Our pants or underwear stayed on. All night after the kiss. Or, all morning while we slept. Levi insisted: “I know we just had an emotional epiphany, I want to make sure it stays through the morning.”
His full bed held us both, comfortably, and at one point he held me ... comfortably. His breathing said, “I’m still asleep,” which made it feel all the more right that he rolled over and put his arm around my bare chest, and I could feel his warm chest and hair against my back. And the only thought that walked through my mind and stared at me from behind my eyelids was, “How can this be wrong? How could people tell us this was a sin?”
I woke to the smell of coffee. Somehow, Levi had disentangled himself and climbed me – climbed over me – or simply shimmied off the foot of the bed and gotten up and made coffee. His roommate still wasn’t there, so maybe prayers really are answered. He saw I was up and smiled, and he offered me a cup. I’d never drunk it while growing up, but, it was growing on me. A little.
I sat on his bed holding the mug with two hands while he sat at his table, our positions reversed from earlier. Finally I asked, “What do we do now?” Levi rolled his eyes and opened his mouth when we both turned to a knock on the door.
“Come in!” Levi called.
Emilio opened the door and walked in. He looked at us, and we looked at him, and he sighed heavily. He grabbed clothes, some notebooks, a textbook, and his backpack, and then in a way that seemed more performative than casual he looked at us and said, “I’ll be studying at the library. Or downstairs. All day.” He turned around and walked out.
Levi smiled and turned back to me. “Milo’s good people.” I nodded, still holding the coffee mug.
“So uh, what do we do now?”
Levi put his mug on the table. “Si, look. You talked a lot last night, which is great, and I understand where you’re coming from. And, I’m willing to try to make this work, or at least see what happens. But dude, you gotta realize: Life isn’t made of rules. The Bible is a thick book full of rules and regulations and morals and shit you are and aren’t supposed to do all at the same time. I know you’ve lived your life by most of those rules, and I saw it in your face that the pledging rules almost got you horny.” He stared at me. “Rules make you feel safe, right?”
I thought for a moment, then I nodded with the coffee mug right at my lips.
He nodded. “Me, too. That was one of the hardest things I worked on in therapy.” He moved over to me and sat next to me on the bed. He took my mug and put it on the table, and I watched his back muscles flex before he sat back up, the scent of coffee replaced by the scent of Levi, pine and mountains, if that was possible. He took my hand and held it on his leg. “Si, life isn’t like that. Not really. We make our own rules. We have to, otherwise we’re left floundering.”
I looked at him, blank.
He sighed. “Did you ever read ‘The Giver,’ Lois Lowry?”
I shook my head.
“It’s a society where everything is run by strict rules. When the main character comes of age and is given his new rules, one of them is, ‘You can lie.’ Or, maybe ‘You may lie.’ It doesn’t matter, the point is that it’s the beginning of the main character’s understanding of just how much bullshit is going on around him. You coming here was like Jonas in that book, being told for the first time you can lie. But you still haven’t made the connection: All the other rules that’ve been drilled into your head about exactly how you must live your life are also bullshit.”
I looked at him, and I admit I had trouble getting past the warmth of his hand and the hazel of his eyes. So I closed mine, and then I opened them again and he was still there. “I think my English Lit prof would probably give you a B, but yah, I think I kinda get it. There are no rules moving forward, no set path I should take – we should take. But honestly? I kinda meant today: What do we do now, today, the next few hours that Milo has given us? Because right now, your hands are warm and your leg is pressed against mine and that and you holding me in bed last night is all I can think about.”
Levi’s eyes went wide but his hands stayed. “Oh! Well ... okay. Sorry. I mean um, well ... okay. I haven’t done this in a while. But if you’re ready, and I mean, if you want to—”
“Yes.” And I leaned over and I kissed him.
His eyes stayed wide, his body tense, and then he relaxed and slowly closed them. His hands released mine and I moved them to his hips, then his back and rubbed and pushed gently across his smooth skin. His hands did the same, then one moved up to the back of my head and gently pulled forward, bringing my head closer, our lips pressed more tightly together as we continued to kiss. My nose flared as I struggled to get more of him inside me, and under the pine was a hint of flannel that screamed “Levi!” to my brain.
I realized that my dick was ridiculously hard against my underwear ... and I wanted Levi to fuck me.
And, at the same time, I realized I was actually thinking those words.
I moved a hand from Levi’s back and rubbed his crotch, which was also rock hard, and slightly moist at the tip. He moaned into my mouth, coffee mixing with the rest of him as I drank it up. I didn’t want to break the kiss, but I didn’t want to let go of his throbbing cock and I didn’t want to wait any longer for it to enter me. I’d spent the entire semester having sex, being intimate with people, but this kiss with Levi felt more intimate than all the handjobs and blowjobs in my life. As I rubbed his hot, dripping cock through his boxers, his hand had moved down, into my pants, beneath my underwear and was circling my wall that I desperately wanted to fall.
I pulled away, panting. Levi and I both looked down, and he laughed. “Let’s get out of these,” and we both shifted. I undid my button and zipper, then stripped as he did, too.
Naked, seeing him like that for the first time, I felt giddy, like something had already released inside of me, or like it knew it could or would. Soon. I put my forehead against Levi and told him: “I want you inside. But slow. I’ve ... never gone there. Still a virgin.”
For the Nth time this morning his eyes went wide, out of focus just an inch from mine, and he whispered, “Of course. No judgment. Just tell me what feels good.” He shifted and his lips caught mine again, then he gently bit my lower lip and pulled a tiny bit, and I moaned, then he pressed back and kissed me as one hand went to my butt and the other to my own leaking cock. I shuddered when he touched them, I’m not sure if it was from the front or the back or both, but it didn’t matter: Levi was touching me, and we both wanted it.
He leaned forward, still kissing me, and I fell slowly onto my back on his bed. His hands were still on me, and when he let go of my lips I looked in his eyes before he kissed down my chest and I squirmed, and he licked the tip of my cock and then all along its length. His one hand was still massaging my butt, rubbing and squeezing it under me, while the other was slowly stroking my balls. I couldn’t help but squirm and push up into his mouth, and his tongue was doing that thing along the underside of my cock that no one all semester had found.
His lips sealed around the base of my dick and held as his tongue played my frenulum, and then he drew his lips up agonizingly slowly, each tiny bit of skin released from his mouth having an independent shiver in the cold air of his room; my abs tensed and I squirmed just a bit, my head thrashed back and forth as I panted. When he fully released my cock, he came back up and kissed me, and he asked, “Did you like that?”
“Mmhmmm!” was all I managed as I pulled his head back down into the kiss and held his furry chest against mine, his own dick pressed down under my balls. I could feel it flex against them, and my brain refused to decide if I could break the kiss to let his cock inside me or if I should keep kissing and holding him and him holding me until every star in the sky burned out.
Levi decided. He lifted off, and I let him, and I stared into his eyes and he asked me, “Ready?”
I nodded. I spread my legs, still on my back, and the briefest flash that I looked like the Babylonian Whore went through me. He must’ve seen something in my face because he kissed me again. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. I wanted this so badly. I shifted, turning over on my stomach, and I shoved a pillow under my hips, and past allegories and stories of shame vanished from my closed eyes.
I felt him move, and his hands went back to my butt cheeks. I squeezed them both, and I moaned, and then he removed one, and brought a finger to my face. I sucked it, and I moved my tongue all along it, and he laughed. He pulled it out, and then I felt it at my butthole. He went around it six times and like some miracle, I felt myself relax and he slipped inside.
I moaned and I could feel my hole flex for what seemed like the first time, I’d never really felt it around something before, like that.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” he replied and he pushed slowly in, then out, and in again.
I focused on breathing as I felt his index finger shift around inside me and, honestly, it felt weird. Not good, not bad, but ... weird? He moved one hand to my dick, pulling it from under the pillow so it was aimed hard and down. He slowly rubbed up and down and then his thumb played with the head and I felt a pressure and two fingers were inside me. I hissed a bit and they didn’t move, then when I breathed again I felt them shift and my hole felt the friction of him moving them slowly in and out, a little rotation.
Then he pulled out and I whimpered. I thought that was just something people did on purpose to make the other guy feel good about things, but it was really real. I looked back at Levi, and he was stroking his cock and looking at my hole and then looked at my face. Then he said, “Flip over? I want to look at you when I do this. I want you to look at me. Because this is us, this isn’t me, and you ... it’s us together, no hiding what that is.”
And, I did. My body moved and my mind caught up a moment later. My ass was propped up on Levi’s pillow, and I looked past my own leaking dick to his scruffy face of warmth, and he smiled at me. He shifted, reaching behind to his desk and from a drawer pulled out lube and a condom. He opened the wrapper, then he paused and looked at me. “Do you want to put it on me?”
I sat up and took it, then leaned down to his cock, hard and throbbing and dripping just a little, and I kissed it. “I guess I should introduce myself first, since we’re about to become more acquainted,” I said to it, and then I grinned and looked up to Levi. He just rolled his eyes. I looked back down at it, then pressed the condom to the tip and rolled it slowly down, jacking his cock with both hands with each little roll to the point that the reservoir already had liquid in it by the time I was done, and Levi was shaking slightly.
I lay back down, ready, legs spread, and I felt more sure of this than anything else.
He squeezed the lube onto two fingers and then dragged them across my hole; I shivered from the coolness, and then he pressed them inside and I let them in. He withdrew, put more lube on his dick, and then pressed it against me. I looked at his face the entire time, and he looked from my hole and the tip of his dick to my eyes. His eyebrows went up again, but this time I knew it wasn’t surprise.
“Yes.”
His eyebrows lowered, he smiled, and he pressed forward.
Being fucked for the first time wasn’t what I expected. I didn’t breathe, and I tensed, and Levi let one of my legs fall and held the other up while his other hand went to my dick and he slowly played with the tip. “Breathe,” he told me. “Just breathe, try to relax, think about just letting go and relaxing and breathing.”
I nodded quickly and took a few shallow breaths, and I could feel the tip of his cock just inside me, and he kept massaging my own cock and he just breathed loudly himself. Each inhale was timed to an agonizingly slow stroke up me, and each exhale was down, and before I knew what was going on I was following him. His chest rose as it filled with air, then sank down and his abs popped just a little as his lungs emptied, and then it repeated as I watched his nipples and his abs and felt my own hard cock under his hand as my eyes settled on his face and his lips.
“There, that wasn’t so bad, right?”
“What?”
He smiled, and I felt his hips against my butt and realized he was fully inside me. All the way, my body had accepted Levi into it, and I felt more connection to him than I’d ever felt with anyone before.
And he let me stay with that. He didn’t move, he let me and my body figure out what was going on. I could feel him inside now that I’d shifted focus, holding me open, pressed against something inside me that was sending soft little waves of feel-good through me. And I was breathing, looking into his soft eyes.
He shifted his hips and my leg with him and I felt his hard dick move inside me, and we were connected. His eyes never left mine, and his hips pulled back just a little, and they stopped, and I breathed, and they pulled back some more. He watched me, and I kept breathing, my hands at my side, and he pulled almost out, and then pushed slowly all the way back in. His eyes never left mine.
And he did it again.
It was slow and smooth, and he timed it to his hand on my cock which was going up and down slow and smooth, and I kept breathing. When he glided past that place inside that no one had touched before it was heavenly, and I moaned each time, and that made him smile more and that made me feel even better. It was like we were feeding into each other, a cycle, or feedback, and I felt it build inside me – inside my hole, inside my cock, inside my chest, and inside my soul.
I reached up towards his chest, but I couldn’t make it, and he just shook his head. “No,” he explained as he kept the slow pace in and out and up and down. “I’m okay. This is okay.” He smiled. “You can get me next time.” He thrust a little more forcefully. “This one’s yours, just lay back and let me make you feel good.” He leaned down with the same rhythm and he kissed me, and I pulled his head down as I pushed my ass up and kissed him harder than I’d ever kissed someone.
We both moaned and he never once stopped thrusting in and out of me.
I didn’t realize it until then, but all the feeling of weirdness and discomfort up inside me and at my hole was gone by now, like the kiss finally melted it away and all that was left was a feeling of fullness and it felt good. I shifted slightly as he bottomed out each time, and now Levi was on top of me, held up by his arms on either side, his face inches from mine, breathing and starting to sweat just a little. I wanted to reach up and kiss him, but the intensity of his look and the feeling across me wouldn’t let me, I didn’t want to change anything.
He stared into my eyes, his mouth slightly open, and I felt his entire length thrust in and out of me and then it started to change. Levi had been so together and calm, and that man slowly gave way as he kept looking intensely into my eyes, his breath at my mouth. It was like we were kissing, but we weren’t, but it felt almost like it as his thrusts grew more erratic and his breath grew more ragged.
He thrust hard, pushing in, and his eyes closed up tight and he almost froze, but I felt his dick inside my hole pulse and shift just a little bit as he came inside me.
When he breathed again, he collapsed down on top of me, and his arms went around my back. He pulled me tight to him, or him tight to me, and rolled, and we were on our sides facing each other, his cock still buried inside me. I kissed him, his scruff tickling my face, and I smiled into the kiss as he kissed me back. My arms made their way around him, and we lay that way, holding each other, heads together, connected in a new way.
And it was good.
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