Guy Watching: Lycra Is Obscene

If these outfits were any tighter, the guys inside would get crushed. Yeah I get that are performance fabrics, offering compression, moisture-wicking, comfort, aero (or aqua) dynamics. But, come the fuck on. Lycra (and its cousin Spandex) are mind-blowingly obscene.

Super tight outfits are the best way to be naked while clothed, showing every bulge, every muscle, every throb in perfect detail. Inviting onlookers. Begging for admiration.

That's not to say Lycra/Spandex can't be worn badly. I've seen a guy in a white button down shirt tucked into black tights. And he wasn't on stage in a modern reinterpretation of Pirates of Penzance (despite also wearing a gold neck chain at the time).

But I have seen a guy at the gym in light green spandex shorts, that he was sweating through (or precumming through since the crotch was veering on transparency). Ah, the '90s.

Now, can we please bring these modern fabrics into the streets more? And not just for athletic competitions. Remember, we have a responsibility to be each other's eye candy. And cock candy. And ass candy. Basically, just be some kind of candy and that will make me happy.

Lycra/Spandex turn you on? Check out Hero in Trouble. That's a dandy site that documents when Spiderman has blue balls and needs to rub one out (in between fighting crimes).

[Photos via LycLadUK]