Single Gay Male, 28

Last week, I searched for my lifesaving badge from the Red Cross.  I’m not sure why; it was one of those things my dad called ‘getting a burr under my saddle.’  I did find it, but I lost interest when I found a book I used as my journal.  Given to me for my senior year of high school, I used it all the way through college.  After college, things were so hectic that I just fell out of the routine.

Skimming through the book, I was almost shocked at all the descriptions of the sexual encounters I had during those years. It made me sad to think that none of those turned into any long-term relationships. I was also glad that my older brother had made me promise to use a condom every time. He joked that I didn’t want any pregnant boyfriends, and then he winked at me. He’d let me know that he knew my secret. It turned out that my parents knew it, too. It’s a lot easier to come out when you don’t actually have to.

I also began to wonder whether I stopped having a journal because there was nothing to really write about. Once I had my masters and began working, each day would go something like this:

I woke up this morning and ate breakfast before taking my shower. I got dressed and went to work. Lunch was a salad from the little deli downstairs, and after lunch, I was given more work to do. The afternoon meeting went well. I’m ahead of the ball while many of my co-workers are swamped. Went home, ate dinner, did twenty push-ups, and forty sit-ups. Jerked off to some porn, cleaned up, and went to bed.

That described a weekday. The only variation on the weekend was that instead of going to work, I did laundry and shopping. There was also cleaning and the occasional search for an item that was in a box.

I began to ponder what I could do to shake things up, to make them more exciting. My focus moved toward the other guys at work. Was there one worth dating? Maybe someone who could be a buddy? The image of Ken Taylor formed in my mind. All I knew about him was that he had transferred in when his office on the other side of town closed. He had a handsome face and a full head of hair; I had assumed he was in his late thirties, but I didn’t know for sure. I decided to scope him out that next chance I got. In the meantime, I crawled onto my bed and gave myself an orgasm. It didn’t take long to fall asleep.

The next day, I made sure to stop by Ken’s cubicle and say hello and to let him know that I was willing to help him should he need it. His smile back to me seemed genuine, and it gave me a little lift as I headed to my office. I rushed through my work, and at eleven-thirty, I headed back to Ken’s work area.

“I’m headed down for some lunch in just a little bit. Are you interested in joining me?”

“Thanks, but my wife made me lunch.” He held up a bag.

I was cut down at the knees.

“Truthfully, I think my son Aiden made lunch. The bitch would have poisoned it.” He smiled and chuckled, but the laughter seemed to cover up that fact that she very well might have poisoned it had she made it.

“Well, if you want someone to eat it with, I’ll be back in my office in about fifteen.” I walked away. Married. With Children. I should erase him from my list. But I didn’t. As I went down to get my lunch, I went through different scenarios that would lead to an affair with a married man. None of them ended well, and all ended with my being alone.

I had just shaken the dressing on my salad and opened the container when there was a slight rapping on the door frame. I looked up, and Ken was standing there. “John, is it OK for me to come in?”

“Of course,” I said and cleared an area for him. “Pull up that chair.”

“I appreciate this,” he said. “I’ve been eating alone every day. This place isn’t like the old office.

“Yeah? I’m not sure if the guys here are overworked, introverted, or arrogant, but no one has ever asked me to join him for a drink after work. And I always eat lunch alone, too. No one has ever taken me up on an invitation.

“The upside to that is that no one’s ever in my business.”

Ken laughed. “I’d rather avoid questions about my business and have someone to eat with.”

“Well, you’re welcome anytime. I’m here Monday through Friday.”

“As I said, I do appreciate that.”

“So, you’re married and have a son.”

“That’s right. I actually have two sons. Aiden’s eighteen and Jake’s fourteen.”

“Eighteen? You don’t look old enough to have an eighteen-year-old son.” I could tell he was thinking about what to say next.

“Yeah, I wasn’t out of high school when he was born. Aiden might look like my clone, but he was smart enough not to fuck a cheerleader without a rubber.”

Now it was my turn to think about what I was going to say. He was being open; did that mean he trusted me? “So, Aiden’s really good looking, too, then.”

By the way, Ken looked at me and raised an eyebrow just slightly, he wasn’t sure whether I was just commenting, flirting, or…

“He’s a fucking stud,” Ken said. I think I heard regret behind that statement.

“And his mom?” I thought I might push it. “Is she the bitch who would poison your lunch?”

“Ha,” Ken’s face displayed even more seriousness. “She would if she were smart enough to know how.”

“You know her better than I do, but that sounds scary.”

We were silent for a little bit. My salad was almost done. I thought I might probe a little more. “So Jake’s four years younger than Aiden. Is he also a Ken clone?”

“Yeah. He looks like he might be, but his brain is different. He’s a complete nerd. He’s already told me he might be gay.”

“At fourteen, he’s come out to you? That shows you the kind of father you are. He trusts you.”

“OK. I’m going to tell myself to shut-up. I’ve already said things to you that I shouldn’t tell someone I just met.” He took the last bite of his sandwich and looked at me. “You’re too easy to talk to.”

“That’s not exactly a fault, is it?”

We stared at one another in a kind of showdown. “You don’t need to worry,” I told him. I won’t share anything you’ve said with anyone. You can trust me.”

Ken put his trash in the paper bag and stood up. I was sure I saw him adjust himself as he went to the door.

“Ken,” I said. I wanted him to turn so I could get another look at him. “I mean it. You can trust me. He left to go back to his desk. At least that’s what I figured. I turned to get back to my work. I could finish a little early if I got right on it, so I did.

I went into overdrive and had completed all but one of the things on my list when an email came through with a request, an urgent request. I cranked out a working solution just as the clock read five. So much for my finishing early and waiting to pounce on Ken as he left his cube. I shut down, turned off the lights, and headed out.

“You have a minute?”

I jumped a little. Ken stood behind me a few feet.

“Sure.” One look in his eyes and I wanted to tell him that he could have the whole night. “What’s up?”

“I’m just not ready to go home quite yet.” He paused. “And I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier. I made it sound like it was your fault that I blabbed the way I did.”

“No. I didn’t take it that way. Everything is cool.”

“My kids are going to see a movie tonight, and I…” He looked around and spotted one of the backless benches scattered throughout our office. He walked over to it and took a seat. Something was bothering him.

I sat next to him on the bench and put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s OK. You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready to. We can just sit here.”

Ken turned and looked at me. He smiled then looked back at the floor.”

“I asked my wife out to dinner.”

At that moment, I heard someone holler, “Dad.”

Ken and I looked up at the same time to see someone waving his arm. It was his clone, Aiden. Wow. No eighteen year old deserved to be that hot. In t-shirt, shorts, and sandals, he oozed youthful masculinity from every pore. His little brother was next to him, and if I were ten years younger, I would have found him every bit as hot as his brother and father.

“Aiden, Jake. What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Dad,” Aiden’s voice had that smooth tenor quality that causes erections in the impotent. “The movie doesn’t start until 8:00, so we thought we’d try to say hello before you went home.”

I stood up. “I let you go, then.”

Ken put his hand on my arm. “No. Let me introduce you.” The touch of his hand on my arm made my heart beat a little more quickly.

Stop it, I told myself. He’s married with two kids. He’s not the man you’re looking for.

“John, this is my son Aiden. Aiden, this is John Lockhart.”

I shook Aiden’s hand. A strong firm handshake and a strong look directly into my eyes. Nothing else. No little zap of attraction, nothing.

“Jake’s my younger son; Jake, this is John.”

I shook Jake’s hand. A strong grip for a fourteen-year-old; his father had taught him well. My gaydar did not sound any alarms, and I was glad. I was gay, but not a pedophile. Three hot men standing in front of me, one too married, one too straight, and one too young. At least the father was in the friend zone; I could always use one of those. The kids took off after saying hello, and Ken sat back on the bench.

“Do you want to get something to drink or to eat?”

“No. I shouldn’t drink anything before heading home.”

“Fair enough,” I said. And then I sat there quietly. Ken didn’t say anything for about five minutes.

When he broke the silence, I wasn’t sure I was going to find out why I was sitting here, but I started to think that I would love to have a friend who would just sit with me when I needed it. No questions. No demands. Just quiet.

“I texted my wife when I found out the kids were going to the movie. I’m not sure I should show you what she wrote.” Ken was silent again.

“But it’s bothering you,” I said softly.

Ken pulled out his phone and handed it to me.

His message read: “The kids are at the movies tonight. How about dinner and a movie for us?”

The reply: “How about you stick a butcher knife up your ass? I’ll be home late, if at all.”

I put my arm around Ken. “I thought you were joking about the poison.”

“I wanted to stay together until Jake was in college. I don’t see how I can do it.”

“You need to see a lawyer. I’m not sure the police can do anything. It’s a threat, but it’s said in a way that it’s not a direct threat. You need to protect your assets, for your sake, and your sons’ sakes.”

“You’re right. That’s what I’ve been thinking. I just needed someone to agree with me. I’ll try to see someone tomorrow.”

“Do you need a place to stay? You and the boys? Somewhere safe?”

“I think we’ll be ok.”

I pulled out my phone. “Tell me your number.” He gave it to me, and I entered it. I texted my name along with the office. “You let me know if you need anything. Even if it means waking me up. OK?”

“OK. Thanks.”

The next day, Ken did not show up for work on time. I was concerned, but I thought he might be talking to a lawyer. No one asked me about it, and I didn’t volunteer anything. At about ten-thirty, he came in. He looked a little tired, but nothing out of the ordinary. On my morning bathroom break, I walked by his cubicle and gave a little thumbs up with a questioning look on my face. He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. “Tell me when you’re getting lunch. I need to get a salad.”

“You’re on.” I went about the rest of my morning duties, and at lunch, I stopped again by his cube. We didn’t talk until we were back in my office.

“So, I saw a lawyer. He told me that I should stay in the house if I want to keep it. I’ll send the boys to stay with you if things get nasty, but the lawyer recorded the texts and told me he would get on the paperwork right away.

“I don’t want to keep the house; I think we should sell it. I can get an apartment so Jake can finish high school with his friends. The boys knew something was wrong. Aiden asked me if I was your boyfriend; he said he sensed something between us.”

“It’s probably because I knew from the outset that you were a good guy and that we would be close friends.” That was only a partial lie, but I knew the truth wouldn’t help either one of us in the long run.

“I appreciate that, John.” Ken started on his salad.

Lonely days and lonely nights to the rhythm of ‘Wasted Days and Wasted Nights’ went through my head, but I knew it was all for the best.

That night, I reread one of the encounters from my journal. I jerked off, and afterward, I lay on my bed feeling alone and empty. I continued having lunches with Ken. Our friendship grew and strengthened.

About a month later, their house was for sale, and they had a yard sale to get rid of furniture and the like. The boys stayed in my spare bedroom where they stored some of their keepsakes, and their father stayed in the house on an air mattress. He had a two-room apartment rented that would be available three days before closing.

I was actually enjoying having company during this time. Jake needed transportation to his summer activities. Aiden was off secretly doing something. I didn’t pry; he was an adult, and he knew he could talk to me about anything.

One day, while Jake and I were talking, I sensed that Aiden was listening just inside the bedroom door. Jake and I were on the couch eating popcorn while some awful band was playing from his phone. Jake was asking questions about what it was like to be gay in high school. I kept it honest, but appropriate. I discovered that he was the brother any kid would love to have. He made me laugh.

The day finally came when they moved into the new apartment, and as they left the last time as my roomies, I knew they’d be back as my friends. I started to clean and rearrange a few things, do laundry, and decide what I wanted for dinner. I was about an hour into things when there was a knock at the door.

“Aiden? Did you forget something?”

“Yeah,” he smiled.

“I forgot to tell you that I was falling in love with you.”

“What?”

“I talked to my dad after we left, and I told him I was transferring to the university here and that I had started to develop feelings for you, and that I wanted to live with you instead of at the dorm.”

“I need to sit down.” I went to the couch.

“I’ve been hiding things from you since the first time I met you. I guess I was hiding things from everyone, including myself.”

“What’d your dad say when you told him?”

“He said you're the kind of man who would make a great son-in-law.” Aiden put his hand on my knee.

I felt an electrical jolt go through me. “That’s what was missing the first time.”

“Huh?” asked Aiden.

“The first time we met, when we shook hands, you were so hot and sexy, that I expected to feel something when our hands touched, but I didn’t feel anything. But I did just now.”

“Can I stay with you then? Can we see if there’s…”

“Well, I can say there’s definitely something physical. But, yeah, I’d like to see if there’s more.

Aiden leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed him back, and soon we were acting like two teenagers.