Tyler

Opening his eyes, Tyler stared at the ceiling above his bed. It was the same sight he saw when he woke up every morning; the clear white page of a world that was waiting for him to write his own future on it. But it wasn’t the morning and he knew he hadn’t woken from something that was simply a bad dream. It had happened. His worst nightmare had been realized. And he had no idea what to do next.

He tried to push himself up into a sitting position but the searing pain in his sides and his stomach caused his whole body to spasm and he fell back against the mattress, closing his eyes as he groaned loudly through gritted teeth. If there had been any tears left to cry they would have been running down his cheeks but he had shed them all as he regained consciousness on the locker room floor and the reality of what had happened, of being caught sucking Joe’s cock, of Joe abandoning him, of Michael attacking him and of Cody leaving him to his fate, all came back to him like fresh kicks to the gut that had curled him up into a ball and made him wish Michael had finished the job. His life was over either way.

Taking a few long, deep breaths, Tyler fought through the pain and rolled to the edge of the bed, swinging his feet over the side to the floor, which helped him to sit upright. He still felt a little dizzy and nauseous but he wasn’t sure if it was the aftereffects of the physical beating or the scenes he was picturing in his head that made him want to throw up.

He had replayed the events of the previous hour or so over and over in his head so many times that they had begun to blur together. He had thought about it as he slowly pulled himself up off the floor of the locker room, then as he stumbled into the bathroom to wash away the tears, snot and saliva that covered his face, again as he weaved his way to his car on unsteady feet, yet again as he drove home somehow not crashing despite his attention not being on the road, and finally as he crawled up the stairs of his silent house and collapsed onto his bed. It was only in the quiet of the house that he started to think about what came next.

His secret was out. Everyone would know; his friends, his teammates, Coach. He could try to deny it but no one would buy it. They wouldn’t want to be near him, they certainly wouldn’t want him in the locker room with them and likely not on the field either. If he didn’t play football during his senior year there was no way he would get to play in college and his dream of one day being in the pros would be over as well. At school he would be laughed and pointed at, people would call him names, maybe push him around or throw things at him, doing the same things he had been guilty of doing to other kids just to fit in with his friends or to give them a laugh. All of them would turn on him and he would become a target for abuse; that is if he could even show his face at school again.

And then there were his parents. What would they do when they found out? How disappointed and disgusted would they be when they heard that their little boy, their baby boy, their only son had been caught sucking dick in the locker room and that their dreams of grandchildren and the big family they never got to have themselves were destroyed because no girl would go near him once they found out he liked having a dick in his mouth?

He could almost cope with his friends turning their backs on him; he could make more friends, real friends. He could probably survive one more year at high school, knowing that graduation wasn’t far away and he would be out of there, never having to see any of those people again. But you couldn’t make more parents. They were meant to be yours’ for life. They were meant to love you unconditionally. But what happened when they couldn’t stand the sight of you, when they didn’t want you to live in their house anymore, when they’d prefer that you didn’t exist? What would he do?

Ever since he had started fooling around with Alex, Tyler had become more aware of little comments his parents had made, not really with any true malice or hatred, but still derogatory comments aimed at gay people they saw on TV or had to encounter in real life. His parents came from a different generation that wasn’t quite so open-minded; his mom went to church on a weekly basis and his dad often talked about Tyler’s future girlfriends, wives and family. The idea that they would hate him for feelings he couldn’t control made him feel worse than any punch or kick delivered to his body could.

Sitting in the silence of his room, happy that he didn’t have to face his parents just yet but dreading the moment they got home in case they already knew and were waiting to confront him, Tyler heard his phone buzz with the alert for an incoming text message. His body went stiff and the burst of pain that shot through his side was almost a welcome distraction from the thoughts of who might be sending it. It could have been his mom, texting to check up on him like she usually did on days when their paths didn’t cross before she went to work. But it could also be one of his friends or teammates, texting because they had heard what he had been doing, wanting confirmation of the rumour that was quickly spreading throughout town and would be known by everyone before the sun had set that night. He couldn’t bring himself to look. As long as he didn’t see the message he could pretend that it wasn’t anything worth knowing or worrying about so he used the heel of his foot to kick the bag containing his phone underneath the bed and tried to ignore the faint buzzing sound of another message being delivered to his inbox.

In the quiet that followed he stared at the floor, trying to fight the urge that was compelling him to reach down under the bed, grab his bag and check his phone to see what the messages said. Did he dare to look? It could confirm his worst fear that everyone knew and his current life was at an end. But then what if it wasn’t that? What if it was something that was important? What if something had happened to one of his parents? No, if it was that the police would be knocking on his door.

Just as he had that thought a car door slammed shut outside and his head jerked toward the window, looking through the glass at the tree beyond, wishing he was close enough to see who it was below but he was unable to move his body from his place on the bed. Who was it? What could they want?

He listened carefully as footsteps, which seemed impossibly loud, approached the house and stopped as they reached the front door. His body trembled as he waited for the sound of a knock or the bell or even of someone kicking it in to get to him, wanting to finish the job that Michael hadn’t quite got done. Instead he heard the jangle of keys and then the door quietly opened and shut. They had a key. That could only mean one of two people; his Mom or Dad.

Oh shit! This was it. They knew. They had to. He wasn’t ready for it. He couldn’t look them in the eye and admit to what he had done, to what he felt. It wasn’t time.

He felt like running. He wanted to open his bedroom window and jump out down to the lawn, immediately breaking into a sprint and not stopping until he was in a place where no one would find him.

As the footsteps began to make their way up the stairs toward his room, Tyler closed his eyes, stupidly hoping that it would make everything go away and he would be alone in the house again. Failing that, if he couldn’t see whichever of his parents had come home early he could pretend like they weren’t there until the moment he could no longer deny their presence in his room.

When the footsteps stopped and the silence returned, Tyler saw a shadow pass across his eyelids and he knew there was someone standing in his doorway, looking directly at him, but he still couldn’t open his eyes or look at them.

“Hey,” a voice said casually.

Tyler’s eyes snapped open the instant the words reached his ears. 

It wasn’t his Mom or Dad standing in the doorway looking at him. It was Joe. He had forgotten that he had given him a key.

Tyler stared at his best friend’s face for a long moment, registering the friendly smile that spread to his flushed cheeks and the almost apologetic look in his eyes.

“How are you?” Joe asked when Tyler didn’t say anything. “You didn’t answer your phone. What happened?”

Tyler slowly rose up from the bed, a forced smile masking the pain that he was in. He took a deep breath and calmly walked towards Joe, the smile never slipping from his face. Then, as he got to within two feet of Joe, their eyes still locked, he swung hard and punched Joe straight in the face.

Tyler had already turned around and was slowly walking back toward the bed when he heard Joe’s body hit the ground with a thud. He sat back down on his mattress and looked toward the door where Joe was sprawled out on the floor of the hallway, staring up at the ceiling a little glassy-eyed.

“What the fuck?” Joe groaned groggily, trying to lift his head to look at Tyler, who just sat on the bed silently staring at him.

Tyler continued to say nothing as Joe rolled over onto his belly and then pushed up onto his hands and knees before rising up onto his very unsteady feet.

“What the hell was that for?” Joe cursed, one hand holding onto the doorframe while the other went up to his face to feel the spot where Tyler’s fist had connected with his cheekbone and the corner of his eye.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Tyler screamed, pushing himself up from the bed so he was standing, ready for a fight, knowing this time he would be able to get some punches in.

Joe took a step back, shrinking away from Tyler slightly, afraid of another punch to his already throbbing face. “What?”

Tyler glared at Joe, seething. Did he really not know why he was so angry? “You fucking left me!”

“I… I… I’m sorry,” Joe said, flustered.

“Sorry? You’re sorry?” Tyler laughed. “It’s too fucking late for that.”

“Ty, look, I…” Joe began.

“No!” Tyler screamed. “Shut the fuck up.”

Joe’s eyes went wide and he gulped hard hearing the anger in Tyler’s voice.

“You fucking ran out on me!” Tyler continued to scream. “We’re meant to be best friends, always there for each other, but when I needed you the most you left me to get the shit kicked out of me.”

“What?” Joe gasped.

“Oh, you think Michael just smiled and laughed it off?” Tyler asked. “No. He kicked me in the fucking balls before I could even stand up and then just kept on kicking me again and again and again.”

Before Joe could say anything Tyler reached down and pulled his top over his head. Joe gasped and put his hand over his mouth when he saw the deep red and purple bruises and welts around Tyler’s ribs on both sides and covering a couple of his abs.

“Holy shit, Ty…” Joe whispered, concern in his voice. “He did that to you?”

“No, I did it to myself for fun,” Tyler rolled his eyes. “What the fuck do you think?”

“Did you fight back?” Joe asked.

“No. Because I couldn’t,” Tyler explained.

“You couldn’t?” Joe asked.

“He kicked me in the balls so quickly I didn’t even see it coming,” Tyler said. “Fuck, I’ve never felt pain like that before. I crumpled to the floor and I couldn’t do a damn thing when he started kicking me. You should have been there to help me.”

“I’m sorry,” Joe said, close to tears. “I should have been there but I was in shock at being caught. I didn’t know what to do.”

“So you just ran?” Tyler asked.

Joe looked away from Tyler for a long moment before turning back so their eyes met. “Yes. It was my first instinct. I didn’t think about what might happen to you. I thought you had probably followed me out so I just kept running.”

“Clearly I didn’t,” Tyler stated.

Joe put his head down. “I didn’t look back. Fuck, Ty, it’s not every day you get caught with your dick in a guy’s mouth. All I could think about was getting out of there.”

“While I could have been lying dead on the locker room floor,” Tyler said.

“Oh come on, Ty, was it really that bad?” Joe asked.

“Oh no, it felt like little fucking kisses,” Tyler scoffed. “Let me kick you in the balls and then take a couple of shots at your ribs and tell me if it hurts.”

“You could have broken ribs,” Joe said. “You should go see someone.”

“Oh yeah,” Tyler said, “Turn up at the hospital where my Mom works with bruises all over me. How am I going to explain that one?”

“You could say…” Joe started.

“That I got beat up after I got caught sucking your cock?” Tyler asked. “I don’t want my mom to know at all, let alone for her to find out that way.”

“So what are you going to do? You can’t let him get away with it,” Joe said.

“What do you suggest then?” Tyler asked. “Do you think I should go to the police? Try to get him arrested for assault? They’d just ask the same questions the hospital would. I’d have to tell them why he attacked me. They’d put it on my record. I don’t want it written down anywhere.”

“We could find him and kick his ass,” Joe suggested.

“And then get arrested ourselves?” Tyler replied. “I don’t think so.”

“So what? You’re going to let him get away with it and pretend like it never happened?” Joe asked.

“What other choice do we have?” Tyler asked. “It’s his word against ours. He didn’t have a camera. He wasn’t filming on his phone. Where’s his proof?”

Joe nodded, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“I am,” Tyler said. “There’s too much on the line to let him take it from us. I don’t want people thinking I’m a cocksucker, even if I am. I don’t want to be labelled as the victim of a hate crime. I don’t want anyone to know I got my ass kicked and couldn’t fight back. It’s bad enough that it happened, that I feel like some fucking little dweeby weakling pussy, without having people laughing and pointing at me, judging me.”

“So you’re really going to do nothing?” Joe asked.

“I don’t know what else I can do,” Tyler said. “Do you want us to admit to it and take whatever shit comes our way?”

“No!” Joe protested, strongly. “It won’t come to that.”

“Why not?” Tyler asked.

Joe looked away from Tyler and wouldn’t meet his eye.

“Why not?” Tyler asked again. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“I… I… Joe hesitated.

“Just fucking spit it out,” Tyler growled.

“I have an alibi,” Joe said.

“An alibi?” Tyler asked. “For what?”

Joe gulped hard before speaking, “For where I was after school. We can say it never happened.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tyler asked. 

“After I left the locker room…” Joe began.

“After you ran, you mean?” Tyler corrected him.

“Yes,” Joe sighed. “After I ran out I headed straight for my car but when I got to the parking lot there was a girl there waiting for a ride. She… She was one of the ones who hit on me earlier because she saw me with Donte the other day.”

Tyler just stared at Joe, saying nothing.

Joe nervously continued. “She said hi to me and smiled and I don’t know… I guess I wanted to prove that I was still straight after what happened so I offered her a ride and then when we got to her place I went in with her.”

“You fucked her?” Tyler gasped.

Joe nodded.

Joe was silent. Tyler was speechless.

It was almost a minute before Tyler spoke again. “So your reaction to getting caught with me was to go out and fuck some random chick?”

“I’m not gay, Tyler, I don’t want anyone thinking that. When I saw the girl and how into me she was I saw an opportunity,” Joe said.

“To prove to yourself that you’re not gay?” Tyler asked.

“Yes,” Joe answered. “And because I know she won’t keep it quiet. She’ll tell her friends and they’ll all know I fucked her. So if Michael starts telling people he saw you sucking my dick I can say I was with her. She’ll back me up. They’ll think he’s full of shit.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Tyler shook his head.

“What?” Joe asked. “I thought you’d be happy.”

Tyler snorted. “Happy? Oh yeah, that’s the word. So your alibi is that you were off fucking some girl, what’s mine?”

“I don’t know,” Joe admitted.

“Coach knows we were both in the locker room after everyone else left, did you ever think of that?” Tyler asked.

“No,” Joe confessed. “But he wouldn’t rat us out.”

“Do you know what the worst thing is?” Tyler asked. “Besides you fucking a girl with the hard-on I gave you…”

“What?” Joe asked.

“It was your idea,” Tyler said. “You were the one who didn’t want to wait until the weekend. You wanted to fuck.”

“You went right along with it,” Joe replied. “I didn’t exactly have to push you to your knees, did I?”

“No!” Tyler exclaimed, “But I was the one caught on my knees, wasn’t I? I was the one sucking your cock, who doesn’t have an alibi. When Michael starts telling people, I’M gonna be the one who gets branded a cocksucker for the rest of my life. You’ll probably get high-fives off everyone for getting your dick wet.”

“Don’t over-react. And don’t blame all this on me,” Joe said. “You were the one who introduced me to all of this. You were the one who got me so hooked on your dick that I go out of my damn mind when I don’t get it.”

“So it’s my fault?” Tyler asked.

“Well it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t come on to me on Spring Break, would it?” Joe asked. “I’d have never been in that locker room with you.”

Tyler shook his head. “Maybe not. But you were. We were in there together. You can’t abandon me again now.”

“What are you talking about?” Joe asked.

“You got yourself an alibi. You were thinking about yourself, not about me,” Tyler said. “I’m beginning to see how you’re going to play this.”

“How I play what?” Joe asked.

“When this gets out and people start asking you about it, you’re going to use the girl as your first line of defence and then if that doesn’t work you’ll tell them it was ME sucking YOUR dick. You weren’t into it, you just let me because a mouth is a mouth and a hole is a hole, right?” Tyler said.

“It’s not like that,” Joe said.

“Then how is it?” Tyler asked.

“I don’t know,” Joe admitted. “I don’t have any fucking clue how any of this is going to play out and I am shitting my fucking pants, Ty. I’m not gay. I don’t care if I have been sucking your dick and letting you fuck me, I’m not gay and I don’t want people thinking that.”

“But it’s okay if they think I am?” Tyler asked.

“Well it’s closer to the truth,” Joe replied.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Tyler asked.

Joe closed his eyes, regretting his words once they were out of his mouth. “I just mean that I’m not the only guy you’ve fooled around with and I probably won’t be the last. People will find out eventually so maybe it’s not all bad.”

Tyler stared at Joe for a long moment. “Get out.”

“What?” Joe asked, surprised.

“Get out,” Tyler said again. “Don’t stand there and tell me this shit is going to be alright because it’s the truth unless you want me to punch you in the face again. If you think you can sacrifice me to save yourself and out me to every fucker in this town you had better think again. Don’t forget that I’ve got videos of you begging for my cock while I fuck you.”

“You wouldn’t…” Joe gasped.

“Don’t make me,” Tyler growled.

Without another word Joe backed up out of Tyler’s bedroom, headed down the stairs and out of the door. It was only when Tyler heard Joe drive away that he could move his body again. He walked the few steps to his bed and collapsed down onto it, closing his eyes, cursing everything that had happened and thinking that tomorrow the first page in his dystopian novel would be written. He wasn’t sure it was a world he could survive.

To Be Continued…