendan said. “But I didn’t know it.”

He was quiet a bit and then he said, “You know what? I think it happened little by little. Bit by bit, over the years. I think…” Brendan stopped.

“What?” Sheridan said, softly. “What do you think?”

“A long time ago. You would have been just a little kid, I came to Kenny and I told him I wanted to be in love.”

Neither one of them spoke, and then Brendan said: “What I am afraid of, is I wonder if I was ever in love with Kenny. Or him with me. We loved each other, but I guess I looked around and saw that there was more. And I wanted it, whatever it was.”

Sheridan nodded, listening to this, and then Brendan said, “Okay. So you and Logan?”

“I got tired of sharing him,” Sheridan said, simply.

“I never understood how Chay does it, because God knows I can’t anymore. But in the end I just couldn’t take the idea that Logan had sex with other people as work. I lived with it for a long time. I turned away from Chay twice and went to Logan. But one day I was just tired.”

“But I thought Logan went into modeling.”

“He did,” Sheridan said. “He told me, a while after his first ad, that the guy who hired him fucked him. That’s how he got the job. And he has stuff on the web, little successes here, little successes there, but the thing is porn was really where he was the most successful. And escorting. And what I had to learn was that… I guess the same way that a writer probably teaches or something to support himself, a male model—for gay magazines—still escorts.”

“Really?”

Sheridan nodded.

“The porn thing made him more valuable as an escort. That was his real money. Modeling still makes him pretty valuable. But escorting…. Fills in the chinks, makes ends meet. And in the end…” Sheridan shook his head.

“It must have hurt.”

“That’s just it,” Sheridan said. “It didn’t. And that was crazy. I was okay with the guy I lived with going out and having sex with other people. I had become used to it, and I was just tired of being that way. I didn’t care anymore. And it shouldn’t be like that.”

“But you loved him? Once. You were really in love with him.”

“I was really young. I love him. I discovered him and myself, and sex… I mean sex with a man, at the same time. He was everything. I killed for him,” Sheridan said in a lower voice.

“And I hid it.”

Sheridan said nothing.

“You know I’ll always protect you. I would hide anything for you.”

“Don’t say that, Bren.”

“It is absolutely true.”

“Thanks,” Sheridan said. “It hardly seems like enough to say. But, thanks.”

“But the thing I don’t get,” Brendan said, “is you loved Chay, but it was so easy for you not to stay with him. That’s what I don’t get.”

“I loved Chay like a brother, and Logan like a hero,” Sheridan said. “But all along neither was the One. I always knew it.”

“Like with Kenny,” Brendan nodded while he held his coffee cup between his knees.

“Do you ever think you’ll find him?” Brendan said.

Sheridan laughed now. He looked a little sad.

“What?” Brendan said, leaning in and touching his elbow.

“God,” Sheridan said. “We’ve been together. We’ve been in the same bed. You’ve… you’ve protected me my whole life it seems. Can’t you see? Don’t you understand?”

“Make me understand,” Brendan said, his eyes very intent on Sheridan.

“It’s you, Bren. I think it’s always been you.”

The bartender put a drink down in front of Layla and said, “That is from the man in the corner. Right over there.”

Layla opened her mouth. Beside Will, she turned around and saw a handsome man waving at her. But before she could say more, the bartender came back with a tall beer for Will and said, “And that’s for you. From the woman beside him.”

Will turned around and murmured.

“What?” Layla said.

“Well, she’s not bad. If you don’t mind me saying so.”

“You know what? I don’t.”

“I suppose we should go over and say hello.”

Layla nodded and together, with their drinks, they moved through the crowded bar.

As they approached, the woman stood up and held out her arms to Layla. Layla, being herself, opened her arms right up and the woman said, “You are beautiful! Please sit down with us.”

The man motioned for Will to sit beside him and he said, “I was sitting here with my lady when we saw you all come in.”

“You are just so beautiful together,” the woman continued in awe.

Will looked at Layla and said, “Thank you?”

“Thank you is appropriate,” Layla said.

“And Americans,” the man continued. “Or Canadian?”

“Americans,” Layla told him. “This is Will, my fiancé, and I am Layla.”

“Nina,” the woman introduced herself, “and Andrew.”

“Are the drinks to your satisfaction?” Andrew asked.

“Yes,” Will sipped his beer. “Very much.”

“Excellent,” Andrew said, smiling at him. “You seemed like the kind of man who would appreciate a proper beer.”

“Would you like to spend the evening with us?” Nina asked them.

“You know what?” Will said, touching his head, “we can’t think of anything better to do than enjoy the evening here with you fine people.”

“Here, yes!” Andrew said. “And after that at our flat.”

Layla laughed and said, “But Andrew, we hardly know each other!”

“Coming to the flat with us is the best way to know each other,” Nina said.

While Will laughed, Layla’s eyes opened and she said, “Hold on a minute?”

“Yes?” Nina said.

“Are you all…? Are you swingers?”

Andrew smiled and said, “Well, we don’t call it that exactly. We are a couple interested in other couples. And whatever happens…?” Andrew looked to his wife.

“Exactly,” Nina continued with a joyful shrug.

 “Whatever happens, happens.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Will raised his glass. “That’s the way to begin a new year. You know, we’re swingers too!”

Layla looked at Will with flared nostrils, and Nina said, resting a hand over hers. “This isn’t America. There’s no need to be ashamed, Layla.”

“Yeah, honey—” Will began, but Layla said, “Will, do you even know what a swinger is?”

He looked at her, hurt.

“Layla, of course I know. A swinging kind of guy, a real cool cat! A—”

Andrew was nodding, smiling brightly to encourage Will, but Layla snapped her fingers and gestured for Will’s ear. He leaned in toward her, and while she whispered, his eyes went wide, and then they went back to normal.

“I can’t have sex with your wife!” Will said.

“Oh, that’s quite alright,” Andrew said. “We’re bisexual.”

While Will processed that, Nina told Layla, “You are absolutely beautiful.”

“I’m sorry, but Will can’t have sex with your husband.”

While Will was still blinking over this he said, “No. No I can’t.”

“And it’s not that you aren’t lovely,” Layla continued, “because you are. But… we can’t happen either. Though I am flattered.”

“Your candor is refreshing,” Andrew said. “Frankly I’m aroused by the both of you.”

Nina sighed and admitted, “So am I. The lovemaking would have been beautiful.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Layla said, diplomatically. “But for now, let’s leave it to drinks.”

“Ah, well,” Andrew said, raising his glass, “to drinking.”

“To…” Layla raised her glass with him, “swinging.”

“We’ve been invited to dinner upstairs,” Sheridan said.

“Yeah, but until then we need to talk about this.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Sheridan said. “You know how I feel. This afternoon at lunch I told Meredith how I felt. I’ve never told anyone. Except for Logan, a long time ago. I felt like that until that night when we stayed together. And until we woke up together.”

“And then you got over me?”

“No, idiot,” Sheridan said. “You didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“That’s so stupid,” Brendan said. “If I didn’t want to have anything to do with you, why would I be here right now?”

“We were together three times, and then you broke everything off.”

“I was trying to—” Brendan stopped.

“What?”

“I think I was trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“From me. From a relationship with me.”

“I don’t even understand that.’

Brendan got up, putting his cup of coffee on the table in front of them.

“Do you know what it would be like, if we switched from what we are to being… something else?”

“Brendan, the cat’s out the bag,” Sheridan said. “We’ve fucked.”

“Sheridan—”

“And you just turned your back on it.”

“I just wanted things to be safe.”

“But you didn’t want to make them safe for me.”

“Of course I did,” Brendan insisted. “I’ve always wanted things to be safe for you.”

“Maybe,” Sheridan told him. “I’m not saying that wasn’t part of it, but when it comes to us, I think you wanted things to be safe for you.”

“Alright,” Fenn said, crushing his cigarette out. “This shit is boring.”

“Whaddid you say?” Adele blinked and turned around.

“See, what I mean? This is so boring you don’t even know what I’m saying. We need to do something.”

Half asleep on the sofa, wrapped in Bill’s arms, Nell looked up and said, “Something is happening. We’re sitting around watching TV and waiting for the New Year.”

“And that’s stupid,” Fenn said.

“Brendan, Sheridan, Todd, get the fuck up.”

“Language,” Anne said.

“Oh, Mama, in my house there are no bad words. Simon, get up.”

“What’s going on?” Simon Davis asked at the same time his wife did.

“We are dull as fuck,” Fenn said. “Dylan’s with Tom. Maia’s in Chicago. It’s New Years. We’re going out?”

“Going out where?” Todd said. “To Miller. To Gary?”

“Maybe we can go to East Carmel,” Sheridan said, and Brendan chuckled.

“Maybe you can shut the fuck up,” Fenn said. “Get the keys, Todd. We’re going to Indianapolis.”

Todd blinked at him, but only for a minute, and Anne said, “And what about us?”

“You all can go to Indianapolis too. In the women’s car.”

“I am too old to go Indianapolis,” Anne said. “I could drop dead anytime.”

“Mama!” Adele sucked in her breath.

But Fenn, who was already going to the closet for his coat, brought his mother’s and said, “Mama, you’re eighty years old, you’ll never be younger than you are now.”

“Someone’s at the door,” Marta wondered. “Who could that be?”

“Someone who should go away,” her husband said.

“Now that’s just unnecessary.”

As Marta went to answer the door, Moshe said, “Yay. TV again.”

“You really don’t watch TV on the Sabbath?” Laurel said.

“Well, it’s not like anything good comes on Friday night anyway.”

“That is true,” Maia acknowledged, settling down in front of the television.

“Girls,” Marta called.

Laurel headed down the hall, and Maia, with a sigh, rose, following her. Moshe walked alongside her, down the hall to the entryway with the staircase leading to the upstairs.

“I said girls, Moshe,” his mother told him.

“Logan! Casey.”Laurel greeted them as Marta locked the door back. “Chay?”

“Happy New Year!” Chay said in a weary voice. “Look we just got into Chi and your dad asked us to check in on you.”

“What for?” Maia said.

Marta touched her shoulder, “Because he cares about you.”

“Exactly,” Logan said. “And we got the address and now here we are and we’re all going to our respective homes to chill out.”

“You are welcome to chill out in here,” Marta said. “My family would love to have such lovely young men.”

“Ma’am, thank you kindly,” Logan said. “But I, for one, am looking for some quality sleep, and once I sit down in a chair, I don’t plan to get up again.”

“That’s pretty much the same for us too,” Casey said, throwing his arm around Chay. “But thank you all the same for your courtesy.”

Chay nodded, thinking this was enough.

“Well, please drive safely,” Marta said. “And don’t be strangers.”

“Monday we’re going to De Paul, though,” Maia said.

“You should come down and hang with us,” Chay said. “You, Laurel and whoever you would like to bring. Like, for instance,” to Marta,  “You, ma’am.”

Marta laughed and said, “Oh, I won’t be around, so it’s my turn to say, thank you all the same.”

“Well,” Chay said, and then he hugged and kissed Laurel, then Maia. He shook Marta’s hand. “Good night. And we’ll be getting along.”

They all hugged and shook hands and Casey did Logan and Chay one better by hugging Marta too, who let out a sound of shocked pleasure. Then the three men were heading down the steps of the brownstone to their car, climbing in, and heading down the street.

“You want us to drop you at home, Loge?” Chay said.

“I need to shower and pass out. Yeah.”

“We thought you might want to party with us,” Casey said.

“Where’re we going to party?” Chay turned to him, looking exhausted and a little irritated at the suggestion of festivity.

“We were going to party in our apartment,” Casey said. “With the TV and a bowl of salsa. Old man style. So…” he shrugged and looked at Logan, “the offer still stands.”

“Well,” Logan said. “That’s cool. I mean, if the night drags on or something I can come on by.”

“That’s all we’re saying,” Casey told him as they approached Devon Avenue. “That’s all I’m saying.”