Top #Selfies of the Week: Look at This Guy's Dick

There are a lot of things you could be doing besides looking at this guy's dick. I mean, a total lot. And not just involving looking at other stuff. Stuff besides this guy's dick. But you should look at this guy's dick. Totally do. He wants you to. He wants the hotel hallway to. Plus you. But still there are other things you could be doing, such as:

• Your dishes. Then my dishes. Or if your dishes are already done, just do my dishes. Seriously, my sink is a mess.
• Starting a KickStarter for people to start kicking you in the ass, literally. Because it's super hot to be kicked in the ass, literally. Well maybe not kicked. Maybe softly tapped, by a ballerina in toe shoes. Just don't look at the guy's dick. Don't look.
• Test the battery on your smoke detector.
• Test the battery on your sex robot.
• Have a Christian Bale movie marathon then join a support group for people who have suffered through too many Christian Bale movies.
• Pray for the Jessica Biel / Justin Timberlake divorce. Not because you want to hook up with either of them but just because the world would be a better place if those two were each a bit sadder. Now since you're not super cruel like me apparently you'll probably instead take this opportunity to look at this guy's dick. That's your choice. I'm not making you do anything.
• Listen to Donna Summer's Greatest Hits album, of which there are several versions. So many to pick from but they all have Last Dance so that's good. This is your last chance to look at this guy's dick. Better do it.

That may or may not have been a deterrent. Probably the only thing that could get you to stop looking at this guy's dick is to look at other guy's dicks.