When we Cum Face to Face

“We could have handled the PTSD, the Diabetes, and guilt, but his need for self-medicating and hiding from me just became too much for him. You wouldn’t understand.” And I waited.

“So tell me about, Dave.” And he shook his head again with a smile.

“Boy? You are jumping around today. That too was true. It was right after The Forth. We are not having this conversation.” And he smiled.

“He had the biggest dick I’d ever seen. What is it about redheads? I truly don’t know how it started; maybe my comment about him poking an eye out with his monster. Like I wrote, it felt like cheating on Rob though we hadn’t done anything and had no idea what lay on the road ahead. Forget that too. He had the biggest dick.”

Ok. Back to today.

I’m sure everybody was drunk on beef. The town folks were walking around the streets; all three hundred with some guests. Grampy and most were buzzed; Grampy on Beef and Scotch; along with a little weed. He was at his best.

I saw his friend nod me over with a leash in one hand, scotch in the other, then he passed the leash to me. The little old dog should have died years ago. He motioned with his head walking beside me, motioned again to walk down the jetty that kept the river from flooding the town in bad weather.

He sat in the grass and unleashed the dog, then turned to me sitting next to him, “I don’t even know him, do I?” He asked before I could even speak.

“You may know I have a double-masters? Your Grand, he’s a high-school dropout. I would like to tell you I have learned more from him over the years than I ever did in college. I learned from him but, I don’t know him, do I?”

OK. I was not expecting this. Think. “What?” This was like out of the fuckin blue and I needed a minute.

“Typical stall tactic.” And he smiled.

He knew. “Sometimes,” And I rubbed my chin like I was wise.

“Schooling and degrees help, I guess. Being all smart and shit.” I smiled. It is one of my best fetchers.

“You get to the end of your trail more comfortably, lots of money, Respect, titles, and shit, but what do you really have in the end?” I used the curl of my lip, my eyes, and rocked my head back and forth. People fuckin hate that.

“As you say; a dropout.” And I shook my head at him.

“Grampy is self-taught and made. No school taught him what to do, no school helped him gain the fortune he has today.” I would never be ashamed of him.

And he praised the dog for pooping. “How old are you,” he questioned?

“I’ll be twenty-one in six and a half years.” As I smiled.

“You’re a smart ass. I like that. I have a Masters in Phycology and still can’t figure him out. And I can’t figure out what you did to Ben.” He looked away.

OK. I’m fourteen. I was fuckin golden now. “You are internalizing, blaming yourself, as any parent would for not seeing the signs in your youngest son; there weren’t any; ok? Deal! And I didn’t do anything to him.

I don’t need no fuckin degree in Phycology to see that. I’m 14.” Ok, I kind of rocked my head again.

I remember Grampy saying once; ‘he’ll pass out before he ever cries’. “Tell me about him?” And I knew he meant Ben.

“I’m just 14. I don’t have a degree; I will make a prediction.” And I paused looking out over the river just to think.

“You guys will have long conversations; it’s not your fault; it’s not your fault.

Ben! He has a lot to work through, as much shit as you. He has guilt and shame, just like you, he is truly remorseful for the shit he’s done.

Like I said, you get to the end of your road. You feel guilty working the hours you did, think you missed stuff. You did, but did the best you could.” Did I say I was golden?

So? Grampy’s friend didn’t pass out but was crying like a man trying to hide from the pain of his life choices, “Their happy tears, now help me catch that dog.”

“I respect him.” He told me walking back.

“How could anyone who knows him, not? He is a man with honor. He deserves your respect and he holds you in the highest regard, as well.” I told him.

“He loves you; just so you know. You’ll never really know him till your dying days and that will be soon if you don’t see a doctor.” And we walked back.

The big screen was on the street side and my grandfather gave a show I had always wanted to see. With the screen on the roadside he did it to the family. “I was a highwayman, along the coach roads I did ride, a sword and pistol by my side.” He paused like remembering.

Looking at those in the yard. He walked around to a full street watching the screen.

“Many a young maiden lost their bobbles to my trade.” And he smiled, remembering.

“A many a young soldiers left their lifeblood on my sward.” He was sad about that.

“The bastards hung me it the spring of twenty-five, but I am still alive.” And he looked at everybody.

“I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide, where steel and water did collide. It was a place called Boulder on the wild Colorado.” And he picked strings with his eyes closed.

“I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below. They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound, but I am still around. I’ll always be around and around, and around.” How does he do this?

“I fly a starship, across the universe divide and when I reach the other side, I’ll find a place to rest my spirit, if I can. Or maybe, maybe, I’ll become, a highwayman again?” And his eyes opened.

“Or we may be a single drop of rain, but I will remain. And I’ll be back again, and again, and again.” You could have heard a pin drop and he knew it.

“And I’ll be back again.”

He ignored the applause and hit his phone. He grabbed for my small guitar and started strumming as the screen and street filled. It was like he knew him, IZ.
“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high.” He took it to a place I never knew existed. My Grampy.

He didn’t stop there. Nodding at me I knew he wanted the bigger one back. I handed him his acoustic.

“Goodbye to you my trusted friends; we’ve known each other since we were nine or ten; together we’ve climbed hills and trees.” He was walking around.

“Enough of that shit.” Rang out. “Really? Do you want all these drunks to start, fuckin, crying?” his buddy yelled out shaking his glass. It was funny.

“Fine. Cheer them up. Bring it; you, ass. And remind me again why I drove six hours for your Birthday, considering, I don’t even like you?” And Grampy smiled as his buddy walked out to three hundred people.

All who were in the yard walked around the front of the bus, a toddler and one in an arm. He brought it. “Do it like when we were in college.” And I thought his friend was gonna cough up a nut.

“You were like eleven when I was in college. You are such an ass! Now everybody is just gonna think you look great for seventy-one.” It was really funny watching this competition between them.

“Really???” That was a little loud.

“When I was in sixth grade there was a kid who looked a lot like you; you got picked on.” Grampy knew he’d crossed a line.

“We kicked all their asses, didn’t we?” He attempted to recover.

“You were in sixth grade and I was in college; maybe you need to work some shit out.” That struck a fuckin chord.

“Wait? What? You might be smarter than every person in a hundred and fifty-mile radius; I got, two candles for every one of yours. And who really needs to know prime numbers?

A show of hands; who knows what they are? Wanna play some chess, wise ass?” He walked up squeezing Grampy’s cheeks shaking his head, no.

“You rolled on the last game.” He said.

“I would never give you the satisfaction, I was getting bored. You just, can’t, fuckin play chess. Get over it. Your brain is too small,” he used his fingers to emphasize the point. And it was like the town busted up.

“Girl, you’re looking fine tonight,” He started with no mic. It was like he didn’t need it with Jeff on the screen.

It went on for hours. My brother actually got out to watch fireworks along the one-lane bridge. When he tried going back on the bus I blocked his sorry ass. He had gotten a glimpse of what he’d allowed to pass him by.

It went on till almost light. Grampy had countless songs and his oldest friend was by his side. The Fourth of July, 2021.

I woke to the cattle bell sounding breakfast. It took me like five minutes to pee. Looking at myself in the mirror, I wondered? I’m not shy, I like what I see looking back at me. And the bruise on my shoulder is kind of sexy, fuck it.

I walked out of the bus in my underwear; lime green with a black waistband. Strangers were picking up litter, empty cans, and bottles, shit from last night. Reverse. I walked back in slapping my brother awake putting cut-offs on.

“You are being a, fuckin-dick-head,” I started.

“Didn’t you have fun last night? You have been a colossal ass sense we got here.” My brother is a colossal ass.

I got his look. “You think I haven’t seen you go back in the woods: it’s that neighbor kid, Rory?” OK. I will admit, that sucked all of the fuckin wind out of my sails, big time.

“WHAT???” I needed time to think.

The door opened. “Where’s your Dad,” She asked.

“Here. Take her.” And I reached out on reflex hoping she wouldn’t bite me again.

‘What-the-fuck?’ And I saw the back of her head walking away.

A package of diapers had been dwindling by the door and Grampy was nowhere to be found. She-was-ripe. I’d never done this before and my mouth was watering; you know what that means.

She just smiled at me. Fuck! Fuck, Fuck. I had never done anything like this before. I’d never seen girl parts; she was a fuckin baby. My brother looked at me with like, ‘Really’? written all over his face. He’s such a dick.

I took her not seeing Grampy anywhere. I can do this. “She reeks; it’s stinking up the whole bus.” my brother announced.

He didn’t even know how much he’d just pissed me off. OK? OK? Don’t ask me where this protective thing came from.

I covered her little ears. “She’s a fuckin baby, ‘and you’re a colossal ass’. She can’t help the way she smells; the same way when you don’t turn the fan on.” I told him collecting spit in my mouth. If I swallowed, I knew I’d hurl.

I handed him the soiled garment in payback which he surprisingly took as I talked to her like Grampy did.

“Grow up,” I told my brother wondering what to do with it as I ran my fingers over her face.

“Throw it at her mom,” I told him over my shoulder.

I rained my fingers over her face again, she smiled at me.

Ok. I’m not gonna cry.

Before picking her up, “Grampy.” I said raining my fingers over her face one last time.

I covered her ears, “You are going to eat fuckin-breakfast with us.” I told my brother holding the little girl in my arm looking at him, “Gampy” she said for the very first time, slapping my cheeks. FUCK.

“Wait. What? No. No-no-no.” As I tried scolding her. My brother started laughing uncontrollably shaking the soiled diaper at me.

“I told you to throw it at her mom,” I said shaking my head.

We walked out and she wouldn’t go to anyone. Not her Mom, Dad; nobody. “Gampy-Gampy-Gampy,” she yelled holding my face in her tiny hands. I was FUBAR.

People were choking on eggs and shit. I was saying, “No. No. No.” some fell over laughing so hard.

My Dad; shit, they have me doing it now. He held out his arms and she clung to my neck; “Gampy.”

‘Fuck’. I looked at Annie shaking my head no.

She refused everybody and for some reason that cracked my brother up more. I had been relinquished to, diaper duty. I totally understood now. I saw in her eyes; more than words can ever tell.

I thought about it, brought her little head to mine sharing nothing; but I saw how she saw life; how she saw me. I shared her first memories, like when she opened her eyes for the very first time.

Let’s just pause and think about that for a minute… 

Nothing had ever hit me like this before. I was so… overwhelmed and watched her short little life in fast forward. I saw it.

“She said it plain as day, Gampy,” Annie announced smiling knowing she didn’t use the R.

“No, stinky. I am not Grampy.” She bought none of it, “Gampy, Gampy.”

I held her out, “So is no one gonna take this stink monster? I’m ready to puke.” Everyone was choking, it was hard not laughing at them. It really was. And I wasn’t gonna puke.

Annie took her from me. “The first memory she has was a bright light, then seeing your face,” I told her it was such a happy thing I cried. I have honor, a man of my word, and she called me Gampy, for the next two days.

What my brother told me and kind of threatened me with, Rory. His dad owns the fifteen acres around what Grampy has, we’d been talking through the fence. I knew he knew, Grampy had been in my head as much as I had been in his.

My brother was pissing me off more than normal; if you have a little brother, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s not like I didn’t know he was jacking off more than me, and that’s a lot.

“So? You put your finger up your butt, then you shake it all up?” I think that was a cartoon or commercial, back in the day. Wait. I remember; ‘You put the lime in the coconut and shake it all up. He saw my head rocking back and forth. That got his fuckin attention.

I could tell he was rattled. I remembered being thirteen, Hell, twelve. That’s why I asked Grampy for my own room. “You are going to participate or I will show this video to everybody.”

He must have gotten something from the fridge, it was in his ass; he was spanking the monkey as fast as he could. I didn’t capture all of it on vid but watched my brother shoot farther than I can. And that is impressive, right there.

Back up a couple of weeks:

I was doing shit on my computer, we were going back and forth. I was waiting for him. Grampy walked into my room, threw a box at me, and said, “Something came for you today.” Then he walked out with a smile.

‘Jr. My computer has bells and whistle’s going off. There is an encrypted program trying to run. Save everything and shut down.’

We had been hit, somehow? Grampy and I are back to the drawing board. We have fresh everything now and have gone back to The Fourth of July. Things might be a little fucked up but from what is gone things might not cum off in the right timeline and some things might be said twice.

“Is Robby, awake?” She asked.

I could see her out the curtain as she handed the monster over. “Why are you fucking with my Dad?” She asked him.

“He’s fun to fuck with. If you don’t check yourself, Dumpling; you can drop her in your Dads’ lap.” Ok? Grampy and her had been around this block before.

“Is Robby up?” And I let the curtain fall.

“I slept out here. How in the hell am I supposed to know?”

“RJ? Ryan? You do know, don’t you? I hate your, fuckin, guts.” I had to hold my stomach to keep from laughing.

“Give this old man a kiss, you bitch.” And I think they might have heard me laughing.

From your Author’s.

This is kind of fucking with Robby and the next chapter will be the last 8000 words. ‘It’s not fucking with me, Dad.’

‘Yes, it is. When you start wondering why there are no readers, how the ratings are so bad, and our story isn’t important; it’s time to end it. RJC’s.