The Only Beauty

“I hate this place.”

Dazed, Noah said, “I hate it too. My name’s Noah.”

“Well, I’m James Lewis. Can you show me what’s worth seeing here?”

“There is nothing worth seeing in Rummelsville,” Noah told him.

“You’re in my geometry class,” James said. “We’ll hang out. You can be my friend.”

“Just like that?” Noah said, trying to jest.

“Just like that,” said James. “There is no one else I’ve seen here I’d want to talk to. Or who would talk to me if we’re going to be real.”

They headed down the hall. “You seem like you’re not like everyone else.”

“I’m not like anyone else,” Noah said. And then he said, “And I’m not bragging when I say that. It’s just… I don’t really fit in here.”

“My father got a job at the university outside of Carmel, and now we’re here and… Is it just me or are we the only Black people in this town?”

Noah grinned and said, at last, “It’s not just you, James.

“I’ve never met a Black person,” he admitted as they headed toward the classroom they were both late in reaching.

“I never met someone who’d admit that. Hey,” James grabbed Noah by the shoulder. “I don’t want to go to geometry.”

“You wanna cut class?”

“I definitely want to cut class,” James said, a light in his eye.

It was then that Noah thought James was the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen, and so he said, “Alright.”

He slung his bag high over his shoulder.

“Let’s go!”

“BITCH, YOU’LL DO WHATI tell you!”

He moved toward her with the baseball bat. Noah jumped in front of her, but Butch knocked him to the ground. Noah scrambled up, but the bat came in his direction and Noah dodged it, lifting his hand, the top of the bat slamming his fingertips.

“Get off her!”

And Naomi screamed out his name: “Noah!”

From the corner of his eye, as Noah rose, he saw the door open. But he turned around, heading for Butch again, and then Butch came at him, and Noah hoped he could catch the bat and not be hit in the groin, but just then Butch went down.

Noah turned around.

In his jeans and tee shirt James stood there gripping the crowbar, a crazy grin on his face.

“You miss me?”

“James, shut up,” Noah said, standing up to hug him.

Naomi was crying on the floor and James said, “Mrs. Riley, you have to stop that. Noah, help me get Butch the fuck out of here.”

“I gotta get the hell out of here,” Noah said when they were sitting James’ car that night.

“I mean as soon as I turn eighteen. I don’t want to get killed.”

“No one’s gonna get killed. What are you talking about?”

“It happens. In a place like this. A few years ago there was this guy—track star—Kyle Norman. His mom ran off. His stepdad ended up raping him, killing him, chopping his head off.”

“Fucking hillbillies,” James swore.

“You think we’re all hillbillies, don’t you?”

“Pretty much,” James said. Then he said,“You can go to school with me.”

Noah shook his head.

“That’s not for me. I… I’m just going to go to California.”

“That is the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard.”

“James!”

“Well,” James shrugged. “Do whatever, Noah. But just get the hell out of Rummelsville.”

They sat quiet like that for a while. James’ hand was casually placed on Noah’s thigh and just then Noah gave into his wonder. He placed James’ hand between his legs.

“I’m sorry,” he said as his hand rested lightly on James’ after his friend started in surprise.

“It’s just… my whole life people have been touching me there when I didn’t want to be touched. And I just wanted to know how it would feel to be touched in a good way. When I wanted it. It feels good, James. Please don’t stop. I’m not ready for you to.

“You don’t… have to do anything. You don’t have to make me come or anything like that. Just… I just need to feel you touching me right there. Alright?”

James placed his head on Noah’s shoulder and nodded, and under the moon, Noah opened his legs and let down his pants and closed his eyes, feeling for the first time loved by another man.

Ron stuck his head in the door and said, “It’s that white dude you like hanging out with so much.”

James was working at his desk and looked up at his brother.

“Must you?”

Ron just said, “He’s in the living room.”

“You could have at least…” James stood up and left his room shoving Ron into the wall and then heading down the stairs.

“Noah, I thought you’d be gone.”

“No,” Noah shook his head. “Not till tomorrow. I wanted to see you. I didn’t know if you wanted to see me, but.”

“Did you drive?”

“Yeah,” Noah said.

“Let’s go… Somewhere.”

“Not the mall,” Noah said.

“No,” James agreed.

They drove through town and then through the country and stopped and had milkshakes at a little diner and then James said, “I don’t really care where we go, I just want to be with you.”

Noah stopped and looked at him, and James said, “What? What did I say?”

Noah, his face half hidden under his baseball cap, said, “No one’s really ever said that to me.”

He sounded very sad when he spoke.

“I wish I’d met you before. I wish… you’re going to college. Your family’s leaving. It all… it doesn’t matter. I wish for so much,” Noah said.

“You could go to college.”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“You want to go to California. I think that’s really stupid.”

“Thanks!”

“That’s the plan for the Joads in The Grapes of Wrath.”

“I don’t know what that means, and we’re not all smart like you, James. And perfect,” Noah turned to him.

“You’re plenty smart,’ James reprimanded. He turned away from Noah.

“I think you’re perfect.”

“What?”

“I can hardly stop looking at you,” James said, not looking at him. “You’re so perfect to me. You’re so perfect. Why don’t you understand that?”

Noah didn’t say anything right away. He said, “I think you’re perfect too.”

“I know you do,” James said. “I can’t really understand that.”

“Can we go home?” Noah said, touching James’ hand. “Can we go to my house. No one’s there. Butch is definitely gone. Can we go?”

James looked at him. Slowly, he pushed Noah’s ball cap from his head and placed his hand in his soft, springy curls.

“So many bad things happened in that house,’ Noah said. “One good thing.”

“Let’s go,” James said.

They didn’t talk while they drove, and then quietly they walked up the lane to the door. Noah opened the door, and when they closed it behind them, Noah looked around to make sure the room was empty before he reached up and kissed James.

“Never been with a guy like this before,” Noah murmured. “I never thought I’d be able. I…” he kissed James again. James pushed him a little against the door and they kissed like that before James led Noah to his bedroom and, even before they’d closed the door or lowered the blinds, they were naked. Clinging and kissing they came to the bed. James’ face was in Noah’s hair, kissing his throat. His eyes closed like he was praying, then opened quickly. The love lasted all the afternoon and when they were done, they lay together, naked, Noah’s face pressed to James’ chest.

“Stay with me tonight?”

“Yes,” James said.

They made love twice that night, and showered together. Naomi had showed up late and gone directly to bed, drunk, and James drove Noah to the bus station.

“You’re right to leave,” he told Noah. “There’s nothing for you here.”

“Do you think you can find me again one day?” Noah said.

“Maybe we can find each other.”

Noah nodded, not looking at him.

When the Greyhound pulled away, Noah waved at him bravely, but it was when the bus arrived in Rossford an hour later that the memory of last night ached through him, of undressing James, of wrapping his limbs with James and kissing him deeply, of being entered and finally, of James having him enter him, and suddenly the city before him blurred and he pushed his face into his hands grateful that the woman sleeping next to him couldn’t see him cry.