Robby and Ryan

From the Author:

My dear anonymous friends, I apologize for the length of this chapter, and hope it doesn’t cause you to move to something shorter looking for the relief that has you reading on this site. I have been called ‘wordy’ and that is true. Please sit back and enjoy. RJC. 

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The Accident.

He pulled back and said, “Rye, why would you ever think that? Home will always be where you are, you’re a dork.” My relief was evident and my breath came out in a sigh. I rested my arms on his shoulders and let his colors wash away all my insecurities as I saw myself as he did and felt his love for me.

We traded shaving for a passionate make out session and extra time with our hands on each other.

As far as I could tell he still had no idea of my plans and I hadn’t felt him searching; he was giving me the gift of surprise. We sat across from each other; our feet playing quietly under the table at Millie’s as we ate breakfast.

I had to smile when after we finished Millie came out with a cinnamon roll, candle and all. She said, “Happy birthday sweetie. My present will be not singing.”

Millie seemed to understand us, she never judged, and always had a smile when she saw us. We finished, thanked her, and headed out to the truck. “What’s in the backpack, Skate?” Robby questioned when we got on the road. He accepted my smile as the answer.

I was cruising down the highway and when I turned on the blinker and slowed, Robby looked over at me. I parked at the side loading dock of the Kawasaki shop and hopped out with Rob following. Sitting just inside the doors were our bikes and he looked at me kind of puzzled.

Robby looked at the bikes, then at me. I said, “Surprise, Jr.”

Stumbling over his words, he said, “No fuckin way, Ryan?” I smiled and nodded as he said, “You are so… going to get it later.”

“I’m counting on it.”

His was blue and white with a matching bow and mine was red and white. My riding gear was blue and I had picked out matching red for Rob.

We loaded up our new toys, strapped them down, and headed for the mountains. As I reached for his hand without looking at him he intertwined our fingers and kissed mine tenderly.

“Thank you, Robby, for letting me surprise you,” I said.

With his sheepish smile he asked, “You still have something up your sleeve, don’t you, Ryan.” I squeezed his hand and put my eyes back on the road.

It was a beautiful morning and the ninety-minute drive into the mountains was one that we always enjoyed. We pulled into the camp ground around 11:30 parking in the visitor parking lot and we unloaded the bikes.

Rob and I went to the camp restrooms to change into our leathers and boots then out to our rides. The vibration of the engine when it started made me instantly hard and I smiled at Robby knowing it had the same affect on him.

We putted around the camp ground and the place was disserted except for a few tents and our trailer. We had been here before and headed in the direction of a trail we had hiked earlier in the summer. This was so much better than hiking and we followed the trail in for about ten miles before we stopped for a break.

We had come to a clearing at the edge of a small lake maybe about ten acres in size. The sun was full in the sky so we pulled off our helmets and gloves and walked to the lakes edge. The water was so clear and our hands found each other. Another silent conversation and we walked over and sat down under a tree with the back pack between us.

      

I opened the pack and dug around for the case holding the joints I had rolled earlier this morning and a lighter. “Would you like to do the honors, birthday boy,” I asked with a smile. He was doing it again; his eyes reminding me how lucky we were with out even knowing it.

He set everything down on his other side and turned back to me reaching his hand up and around my neck pulling just enough to show me what he wanted. I leaned in and rested my forehead on his.

“What else do you have in that bag, Ryan,” he questioned as I felt him digging around in my head. I smiled as I tried to push him out of my mind feeling him pull my forehead back to his.

“What’s so shinny, Ryan,” he asked. It worked. All he could see was something shinny and reflective. This was the first time I had tried to hide or mask something from him and it was working.

My arms pulled, drawing his beautiful face in and I kissed him. It wasn’t rough but was more than tender and he responded. I pulled away and said, “I have a blanket and some other stuff.”

I asked again if he was going to do the honors or if I was going to have to put a flame to the afternoon delight. He smiled and leaned back against the tree torching up.

We sat passing the fun back and forth enjoying the scenery. I dropped the refer on the ground next to me and straddled him; both of us dressed in the leathers and I admired his beauty as I pulled his hand to my heart and we both closed our eyes.

I don’t know how long I sat there but it was a minute or two. I ran the zippers up his sleeves and the one down his chest. And then put my hands on the tree behind him.

Another kiss and I pushed it off his shoulders and scooted back then down came the zipper on his riding pants, off came his boots and he lifted himself as I pulled and he sat bare assed in the soft grass. I pulled out the blanket and a few other things.  

I leaned over and my lips and tongue tasted most of his exposed skin and he moaned as I sucked a nut into my mouth then dropped it for the other and looked up at him.

He tugged on me and I shook my head no as his half hard unit found its way into my mouth. I remained clothed for a little while.

Fast forward June 1978 

I know I know. I have said how hard it is sharing personal parts of us. If you have followed, then you know what intimate moments were like. We shared a big one that day. Rob had turned eighteen and started his senior year.

Days and months turned into almost a year and in the blink of an eye Rob graduated from high school; with honors. He was registered as a freshman at the University of Washington in the fall.

Again we were back at work for the summer and it was better than ever. We returned to Virginia in late August of 79 before he went back to school enjoying the feeling of being home again. Our on-suite had been completed the year before and Bruno surprised me; it cost me, but it was worth every penny.

He had a floor to ceiling stain glass window installed in our bathroom overlooking the willow and river. It took the artist all of six months to create. It was our tree.

There was a large clear glass oval in the center to see the tree and where the tree branches ended in the clear glass they were recreated in stain glass on the sides and top making the tree fill the whole window. The river ran from side to side and blended as well as the tree.

We could look from the glass shower right out the window; the angle was perfect. There were times when the colors on the walls were like a kaleidoscope. I couldn’t have designed it any better myself. He took it to heart when I described what I wanted and I didn’t care what it cost.

Something about being back here this time, it seemed more invigorating. I could remember more about the past but still not like Rob; he was so much more in tune here.

I came to terms with what had happened when we were here in April a year ago. I knew in my heart the guy in the portrait was me, or, at least, Robby did. And the memory of that night didn’t bother me anymore. And as for what had happened a year ago; Rob never told me and acted as if it never happened.

Robby was so much stronger than me; he could remember more and he desperately wanted that for me, but only the good. He would show me things that he could recall, but it was always snapshots, never a real memory for me.

He wouldn’t let himself get lost in them and he never got lost in his own mind when he made love to me and it was like it used to be.

When we returned to Washington I went on a quest for a TR and by the time Rob started the UW; a new set of keys had been added to the hook on his eighteenth birthday. He understood when I told him they could go in his pocket, but he always hung them on the hook.

That was Rob’s car of choice and even if we were leaving at the same time he was sure he made it to the garage first. The top was usually down regardless the weather and he had a collection of sunglasses and even wore a scarf sometimes when it was cold. He loved that car. 

On Thanksgiving’s Day of 79, Rob and I spent the afternoon at Deb’s  with his family. We were driving home after dinner and desert, singing to the Bee Gee’s as I piloted the Cougar in the pouring rain towards our destination.

I was going through an intersection when we were t-boned by a truck that ran a red light. Life changed for us that day. We could have been killed if we were in the TR, or been unrecognizable.  

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From the Author:

This is another one of those times. Robby and I argued on which car to take until I just got in the Cougar and asked if we were taking two. The newness had not worn off yet and he drove the TR every chance he got.

Like I said; another one of those times. You take a right turn instead of a left. You drive one car or the other. Would the accident still have happened? Mind, melting, shit. 

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I could hear the sirens before my eyes opened and I was racked with pain; more than anything I had ever felt before. When things started to clear I focused on Robby.

He was unconscious next to me, blood soaked his hair and shirt, and he was pinned between the console and his door along with the truck that’d hit us; one headlight still on and steam spraying around.

I took a quick inventory of myself; I couldn’t move my legs. My arm was broken; I could tell. And I was wedged between my door and the console. Panic, and or, adrenalin began masking my pain. At that moment I felt numb. It was surreal how everything kind of slowed down and let me digest what was happening, but I came back to reality fast. 

 Robby’s side of the car had taken the brunt of the impact. Glass was everywhere and I could feel the rain on my face through the broken windshield and something warm running down the side of my head. My arm broken; I still managed to reach for his hand and in my head I called out his name. I got no response.

I could taste blood in my mouth as I tried to say his name out loud; hoping for something, anything. I could hear somebody talking to me and more sirens were getting louder as my head rolled over to the left and I saw a paramedic trying to open my door.

He was trying to get me out of the car so they could get to Rob who was struggling to breathe. My arm was broken but I held on to Robby’s hand until they pried it from me. I had set the break in my arm and passed out.

I woke up on a stretcher strapped down with rain falling on my face. I heard one of them yell, “I need help in here, he’s starting to seize.” And a fireman started cutting the roof off my car.

I looked around as best I could and saw two paramedics working on a guy who was on the pavement about twenty feet away. It was the driver of the truck. He had gone through his windshield, over my car, and landed that far away. He didn’t look good. He was doing about fifty when he hit us.

I woke up in the hospital around midnight. I could tell my arm had been casted, I couldn’t move my right leg and I was in a cervical collar. I had a bandage on my right cheek that covered my right eye and I could feel that some of the hair on my left side had been shaved with a bandage over it.

I listened with my eyes closed and heard mom and Clint talking with the doctor about me. And then I heard Deb’s voice. Robby was in surgery and had been for hours. He was so fucked up. I didn’t understand most of what was being said but they were taking things out and trying to repair damage to others.

I opened my eyes and instantly had faces looking at me. I stared at Deb and weakly asked, “Robby?” She tried to force a smile and I said, “Don’t, you, DARE, fucking lie to me, Deb.” The burning of my eyes telling me I was going loose it.

She struggled with that smile and said, “He’s going to be fine, Ryan.” Then she started to cry, turned, and walked out the door.

I looked at my sobbing mother; Clint’s hand on her shoulder and I begged, “Please mom.”

“Robby’s hurt pretty bad honey.” She started. “His right arm and leg are badly broken, they had to remove his spleen, and hopefully they can re-inflate and repair a punctured lung.” And she put her face in her hands.

“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked, looking at Clint.

“Ryan, a lot of his ribs are broken and they punctured his lung.” he explained as he squeezed moms shoulder again. “And he has a bad head injury.”

“What about me?” I asked.

Clint explained my injuries. My right cheek was broken, probably by Robby’s head during impact. My right leg was broken in three places along with my knee cap, and my right arm. I had 15 stitches on the left side of my head from the window, a serious concussion, and evidently I was lucky my neck wasn’t broken; just a serious sprain. And my left shoulder had been dislocated but had been reset.

I closed my eyes, focused every part of my being, and searched for Robby. If we were close enough, if he was strong enough, I could find him. He wasn’t, and either was I, but it didn’t stop me from trying.

I’m not sure how much time past but I heard Deb come in and start whispering to my mom; I opened my eyes and looked at her.

He’s in a coma, Ryan.” She told me. “He is out of surgery and in ICU.”

I motioned for her to come closer. “Deb, you know I can help him.” I reminded her. “I need to be closer, though.” I pleaded. “He’s got to be so scared, Deb. Please, I need to be closer,” I begged, desperately trying to get my point across; my eyes starting to burn again.

She raised her voice like I was a child and said, “He’s in ICU, Ryan.”  

I went into full, fuckin, Tasmanian devil. I threw everything within my reach and started screaming at the top of my lungs. I was thrashing around, calling everybody filthy names, and trying to get out of bed. All of the sudden, I felt what ever the woman I had called, ‘a skanky fuckin bitch’, put into my IV.

I was helpless. The fight in me was gone. I pleaded with Deb. Control was slipping away.  “Deb if he thinks I’m not here he won’t come back. He’ll let go. Don’t you understand that, Deb?” Then everything faded away.

I woke up, restrained, and I was raging pissed. I could hear my heart monitor sounding like a fuckin pin ball machine and I was going to explode. FUCK! Another shot.

My eyes flickered open and it was light out. I closed them again so I could think. I had caught a glimpse of my mom and Clint sitting in chairs on the window side of the bed. I desperately needed to get closer to Robby and my previous attempts were unsuccessful. I needed to find a new approach.

“Mom” I said softly. She looked at me and smiled a weak smile.

“Ryan, please stay calm.” She started. I could hear my monitor beeping faster with every second that past.

“Mom, Please. I need to be closer,” I begged, starting to get agitated; and the nurse walked in. “YOU STICK ME AGAIN, YOU FUCKIN BITCH, AND I’M GONNA.” I got the spins and felt my eyes fall shut. FUCK.

I woke up and it was dark outside; rain running down the window. Clint was sitting in a chair just looking out the glass into the darkness. I whispered to him, “Clint” and he looked at me. “Please, Clint. I need to be closer.” I was fuckin desperate.  

“RYAN, you need to stay calm,” he said, sounding excited, as he looked at the door. “Your mom and Deb are with Robby right now and if you flip out again, Ryan, she is going to kill me,” he stated with fear in his eyes.

I closed my eyes and took a few calming breaths. I could hear the monitor and tore the pads from my chest. ‘Not a good move. Just so you know.’

“Clint, you don’t understand.” I said calmly. “I need to be close enough to touch him, Clint. If he doesn’t know I’m still here, he won’t come back, don’t you get that? He’ll just let go.” I told him; I guess with enough conviction. It finally dawned on him; the poor, dumb, son of a bitch.

      

The nurse walked in and I watched, Clint, grow a set before my eyes. He told her that she wasn’t going to give me another shot as he stepped between me and the woman with the needle, and then he said, “If you don’t move him to Robby’s room, I will.” He became my hero.

I really could only look up and the lights passing by as they wheeled my bed down the hall were making me nauseas, so I closed my eye. I could hear a commotion; mom and Deb were asking what was going on.      

My hero flexed his new found balls and said, “Shut the fuck up, both of you.” And he told the nurse to put me on Robby’s left side. “Do you want them to keep knocking him out every time he wakes up?” He asked my mom.

I turned as best I could to look at him and my mind couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing. I had never seen anybody in condition like this before. This was not my beautiful sole mate and if not for his dim colors I wouldn’t have recognized him.  

Robby’s head was wrapped; most all his hair had been shaved. His face was swollen and bruised, a tube up his nose, and another down his throat. There was an IV stand with all kinds of bags hanging off it, monitors filled the room, and a nurse was standing beside him.

Tears filled my eyes, my heart broke; I could actually fuckin feel it, and again I gave Robby the bigger half as I reached for his hand.

With my broken right arm, I took his left hand and said his name. As my eyes closed I said, “Thank you, Clint.”

I’m not really sure what happened after that. I was in a fog calling for Robby. I consciously slowed my heart down along with my breathing. We would do this for fun but never under conditions like this.

I matched it to his heart monitor beeping in the background. I went so much deeper than ever before. Dangerously deep; more than Rob and I had done; but somehow knew I HAD done this before, or knew I would.  

I followed the sound of his tears as I wandered aimlessly until I found him. He was so… scared and confused. When I wrapped my arms around his fragile frame I felt him drain my body. And I held absolutely nothing back. I enveloped him in my arms, reassured him all was good, and I was still here with him. He was so… broken. I tuned everything out and focused on him.

For three days I was like that. I didn’t eat, didn’t communicate with anybody; like in a coma myself. I just stayed with Robby in his comatose state helping him mend his broken body.

I was aware of what was going on around us but I couldn’t leave him alone, couldn’t break my concentration for fear of loosing him. He was so scared. I could hear doctors, could feel them checking me and him along with mom, Clint, and Deb talking.

Robby and I were together in our minds sitting under our tree at ‘The Willows’ like we had so many times; but this was different. We were broken, but not, and I seemed to be the only one that knew what was going on.

I heard commotion in the room and then heard Sylvia’s voice. My mother knew her, but didn’t. Sylvia understood what was happening, knew what I was doing, and she took charge.       

“Stop!” she said. “You can’t do that.” And then I could feel her presents. She had found us.

She stood over us and smiled. She was much stronger than she let on. She had invaded our space and found us under the tree. “Boys,” she said and we both looked at her.

“Robert, can I stay with you awhile, honey?” she asked. “If Ryan doesn’t wake up they are going to move him and break the bond.”

      

Robby started to cry and pulled more on me. She didn’t wait for him and said, “Ryan, you need to wake up,” and I shook my head no.

“Ryan, I will stay with him, you have to wake up, child.” She said again in a much more commanding voice.

Robby nodded his head, reached for Sylvia’s hand, and she took my place. I opened my eyes and saw her reclined in a chair on the other side of his bed, Rob’s hand in hers, and she looked like she was asleep.

My mom, Clint, and Deb, were in the room and I felt confused. My mom started to cry and I began to feel the pain from my own injuries. I was hooked up to an IV, my heart monitor was beeping in the back ground, and I was drained. I was totally fuckin empty. It’s a feeling you never want to feel.

“Is he OK, Ryan?” Deb asked as tears rolled down her cheeks.

I nodded and said, “Yes. I think so. You should have listened to me, Deb.” as I looked over at him.

“He has been crying Ryan and so have you, for days,” she said through sobs. “Can you make him wake up? Please, make him wake up.” she asked.

The doctor came in and started looking at me, shining a light in my eye, and asking how I felt. My cardiologist was checking me and talking to the other doctor but I was still confused and the way everyone was looking at me just added to that.

A couple of nurses came in and started to roll me out of the room; I went fucking ballistic again. Another shot. I woke up in my room, a police officer standing by the door; I had hit one of the nurses.

I didn’t know how much time had passed. I closed my eyes searching for Robby and Sylvia. I found them. They were sitting under the tree, her arm around him, and his head resting on her shoulder. And her hand stroked his hair.

This was so strange. No one had ever shared this with us. It was always the two of us and for the first time I wondered how this had all happened.

“Robby,” I said. “You need to wake up. Please Robert.”

Sylvia confirmed my request and said, “It’s time, honey.”

I reached out to him with both hands and he stood. Sylvia was gone now. I took Rob’s hand and we started to walk up the river. I told him it was time, time to wake up, and he nodded. As we walked, as if on air, we both looked back and our tree faded away.

I opened my eyes and saw Sylvia sitting by my bed. “He’s awake,” I told her, and she nodded.

“Ryan, I need to go, honey,” she said setting a hand held mirror on my lap. “The young man that hit you doesn’t have the strength and isn’t going to make it. I want to be with him. He is scared too, Ryan,” she said and ran her hand through my hair. She got up and walked out the door. I took that mirror, held it up, looked at myself, and smiled. This would be my life.

I could see Deb and mom outside my room talking and when they came in I said, “He’s awake now.” And they both said, yes. “If you don’t take me to him, he is going to be so… pissed,” I said and two nurses came and started to wheel my bed towards his room.

I could feel the tears soak the bandage over my eye and roll down my other cheek before I got to his room. I had failed to notice all the cards, flowers, and stuffed animals in his room before, but I took it all in, now. My sweet boy was loved.

Robby reached out for my hand when he saw them wheel me in and a small smile tugged at his lips and he mouthed, “I love you.”

We only had a minute before the room was full of people and a pair of doctors looking at Rob. When they were done Robby kind of looked at everybody and they gave us some privacy.

He tried to reach for me; his eyes got wet and I felt it. “What have you done, Rye?” he asked as he reached for my forehead. Most all of my hair had turned white over the last three days that was part of the price for helping him again.

“It’s just hair. The color will come back, Robby. It always has.” I assured him. I would pay this price over and over.

“I knew him, Rye,” he finally said. “He went to my school. He’s gone now.” And then he paused. “He was so scared, Ryan. He never meant to hurt us.”

“Well he did, Robby.” I replied flatly, knowing who he was talking about. I didn’t know what else to say. The compassion in Robby didn’t exist in me.

“I told him it was OK, Ryan, and I forgave him.” Robby admitted. “I told him there was nothing to be scared of. He’s not like us, Ryan. He smiled and thanked me. And then he was gone.” And Rob just gazed out the window.

Together, Rob and Sylvia had, or maybe Justin had, hell I don’t know. Sylvia was strong, very strong, and Rob was way stronger than he knew. Together they had found Justin; comforted him during some of his last moments on this earth. And that meant a lot to Rob.

Rob was moved out of ICU and we were put into a room together. The doctors were amazed at his recovery but I was not doing as well. Part of the cost of helping Robby was ignoring myself. Thankfully I didn’t have the internal injury’s he did and only needed to mend bones.

I saw a couple standing outside our room talking to my mom; Rob and I somehow knew who they were. The woman was crying and the man was trying to comfort her. Robby motioned for them to come in.

Robby held out his hand to the woman and she cried more when she took it. “He wasn’t scared,” he assured her. “And we know how sorry he was.” And the woman cried more. I could feel my eyes start to burn from Robby’s sorrow.

“He had a smile on his face when his heart stopped,” she told us; sobbing. “He never woke up.” And Robby nodded and squeezed her hand.

The days past and I was released a week after the accident. Robby’s stay was almost two weeks longer. No Hawaii or party, this Christmas.

It was so hard to get around because I was casted up to my hip and a broken arm. Clint had a Cadillac Fleetwood and he’d pick me up and would chauffeur me around as I stretched out in the backseat. No way could I ride in moms Trans Am.  

The first day out, I had all my hair cut off; partly because of all of the questions, but mostly because I couldn’t stand the look in Robby’s eyes when he would see me.

When he asked me long ago to promise I would never do this again, he heard what he wanted to hear, not what I said. There was no limit, no length I wouldn’t go to for him, and that was hard for Rob to accept.

I was going crazy. When I got out of the hospital mom and Clint stayed with me. They slept in Rob’s room and waited on me hand and foot. I hated it.

I had grown accustom to just us and it was so… hard sleeping without him next to me. It had been almost a thousand days, and he slept by my side for every one of those.

I was getting stronger; maneuvering around on crutches was becoming easier. I could pinch the right one between my arm and side, swing it foreword, and I could manage.

Clint would drop me off every day at the hospital with the box of chocolates for the nurses, then pick me up after dinner and take me home. I stood at the door to Robby’s room one day and listened to the conversation coming from within.

Justin’s mother was telling him about the funeral, all the people that came, and again how sorry she was. He comforted her and she told him how nice it was he had sent flowers and added my name; then said she cried when she read the card.

“I meant what I said,” he told her; I’m sure with his hand on hers, and I listened as she read the card back to him.

“Thank you, Justin. I now have a better understanding of what this lifetime is all about now, and I’m not going to waste a minute.”

I don’t know how he was able to see such a tragic time in our life as a blessing, but he did. I wished I was more like him but so much I didn’t know yet.  

I just stood there, my crutches under my arms and tears rolling down my face. I was looking at the floor, my mind trying to comprehend everything when her feet came in to view.

I looked up at her and she smiled. She knew I didn’t feel as Robby did, but she smiled anyway. I was still having a hard time letting it go. I was sorry he died, but we could have died again to; I was still pissed. Another lifetime could have been wasted? How long till the next time if we’d died? No body understands what that means.

“Your Robby is so… special, Ryan.” She said and more tears fell from my cheeks at her revelation. This was something I knew but words like ‘special’ couldn’t even begin to define him.

Webster’s is full of words; descriptive adjectives to define ‘special’. Yes, he was that but so much more.

“You will never know,” I told her; my voice cracking and more tears sliding down my face. She touched my arm and walked away. It was the last time I ever saw her.

Robby was released on the twelfth of December. It was an awful day. Everything was fine until they got him in the car. He was stricken with a panic attack so bad they re-admitted him back into the hospital. I had never felt him like that; he was helpless to the panic and everything I tried was unsuccessful.

Heavily medicated, we were able to get him home that night and he slept until the next day. Clint was awesome. I think he understood now; had witnessed what we had first hand and came to understand, kind of.

We were never left alone; someone was always here and Rob slept in his room for the first time. I think Deb and my mom had worked it out; it drove me wacko.

I couldn’t believe everybody didn’t know; or maybe they did. They’d all seen us together for several years although we never flaunted anything. We were a couple in every way and if they didn’t see it, they were blind.

On the twentieth of December the doctor said Robby could fly and against everyone’s tantrums, I called Bruno. I had him ready our home to the east and asked if he could move a bed into the sitting room or library so we didn’t have to navigate the stairs. Our stitches had been removed, our casts changed, and we were both healing well.

He picked us up at the airport and chauffeured us home in the Lincoln. Riding in a car was getting easier for Rob and we looked so funny trying to get in. We sat opposite each other, the only way it would work, and rode home in the backseat.  

I had lost some weight and it was hard for both, Rob and I, to get around on crutches with each of us having a broken arm too. I had told Bruno we’d been in an accident but he couldn’t hide his concern when he saw us.

With all of Rob’s broken ribs and his lung still mending it was best for him to use the wheelchair. And he hated it.

Bruno was awesome and gave him a slight slap on the head as he wheeled him to the car telling him, “Some day you might be doing the same for me, kid.” We would have done anything for him.

The day after we returned home, Rob had sweated terribly during the night. And I insisted he let me give him a spit bath in the kitchen sink. It wasn’t easy but honestly it was the first time I was able to touch him.

He sat in a chair, the boy panties clinging to his body as he leaned back with his head hanging over the counter in front of the kitchen sink. I lathered up my hands after letting water drip through my fingers as I manually combed his short golden locks.

I would open my eyes and look down on him; his eyes closed as I ran shampoo over and over through his hair. I had finished and soaped up a washcloth; warm and soft it was as I ran it over his still frail body.

I watched his underwear fill from my touch as water rolled down his stomach; wetting them; my favorite toy becoming visible; pushing and becoming full through the thin fabric.

I could feel myself dripping; wetness soaking my sleep pants from the raging hard on that I just couldn’t help. He put his hand on mine and looked me in the eyes.

He slowly moved my hand down his chest and stomach then under the waist band of his shorts and my fingers wrapped around his tool. He turned slightly in his chair moving his lips to the tent I was sprouting.

Robby put his mouth on me; teasing with his teeth and hot breath, and then he nipping the fabric pulling it down. I stroked him as he ran his tongue up the blue vain leading to my swollen head. You can’t imagine. But you will have to.

He licked up my shaft as juice rolled from its fountain. I moved my thumb around feeling his head flair as he pumped it full of blood causing it to grow even more and spew larger amounts for me to lube him with.

As I used his hot juice for lube he took me in his mouth, slow and deep. Oh, fuck. I loved watching him take me, my head and shaft disappearing into his mouth. He pulled on my hips until I lost my grip on him and he moved me in front of him.

I straddled his legs and braced myself on the counter as his good hand squeezed my ass cheek and pulled on me. I tried to reach for his toy but he pulled me to his mouth and I watched everything I had to offer, disappear.

I could feel his hand on my right cheek and his casted one on my left as he set a rhythm. I couldn’t help but respond. He pulled and pushed on my hips; I was so hard, the angle was all wrong, but he took it all and continued, until I was, loving his face as I had so many times before.

My good leg was trembling and the cast on my right leg was the only thing holding me up. My head was tilted back with my hips bucking into him. My casted arm was hanging on to the counter and my left hand was on the back of his head, guiding him.

I knew he could feel my pending eruption, my moans turned into cries, and my fingers run over his bristly hair. He wrapped his arms around my hips and pulled, I mean, pulled, hard, and I was buried in him. I felt myself swell; Robby swallowing around me as stars floated under my closed eye lids and I launched into an orgasm that was a month over due. ‘I have shared too much.’

My eyes filled with tears when I realized what he had done. This was his way of thanking me for what I had done for him, for ignoring myself to help him again. And it pissed me off.

My sleep pants that I had somehow managed to step out of were on the floor as I tried to lower my bottom to his throbbing rod. I reached my good hand down and exposed his tool that had exploded from sucking me and I ground myself back and forth over him.

I was sitting in his lap now; my casted leg wedged under the cabinets as I pushed the thin material down further from behind so I could have him in me. He held himself up as we fumbled and I desperately tried to swallow him with my ass. It sounds so crass.

In one slow motion I managed to receive my Robby; feeling his hot lube as I lowered myself down, my backside finally coming to rest in his lap and I felt full again. It was painful, I have to admit, but I needed this, and needed him to know there was nothing to thank me for.

I rested in his lap and pulled his forehead to mine; his still rock hard muscle firmly planted in my bowels. “You, fuckin bastard. Don’t you ever do that again, Robby?” I said, as I rose up about four inches and sank back down. I sat in his lap, milking him, squeezing as I moved forwards and back.

He looked at me with his puppy dog eyes like he didn’t understand. “Don’t you even, Jr. You can love me, but don’t you ever thank me like that.” I said as my eyes focused on his. He understood and nodded.

Within two minutes we had pulled from each other another load that was as big as our first. Think about it. ‘We each had a cast on our right leg and both of our right arms had casts. Can you picture it? I smile thinking back on it. Amazing what you can do.

Fredericksburg was exactly where we needed to be and Bruno was so kind; checking on us three times a day. He shopped for us, would go to Phil’s for take-out, and he’d load the deck with firewood.

I was able to work some from here; my job had kind of morphed into brokering truck loads of cedar and Dave was handling things at the yard.

The market for cedar had been hot for a while and I was making a thousand to fifteen hundred dollars off a truck load without having to do much more than arrange shipping. Over the course of a day I could buy and sell two or three truckloads. You do the math. John and the company got half, but still.

Most everything I did could be done on the phone and Robby would spend his days reading in the library. He started with Hemingway’s first book and read everything he wrote in two days.

After that came Twain, Fitzgerald, Woolf, Jules Verne, and so many others. By the time we left he had devoured a whole shelf. I would think as he held those books in his hands, ‘First editions’ how my forefathers valued literature.  

He was still on a fare amount of pain meds and would nap a lot. When I wasn’t on the phone I would lay with my head in his lap and my healing soul mate would read to me from the pages of those ageless classics. “Tears run down my face now, remembering.”  

We had no Christmas tree that year. No presents were exchanged but we promised many. I woke up Christmas morning and stood at the window and tears filled my eyes. It was a beautiful December morning, clear blue sky, sun shining, cold as hell, and Bruno was shoveling a path from the deck to our tree down by the river.

It was such a simple gesture but touched me in a way that is hard to put to words. He turned, as if knowing I was watching, smiled and nodded, then went back to shoveling. He came up when he was done and said “Merry Christmas, Ryan.” and I couldn’t help but hug him as I asked him to come in for a spiced coffee.

He told me he would come back after Robby woke up and he’d help us down the path and then said he had a surprise for Rob. Bruno seemed to understand what Robby and I had, though we never said a thing. And he never let it show.

Bruno was almost twice my age; a man close to forty. We drank a little too much scotch a years ago and I understood what he vaguely shared with me that day in 78.

I had a suspicion when Rob and I came in 77, but what he shared with me that day had tears in my eyes. Whether Bruno was gay or not, I still have no idea, but he did love the man he watched die in a muddy field somewhere in Viet Nam. It had been over ten years and Bruno’s scars were still raw; so raw he remained alone and by himself all these years.

He said he cried as he pushed down on the poor mans stomach trying to push shit back in as the blood poured through his fingers from god only knows what. “He was conscious right up till the end, Ryan. He touched my face and said, “It’s ok B man.” And his eyes closed. And I closed my eyes waiting to die.” I couldn’t even imagine.  

He knew what Robby meant to me. We talked as he nursed his coffee that Christmas morning and I shared just a little of what had happened. It was a struggle as I described the events that had unfolded and my eyes filled as I explained.

“What happened to your hair, Ryan?” he asked. It had grown out over an inch but the tips were still white along with a shock of white in my bangs that would take almost a year to grow out.

 I ran my hand through my hair; “It just happens,” I told him as I glanced over to the library door. His look told me he understood, or the answer wasn’t really important.

Just like he promised, Bruno came over after lunch and helped Rob and I down to the tree. He went back to the house and brought down a blanket and threw it over us saying he would be back in an hour or so.

Robby and I didn’t say a word to each other the entire time. We sat under the tree, both of us leaning against the massive trunk wrapped in the comforter.

It made no difference what time of year it was, whether we were cold or hot, words weren’t needed here. We both just relaxed; our heads resting on the others and recalling how we sat here when I helped Rob heal and we were surprise when Bruno was back, an hour had passed.

He helped us up to the house and told Rob he needed to sit on the floor as he wheeled him into the library. I looked at him kind of confused. He smiled and nodded.

I had no idea what he was doing when he walked out the front door and said he would be back in five. I sat next to Rob on the floor as he tried to find his place in ‘Twenty thousand leagues under the sea.’ And I turned seeing Bruno, who had let himself back in.

I couldn’t help but smile remembering back to August and how scared I was when I saw a monstrous Rottweiler charging towards Rob. I was standing on the deck yelling about the huge monster that was racing towards him looking like she was going to attack.

He turned, saw the dog, and just got down on his knees holding his arms out as the dog mowed over him and started licking his face. ‘You should have seen it.’ Bruno was holding a female offspring of that dog.

Animals have such healing power and that’s what she did for Rob. Bruno set her on the floor and she slid on the hardwood as she rounded the couch, full clumsy speed, ignoring everything, and right into Robby’s arms.

The look on his face said it all. He fussed on that hound, had her on her back; both back legs violently moving as he scratched her belly. He nuzzled his nose to hers, she licked his face, and his smile when he looked up at Bruno made him turn away and wipe his eyes. ‘After everything, this forty-year-old man had to turn and wipe his eyes.’   

New Years came and went as we watched the snow pile up. Bruno brought Lady over every day. Lady was her name, given by Rob. They would play in the library while Bruno and I discussed the estate.

Chet and Bruno had been talking sense August and Bruno shared his ideas with me. A lot of interest had been shown by towns’ people and politicians from DC about using the house for weddings, political fund raisers, and other functions.

I liked the idea of ‘Our Willows’ and grounds being used for the pleasure of others and by the time we left most everything had been finalized; as long as Chuck gave his stamp of approval.

---

From the Author:

Let me give you just a little background. I inherited this estate from my Grandfather in Fredericksburg, Virginia, three years ago. This is what I refer to as ‘The Willows,’ it was our home to the east. ’How does shit like this come together’?  

Picture if you can. The library was a huge room; three hundred square feet at least. Dark wood paneling, high ceilings like the rest of the house, row after row of shelves waist high to the ceiling full of books on three walls, and oversized pocket doors splitting one wall.

On the north side sat a fireplace flanked by two large windows with stain glass at the top of each that gave a view of the driveway with the majestic line of Willows down each side. In every window; willows were the theme.  

Robby would sit in this grand room and read to that fucking dog for hours; a fire burning under the huge stone hearth as I watched from behind. He took to sitting on the floor surrounded by pillows so she didn’t have to climb on to the overstuffed furniture.

This was our home to the east but it was so much more to Robby. He was happiest here.  This is where I really saw him for the first time. Saw his colors.

Lady would lay with her head on his lap as he read to her with all the inflection of the author telling the story themselves and Lady listened as if understanding and the two of them bonded.

---

By the tenth of January I was starting to go crazy and wanted to go back to Washington. Robby was thinking about staying.

I couldn’t leave; not without him. The last thing I wanted was Rob to be left alone in this house with all the memories he had, more than I ever really knew. Bruno would have cared for him, but still.

He finally agreed and on the fifteenth we flew home. Rob understood in his condition he couldn’t care for himself; although Bruno would have done anything we asked.

The accident had taken a toll on us and strained our relationship beyond anything we had been through before; even Walt and the deer. At ‘The Willows,’ we couldn’t manage in the same bed, couldn’t shower, but we were able to wash each other.

Our bones had mended and on the first of February we got our casts off. But we hadn’t mended emotionally. Our hair was growing back but I still had a shock of white in my bangs and the tips were white. God, Robby hated that.

We sat next to each other in the back seat of Clint’s Fleetwood as he piloted us home, cast-less. And knowing what the smiles on our faces meant. We could shower, move the way we needed and wanted, and we could fulfill the desire we had both missed. And we would finally have some real privacy.

We pulled in the driveway and Clint was talking about coming in. Rob pulled my hand to his crotch and shook his head no. I felt it pulse and looked at Clint in the rearview mirror saying ‘That’s OK, Clint.” I think he understood.

Other than washing each other we hadn’t been able to get physical, to show and feel what had been absent for way too long. This was going to be a long night.

We walked in the door and Robby turned to me, pulled my forehead to his, and said, “Take your clothes off.” It wasn’t a request.

I pulled away with a smile and said “OK.” as I moved towards the bedroom.

He grabbed my arm and spun me around, “I SAID, take your clothes off, Ryan.” Robby could be a force when he wanted and I understood he meant now. I love him like this.

I stood in the living room and gave my stud what he wanted. And I took my time. Things still hurt; my arm and leg had been in a cast for two months. But Rob’s had also.

I got to the bedroom, a trail of clothes behind me, and Robby still fully clothed. I looked at him over my shoulder as I stood in the doorway to the bathroom. “Do I have to wash all this dead skin off myself,” I asked with a smile.

He smiled back at me and started taking his pants and shirt off. I walked into the shower turning it on and while I waited for it to warm up I looked at myself in the mirror. My arm and leg were skinny, skin flaking off like dried cum, and the scar on my head was still very noticeable.

Rob came in and stood next to me, his body looking much like mine but the scars on his once flawless torso we didn’t share; not externally, anyway. I turned and traced them gently with my finger and asked, “Whatcha got there, Robby?” Looking at his hand, but knowing what it was.

We walked into the shower and he set the lube in the soap caddy. We stood under the rain head and just let the water run over us. We were both thinking about what we wanted to do to each other but knew there was no way it could happen the way we wanted.

He picked up the lube and handed it to me then turned towards the wall assuming the position. We were still so stiff but I thought maybe, just maybe, this could work. I sat on the seat; my leg stretched out and made him face me.

I put a large blob on my thumb as he widened his legs. I leaned down to take him in my mouth and ran that thumb between his cheeks but stopped at his opening. He rose up a little as I applied pressure and his pole pushed between my lips and my thumb was accepted.

For Rob it had been sense before Thanksgiving and this was going to take a while. I was in a little rush and he went up on his toes, my thumb sliding in all the way and him pushing his length into my mouth further; part way down my throat.

I worked him on both ends, trading my thumb for two fingers and Rob found a rhythm as he slowly pumped into my mouth. “Enough already, Rye,” he stated as he took me by my short hair, pointed my eyes up to his, and pulling his dick from my mouth.

He turned again, assumed the position, and looked at me over his shoulder with a grin. “You have five seconds, Chancellor,” and he started to count. “One-one thousand,” and I lubed my dick. “Two-one thousand,” and I pushed at his hole. “Threeeee-one thousand, oh.” he said breathlessly, as I introduce my knob knowing I could make it before he got to five.

“Four-one thousand, ohhhhh” and he arched his back and pushed against my invasion. I hit home and he took in a sharp breath. I just held myself there and waited for him to make the next move. It took a minute but he pushed back a little more, then pulled off some, and repeated the motion.

I pumped a few times, grabbed the lube, filled my hand, and wrapped it around his hard tool asking, “What happened to five, STUD?” God, how, I had missed this.

He was against the wall, water falling from the rain head flowing between us, down my back and over my own hole as I spread my legs a little and set the pace. I was rough with his tool and rougher with his balls, but he liked that, and his muscles were squeezing me like a vice as I played.

I slowed; wanting it to last as long as we had the strength. I leaned down and nibbled on his neck, kissing his back and running my free hand gently over his chest and stomach. We had missed our intimacy, our ability to love each other as we had for the last three years; and the strength to see it through.

I held him; using both hands to slowly stroke my favorite toy with my eyes closed. I stopped and held him, felt him flex, his head growing more and more in my hands. He pushed against my invasion and sucked on his favorite toy with that award winning ass.

I could feel him work me as I stood still behind him, my legs weakening, and his swollen shaft in my hand. I relinquished my grip with my right and squeezed with my left, really squeezed, and started stroking him again.

I suddenly realized I had to get this done; Robby was fading fast and I could feel it. His movements were becoming strained, he was running out of breath, and his legs were trembling more than mine.

In spite of how much I loved him, in spite of how much I wanted to show him, my dick was softening and I wasn’t going to cum. Guilt washed over me and I realized Rob had bitten off more than he could chew at the time.

I worked him in my hand faster, pushed against him, and hoped I could fake it. Robby came and I didn’t. I pulled out of him abruptly; he was struggling to breathe and I made him sit on the bench.

I knelt on my good knee in front of him, pulled his forehead to mine, and gave him what he wouldn’t knowingly take. He wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t strong enough yet, and I should have stopped him before we ever started.

When he was ready we made our way to bed and crawled in. If nothing else, we could finally rest in the position that brought us the most comfort.

He was drawing on my chest with a finger; his breathing had returned to normal. I knew it was coming and waited. “That’s the first time that has ever happened, Ryan.” He said in a whisper.

I tried to play it off. Tried to assure him that we were still hurt and maybe we should have waited a little longer.

“DON’T DO THAT TO ME, CHANCELLOR,” he started. I could tell he was pissed. “Do you think you wouldn’t be able to tell?” he questioned with attitude.

I pulled his head back down on my chest. I knew he knew. “I’m sorry, honest. I realized, I mean I could feel; I don’t know how to explain it Robby. I want to love you but I can’t do that if I think I’m hurting you, and I felt that I was.”

“Don’t ever try and fake it, Rye, cause, I WILL KNOW.”

Both of us walked with limps now; Robby went back to school and I went back to work. As bad as we felt for Justin’s parents, Chuck sued the shit out of their insurance company and Rob and I received a huge settlement. But it was little consolation, considering.

The Porter’s had lost their only child and what Rob and I lost couldn’t be replaced with anything money could buy. It’s strange how people think; but there is so much shit money, just, can’t, fix.

Rob had started as a freshman last September and in spite of the accident he still managed great grades. The four ‘first editions’ he brought back and took to school for ‘show and tell’ probably helped with that. At the time they were worth thousands of dollars each. It made an impression on those who understood.

The first section of fence went up along the front of the property. A ditch was dug for an electric gate and Rob didn’t seem to be any the wiser. The addition down the sides didn’t seem to be off to him and he really didn’t notice. And he never even saw the work along the back and with the twenty-foot tree buffer you couldn’t even tell.

February passed, physical therapy filled an hour of most days for both of us, and we tried to get back to what normal was before the accident. We shopped for a car to replace my beloved Cougar and I settled on a Buick Electra 225. It was a fuckin boat.

I knew Rob had been calling Bruno; Lady had captured his heart and Bruno played along. We had talked before we left and I told Bruno that we would bring Lady home with us in April. Rob had no idea.

We sat in our first class seats on April 1st, 1980. Again; three years to the day as we headed for our home in the east and Rob couldn’t wait to see Lady. Bruno met us at the airport. As always he chauffeured us home in his Bel Air.

Bruno dropped us off and said he would be back around lunch time and he’d bring her with him. Rob didn’t want to wait. It had been two and a half months and Lady had grown, really grown.

It had become the normal thing for Bruno to pick up stuff at the store and have things in the house for us to eat with no need to go out. Rob and I made sandwiches and sat on the deck talking about the blossom festival in DC. It had become a thing for us.

Rob heard a car door and he turned to the east and saw Lady come around the corner. He rose and quickly moved to the stairs and sat on the bottom step.

Lady came to a stop in front of him. She sat down and looked at him; her head turning slightly, her brown, expressive eyebrows, lifting as she looked at him.

He held out his arms and said, “Lady, you’re not a puppy anymore.” in his puppy voice. It was like the dog smiled. She got up and literally sat in his lap, paws on his shoulders, and she cleaned his face, eyes, and ears with Robby loving every minute of it.

I broke him from her gaze and said, “Robby, someone has shown interest in her and she’ll be going to a new home when we leave.” I knew the high would far pass the low.

I felt so bad for him but I knew he would be so… happy when he understood. “Someone on the west coast wants Bruno to put her on a plane when we leave,” he still didn’t get it. He must have been off that day or believed what I was saying.

“THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, RYAN,” he started. “If Bruno wants to sell her I will buy her and give her to him,” he announced as he nuzzled her nose to his and said, “Isn’t that right, Lady.” again in his puppy voice.

“What ever, Rob, but you better get used to that dog.” It didn’t register. And I didn’t say anymore, about it. We woke up on the last day; Bruno let Lady stay with us and she slept at the end of our bed.

Bruno showed up and Rob was trying to convince him that he should keep her.

“I’m not selling her, Robby, I am giving her away. There is someone that needs her more than I, and I want you to be good to her.” Bruno explained. But Rob didn’t seem to understand.

I was reminded of his birthday when he said, “I don’t get it.”

“Lady is your dog Rob; she is flying home with us.” I told him.

“I still don’t get it,” he said.

“Are you blond to the core you, dork?” I questioned. “Bruno wants you to have her. Do you think I, all of the sudden, thought we needed a fence around the property?”

Rob never had a pet of his own, something he was responsible for, that depended on him. He sat down on the floor and Lady crawled into his lap and cleaned his face and helped him hide the tears.

She was crated at the airport and Rob fretted the whole time until we landed in Seattle. We put her leash on and waited for the shuttle to Budget.

I was giving Rob shit telling him I wanted her to ride in the trunk because the 225 was brand new and I didn’t want her or her sharp claws in the backseat.

He was ready for a fight and I couldn’t help but laugh when I popped the trunk, like she was supposed to get in. “If she rides in the trunk, then so do I,” he announced; both hands on his hips.

“If that’s the way you want it, then fine,” I said straight faced standing at the back of the car.

“Rye… Really?” he asked; his head and Lady’s turning the same way.

I pulled a blanket from the trunk and closed it, “If she claws my leather.” And he started tucking the blanket in around the backseat.

While he was trying to make things ready for her she climbed into the front and curled up on the floor of the passenger side. He tried to get her in the back but her mind was made up and Robby’s feet, was where she would ride, always.

Lady was free range; she had the run of the property and house. She came and went as she pleased and slept at the foot of our bed. Lady was Rob’s dog and only tolerated me. He trained her to commands, two languages, and hand commands. I have never seen such a smart dog or one more spoiled. She lived to please him, period.

When Rob’s freshman year ended in June of 80, we loaded the bikes in the back, and hooked the trailer to the ass end of the truck. We were off with Lady on the floor between his legs. She was over a hundred pounds now and still growing.

We enjoyed two days on the west side of the Cascades in the mountains where we spent his birthday the year before and then headed for the warmer east side to a favorite spot we had on the Columbia River.

Lady would sit outside of the trailer on guard. She would stick to Rob’s side if we were out, a leash never needed, and slept at the foot of the bed in our mobile luv shack during the night. Once Rob showed her the perimeter she never crossed it.  

When I say she tolerated me; that, is, exactly what she did. She hated me, or anybody, touching him. I couldn’t play with him; she curled her lip when I would hug or kiss him, and would mope when he was gone. But we had an understanding. She knew I loved him too.

We celebrated my twentieth birthday on the river that year and as I played guitar and sang that night a lot of the other campers mingled into our site.

I had about ten kids ranging in age sitting in front of me, watching. I started plucking on my guitar and thinking of my own childhood. I started singing ‘Puff the Magic Dragon.’ YouTube time again.

 This is what I loved; playing and singing, Robby eyes in the firelight, strangers becoming our friends, and the beauty of the outdoors. ‘Puff’ was a success and by the end most were singing the choirs.   

Parker was home from Stanford for the summer and joined us the last two days. He had grown into such a man. He and I sat in front of a dying fire in the middle of the first night. Robby and Lady had gone to bed and Parker and I had a chance to share time, something we hadn’t done in a long while.

He had been at the hospital with Chuck after the accident and saw me at Robby’s side on the second day. Park and I had been drinking scotch most of the night when he finally asked.

I knew when he called me, Ryan; he never did that; it was always RJ, or Chancellor, but not tonight. “Ryan?” he started. “I sat with you in the hospital and held your hand.” He said with a crackled voice.

“I know Parker. Thank you.” I replied. “I knew you were there.” I didn’t know how I was going to answer his next question.

“It was like I could see your hair turning white. How? I mean what. Ryan?” He finished by taking the last swallow from his solo cup.

I had finished mine and pulled the cork from the bottle taking a long slow drink then set it between my legs. I had put others off with bullshit, things like; I was starting a new trend or wanted to look like Billy Idol. I hated the questions about my hair but I couldn’t do that to him. He had seen it before.

“Parker, give me your hand and close your eyes.” I instructed. I interlocked our fingers and pulled our hands to my chest and we sat quietly for a minute.

  “Parker…? Can you feel how much I love you?” I asked softly and felt him nod. “No Parker. Can… you… feel… it?” I asked again. And he said “Yes,” in a whisper.

“This is what Rob and I have, Parker, and so… much more. I can’t explain it, can’t put words to it, but when I help him like I did this happens to my hair. It’s happened before and the color will come back. You’ve seen it.” And I waited.

“He doesn’t even know how lucky he is, Ryan.”

“Parker, I am the lucky one.”

My eyes were still closed, I felt him lean across taking the bottle from between my legs, and heard him take three glugs then he rested it between my legs again. I kissed his hand and opened my eyes to look at him.

He really was such a beautiful man; a perfect fuckin specimen. He was 22 now, six feet tall, the body of a golden god, sitting in his worn out 501 cutoffs, no shirt, and a tan that would have him looking like an Indian by Banners party.

Tears silently rolled and slid over his cheeks then off his chin. I watched him as he looked straight ahead at the dying embers of the fire. I’m not sure what I showed him, and I’m not sure what he felt when I held his hand; but it had brought him to tears.

“I love you too, Ryan,” he started, still looking at the red coals. He took the bottle from between my legs again and pulled three more swallows from close to the bottom.

“Parker, don’t. Please.” I asked. I could tell he was going to go, full, blown, emotional bitch, on me.

“I want what you have, Ryan.” He started through tears. “I want someone to look at me the way you guys look at each other. I want what Robby has. Will I ever have that?” he questioned, thinking I knew the answer; tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“Ryan… would you, could we?” he stopped knowing the answer. “Look at me,” he said wiping the tears and trying to regain composure. “I’m a fucking girl.” He said, now mad at him self.

“You are not a fuckin girl, Parker.” I assured him. “You are a walking, talking, fuckin Ken doll, my friend. If, I mean if we would have, Fuck Parker.” And he started to laugh, half heartedly.

“Go to bed, Chancellor. I’m going to sleep out here,” he said taking the bottle from between my legs.

I stood up and felt the spins from the half a fifth we’d consumed. I straddled him, sat in his lap, put my hands on his chest, and looked at him. He was the epitome of handsome, the full package, and truly, was a beautiful man.

His messy hair always lay perfect. His eyes, even at night, were as alluring as, I don’t know what. If I were to fall in love by choice, Parker would have been the catch of a life time, but that was not the case. I had no choice but to love Robby.

“What are you doing, RJ,” he asked softly as his hands naturally moved to my ass; his eyes burning into mine.

“I’m saying goodnight to my best friend; that’s what.” And I moved in for the last kiss Parker and I would ever share. My right hand finger walked around his neck and I pulled slightly. My left hand went to his cheek, tilted his head, and I closed the distance.

The truth was, I really did love him, would have done most anything for him, but this was as far as it would ever go, and he knew that. I did feel something when our lips met but it wasn’t fireworks, wasn’t the feeling of being complete, and it wasn’t what Robby and I shared.

I allowed it to go further than intended, felt him under me hardening from our kiss. I let him lead me deeper, a kiss like we shared years ago, and I responded. I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair to him, but I couldn’t pull away yet.

I must admit I was lost for a moment, his pull on me increasing with him rock hard under me now. I broke the kiss, finally; my hands now back on his chest, both of us out of breath and he knew.

I stood and looked at his lap, the two buttons straining to hold his cut-offs closed, barely. “You will get eaten alive if you pass out, Park,” I told him as I ruffled his hair.

“Go to bed, RJ, I’ll be fine. Leave the bottle.” And he made a ‘get lost’ motion with his hand.

I walked into the shack and the bitch growled at me. I heard Robby say her name and she stopped. “Is he OK, Ryan,” he asked.

“Ryan?”

For the first time Robby questioned and I felt it. “Robby, I told you a long time ago; Parker and I are like brothers. He doesn’t think he will ever find what we have and it’s making him sad.”

“I saw Rye,” he started. “That was more than a kiss.”

I’m not sure if things would have been different if I knew he was watching.

“You saw me showing our friend how much I love him, Robby; nothing, more; nothing, less. OK?” And the bitch growled and Robby said her name again.

“Rob, I am going down to take a shower, I stink,” I announced.

“Want some company?” he asked.

I could see the look on his face, hear it in his voice, and the sparkle in his eyes when he asked. And yes, I wanted company. I wanted his company.

I looked at him in what little light there was, sprawled out on our bed and my favorite toy laying to the right. Yes, I definitely wanted his company.

The camp ground had several showers and the one closest to us was private with a lock. I stripped; we wrapped towels around us, and quietly locked Lady in the trailer then made our way down to the wet oasis. We were naked and the water was warm when we heard Parker outside.

“Chancellor’s, let me in.” he demanded in a booming voice as he pounded on the door.

---

From the Author:

The last seven months had been a trying time for both of us. The time we spent at the river that year changed many things. Parker and Robby shared things that were never meant to be, but in the end it made us all stronger.

---

We were naked and the water was warm when we heard Parker. “Chancellor’s, let me in,” he demanded in a booming voice as he pounded on the door.

Robby looked at me wide eyed. Parker looked passed out when we locked Lady up. “He’s drunk, Rob. We better let him in before the Ranger comes.” I said quietly.

The showers were new and very nice, designed as family showers with a bench on one side and done in white tile. Rob and I would use it late at night so we could shower together.

Robby opened the door and there was Parker. He had his head tilted, that quirky drunk smile plastered on his face, and what was left of the scotch in his hand.

“I knew you guys were playing,” he announced lifting the bottle over his head dumping the remainder on himself. “I smell like booze; can I play too? Please?” He asked started to laugh.

Rob looked at me, then Parker, and started to laugh too. It was funny, I mean really funny, and Rob pulled him in and locked the door. He and I were both naked and there was kind of a pause as we looked at Parker, who wasn’t, and he was eying us.

With a flick of his finger those 501s were at his feet and Rob and I stopped laughing. For me it had been a long while since I had seen my friend like this and Rob never had. I knew Parker was built; if you know what I mean. Rob had only assumed from the bulge Parker always displayed.

Rob pulled his eyes away and looked at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. Robby didn’t lust over guys, had never been in situation like this, and I could tell he was nervous.

He looked back at Parker and said, “Jesus Christ, Parker!” As his eyes went from his face; then down, to his, six-inch softy, and back up again.

I couldn’t help but smile again. I knew what he was going to say. “Pretty cool, isn’t it, Robby?” he asked knowingly, looking at him wagging it. Parker was proud of a lot of things but this was his pride and joy. He always enjoyed when someone saw it for the first time.

Parker pushed his way under the water, leaned back under the spray and asked, “Who’s washing my hair?” like we were here to service him.

Robby leaned up against one wall and I did the same on the other, and we admired Parker then each other. We waited until Parker stepped out of the spray. He ran his hands over his hair then down his face and opened his eyes.

Rob and I weren’t smiling as we both looked at him. He studied us, hoping for something. He tried to pull ‘a Rob,’ his eyes went sad, bottom lip came out, and he did the puppy thing.

“You guys are really going to make me wash my own hair; really?” He asked weakly. Rob and I looked at each other and broke up laughing again. When Parker stopped laughing he did that ‘checking you out thing’, as he eyed me.

His smile got wide and he asked, “Still shaving, huh, RJ?” He did the same thing to Rob and then looked back at me. “You got him doing it too?”

“We do each other, Parker.” Rob boldly told him as he picked up the shampoo and lathered his hands. Parker turned and leaned his head back so Robby could do his thing and the spray of the shower ran down his stomach.

I grabbed the soap and washcloth, lathered it up, and rubbed it over Parkers’ chest. “There will be NO fucking, Parker.” I announced to him. “Parker??? No fucking, right?” I asked again, hoping I was making myself clear.

“I just want to play a little, Chancellor’s” he informed us as his hands found our dicks behind him. Letting him in was our first mistake. I thought I was clear, and I guess by not objecting to ‘I just want to play, too’ kind of gave him the green light to what followed.

Rob was already more than half hard and I wasn’t far behind. “Parker… you’re not playing fair.” I said as I ran my soapy hand down his stomach then squeezed from the base of his now over seven thick inches and still hardening until the head popped from my grip and his legs trembled.

I moved behind Rob and started washing his hair as he washed Parker’s back. Parker was not playing fair at all. I felt Rob’s butt push back against me because that is what Parker did to him. He was grinding his ass against Robby, Rob’s tool sliding between his legs and under his balls. No, Parker was not playing fair at all and Rob was feeling bad for responding.

He leaned his head back next to Robs and asked, “You want to touch it, don’t you, Robby? You know you do,” then pushed back against him again.

“Don’t tempt me Parker.” came from Rob’s mouth. “If I touch you, Parker, what are you going to do for me?” he asked jokingly, not knowing what he had just entered into.

Robby was playing with fire and didn’t know it. Even as drunk as Parker was he knew exactly what he was doing. He turned and faced Rob, the florescent light in the shower making his green eyes snap as he looked down at their muscles facing each other and I looked at him over Rob’s shoulder.

He looked back and I watched him change. He looked back to Rob and used all the charms I had seen him do in the past. He used those green fuckin eyes and the long gaze, and then the tilt of the head and lick of the lips.

“If you can make me cum, Robby; and I don’t care how you do it, I will do anything you want; anything Robby.” He lustfully said. Parker had crossed over, was loosing willpower, and he would come to regret it. Parker had called Robby’s bluff in a big way.

Robby didn’t back down, but he had no idea what he was up against. “What if I make you cum sucking on my dick Parker? Will you still do what ever I want? Will you, Parker?” Robby teased.

I never expected this. Robby had just doubled down. He had dropped the gauntlet to one of the most sexually charged guys I knew and I had no idea what was going to happen. I had to step in.

“Parker, you are drunk.’ I said with a glair. “Robby, you have NO idea what you are doing.” I told both of them but was ignored.

Parker dropped to his knees and looked up at us and then said to Rob, “Is this how it’s going to be, Robby?” He asked. Robby’s head was scrambling; Parker had again called his bluff just like I knew he would.

Parker looked at Rob’s completely hard tool then back up at him. “How about I suck off RJ and make YOU cum, STUD. Would you cum watching me suck his big fat cock, Robby? Would you?”

“OK, OK, Parker, you win. OK?” Robby announced in defeat. But it wasn’t as easy as that. Robby had entered into a game of cat and mouse that didn’t allow surrender. Rob was the very little mouse and Parker was the tiger. A clear winner and loser had to be definitive. He had no idea and was, way, way, out of his league.

“Someone is going to cum, Robby,” he announced with confidence. “And I think it’s going to be both of us,” Parker explained as he wrapped his hands around Rob’s tight cheeks, squeezing and pulling his dick into his mouth.

Parker was a natural born dick sucker and he loved watching someone else suck his. Robby grabbed his shoulders and pushed away but Parker pulled on him and went all the way down Rob’s shaft and licked his balls as he looked up and smiled around Robby’s dick.

Robby said my name breathlessly as Parker worked that inch and half that wouldn’t fit anywhere but his throat.

I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “I tried to warn you.”

Parker pulled off, looked at Rob, and asked, “What if I don’t cum, STUD? What then?” and he slowly inched his way down his dick again, all the way down, and then pulled off again. “What then, Robby?” he asked, one last time before swallowing back down.

Parker liked to be in control and at the moment he was but he had another side. I was going to turn the table.

I had to do something. I stepped behind Rob, my dick sliding between his cheeks and said “it’s ok” in his ear.

Fuck you, Parker, I thought to myself. I will win this. I felt that sexual evil come over me, the one where you want to be the winner, and I knew Parker’s Achilles heal. Rob would never be in Parker’s debt. Not like this anyway.

I reached around Rob and took Parker’s face in my hands and started fucking Rob with Parker’s mouth. I worked him slow all the way down and then back up. Every forth or fifth stroke I would hold him; working just Rob’s head in his throat. I don’t think he even knew it was me.

Now came the part where I pulled out the big guns. Rob and I had never been in a position like this before and I had never been like I was going to be now.

Parker had another side and I knew how to bring it out. It wasn’t me to be like this, I wasn’t into the shame thing or being mean, but I had to do something.

“PARKER…” I snapped at him as I pulled his head from Robby and slapped him across the face. I felt Robby jerk at my action, he didn’t know what was happening but I went on.

“You, my friend, are not playing fair.” I announced as I let him catch his breath then pushed his head back down again, hard.

I worked him in my hands a little faster. “How could you not cum sucking his fat cock, Park? I cum when I suck him, Parker.” I growled at him as I increased the speed of his suck and felt Robby’s ass pushing back against me as I pulled Parker into his groin.

“I don’t think you’re trying Parker.” I said as I slid my hands to the back of his head and collected fistfuls of hair and pulled. I reinforced the speed of his suck and said, “Don’t make me beat your ass, Parker.”

I pulled his head back so just Rob’s mushroom was touching his lips. “You want to cum sucking his dick, don’t you? Don’t you, Parker?” My voice echoed, not so much a question, but more a statement. And then shook his head up and down and forced him back on Rob.

I saw a hand go for his dick and I pushed his head down and held him there. “Did I say you could touch yourself, BITCH? Did I?” and I allowed him to come up for air. I looked into his green eyes.

“Parker, you started this.” I reminded him then held him by the hair like I was going to slap him again.

I pushed his head down and went for the finish line. “I know you want his fat cock, Parker. His loads are huge, Park.” I growled and increased the speed. “You want Robby to fuck you? Don’t you, Parker? You want his thick load in your ass. You are such a fucking whore, Park.” I announced.

I had kind of forgotten about Rob who was between us. I was more focused on Parker than Rob’s cheeks sliding up and down my dick. I was getting lost in the need to win.

Robby was seeing a side of me he never had before. It really wasn’t a side, this wasn’t me, and it didn’t turn me on to do this to my friend. But I knew Parker would cave.

“OK Parker, you asked for it. I am going to put my big dick in Robby’s hot ass and you are going to cum with him in your throat when I fill him up. Are you ready Parker?” I asked as I increased my speed of his suck.

I wouldn’t share something as private as that with anyone else, but Parker was going to cum, one way, or another. Robby was getting close and I pulled Parkers head off him again.

“I bet we could both fuck you. Should we try, Parker; should we try?” I asked. “Do you want us stuffing both of our big dicks in you?

Do you want us fucking that tight hole of yours? Put your fingers in that hot ass, Parker. Do it.” I commanded with fists full of hair.

Parker was on his knees and I held his head by the hair in my left hand and slapped him again with my right and then wrapped my fingers around his throat. “I said, put, your, fingers, in your tight hole, Parker; NOW!” And both his hands went to his ass.

“Chance:” he was able to get out before I pushed him back down on Rob.

“Feel that big dick? Robby is so tight, Parker. You want him to cum, don’t you Parker?” And I worked his throat on Rob’s head.

“What happens if you both cum at the same time, Park? What then?” I asked.

But I wouldn’t let him up to respond. This was Parker; a side of him anyway. I loved him but this side, not so much.

‘He started it. Just playing, he said. But he went further and now it was up to me to bring it to an end, and I new how to do it.’

“You want this big dick, Parker, don’t you? Parker, look at me.” I commanded pulling him by the hair off Rob’s dick. “I will choke you with Robby’s big cock until you cum or pass out. Do you understand, Parker?” I asked. “Tell me Parker. Tell me what you want.”

“Chance, I want.” I held his head still and pushed myself against Rob’s ass and his dick slid back into Park’s mouth. Robby wasn’t into this but he was stuck in the middle. He would push back on me only to have me push him back in again.

“Parker, do you want to cum? Answer me, you bitch.” I was loosing it. “Do you want to cum you, slut? You want to touch that big dick of yours, don’t you?” I finally asked and he nodded.

“Hold off as long as you can.” I said in Rob’s ear; but this was too much for him and he was going over the edge. He wasn’t turned on by what was going on, but Parker was a grade, A, cock sucker. And what guy his age, can resist that?

I worked just Rob’s head in Parker’s throat. “Are you going to cum, Parker?” I asked again and he nodded yes with Rob’s dick in his mouth.

“You can touch that big dick of yours Parker? When I tell you to cum; you better do as I say. I want you to cum now and then Robby will give you his big load.” And I held his head down and waited.

He stroked himself as I held him there. He started moaning around the big dick in his mouth. He was whimpering, trying to pull off Rob, when I said, “Not yet, Parker. Not yet. Now Parker; you can cum now.” I said this softly and I released his hair, but held his head and he unloaded.

“Give it to him Robby, he’s earned it.” I whispered. And Rob unloaded as I held Parker down on him. Parker was starting to struggle and I held him there. “You wanted this you, fuckin whore. You started this. Now take it. And if you bite him I will slap the shit out of you. Do you understand, Parker?”

I had cum between Robby’s cheeks. I mean, I really came. OK, maybe I liked it a little. I felt Rob’s contractions and I know he chocked Parker the way he would swell and the loads he shot. I held Parker’s head in my right hand and I looked at him. I felt bad, but like I said, Rob was not going to be beholden to Parker. Someone had to win.

“You fuckin loose Parker. You understand, Parker. You lost.” And I dropped him.

I put my arms around Rob’s stomach. “I am so… sorry. Are you OK?” I asked, as Parker plopped on his ass. This was something that I never saw coming and Robby had no idea when he started. My hand wrapped around his shaft and I felt it still contracting.

I pulled Rob down and we all sat on the floor of the shower. Parker was ashamed. He never wanted Robby to see him this way and I shouldn’t have brought it out in him, but he fuckin started it and Rob didn’t know any better.

We all sat on the floor and I watched Parker’s tears mix with the water of the shower. He put an arm around both of us as he shook his head back and forth.

“I have fucked this all up. I am so… sorry Chancellor’s. You both probably hate me.” he started.

Robby reached down and took Parker’s thick, dripping, meat, in his hand. He rubbed his thumb over the slippery helmet causing Parker to lift his head. He had never touched anyone but me. Nobody had ever drawn from him what Parker had other than me.

I could feel him struggling in his mind to understand what he had just been a part of. This was not us, we had never been like this with each other and he had no idea I could rise to something; or stoops to something like what had just happened.

“Don’t look at me like that, Robby.” Parker spat; feeling the shame of someone who enjoys what I did to him.

Rob had no understanding. He didn’t know someone could be driven to an orgasm from being treated like this. And I wasn’t gentle. He felt sorry for Parker and couldn’t hide it.

Rob and I had a few times when we got a little more physical with each other, but it was love that drove us there, wanting to give the other more. This was not that. But Rob loved Parker too; wanted him to have what we had, and he didn’t want him to feel bad.

“Look at you how, Parker?” He asked. Tilting his head, the way he did and cupping Parkers red cheek in his hand. “You think I don’t love you, too?” he questioned. A long look transpired between them.

“You ever thought of teaching a class, Parker?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood, and then he started to laugh. It worked.

Parker couldn’t help but start laughing too. “I am pretty fucking good, aren’t I?” was his reply. He continued laughing and then looked at me.

“I am never playing with you again, Chance. You, cheat.” He said, with his own tilted head and half smile. “You fuckin slapped me, YOU BITCH.”

He looked up at Rob and said “You fuckin near drowned me, Robby.” It was a smile of admiration.

“I had to get your attention, Parker,” I said. “And I would have done more than slap you, my friend. You guys are even. Nobody owes anybody; right?” I asked.

He nodded. He had put up a good fight but I wished this had never happened. I could tell Rob was having a hard time and it would be many hours of conversation before we put this behind us.

We sat for a while on the floor, the warm water hitting all of us, and we talked. Parker didn’t understand that I was Rob’s only love. He had never done anything with anyone but me. And Parker was now the only other person to. Well anything. Parker had never been in a relationship, never given himself to someone as we had, and was ashamed that Rob had seen this side of him.

Robby truly didn’t understand. He didn’t know anything other than what we had, love. Robby and I had talked but never about this. He’d never had someone as sexually charged as Parker come on to him.

He didn’t understand where it could lead.

Rob was oblivious to people coming on to him; man or women. I was his only love and the thought of someone else never crossed his mine. His innocents, was tender and sweet, but that innocents left him vulnerable.

We all stood and had a group hug then turned off the water. We looked like prunes as we dried and laughed watching Parker struggling to get his wet cutoffs up his legs and around his best features.

I had no idea how long we had been in the shower and was surprised when the sun blasted us in the eyes as the door opened. We were blinded.

When I was able to focus I stopped dead in my tracks as Rob and Parker bumped into my back.

“This is a family campground.” The Ranger, informed us. “You guys need to start a little earlier, or not take quite so long.” He continued, with the empty scotch bottle in his hand and tapping it on his leg.

I started to giggle, then Rob and Parker. We couldn’t, fucking, help it. It was funny. But the Ranger stood, stone faced, and then he smiled. He had been through our site, met lady, and let Parker salivate over him.

He was a stud. There was no mistaking it. And whether he was making himself available, or not, he was giving us the caution light. I took the empty bottle from his hand and assured him we would behave.

As we walked back into our site I heard Lady going crazy. “Rob if she has destroyed the shack, I will kill her with my bare hands.” I announced.

“Over Parker’s, dead, body, Chancellor,” he replied and laughed.

Rob opened the door to her sitting and looking at him like he was her life. I told all of them I would make scrambled eggs and sausage for breakfast and then we could all go to bed.

Parker had sobered up and was ready to eat; Rob and I were also. I did my breakfast thing and we ate outside with Lady patiently waiting for what she knew would come.

As we ate, Ranger Rick came in to our campsite. Rob was clueless, but I saw what was going on. He sat down and chatted with us like nothing had happened. Ranger Rick was a player and he wanted to play with Parker. I had no idea what he heard from the shower.

He talked about the river and offered us a boat ride and Parker gave me that look. I thanked him and said Rob and I weren’t interested and let Parker speak for himself. Park was on him like stink on shit.

The Ranger said he would be back around six this evening, and we all thanked him. Lady cleaned our paper plates, Rob washed the utensils, and I told Parker if he behaved, he could sleep with us.

Our bed in the back was a queen and I looked at it wondering what the best arrangement would be with the three of us in it.

Parker was naked and jumped in the middle; his arms out to his sides Spread eagle. “OH… an R and R sandwich and I’m in the middle,” he said in a high pitched voice. We all busted up laughing remembering Cass.

Parker was in the middle and Rob and I crawled in on either side of him, naked. Parker was sprawled out and he wrapped an arm around us as our heads rested on his chest and our legs rested over his and our knees touched.

Robby and I looked at each other; I could hear what was going on in his head. This wasn’t sexual, wasn’t some kind of foreplay, we were just giving Parker love. Parker kissed our heads, said, “I love you guys.” And we fell asleep.

I woke up alone in bed with the bitch licking my feet. I was spread out on my back, the sun in my eyes and a raging fuckin hard on.

I wiggled my toes and Lady continued to lick. “You bite my toes Lady and it will be the last thing you ever do.” I informed her.

I could hear Rob and Parker talking outside and I listened through the open window. Rob was telling him about the accident, what being in a coma was like, and how he knew I was with him. “I would have been fine, Parker.” He started. “I hate when he does that. I hate that fuckin white hair.” And I could hear in his voice, he really did.

“Robby, what do you mean, ‘when he does that?” Parker asked.

“When, I mean if I’m.” and he paused.” I could feel it, his want to be honest with Parker but he wouldn’t have understood. “We have a kind of connection, Parker,” he started. “We feel what the other does. We are stronger together, Parker, and we are exactly where we should be this time.”

That was a slip and Park caught it. “This time, Robby?” he asked.

That was my queue. I kicked Lady from my toes, got up, and stood in the door looking out at them. “Something must have bit me guys. My dick has swelled up. Look,” I said trying to sound scared. And I started laughing.  

Parker chocked and Rob shot coffee out his nose. OK, it was funny.

“This is a family campground, mister.” Parker said, trying to sound like Ranger Rick. And we all laughed more. I put on my own, worn out, pair of 501s and joined them.

---

From the Author:

When I ended the Robby and Ryan biography I thought that was the end. I received so many emails from my anonymous friends, all wanting more. I had edited so much out so I could finish on December 6th.

Unfortunately, all the chapter that came before this one had to be removed from this site so our host could comply with new regulations concerning under age. I have picked up when we are of an age that is appropriate.

If you spent the time reading to get to this, and haven’t thought it a waste of time, then vote, comment, and let me know you want more

If you want more from me, please check out, RJC on this site and read some of the many fictional stories I’ve written. As always, a big hug to our host, shouts out to the many Authors who inspired me, and to my many readers. RJC.