Wiener, joystick, chopper and the like

Edmund was a grade 11 English teacher in an American all-boy school. He was known for his original methods to enhance the students’ linguistic skills, not to mention their creativity. His objective, today, consisted in enabling students to develop their vocabulary, namely by finding synonyms for the word “penis”. Smiles immediately popped up on some boys’ faces.

“I want you to write three sentences where the penis is mentioned with imagination. And do not use words like phallus, male organ or male member. Also avoid easy words like cock and dick. You have five minutes. On your mark, get set, shoot!”

In less then three minutes, George, a student of British origin, easily crafted his three short sentences: Show me your peter. Wow, “how’s your father” is pretty big! I want to lick your horn.

Timothy, known for his use of American slang words, came up with: That’s a pretty long wiener. Is your whanger your best friend? Looks like your pecker is ready to enter my hole.

Michael had some Irish background and first wrote: Mickey is ready for action. Since he was a funny guy, his next sentence had a humorous touch: I sure would love to put my hand in your lunch box. Then next sentence came naturally: It’s an invitation to bite your meat.

The all-boy school catered to the needs of LGBT students in a positive environment. The curriculum was called Rainbow, a direct echo of the gay flag. Edmond was a prominent figure in this school, not because of his well-endowed ding-a-ling, but rather for his friendly approach. Mind you, his handsome look was certainly an asset too. Edmond’s homeroom students always enjoyed their Friday afternoon open-discussion period. They could talk about their first sexual experience, coming out to their parents, homophobic harassment, even cruising in public toilets or in the bushes.

Seeing that his students had linguistic skills in naming the penis with imagination, Edmund went one step further. He locked the door, lowered the blinds, and put on Lady Gaga’s song Born This Way. “How about getting undressed, putting your hand on a classmate’s chopper, and naming it again with imagination? This time, you add an adjective, we’re in an English class after all.”

All eight boys stripped eagerly, some bearing a smile as large as their dick. George reached out to touch Jim’s solid ramrod, who replied by squeezing his partner’s rising manhood. Harry told himself that he could do better than that, so he grabbed Grant’s one-eyed trouser snake, which triggered a thick boner. The artistic Julius reached for Ted’s sharp pencil; in return he was called plumb pudding. William, who likes water sports, caressed John’s golden pisser. As for John, an expert in combat games, he almost started to jerk off William’s stiff weapon.

Professor Edmund was amazed by the students’ brilliant participation, and decided to explore an unchartered avenue. “Now it’s my turn to get undressed and you will line up to kiss my circumcised knob, again naming it each by a different word and adjective or adverb.”

- George: Wonder joystick!
- Jim: Succulent dipstick!
- Harry: Self-oily machine!
- Grant: Pink eyed tube!
- Julius: Gorgeous schlong!
- Ted: Preferred third leg!
- William: Red hot dork!
- John: Well-proven equipment!

Edmund, like all eight students, was now proudly showing off his mighty rod. “I didn’t tell you this at the beginning, guys, but the exercise was a test and, together, you came up with 16 different synonyms of penis. You all get a perfect score, A+. Congratulations, my little shaft lickers, I’m very proud of you.”

Everyone applauded and happily sucked a boner or pressed an eager prong in some hungry butt. Edmund soon saw his English course transforming in a physical education session. The moans and groans covered the principal’s knock on the door. He had a key to each classroom and managed to sneak in.

- What is going on, Edmund?
- I guess my vocabulary course got a weenie bit stiffy…
- Everyone in my office immediately!
- Don’t be too hard on them, principal.
- As long as they can handle my yard stick, they have nothing to worry about.

In exiting the classroom, George whispered to his teacher that he did not get a chance to use the British slang words willy, plonker and todger. Edmund smiled, thinking that pego, putz and tonk were neither mentioned. There was still room for old man winkle!