...it was just a little peep

“…Talk to me - tell me your dreams
Am I in them?
Tell me your fears
Are you scared?
Tell me your stories
I'm not afraid of who you are…”

-Madonna, Justify My Love

Ian watched Cody hold up a fresh slice of pizza and bite the tip of it off. He watched him chew, struggling not to make eye contact. He felt a tension between them and knew Cody felt it too. The stammering to reply to simple questions, then the avoidance of eye contact. It was maddening.

“I like those jeans you bought,” said Cody.

“Thanks for pointing them out, for I had not seen them,” Ian replied.

Then another silence. It was too much. Their first day meeting and already things were awkward between them.

“Ian, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Are you…gay?”

Ian found himself holding his breath. It was the first time someone just asked him that question. This thing he had struggled to hide until he and the twins finally crossed paths, or truth be told, he got caught spying on them. He looked at Cody waiting on his answer and knew the longer it took, the worst it would look.

“Yes.”

“Have you been out long?”

“No, not really.”

“I see.”

What do you see? Ian wondered as he looked across the small restaurant seeing if anyone was listening to them. He turned back to Cody, leaning over to close the distance between them.

“And you?” Ian asked.

“Yes.”

“I take it you’re out back home.”

“Yes. I came out at fifteen, when I was dating a guy in my class.”

“Really? What happened to him? Is he still your boyfriend?”

“No, we broke up. That isn’t true; he dumped me for a junior last winter. He tried to come back to me during the summer, but by then I saw how he didn’t seem able to choose one or the other of us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I found it a learning experience. I’m not sorry we dated and look upon it with fond memories, but…”

“It’s over?”

“Yep. I intend to meet guys and date some of them and just enjoy life while in college.”

“Me too.”

Cody laughed, shaking his head. Then he leaned closer, close enough for Ian to see how Cody’s eyes had a gold tint within them, not looking nearly as dark brown as he first thought.

“But we’re sitting here all awkward with each other. You’ve thought about it, haven’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Sex…with me.”

Ian laughed nervously, suddenly facing the truth of the situation.

“Yes, I thought of it. You’re so different, seem so much more confident and more open about it.”

“So, you feel an attraction to me, and I’ll be honest, I thought the same when you came into our dorm room.”

“But?”

“But classes haven’t even started and the worst thing that could happen is the two of us find ourselves hating each other, suddenly not wanting to be in the same room with each other.”

“So, you’re saying we should refrain from doing anything together.”

“Yes. It just feels like a disaster waiting to happen. Don’t you agree?”

“Yes, of course,” Ian replied. But it was a little white lie. He didn’t see how it could lead to a disaster and why couldn’t they explore their sexuality and attraction to each other.

Back in the dorm, they strolled down the corridor introducing themselves to other guys. Down in room 336, they met Garcia and Johann and Ian saw it. A connection between Cody and Johann. They way they looked at each other, how Johann paid more attention to him, agreeing with him when talking about video games and which were best. Then to finalize it, make it something real, Johann asked Cody out, wanting to take him to dinner then to see some band playing on campus. Ian pretended not hear, instead asking Garcia about his major as he heard Cody agree.

That night, Cody out with Johann, Ian found himself hanging out with the guys across the hall. Brian and Steve in 315 and Luke and Aaron in 313. They played video games, then went for a burger at the sports bar in town just across from campus. After dinner, they roamed the town, checking out the two coffee shops that were packed, the bar down on Fifth Avenue with music blaring out the open door, then headed back to the dorm where they played video games until late into the night.

For Ian, it was a way to keep from thinking of it. Cody out with Johann, and around one in the morning, he wondered if they would be in the dorm, back in the room he shared with Cody, or maybe they were in 336. He pictured them having sex. one on top of the other, it varying who was on top and who was on bottom each time he imagined it. At two-thirty, he finally had to call it a night as Brian and Aaron were in a game, and Steve and Luke bowed out too. He went into the corridor and saw their door was closed. It had been open, and he realized the last hour he had not been watching for Cody, having given up on seeing him.

Ian was surprised to find the lamp on his desk was on, and from its light he could see Cody’s form under the cover of his bed. There was the irregular breathing of someone asleep, and Ian moved quietly into the room and for a long time stood by Cody’s bed. He watched him sleep, once shifting around until no longer facing the wall, but now facing out. He knew he was just torturing himself, longing for the one guy who had made it clear there would be nothing between them. He understood the logic of it, could even follow the reasoning down to what could happen otherwise. But he didn’t feel it. It was wrong by every metric that seemed to matter to him.

Suddenly embarrassed to be standing there watching Cody sleep, he went into the bathroom and prepared for bed. It was his first night in the dorm, one that would last a long time in his memory for sleep would be elusive.

For the next two weeks, with classes underway and afternoons spent doing assignments, Ian tried to get into the routine of life on campus, but he kept finding himself distracted. Cody came and went, for a couple of nights with Johann, then there was a guy from his English class, and over the last few days, a guy Cody met in the cafeteria. A guy named William from Louisiana. Ian didn’t see the last two guys, not once, instead it was only what Cody told him. How one was tall and playful, the next physical, pushing him to the point of exhaustion. Ian listened feeling such jealously he found himself staying away from their room. He rode his bicycle in the afternoons, then studied in the library, and at night when finished with everything, he hung out with some of the guys in the dorm, playing video games or watching television.

It was the third week, Ian down the corridor in Noah and Ricky’s room. Aaron had come down with Ian, and the four of them were playing Neon White, a game each of them was still figuring out. It made for competitive play, each taking chances to try to advance quickly. It was nearly ten o’clock at night and all four of them had an early class the next day, so they kept talking of stopping the game and calling it a night, as Noah or Ricky kept starting a new game. A knock at the open door and they looked up to see Cody standing within it. He was shirtless, just a ratty pair of gym shorts that revealed the boxers underneath, and Ian tried not to do it, but his eyes were drawn to the pierced nipples.

“Whoa, you got piercings?” Noah asked.

Ian realized it was something Cody nor he had mentioned, and Cody never left their room without being dressed, until this night. Cody smiled, nodding his head while stepping into the room.

“Yeah, I had them done back in April. I bit of rebellion after a breakup with my boyfriend at the time.”

“Did you know about them?” asked Ricky looking at Ian.

“Of course, he knew,” Cody grinned as he replied.

“Yeah, I’d seen them when I first got here.”

“You guys haven’t messed around or anything, have you?” asked Aaron. It was no secret on their floor Cody and Ian were gay. Cody came out by dating Johann, and it just slipped out Ian was too.

“No, no, that would be weird,” Ian replied. He knew how he sounded to himself, and he saw Cody grimace, but the other guys didn’t notice his unconvincing tone.

“Ian, I’ve not seen you in some time, what have you been doing? Have you been going out with someone?” asked Cody.

“You guys don’t see each other?” asked Noah.

“Well, I’ve been studying in the library for some of my English papers and riding my bicycle a lot, and Cody here has been dating…dating…William, isn’t it?”

“I had been dating William, but we stopped seeing each other two days ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Ian replied.

“Hey, let’s call it a night on the gaming, I’ve got to get to bed,” said Aaron climbing to his feet. He went past Cody, placing a hand on one shoulder giving it a pat, then moved out into the corridor.

“I guess I should get to bed too,” said Ian as he climbed to his feet. He moved past Cody, “see you back in our room,” he uttered as he moved out into the corridor.

“Later guys,” Cody replied, then rushing out to catch up. “Hey, wait up.”

Cody fell in by Ian, and silently, they went to their room. Cody followed Ian inside, and closed and locked the door. Ian felt him move into the room behind him as he went to his bed, emptying his pockets, setting everything on the nightstand.

“I’ve not seen you the last few days,” said Cody.

Ian turned surprised by the comment.

“What do you mean? I haven’t been doing anything but studying and hanging out here at the dorm.”

“I don’t know, it just seems…”

“Cody, you’re the one that has been gone most of the time. You’ve been going out most evenings. I just don’t meet guys like you do; wish I did, for I’m envious how easy it is for you. You’ve been out with a few guys already, and now you have William.”

“I’m not going out with him anymore.”

“Oh yeah.”

Ian picked up his toiletry case and headed to the bathroom. He saw Cody standing by his bed, watching him. There was something about the stare. Some tension in the air. He went into the bathroom closing the door wanting a minute alone to think, for it didn’t make sense. It was Cody who wanted them to be just friends, and he had agreed. But emotionally he knew it was a struggle. He was attracted to Cody. Drawn to him in ways that made it difficult to hang around him while he was dating other guys. Looking in the mirror, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, he wondered why Cody was acting weird. For a second he wondered if Cody had second thoughts, maybe wished for more. But he dismissed it as a silly notion, for Cody had no trouble meeting guys, had already met more than he could imagine possible, and they had only been on campus about three weeks.

Ian came out of the bathroom finding Cody stripped down to boxers. No matter how hard he tried not to do it, he looked at the masculine body, from the feet up to the head, seeing every aspect of it. Moving to his desk, he dropped his toiletry case down, then pretended to be checking something on his laptop as Cody stood behind him.

“Are you finished in the bathroom?” asked Cody.

“Yeah, it’s all yours,” Ian replied without looking around.

Cody headed to the bathroom and Ian glanced around and watched him enter it. Then he sighed, feeling his conflicting emotions about Cody. He rushed to get out of his clothes, until down to his boxers, then climbed into bed, turning off his lamp. Cody would have his own lamp to see by. He turned toward the wall and tried to settle down, wishing he could get to sleep before Cody came out, knowing it was futile.

The bathroom door opened, and the room glowed brighter for a second until Cody shut off the light. Ian sensed him moving to his bed, the soft sound of him getting on it, then the shifting to get comfortable. The lamp was switched off and the room was cast in darkness, only a little light filtering through the blinds.

Ian listened for Cody to drift off to sleep afraid to move or breath too loud. For the longest time he didn’t move and realized Cody was laying perfectly still as well.

“You asleep?” Cody whispered.

“No,” Ian finally responded after a few seconds.

“You haven’t gone out with anyone.”

“No.”

The room fell silent, neither saying anything else.

Two days later, Ian went downstairs to the sitting room on the ground floor where some guys were sitting around watching a football game. He had a novel with him, one he had started the day before, and he brought it as an excuse, but what he really wanted was to get out of the dorm room and to hang out with some different guys. Cody had been in their room since that night. It was frustrating for him, to have Cody around but not interested in anything but just being friends. That morning had been awkward, Cody wanting to eat breakfast together, something they had not done since the start of class, then back in the room Cody asked if he wanted to ride bikes.

Ian knew he should have agreed to ride, but he needed to get away from Cody, so he had made up an excuse of needed to do a lot of reading for a class. Cody had been gone about thirty minutes, getting a couple of the other guys to go with him.

Ian took a seat in an armchair positioned at the side of the room by a window. It put him close enough to hear the banter of the guys watching the game. The novel was opened to the marked page, and he tried to read. Some sentences he had to read more than once, some three times, so he turned pages painfully slow. Movement nearby captured his attention, and he looked up to see a guy take the chair opposite him at the window. He looked at the guy, quick glances that concealed how he was checking him out. Average build and height, wavy brown hair and eyes that looked green, and a five o’clock shadow showing a patchy beard coming in along the jaw. The guy sat and opened a novel, one that he had read last summer.

“Are you enjoying that novel?” asked Ian.

“I’ve just started it, but so far, yes,” the guy replied.

“I read it during the summer and enjoyed it.”

“What are you reading now?”

“Appleseed by Matt Bell.”

“Is it good?”

Ian smiled, shaking his head. “I just started it, so not sure.”

“How are classes going so far?”

“Good. Not as hard as I feared, but I do study more.”

“Same except English. I’ve got this instructor who just cofounds me.”

“My professors are good.”

“I’m Paul.”

“Paul; I’m Ian.”

“Can I ask you something? I mean…I’ve seen you around and…a friend knows your roommate-“

“And you want me to introduce you to Cody?”

“What? No, I…was wondering if you’d like to go out…with me.”

It was late when Ian came back to the dorm. A Sunday night when he would normally be in bed already, but he had gone out with Paul. Dinner at the small Italian place on Magnolia Avenue, then to a movie, and afterward, they just strolled around campus talking. They knew their roommates would be in their rooms and there would be no privacy that night. But the night had been more pleasant than Ian could hope. No pressure or expectations; just two guys out on a simple date.

Paul was on the fifth floor, so there had been a quick kiss goodnight in the elevator, then Ian stepped out on the third floor with Paul going on up.

Entering the dorm room, Ian found his lamp was on and Cody was in bed apparently asleep. He got prepared for bed, stripped out of his clothes, and eased into bed. Lamp off, he settled down in the darkness, waiting for sleep to overtake him. He heard Cody shift around, then a sigh.

“Did you have fun?” Cody asked in a whisper.

“Yes, I did.”

“Who did you go out with?”

“Paul from the fifth floor. He is friends with William.”

“William mentioned him. Sounds like a nice guy. You going to see him again?”

“Yes. We’re going out Wednesday night when we don’t have an early class the next morning.”

“Oh, okay,” Cody replied, then fell silent.

Ian lay there waiting for further comment, but he was exhausted and soon drifted off to sleep.

Monday and Tuesday passed quickly for Ian had two exams to study for that would be given on Wednesday and another paper to write. He spent the afternoons and evenings in the library trying to get his research done for the paper, then studying when he grew tired of pulling the paper together. When he got through Wednesday, handing in the paper and taking the two exams, he ate lunch at the closest cafeteria, then went back to the dorm and crashed, desperate for some sleep before his date.

Cody wasn’t in their room and Ian just assumed he was in someone’s room playing video games or watching television.

Finally stripped down to his boxers and tucked into bed, Ian settled into a comfortable position and drifted off.

Ian woke with a start. There had been a noise, something loud enough to wake him. He sat up looking around wondering what it had been. Cody lay on his bed, book in hand, looking over with a curious expression.

“Nightmare?”

“I thought…was there not some strange noise?” asked Ian.

“No, just someone in the hall calling out to Robert; probably Aaron. But it wasn’t loud.”

“Maybe, it was a dream. What time is it?” Ian asked looking at his watch just the same, seeing he had woken a few minutes before his alarm was to wake him. “I guess I should grab a shower.”

“You going out tonight?”

“Yeah, we’re going to that restaurant on Hardin Place; you know the one everyone talks about.”

“Yeah, supposed to be really nice.”

“What about you? You’re not going out?”

“No, I’ve got too much to do before Friday.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“No, not since William. I’ve just…”

Ian knew something was amiss with Cody, but he had to get showered and dressed for Paul would be there in thirty minutes. He let the unfinished comment hang in the air, assuming Cody just hadn’t been out there lately to meet someone, and once he was, well, it would take no time for him to hook up.

Right on time, Paul knocked on the door. As Ian went to the door, he gave Cody a quick look seeing him reading.

“I’ll see you later,” said Ian.

“Have fun,” Cody replied, not looking up.

“I thought my roommate was going to be out, but he is up in our room in bed, sick with a cold,” said Paul hitting the button to summon the elevator.

“Oh no; is it bad?” Ian replied.

“I don’t think so.”

Ian knew Paul was disappointed for they had talked about dinner then going back to his room where they would have some time alone for the first time. But Ian felt some relief, for he liked Paul, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Cody. It was dumb as hell, the way he pined for the one that didn’t return his affections. He had Paul wanting to be with him, and over the last couple of days, no longer anxious about whether, or not he would meet anyone, he began to notice certain guys giving him a look that he recognized. One of longing. David down in 305 who was so shy some of the other guys made fun of him, and there was the guy with the bright yellow bicycle that came back to their dorm on Tuesdays at the same time as he, getting off on the second floor and giving him a quick look back as he exited the elevator, then there was a guy in his English class, named Mitch who had curly dark hair and rosy red cheeks, that seemed redder whenever they arrived at the door to the room at the same time. And there were others, at the cafeteria, in other classes, and one who hung out in the commons between the dorms playing guitar or reading, and on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, watched him return to the dorm from classes. He sensed it, these opportunities that just required him to be the one to make the initial approach, like Paul had done with him.

But there was Cody. The one he shared a small dorm room and saw every day.

Friday was a miserable day. A cold front pushed through, bringing rains and a drop in temperature. The winds were strong enough to destroy an umbrella if one was not careful, lessons of this scattered all around campus sticking out of garbage cans or dropped unceremoniously on the ground.

Ian made it through his classes and was heading to the dorm when a gust of wind caught him by surprise making him another victim. His umbrella twisted upward, the metal ribs bent, rendering it useless. By the time he got back to the dorm, he was wet enough to be miserable and desperate to get out of his clothes. He rushed up to the third floor using the stair, down the corridor, and into his room. Cody wasn’t there and he set his wet backpack down on the floor and coat over the back of his chair. Then right in the middle of the room away from the beds and desks, he stripped out of his wet clothes. Shirt, jeans, socks, and boxers were unceremoniously dropped into a wet pile. He was shivering with the cold and rubbed his arms feeling the warm air of the room take away some of the chill. He picked up his towel and toiletry case and turned to go shower.

The door swung open, and Cody walked in wet, his umbrella bent and twisted.

“Oh, hey,” Cody uttered when he saw Ian standing before him.

Ian felt like he should cover himself. Cody had changed in front of him all the time, but he had been reticent to do so, only getting down to his boxers at night or to take a shower. Now he stood naked in full view and he saw Cody divert his eyes. Maybe it was a lack of interest he told himself as he watched Cody toss the umbrella on the floor, slip off the wet backpack, then turn back toward him.

“I see we both got wet,” said Cody.

“Yeah, that wind is rough.”

“Are you going to take a hot shower?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll hurry so you can too.”

“Maybe…”

Ian stopped and turned to Cody, seeing him divert his eyes again.

“Yeah, maybe what?”

“Nothing.”

“…”

Ian went into the bathroom and pushed the door to but didn’t close it, letting it stay gapped open. Normally he closed it, but he told himself it didn’t matter now, since Cody had seen him. He got the shower hot enough to take away the chill and stepped into it. He slid the glass door closed and stood under the spray letting it hit him in the face. He stood there, eyes closed, feeling his body warm. The tightness dissipated, and he felt his body loosen. He turned under the spray, letting it hit his shoulders feeling a temptation to take his cock in hand. There was a sense of arousal after being so cold but warming up quickly with his cock hanging heavy. It would take so little to get it hard. Then he sensed someone was in the bathroom and he opened his eyes to see Cody standing there watching him. Naked, shivering, cock and sac drawn up, he looked cold.

“Cody?”

“Can I get in with you?”

Ian hesitated in replying, the significance of the request not lost on him. Ever since the day he had first seen Cody he had been drawn to him and when he knew Cody was gay too, there had been a hope for something to happen. But Cody had pushed back, said he just wanted to be friends. But now, it seemed Cody had second thoughts. Would it be something that could become serious, or was this a one-time thing?

But he wanted Cody, so damn his doubts.

Ian reached over and slid the glass door open without saying a word. Cody stepped into the shower and Ian moved over letting him get under the hot spray.

“Feels good,” Cody uttered as he turned to face the spray.

Ian looked at the back, the shoulders blades shifting with the movement of the arms. He looked at the round ass cheeks and how the water trickled down between them. He looked at the legs, the way the muscle defined their shape as much as the skeletal frame within.

“I’m sorry,” Cody whispered without turning around.

“For what?”

“For pushing you away. I regretted if from the moment I did it. I just thought…”

Ian waited for Cody to finish but Cody just tilted his head down under the spray and moved under a little further. Ian couldn’t stop himself. He felt Cody had given him permission just by getting into the shower, but the regret of pushing him away added to his confidence that this was the moment he got what he wanted. He reached out and touched the back, let his fingers move over the shoulders. He stepped closer and kissed the back of the neck, then along the right shoulder as he caressed the smooth skin. Down each side until at the waist and he held it as he pushed his abdomen against it. Cock nestled between the ass cheeks it stirred with his arousal. A push back and the head lifted and turned.

“Don’t stop,” Cody uttered.

Ian kissed the side of Cody’s face, then leaned forward and kissed the lips as he pressed his cock against Cody’s ass. He pushed against that ass over and over making his cock harden. He slipped his hands around the waist, up the stomach and over the chest. He felt the hard nub of both nipples and the bars through them, and he manipulated one of them while using his other hand to take Cody by the neck. He pushed the chin up and pulled him back tightening the contact between them. A hand slipped between them and took his cock.

“Put it in me,” Cody uttered.

Ian moved back as Cody toyed with his cock, then held it out while back up to it.

“Come on, Ian, do it, do it, put it in me.”

Ian watched his cock slip between the ass cheeks then press against the tight hole. He pushed and felt the tight squeeze on the head as it penetrated Cody. Then he began to pump his hips, sinking deeper and deeper with every push inward. His pace increased until fucking. Fucking with desire and need. Driving into Cody all the way, abdomen smacking against ass. He held the narrow waist with a tight grip and thrust into him over and over, rocking him forward until pressed against the wall. He held him against it and kept fucking.

It drove Ian to the point of release. He kissed the back of the neck, nipped at the shoulders, and fucked. Fucked until gasping for breath and every muscle seemed to tighten. He pushed Cody tight against the wall and shoved into his deeps and kept jamming abdomen against ass as he pumped cum into Cody’s depths.

Water droplets still clung to his skin as Ian lay back on his bed. He held his legs up until Cody took each by the ankle. He lay back, arms over his head as legs were spread wide apart. He was opened to Cody, nothing hidden from view. His body, his cock, and his ass. He felt Cody’s cock touch him, rub wetly over his tight hole, then press against it.

“Fuck…do it, Cody, fuck me,” Ian whispered as he clutched at the bed.

Cody pushed, breaching his tightness, then slowly, inch after inch, sank into his depths. Cody moved over him, folding him half and began to fuck. Slowly, pushing inward all the way, Cody pumped cock into his depths. It felt like the penetration bore into the center of his body. The fullness of it made his own cock stir, thickening and stretching out once again.

Then Cody was fucking. A fast pace that rocked him roughly. The bed squeaked and the two of them were moaning and grunting. Then a rhythmic sound of flesh smacking flesh echoed in the room. Ian clung to the bed and took every thrust. He threw his head back and moaned again as cock bore into his depths.

Then Cody slowed, pushed inward, and tugged outward slowly, letting Ian feel every fucking inch. Every inch working through his opening.

“I’m going to come,” Cody uttered as he pushed inward all the way and shuddered and jerked with his ejaculation.

Rain continued to hit the window as the sky darkened into night, and on Ian’s bed, the two of them lay naked. They had napped after their sex, and now they just lay together touching each other. There was a kiss, a soft whisper, a giggle, then a quiet that spoke of so much more.

A knock at the door and Aaron called out.

“Hey, you guys want to go grab a burger? It’ll just be Garcia, Luke, and I.”

Ian looked at Cody.

“I am starving,” Cody uttered.

Ian realized he too was hungry. He sat up looking toward the closed door.

“Yes, we’ll go. Give us fifteen minutes to get dressed.”

Ian began to climb out of bed when Cody grabbed his wrist.

“If they want to hang out all night listening to a band or something, then…”

“Then we beg off and come on back?”

“Yes,” Cody replied, grinning.