Souvenirs of an Ass Eater

I like stuffed avocado with crab meat. I like filet mignon medium rare with a glass of Bourgogne rouge Domaine Bachelet-Monnot. I like apple pie à la mode or blueberry cheesecake. But there isn’t anything on the menu that I enjoy more than eating … a guy’s ass. Rimming is what I want for breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack. I collect a host of hot pics and keep them in various files: Jockstraps, Chaps, Rubber, Tom of Finland, and Rimming. Browsing through the latter gets me hard in less than thirty seconds.

I’m over 70, and had my first sexual contact around 26, with a young guy who just jerked me off. I didn’t discover the joy of ass eating until my mid-40s. Wish I had been more adventurous, but I made up for the lost time by taking every step possible to invite a guy at my place and have him sit on my face. Apart from rimming, I adore cuddling, kissing, caressing, sucking nipples and a cut dick, chewing tight balls also. Not much into fucking. To each his own.

When I walk on the street and a guy is coming my way, in tight jeans, I prepare myself to turn around as soon as we have crossed each other to examine his butt. I’ve sometimes walked back to reach him and engage in a quick conversation.

“Can I make a compliment?”

“Yes, of course.”

“You have a gorgeous ass.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Would love to eat it.”

“Sorry, it’s already taken.”

“Good for you, have a great day.”

I have never received a homophobic reply. Maybe because my gaydar is accurate or because a sexy compliment is usually well taken by any gay, straight or bisexual guy. They are proud of their asset and like to call it different names: hot cross buns, bubble butt, ghetto booty, beef cakes, keister and fanny are common names, but the more original ones include junk trunk, caboose and business class.

My number one fetish is the jockstrap. I find it so virile. The pouch discretely hides the jewels, making them more desirable. The straps frame so well the butt, inviting wandering hands and a hungry tongue or dick. I first like to caress and squeeze the rump roast, kiss and lick the homemade loaves, then smell the manly offering by burying my nose in my partner’s crack to sniff the spicy aroma. As I have a short beard, I enjoy to rub it in his butt partition, tickling him to stir small moans of pleasure.

I spit on his glory hole, lick it, kiss and suck the magic button, making slurpy sounds, then start to tongue-twist my way inside to reach the succulent arse hole, also called cheerio, rosebud, honey or corn hole, puckered brown eye, shit box, prison purse, starfish, Hershey Highway for those who like to fuck, or rusty bullet hole for those who enjoy shooting cum, maybe also piss if you’re into golden showers.

I don’t have a thick or long dick, and it doesn’t get hard that much. On the other hand, I have a long tongue that can get hard and pointed, ideal to tongue-fuck a guy. What I enjoy the most is kissing alternately on the mouth and in the ass, back and forth, mixing the oral and the anal taste to get high.

I remember that the first time I rimmed a boyfriend, he told me to stop because it would make him fart, maybe even shit. It is only years later that I discovered how some guys love to have a partner fart in their face. Once, at a sauna bath in Ottawa, I lied down on the narrow bed, left the door opened so that men could see me showing off my red jockstrap, caressing my small bulge. One young skinny guy walked by at least three times, seeming obviously interested. I winked each time and he finally decided to enter, to touch my pouch as he dropped the towel around his waist. He had a semi-hard, was cut, and sporting a rosy mushroom. I invited him to close the door and got up for a cock rub.

His whole body was mildly hairy, he had a three-day black beard, and he smiled like an angel. We started kissing and sucking on each other’s tongue. I could feel his cock growing into a rod. I took off my jockstrap, and we lied down for a succulent 69. He said that he had just showered and I indicated that I preferred to have him face-fuck me, unleashing his man juice in my mouth rather than in my ass. His reward would be a hot rimming session. On that note, I felt his pistol plunge down my throat with rhythm and moans of pleasure. His thick creamy jizz was salty and I enjoyed every drop.

I kept some of that nectar in my mouth to kiss and snowball him, a first in his case. As promised, he positioned himself to sit on my face, knees on each side of my shoulders. I first slapped or fun-spanked his cute little ass. I then licked both loaves, biting them lightly, and triggering an encouraging moan. My nose sniffed the divine crack, my tongue licked his back entrance, and I started to shove in my darted hard pink tongue inside his shit hole. Magic was in the air, in the ass! I must have tongue-fucked him twenty times, moaning and shouting every now and then, before he alerted me:

“I think I’m going to fart”, he said.

“No problem, kinky is hot”, I replied.

“But I feel that it could well be a slimy wet fart.”

On that note, he quickly raised his ass off my mouth and let out a mixture of fart, shit and water on my chest. Just a little but too much for someone like me who is not into scat. He excused himself, picked up his towel to clean the mess, and quickly ran to the shower room. I put a towel around my waist and also went for a shower. He was under a jet of water and I took the place closest to him.

“Don’t be embarrassed, you had good intentions and I adored eating your ripe arse. We lived a special sexual experience.” We soaped each other, rinsed, kissed and parted. That was almost thirty-five years ago.

Before going to bed, I take a shower and sleep naked. I stick a finger in my ass and smell it to get intoxicated by the virile aroma. God is male and his ass hole is a divine eye. I often think of the near scat flush in the Ottawa sauna bath over three decades ago, and I wonder if shit stains are as delicious as piss stains in a jockstrap … Maybe Satan wants to join in!

Feel free to give me some personal advice.