The sounds of his voice came from everywhere - all at once.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I heard him say.
My eyes were closed and I was praying it wasn't really happening. But when I opened them, there he was; all six foot four inches of him - my father.
His hands were on his waist and his eyes wide and jolted with disbelief.
"Oh fuck..." I heard Doug say under his breath.
I couldn't move - or say anything.
Neither of us could. We both just lay there in the tub, full of bubbles. Bubbles floating in the air. Water was all over the tile floor, trickling into the bedroom carpet. In the distance I heard my mother's voice say 'what is it Mike'.
"Nothing honey, Jason just fell asleep in the tub and the water overflowed, I will take care of it" and he closed the door to the bathroom.
"You both need to get the fuck out of that tub right now and put some clothes on" he commanded. He reached to his side, removing two towels from the rail and threw them at us. We caught them and I frantically covered myself up.
"Oh spare me the fucking modesty Jason" He reached in, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me up to stand. As a result of my standing, the bubbles came along with me, leaving a hole in the water where Doug's body was fully visible to my dad.
"Oh fuck me - seriously?" he said as he looked down at Doug.
Doug, who was taking no shame in covering his body, stood up and gave my father a full frontal, the towel dangling from his hand at his side. He stepped over the edge of the tub and went behind him to towel off.
"Nice to see you again Mr. Shaw" Doug said to my father.
Dad didn't respond and I couldn't take my eyes off his shoes. I couldn't look him in the eye. Only when he leaned in to me and said, "clean this shit up" did I flinch and make eye contact with him. The look he gave me was one of pure anger.
As he turned to leave, he threw additional towels onto the floor, opened the door, and closed it behind him. 'Oh shit' was all I could say. I went to the floor and began drying up the water. I was shaking like mad, my stomach was in knots and I thought I might just throw up.
"Well that could have gone better."
"Shit Doug, what am I going to do?"
"What do you mean?"
I looked up at him, standing there over me, completely naked, and his dick hanging like a limp rubber snake from the Dollar Store.
"What do I mean? Jesus, tell me you aren't that fucking stupid!"
"No I mean it!" The sight of his face filled me with rage. "Get your fucking clothes and get out of here Doug - NOW!" I screamed at him. Tears swelled in my eyes as I threw his wet clothes at his feet and continued to dry up the floor.
'What am I going to do? What am I fucking going to do?' I said to myself.
Doug knelt down beside me and put his arms across my back in an attempt to hold my shoulders. "Jason, stop. Just stop - please" he begged. I couldn't, I had to clean this mess up. Somehow I had to make this all better. I tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't let go and I fell against him - crying. His arms cradled me with my head in the crook of his arm. He gently caressed my wet hair.
"It's going to be okay, I promise..."
Through my tears and sobs I asked, "Doug, how is this possibly going to be okay?"
"It just will be."
I appreciated his optimism and sincerity; but I couldn't help but question his motives. Doug was not the kind of person that would typically demonstrate such caring emotion - despite his recent behavior; he really seemed to have changed. And I liked it.
As he held me, I still couldn't shake the looming feeling of disgust and shame that my father was undoubtedly feeling towards me right now.
"Doug, I'm sorry - but I really need you to go."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, it's better if you leave."
"Jason, I don't think you should be alone right now."
"Don't worry - I'm sure once you're gone, I'll have plenty of company."
He continued his hold on me, hesitated, squeezed me tight, and then gently let me go. As he stood up and walked to the door he looked back at me kneeling on the floor surrounded by bath towels.
"You will call me later won't you?"
I nodded my head 'yes' and he went out the door.
"Doug - WAIT!" I shouted at him.
He stepped back, "What?"
"Your clothes..." he was still naked.
"Oh right..." he said with a smile. Then he took my black bathrobe off the bathroom door hook, slid it on, and left.
I heard him go down the stairs and out the front door.
I finished cleaning up the floor, rushed to my room, put on some clean shorts, and returned to the bathroom to clean up the mess of bubbles that were everywhere. I was spraying them off the sides of the tub when my mom came in.
"Jason honey, are you okay? Your father said he found you asleep in the tub and it was overflowing."
"Yeah mom, sorry. I guess I was more tired than I thought."
She stroked the hair on my head. "You had a friend that stopped over, did you see him?"
"No, there wasn't anyone here when I got home."
"Well then; you should get some rest, I'll finish cleaning this up."
"No, it's okay - I made the mess, I'll take care of it."
"Alright, well your father wants to talk to you when you're done. He's in the garage."
I cringed at the thought. "Okay."
Once the bathroom was clean, I took the wet towels down to the laundry room and hung them up to dry.
"Jason, come out here when you're done in there" my father said as he walked by and out to the garage.
A few moments later, I stepped barefoot into the lit garage. The air was humid, but the concrete was cool against my feet. T he door was down and dad was standing at his work bench. As I walked towards him, he turned to face me. I could barely manage to look at him.
"Mom said you wanted to talk to me?"
He stood there in silence. I didn't know if he was going to yell or hit me.
But he reached out and pulled me into him tightly. I felt his one hand hold onto the back of my neck while his other hand went around my back. His arms were hot against my bare torso and he pushed my face into his chest. The familiar smell of his aftershave and deodorant was comforting.
I wrapped my arms around him tightly, "Dad, I'm so sorry... I don't know..."
"Sshh, Jason - it's okay."
I started to cry again and I quickly lost my breath as I started to sob into my father's chest. His grasp on me grew stronger. He kissed me on the side of the head and stroked my hair.
"It's okay son; everything will be."
"Yeah, everything is going to be okay."
And then I heard him just keep repeating that under his breath while he held me, 'it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay...'
Was he trying to reassure himself? I felt such relief when he didn't burst out yelling or take a swing at me. He was comforting me in a way that I couldn't recall except for when I was little.
Mom poked her heard out into the garage and told us that dinner was ready. S he was surprised to see us hugging one another.
"You boys okay?"
"Uh huh" he replied.
"Yeah mom, everything is fine" I said as I wiped my tears.
"Jason honey, what's the matter" she asked as she stepped into the garage.
"Nothing mom, everything is fine. Dad and I were just talking that's all."
"Okay" she said as she looked at Dad.
We ate dinner as usual and I helped my mom clean up the kitchen.
"Honey, you are getting so tan working at the pool - I hope you are using sunscreen" mom said as she handed me the dishes to put in the dishwasher, "especially on those shoulders, they look so dark."
She touched my skin.
"I'm fine mom - we all use sunscreen."
"Okay, well you know how your cousin's have such fair skin."
"Maddy, leave the kid alone, he's got my complexion and you know how dark I get in the summer when I'm outside" dad said to her from the table.
I looked over at him and noticed him eyeing me.
"Besides, I think he looks good. He looks strong and healthy."
"I know, I'm so proud of my big strong men. But take that bottle of spray I bought at the store with you tomorrow - I really don't want you to get burned."
"Okay mom, I will."
I excused myself, went up to my room, and closed the door. Once I was alone, I let out a heavy sigh. What a day this has been. I lay on the bed and looked out the window at the starry night sky. Being able to see the stars at night was one of the advantages of living in a small town. Summer evenings were beautiful. In the distance, I could see a few bursts of light and then some subtle rumbling of thunder. It was going to rain.
There was a soft knock at my door and I heard him say my name. I almost didn't want to say anything. My stomach lurched and I felt my pulse quicken.
"Can I come in?"
The door opened slowly and closed the same way. My back was to the door and I felt him sit on the edge of my bed. When his hand rested on my side, it startled me. Dad was never the 'touchy-feely' kind of guy. He hand was warm against my skin.
"Jason, can we talk"
"Dad, I'm really tired"
"I know, but I really need to talk about what went on this afternoon."
I didn't want to face him, so I kept my back to him. But his hand remained on my side, just at my waist.
"Jason, did you have sex with that boy?"
"He's not a boy dad; and neither am I."
He paused, and I heard him sigh. I rolled over on my back, my hands behind my head, his right hand slid along my side to rest on my stomach - and I looked at him in the eyes.
"No dad, Doug and I have not been having sex."
His head dropped to his chest, and his other hand covered his eyes. Was he going to cry? I looked down at the fist on my stomach and wondered if he was going to hit me in the gut, but he didn't. Instead, his hand relaxed and softly went flat against my abdomen again. From behind his shielded face he asked if it had anything to do with my assault.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, is that the boy that hurt you?"
"If he was, do you think I would have let him get that close to me?"
"No I suppose not." He took a deep breath and let it out. It was an awkward moment for both of us and was not how I would have wanted to come out to my family. But I wasn't even really 'out'.
"Are you gay?"
I hesitated to answer, but finally told him that I wasn't sure. His hand went to his lap; his eyes were still closed when he looked up towards the ceiling.
"Does this have something to do with what happened to you last fall?"
"I don't think so." I knew it did, but I wasn't ready to tell him that. He didn't know what Doug and I had been up to and I was going to make sure that he didn't.
"Jason, I know that you never wanted to talk about what happened and your mother and I have accepted that for now. But after seeing you with him, I can't help but wonder if we shouldn't talk about it."
"I'm not going to talk about it dad."
"Ok. But I have to ask you something."
"Have you been intimate with any other boys... argh... men?"
His question took my breath away. Why would he ask me that? I didn't answer him.
"What? No! He is... the only one I've ever..." I had to turn away. I couldn't look at him anymore. "We've only ever been with each other, okay?"
I flopped back onto the bed. "Can you just go please".
He paused a moment, then patted me gently on the chest before getting up from my bed.
"Ok Jason" he said as he went to the door, "try and get some sleep okay?"
"Goodnight son... I love you."
"I love you too dad" and he closed the door behind him.
I didn't know what to think of our talk. He wasn't mad, nor did he appear disappointed. Was he asking those questions because he was concerned about my well-being or was it something else? Why did he want all the details? I couldn't figure it out.
I turned off my side light and refocused my gaze out the window at the approaching storm. The stars were fading as the clouds came in and the thunder was becoming louder. I closed my eyes and listened quietly as the rain started. Just as I was about to fall asleep, my phone chirped.
I looked, and it was a text message from Doug. He wanted to know if I was okay. I told him that I was and he asked if I could talk. A few seconds later, my phone rang.
"How are you?"
"Yeah, I bet. How did it go with your parents?"
"My mom doesn't know anything, but I had a talk with my dad."
"Oh. What did he say?"
"He wanted to know what you and I had been doing together."
"What did you tell him?"
"How did he take it?"
"Okay, I guess"
"Did he get mad?"
"No, he just left."
"He left? Like left left?"
"No, he left my room and told me to get some sleep which is what I should be doing instead of talking to you."
"Probably. Hey, I'm sorry I called, but I just wanted to know how things went."
"No, it's okay. I appreciate it."
"Hey, you left your clothes over here. I threw them in the laundry but I have to ask - why did you take my robe when you left?"
"Your bathrobe? Oh, well I couldn't walk out of your house naked now could I?"
"I suppose not."
There was a quiet pause and then he asked me what I was doing.
"Listening to the rain"
"What else are you doing?"
"You're not watching anything on your computer?"
"Um, no. I think I've had enough for one day."
"Oh come on Jason, I don't think you can ever have enough. Are you naked right now?"
"I'm not going to answer that Doug."
"You are aren't you?"
"No, I'm not."
"Well it looks like it from where I'm sitting."
"WHAT!!!" I sat straight up in bed and looked out the windows.
"Nah, I'm just fucking with you" he said trailing with a laugh. "So that's he said?"
"Yep, that was it."
"Do you think he is going to tell your mom?"
"I don't know. It seemed like it was something that he wanted to keep between us."
"Well that doesn't surprise me."
"It's just a guy thing I think. Listen, I'm going to let you go and I'll talk to you later - okay?"
"Goodnight Douglas" and I closed my phone.
In the darkness of my room, I lay there trying to quiet my mind. When I closed my eyes, they burned - either from the chlorine at the pool or just from being too tired. As I drifted off, I thought of Doug.
I could see his face, those dark brown eyes, thin pink lips, his freckled skin and that dark crew cut that outlined his skull; his thick neck and that square jaw. I thought about how it made me feel to see him take me in his mouth. The way he closed his eyes at first, just until I was ready to go down his throat and then he would open them and look up at me as if to give me the 'okay'.
The sense of control it gave me to be inside him - especially after what he had done to me in the locker room at school that afternoon at the high school.
I took a deep breath as my mind retraced the emotions and feelings I discovered in myself that day. The feeling of powerlessness, of release, of giving up control. My life had been so structured up until then - my choices seemed so limited and predefined by my parents, my family; but not anymore.
I had the power to choose.
To choose who and what I wanted.
I wanted him.
I wanted to feel him against me, the weight of his body against mine, his scent swirling in the air around me, his lips on mine, his cock lying firmly next to my own.
I slid my shorts off and lay there on the bed with my legs spread, my hand stroking my pubic hair and the shaft of my dick as the images in my mind took over.
I stroked the hair on my chest and pulled at my nipples as my body reacted to my teasing.
My cock became engorged with blood, warm and stiff against my abdomen. My fingers tracing the veins on its surface. My breath becoming quick and heavy as I worked myself. My balls swirling in their sack. My ass twitching and flinching.
With my fingers to my mouth, my hand went down my body to my ass and dug between the cheeks to caress my warm man hole. I squeezed my pectoral with my other as I teased my hole.
And when the door to my bedroom opened, I froze - there he was, standing in the doorway, backlit from the light my mother kept on in the hallway. Through the next series of flashes from the storm outside I saw him approach my bed, look down on me, kneel, grasp my cock with his hand, and lower his lips to my loins.
The moist heat from his mouth bounced off the head of my dick just before he engulfed me. My back arched sharply, I clenched the bedspread in my fists, and threw back my head as he stroked and sucked at my pole.
"OH GOD! TAKE IT! TAKE IT ALL!"
His grip was firm and so was the lip hold he had on me. His rhythm was timed to my own rapid breathing and he was ferociously sucking; driving me to the brink of collapse.
"FUCK I'M GONNA COME!" I shouted as the thunder shook the house.
I felt his mouth release me and his hand took to furiously stroking my aching cock.
I blasted his throat with my seed , coming again and again while he continued to stroke me, my hips thrusting into his face, my hands pulling and tugging at the hair on his head as I fucked his face.
"OH GOD, DON'T STOP", my vision filled with stars and as the rapture took its hold on me, I drifted away.
"Mmm, Jason - I love you so much." he said softly as he licked my salty shaft with his smooth tongue.
"Hmm, I love you too..."