October 12, 2009

Robert, the guy who asked if I was gay has turned out to be a good friend. One of the few. We don't live too close to each other but on weekends he rides the bus close to my neighborhood and then we ride bikes together. I like Robert.

April 4, 2013

Robert and I continue to spend all the time we can together even though our parents try to stop us. I think they know.

November 18, 2013

The last few days have been the best ever. I don't know how to say what I feel. Ian and I have been having such a good time together; we've even started to help each other with the homework so as to have more free time. I was afraid Ian was going to freak out when it was obvious the guys on our floor knew something was going on but he just joked around with them as he had done in the past and it was alright.

Definitely better than high school. A lot better.

January 8, 2014

Ian and I have finally gotten back into the groove of classes. Christmas break had been good, spending time with family but being back with Ian is...special. I can't believe I have a boyfriend, one that I actually live with. I don't know what is better? The sex when I want it or the simple thing of sleeping together.

February 3, 2014

Ian wants me to go with him away for Spring Break, somewhere in the mountains where his uncle has a cabin. A week alone in the mountains! I made him fuck me twice when he told me. God it was a messy fuck the second time, but I came as hard as ever.

March 7, 2014

I got a call from home, my grandfather is in the hospital again and next weekend I'm going down to visit him. Ian wants to go with me; not sure how he'll be received but at the moment I don't care. He wants us to get an apartment together next year and get out of the dorm. Thinks we have too many eyes watching our every move. I tell him they're just jealous.


Ricky closed the journal he had found in Charlie's desk and stood lost in confusion over how he felt about what he had read in just a few seconds scanning through the pages. He had been watching Ian and Charlie for a while, every since last November when he came in late one night and saw them come in ahead of him and Charlie leaned over and kissed Ian right out in public. Granted it was one in the morning and on the dark side of the building coming up to the side entrance, but still, right out where anyone could see them. He didn't know what to think but think about it he did, all the time.

Ricky came from a small community with a small high school, one where everyone knew each other and he had made himself fit in, did what he was suppose to do, but he had times he was troubled, frustrated. In gym it was in the locker room, seeing his classmates, their bodies in the showers, the way each was a little different, each having a cock that had a different curve, skin tone, size; there was even two uncut, and he wondered what they would feel like to touch them, masturbate them, but he had suppressed those thoughts, made himself date girls, thinking it would pass, for the church said it was a choice, an evil one. But he wasn't so sure. Especially now with what he had read in sociology class, read in opinion pieces in the campus paper, overheard in conversations by Tyler down the hall. Tyler was openly gay, flamboyant in his manner, and contrary to what Ricky thought would have happened to someone like that, he had been accepted by the others as just one of the guys. There were even rumors some of them went to Tyler's room for sex, but Ricky didn't know for sure.

It was Ian and Charlie that shattered his preconceptions the hardest, made him face his own feelings. The more he watched them, seeing them in the commons watching TV with the others, sitting close together, or out in town, always together, or hearing them laugh, making noises he knew had to be sex when he walked slowly by their door wanting to put his ear to it and listen so bad he felt his stomach knot up. He had listened a few times, late at night, when the hall was deserted and he got up to go to the bathroom to jerk off in a stall because his roommate happened to be in. His roommate scared him, the one guy who had made nasty comments about Tyler, and Ricky had no intentions of giving him a reason to bash his head in. Hugh was a big six foot four bruiser who tried to play football but wasn't good enough for the first or second team. Ricky thought his inability to play was the reason he was such a nasty fuck, hateful to anyone around him, and he was grateful for the fact Hugh was almost never around. Between his classes, his practice and staying at one of his many girlfriends he was gone most of the time.

Ricky had been toying with the idea of going to Ian and Charlie's door and asking to come in and talk, to admit he was struggling with his own feelings, his desires and he was beginning to look at the guys on their floor in a manner he knew would soon make it obvious what he was thinking. But as many times as he was at their door, hand held up ready to knock, he never went through with it. Then he thought he should just befriend them, get to know them and maybe he could work the conversation around to it one day. He had gone to their door this evening to do just that, invite them to go grab a sandwich at the deli or maybe hit the sports bar for a burger but when he knocked he found their door wasn't latched and it squeaked open to a dark room. They hadn't closed it properly when they had gone out. Ricky looked up and down the corridor to make sure no one saw him and he went in, pulling the door closed behind him. The room was dark but he could see well enough with the blinds open and the security light outside illuminating the room. He didn't know what he was looking for, or if he was looking for anything in particular. He went to Ian's desk and saw it was a mess, papers piled up on both sides, a text book open in the middle with a red pen lying in the crevice between the pages. One of his drawers was open and he saw it was just more paper and books. He moved over to Charlie's desk and it was different and he thought of the saying about opposites are attracted to each other. Everything had its place and only one text book was on the desk, closed with a pencil sticking out. A notebook lay to one side with Charlie's name printed on its cover. Ricky looked at the desk, the neatness of it and wondered if there was anything that spoke to him about Charlie and Ian being together and realized it would probably be in the bottom drawer if there was something. He eased the bottom drawer open and found the DVD and CD cases and below them the leather bond book with its cover soft and scuffed with use: Charlie's journal.

He had sat the journal on the desk and stared at it for awhile feeling his invasion of their space was bad enough, but this would be really bad, a true violation of Charlie's privacy, but it would also be where he might find what he was looking for and he reached for the journal and opened it. He flipped through the pages, scanning one entry or another. It only made him feel worse, like he was missing out on something, like his life was passing him by, which is when he closed it and stood staring at it. He glanced up, looking out the window just in time to see Ian and Charlie coming back. He quickly put the journal back where he found it and after easing the door open, checking the corridor, he slipped out, closed the door and headed back to his room.

Ricky sat at his desk for a long time, just staring out the window, unable to get his thoughts focused on any one thing. At one point he was near tears his frustrations, his fears, getting the better of him. When he finally glanced at the clock on his desk he realized it was already after nine o'clock and he still had not eaten dinner. He grabbed up his keys, wallet and bike helmet and headed out. It was ten thirty when he finally rode back up to the dorm and locked his bike at the rack. He had gone to the deli and then rode around campus for a few minutes just enjoying the slightly cooler night air. He went into the dorm and stuck his head into the lounge and found only three others sitting around watching TV. Ricky went in and sat in a chair to the side of the room grateful for the sense of being around others.

He knew the two guys piled up on the sofa, Tom and Brian. Brian was on his floor and Tom was Brian's best friend from their high school days. They were the type of guys who got along with almost everyone, played sports, and partied too hard on occasion. The other guy, sitting in a chair opposite of Ricky he didn't really know but had seen him in the building and assumed he lived on one of the lower floors. When the program on TV went off at eleven Tom and Brian got up, told the guys to have a good night and left. There was an awkward moment, nothing being said as Ricky sat watching the news come on the TV not really wanting to watch it.

"You mind if I change the channel?" Ricky heard the guy ask him, breaking the silence.

"No, I was thinking the same thing, go ahead and put it on something else" he replied.

The channel was changed to a comedy channel and they sat watching, sniggering at one ironic comment or joke after the next until one piece caught both of them off guard making them laugh loudly. As they watched Ricky noticed the guy got up and came over to the sofa and sat down close to him. He noticed the guy was about five six or so, skinny, his clothes hanging on him. He had a cheap haircut with his hair hanging down making him push it back with his hand a couple of times. He appeared to have some beard stubble around his chin and upper lip, but the rest of his face was baby smooth. In other words, he was similar to Ricky. Only their hair color and skin tone was different, with Ricky being a blonde with olive toned skin and this guy had dark brown hair and fair skin.

"I'm Josh" he introduced himself, "I'm on this floor. You're up on the fifth floor, right?"

"Yeah, I'm Ricky."

"You know Ian and Charlie?" Josh asked Ricky, catching him off guard. If he only knew he'd been in their room early today snooping around.

"Yeah, I know who they are but I'm not friends with them. I don't really see them much, ya know" he replied, acknowledging how the two of them stay in their room most of the time. "You know them?" he asked tentatively.

"Not really, but I've seen them around" Josh replied, his voice trailing off. They watched TV for a few minutes in silence then Ricky turned to Josh.

"What are you majoring in?"

Josh answered and soon the two of them were talking as if they had known each other for the entire semester. They talked about where they were from and what hobbies they liked such as bicycling and eventually about what kind of social life they had and their conversation grew strained, vague, for neither seemed to want to discuss how their social lives had been since arriving on campus last fall. Suddenly they realized it was near midnight and Josh stood up saying he had to get to bed so he could get up early for his first class. As he went to the door Ricky felt he should say something, maybe suggest they get together later, but before he could say anything Josh turned and asked if he wanted to ride bikes this weekend. He wanted to go to the state park nearby and ride the trails. Ricky quickly agreed but told him his car couldn't' handle two bikes. Josh told him his could and he'd see him later.

Saturday had been a hot humid day and the afternoon saw scattered showers cut through the region. It was late afternoon when Josh and Ricky drove back into the parking lot for the dorm complex, their bikes in the rack secured to the hitch on Josh's Jeep Wrangler. He only had a bikini top on it so they had not only gotten wet on the trails but on the ride home. They eased out of the Jeep, both dirty and beat up, both having taking a fall, Josh worse than Ricky, his elbows and knees strawberry red and his t-shirt ripped in the back with smears of blood around the hole.

"Damn that was fun but I'm going to be sore as shit tomorrow" Ricky told Josh as he took his bike down from the rack.

"You're going to be sore?" and Josh laughed. "I'm already sore."

"Yeah, you really busted your ass on that hill. I thought you were really hurt at first."

Josh pulled down his bike as they relived the day on the trails, the sections they made good time and the falls the two of them took after it had rained and made the trails slick. They pushed their bikes to the dorm and made their way inside. Josh headed toward the hall to the dorm rooms as Ricky hit the elevator button, feeling too sore to take the stairs.

"Hey you want to go grab something to eat after we clean up?" Josh asked as he stood at the hall entrance.

"Yeah, I'm starved. You want me to come down when I'm changed?"

"Yeah, come on down and we'll go somewhere we can get a beer and food."

Ricky got to his floor, put his bike by the wall, grabbed his toiletries and towel and headed to the showers. The hot shower felt good to his sore muscles and he carefully washed the scratches and cuts on his legs and arms and noticed he was going to have a nasty bruise on his thigh and his upper arm. Back in his room he put ointment on the worst cuts and slapped a bandage on them, pulled on his boxers, cargo shorts and a tank top, knowing his skinny body didn't fill it out but not caring for it was more comfortable.

He arrived at Josh's door which opened when he knocked for it wasn't latched.

"Come on in, I'm just putting on a bandage on my elbow; it won't stop bleeding."

Ricky found Josh sitting in his briefs applying the bandage. His lean body was so smooth, his chest and stomach so flat and Ricky noticed his nipples were the size of pencil erasers and down below, between his legs he could see how Josh's cock was lying to the side the head obvious through the thin white fabric. He tried not to stare and deliberately looked closer at Josh's elbow.

"That is a nasty rash."

"It does hurt. Do me a favor and look at my back. See if that cut has stopped bleeding. I can't tell" Josh said as he shifted around in his chair turning his back toward Ricky. Ricky leaned over and saw it was in fact bleeding a little. Josh told him to sit on the bed as he scooted the chair over and sat with his back to Ricky, handing him the ointment and box of bandages. "Put this on it and stick a bandage over it, will ya?"

"Sure" Ricky replied. He squeezed a line of the thick ointment on his finger and lightly smeared it over the cut, easing his finger down its length. As he was putting it on he looked at Josh's back, looking at the few moles along his lower back, noticed the way his shoulder blades moved under the smooth fair skin and he noticed how his hair had a hard defined edge and the skin on his neck looked so soft he wanted to lean over and put his lips to it, to feel its warmth.

"You going to take all day" Josh said breaking Ricky out of his fantasy. He quickly got the bandage on the cut then watched Josh put on his shorts and t-shirt. They headed out and took Josh's Jeep to ride to a bar that was several blocks away, one that wasn't so crowded, a place they could relax and talk. The whole time Ricky kept remembering the sight of Josh in his briefs and the moment he put his finger on the cut and ran his finger along the injury as he looked at his back and neck.

Josh ordered another beer and turned back to Ricky and caught him with an odd expression and he had to smile. He wasn't sure but he thought Ricky was displaying some signs that gave him hope. He had been so lonely since arriving last fall and even though he had checked out the gay support group on campus and had even gone up to the fifth floor to talk to Tyler a couple of times but he had been gone both times. There was a gay club a few blocks from campus he had gone to toward the end of last fall and met a few guys, and the guys he met were nice and would hang out with him for a while but toward the end of the night they seem to always hook up with someone else, someone more aggressive, or someone who had drugs, or was better built, more good looking. He knew his smaller size, his lean, skinny build, made him not the fantasy image a lot of guys sought, but then he saw Ricky, who was so similar to him, who even liked a lot of the same things, but he wasn't one hundred percent sure he wasn't just looking for a friend, and not something more. But there were times he thought he had a chance.

The night felt good as they rode back to the dorm in the Jeep. Music played just loud enough to hear as they made their way through town. While sitting at a light Josh turned to Ricky who was sitting back against the high back seat, just zoned out.

"Hey, did you hear that frat house over on Hill Street was having a toga party next weekend?" Josh asked Ricky.

"No. A toga party?" he asked as if it was the silliest idea he had ever heard.

"Yeah, a toga party. They'll have kegs of beer, a band and everyone wrapped in a sheet. You want to go?"

"I don't know...I mean wearing just a white sheet" Ricky replied and Josh knew what he meant, knew he thought he was too small, too skinny to be going to a toga party, but again he saw him consider it.

"Come on, it'll be fun" Josh prodded him.

"Okay, okay, we'll go to a toga party, but I'll have to get a white sheet" Ricky replied.

"Well go tomorrow and get a couple; one for each of us."


The party was crowded and there was a few really getting rowdy to the point it felt less like a party and more like a mob scene. Josh and Ricky had been there an hour and it was obvious neither really cared for the scene, all the frat boys acting out, and they were playing it safe, standing near the back of the crowd who were watching the band, some cover band that was not very good. Josh was wondering if he could get Ricky to just go back to his room for he knew his roommate was out of town again. He found it difficult not to keep looking over at Ricky, the way the sheet hung on his lean frame, revealing half of his chest, his dark skin looked so smooth and he kept leaning toward him letting their shoulders bump into each other, savoring the feel of the contact.

"Hey, this isn't what I expected" he said to Ricky.

"No, it isn't what I expected either" Ricky replied.

"You want to go back to the dorm; maybe do something else?"

Ricky looked over at Josh and nodded then motioned he would follow him out. It didn't take long to get back to the dorm since they rode in Josh's Jeep and as they went in to the lobby Josh swallowed, built up his courage and turned to Ricky.

"You want to come to my room and just hang out for a while?"

Ricky looked at Josh and didn't hesitate; "Yes. Let me go change."

"Oh hell, don't bother, come on to my room. We'll just put on some music or something."

In Josh's room Ricky took the chair and Josh eased down on his bed. As he leaned back against the wall, he brought his legs up on the bed and crossed them. Ricky couldn't help it, couldn't' help but look, and he looked down between Josh's legs and saw he didn't have on his underwear. He couldn't make out much in the shadow of his toga but he could see the vague shape of his cock and balls and he found himself staring. Josh saw his look, saw the way Ricky was looking at him and he knew he was looking up between his legs. He looked down and saw how Ricky was spreading his legs, how he reached down and tugged at his cock, adjusting it, showed he was affected by what he was looking at, down between Josh's legs. Josh leaned over slightly and deliberately looked up Ricky's toga and saw the boxers he knew he would be wearing.

"You wore underwear?" Josh whispered.

"You didn't" Ricky replied in a far away voice.

"Is it a problem?"


"Will you come sit next to me? Ricky; will you?"

Ricky got up, nearly stumbling as he seemed in a trance, eased down on the bed next to Josh, his toga riding up showing the legs of his boxers. As he settled next to Josh he kept looking Josh in the eye, and it surprised Josh to feel Ricky's hand on his thigh and as Ricky leaned toward him, brought his face so close to him he could feel his breath, he felt his hand slide upward, pushed the toga up as his hand came up to his cock and he ran his fingers over it, felt its shape, felt the sac below it and his balls move around with his manipulation, then he wrapped his hand around Josh's cock, gave it a squeeze and then began to stroke it. Josh gasped at the touch and closed the distance between them, kissing Ricky on the lips. He reached up and unfastened the safety pins holding his toga up, letting it fall around his waist in a loose pile. Ricky moved around his chin with his lips, nipped and kissed along Josh's jaw, over his neck and to his ear where he tongued it, bit on the earlobe as he pushed Josh over on his back. Ricky moved on top of him, one hand still on Josh's cock, stroking it, feeling it grow, get hard and thick and he shifted on top of him pressing his own cock against Josh's leg, rocked his hips down making his hardening cock rub along it. Ricky felt Josh run his hand inside his toga and rub his chest, the warm hand running over his skin made him push against Josh harder. Josh began to pull on his toga, tugging it up over his head and he had to let go of Josh's cock and let him get the toga off. Left in his boxers, tented obscenely from his erect cock, Ricky reached down and tugged on the loose sheet, using each hand he tugged the length of it free till Josh lay by him naked, his hard thick cock lying over his stomach.

"Get those fucking boxers off" Josh whispered to him as he ran the back of his hand over his nipple, the hard erect center felt the soft hand pass over it and he quickly got his boxers off, working them down his legs, leaning one way then the other to get them off his feet. His cock stood up, straight as an arrow, the head flared out, the skin darker than the rest of him and he felt Josh grasp it, stroke it and he reached down and took Josh back into his hand and stroked him. They stroked each other for several minutes, kissing, touching each other while they did it. Josh sensed Ricky wasn't sure what to do next and he sat up and moved Ricky on his back by him and he moved on top of him, shifted down between his legs and pushed them apart as he lay on top of him, kissing him passionately; tongues dueling. Josh ran one hand down between them, pushed his fingers down below Ricky's cock and balls, probed down till he found his hole and he rubbed it, pushed against its tight resistance. He felt Ricky shift under him, push up with his hips, push his hole against his finger till it penetrated him. Josh pressed into Ricky, worked his finger through the tight ring of his opening, working him till he felt his hole relax and his finger work easily in and out.

"You want to fuck me?" Ricky asked in such a low voice Josh barely heard him.

"Yes. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. It's not going to hurt much is it?" Ricky replied, his innocence making Josh want him more.

"Not much but after a minute...it'll feel great, I promise" he whispered in Ricky's ear as he pressed a second finger into him, stretched him open a little more. He eased

Ricky along, working his fingers in his hole, stretching him open, getting a third finger in him, as he prepared him for his cock. Josh shifted down enough to put his arms underneath Ricky's legs and he moved back up, pushing his legs up and over as he moved into position, bringing Ricky's ass upward, spread open, his hole turned up waiting to be penetrated. Josh worked his hips back and forth, rubbing his cock over Ricky's ass, feeling his leaking cock smear its lube over the smooth skin and the wrinkled hole waiting for his cock. He moved his hips till his cock touched Ricky, pressed against his hole and Josh bore down on him, penetrated his hole, sunk his cock into his virgin ass. Ricky gasped out, the initial pain making him tense up as he clung to Josh, feeling Josh's cock work down into him. Josh held still for a moment and let Ricky get use to the cock buried in his ass.

"You okay?" Josh whispered.

"Yeah; go ahead, fuck me" he replied his voice sounding almost like a whimper.

Josh began to move his hips, up and down, worked his cock in Ricky, let him feel his thick shaft piston through his hole. He leaned down and kissed Ricky, felt the quiver of his body as he pushed down into him. Slowly for several minutes, Josh pumped his cock in Ricky, pulled up nearly all the way and then eased back down into him. His hole so tight he felt it milk his cock as it pushed through the ring of his hole. Ricky hugged him tightly as he began to fuck faster, worked his lean body up and down, the strain showing in his stomach, his muscles evident as he fucked, pumped his cock into Ricky with strong urgent thrusts, till his hips slammed down on his ass, his bed squeaking with the force of his penetrating thrust. He leaned up and let Ricky work his legs around his waist giving him room to press his body down on Ricky's, flesh pressed against flesh, the heat of their exertions building up till Josh began to sweat, his dark brown hair dripped as rivulets ran down his face and along his chest, dripping down on Ricky. They cried out, moaned and grunted as Josh hammered his cock into Ricky. Josh suddenly stopped as he wanted to shift positions and he got up and told Ricky to get on his hands and knees. Josh quickly buried his cock back into Ricky, held his hips as he fucked him, shoved his cock into him as far as he could only to jerk it back nearly all the way out. Over and over and over he rocked his hips forward hard and fast, slapping up against Ricky's ass, penetrating him deeply, his hole fully relaxed taking the fuck. Josh leaned over Ricky, their sweaty bodies slipping over each other as he reached around and took Ricky's cock in his hand, the shaft hard as rock, the head flared out wide and as he ran his hand over it he felt the slick wetness of it, smeared it down the shaft till his hand easily stroked it while he fucked, fucked for all he was worth, working through the burn of muscle fatigue in his stomach. He kept stroking Ricky's cock and fucking his ass as he buried his nose into Ricky's neck, his wet hair strong with his scent, the smell of his exertion and he nipped him on the soft hot skin. Ricky cried out and Josh felt him thrust his hips forward, pump his cock in Josh's hand and Josh felt it, Ricky's cock, swell up thicker, flex up toward his stomach and he felt it shoot. He felt Ricky's cock jerking in his hand as he shot his load and he felt his ass milk his cock, squeeze it, spasm after spasm as he was shooting his load and Josh slammed his cock through the quivering tightness and shot his own load. He rocked his hips in short jabs, pumping his load into Ricky, filling him, coating his insides, smearing it with his cock.

When Josh was finally spent he fell flat on Ricky's back and the two of them went down onto the bed where Josh rolled to his side, hugging him close, kissing him on the neck.

"You...okay?" Josh asked in a tentative voice.

"Oh yeah, that was great" Ricky replied as he snuggled up against Josh. "Can I stay tonight?"

"I want you to stay."

They shifted on the bed, kissing lightly; their exhaustion having taken its toll, and when they got comfortable, twisted up in the three sheets on the bed, they fell in a deep sleep.



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