I.
The house was quiet, too quiet, had been for nearly three years, and Laura roamed around it wondering how she could get their happy family back together. Daniel was at the shop, and she knew it was the only way for him to keep himself from dwelling on it. Moving to the sink in the kitchen to get a glass of water and stare out into the backyard. She sipped at the tap water while looking at the trampoline picturing the boys jumping on it, Jacob doing flips while Tyler cheered him on. The boys had been so young, Jacob twelve and Tyler only nine.
Daniel kept saying he was going to get someone to take the trampoline just to get it out of the backyard. But it remained, now with a few of the fall’s first leaves scattered over it.
Laura poured the remaining water on the Christmas cactus sitting on the windowsill, set the glass in the sink, then roamed out of the kitchen. She started to go to the family room, but turned left instead of right, moving down the dark hall, the only light coming from the sunlight passing through the bedroom doors. She walked through the light to Daniel and her room, then to the rectangles of light coming from each side, Jacob’s old room on the right and Tyler’s on the left. She enters Tyler’s room as she does often when alone.
She looked at the framed comic books hanging over the desk, remembering how excited Tyler had been to find them at a flea market, explaining how they were early issues of popular comic books of the sixties and seventies. She looked at them again, trying to understand once again their value to Tyler. Then she refocused seeing her reflection in the glass of the one showing a man in a top hat and black long tailcoat standing on a street corner, the base of a fluted column behind him. She was forty-six but knew she looked older. The last three years had aged her.
Sitting on the bed, she rubbed her hand over the quilt, one made from a fabric printed with comic book characters. It had been a Christmas gift when he turned twelve. She had found the fabric in North Carolina during a vacation Daniel and her had taken without the boys. She got an aunt and her quilting bee to make it, rushing to get it completed in time for Christmas of that year. She had been surprised Tyler had left it, but after going through his desk and closet, there was so much left behind. It made her breathless to think of it. Had Tyler been so desperate to leave during the middle of the night, he took so little of his belongings. A few clothes, a laptop, sketchbooks, and that old motorcycle Tyler had spent two years restoring, then used for two years until they gave him the four-year-old Civic when he had turned eighteen. When Tyler left, the car was left in the driveway, the title laying on the kitchen counter. There had been no note, just the signed Certificate of Title. It was obvious Tyler was ridding himself of everything that tied him to home.
Rubbing her brow, fighting the desire to cry, something she had done often for months afterward. She thought of those last two days before Tyler left. The phone call from Meredith Jones to inform her Tyler, her youngest son, was gay. Tyler initially denied it, then admitted it was true, and Daniel and her pushed back, telling him that wasn’t him. He couldn’t be like that. She knew they hurt him by denying who he was as a person. They had reacted badly, but they never meant for Tyler to think he should leave, thinking they didn’t want him. That was far from the truth, one that took a few days for them to really acknowledge, for until then, they kept waiting for Tyler to come back.
Laura looked out the open blinds at the afternoon sun shining in, wishing she could take it back, all of it, anything to have Tyler back in their lives. It had been three years since he left, and she felt a hole inside her that would never be filled.
Jacob had looked for Tyler, even going to the police station to file a missing person report. But Tyler had been eighteen and it was obvious he had left on his own accord, so no missing person report went out.
Laura stood and moved to the desk, pulling out the top drawer once again. She knew everything in it. Every pen, pencil, the three types of erasures, paperclips, a cord to some device, and Post-it notes. An anger surfaced, one she had felt before but had gotten control of in the past. She didn’t want to control it this time, and she jerked the drawer out of the desk letting everything scatter across the floor. She tossed the drawer on the bed and grabbed the next one. Notebooks, two novels, an old cellphone, and other items flew across the room as she slung the drawer around and tossed it on the bed. She grabbed the bottom one, and drawings, sketches of characters Tyler had created, images of strange worlds and landscapes flew into the air then floated down to the floor. The drawer still felt heavy and she held onto it and looking into it. Despite the drawer being empty, something weighed it down. Then she remembered the secret drawer in the bottom of it, one that pulled from the side of it when it was fully out from the desk. She put it on the bed and found the catch, releasing it. Pulling the shallow drawer out, she found a leather journal.
Laura was holding her breath as she held the journal. She knew what it was even before she opened it. She knew it would be secrets she wasn’t sure she could endure.
She sat on the bed, balanced the journal in her right hand and turned the cover, feeling its weight.
This is the Journal of
Cameron Tyler Graham
Tyler’s name in his neat cursive script, each letter perfect. She turned the page.
April 13, 2019.
Four days after Tyler’s fourteenth birthday, Laura tried to remember if someone gave him the journal. She couldn’t remember it. He had gotten money from her parents and from Daniel’s, so he could have bought it himself. She remembered his party had been on Tuesday of that week, so the thirteenth would have been the following Saturday.
She read what Tyler had written and wondered if she would be able to finish it. To read of her boy, only fourteen at the time, writing of his first crush knowing there would be no reciprocation. That he couldn’t even admit it, too scared to do so…
Tyler opened the gift from brother as his eyes kept going to Jacob’s friend who was there to study for a big exam the next day. The two seniors were desperate, both struggling with their science class. He looked at Dylan McKenzie trying not to think of it. But it was impossible. Dylan had short black hair, dark brown eyes, and a muscular body that stretched the too small T-shirt. He was taller than Jacob, three or four inches taller than Jacob’s five feet ten inches and was so attractive the girls threw themselves at him. Even the girls at his party fawned over him and Tyler could see how embarrassing it was for Dylan to have fourteen-year-old girls do it. What would he do if Tyler showed interest?
He was terrified to find out.
He thanked his brother for the comic books, seeing Jacob had done well in his selection for he had none of them, then let his eyes cut over one more time at Dylan.
“Come on, let’s get started,” said Jacob, leading Dylan from the dining room.
Laura read of Tyler’s description of the events then how he felt attracted to the older boy. Then Tyler described how lonely he felt, so isolated by his difference, he didn’t know how he would survive four more years of grade school.
“Laura, are you here?” Daniel called out from somewhere in the house, probably the kitchen.
“I’m coming,” Laura called out. She slid the journal under a pillow, closed the door to the room to keep Daniel from seeing the mess she had made, then headed toward the kitchen. “How was work?” she called out as she entered the kitchen to find Daniel at the island going through the mail.
“It was fine.”
Fine. Their typical answer for everything since Tyler left.
II.
Daniel had left for work thirty minutes prior and Laura closed the dishwasher to clean breakfast dishes. She leaned against the counter as the dishwasher cycled into a wash mode. She was hesitating, telling herself to wait a bit longer, but she pushed off the counter and headed to Tyler’s room, knowing she had to go back to his journal and read what had been written in it.
The room was as she left it, and she put the drawers back into the desk then everything back into them. Once she had tidied the room, everything back in its place, she slipped the journal from beneath the pillow and sat on the bed. She flipped to the next page, scanning what a fourteen-year-old boy had written, at times holding her breath with the confessions, then letting the tears trickle down her cheeks as descriptions of loneliness filled the pages. She got to his sixteenth birthday where he confessed to faking his illness because he didn’t want a party. He wrote of feeling like he was wearing a mask all the time and just couldn’t do it for some birthday party. There were references to a couple of boys, expressions of physical longing and desire. Laura realized Tyler at sixteen wasn’t as immature as she had once thought. The opposite in fact, someone who was acutely aware of their sexuality, but too scared to act upon it. None of the boys around here are like me, he had written. Was that true, Laura wondered, as she turned the page.
Laura scanned the next few pages, Tyler being sixteen and doing the final repairs on that old motorcycle he got from Mr. Williams. Laura knew nothing of motorcycles, but she knew that one: a 1987 Honda Magna 750c in black. Something that seemed to bring him some happiness, especially when Jacob had helped him get the motor rebuilt. It had been the last time the two boys did something together.
Laura looked up picturing Jacob and Tyler working on it, parts strewn across the garage floor making Daniel and her park in the drive for a couple of days. Daniel had pretended to be aggravated about it, but she knew he had been pleased to see the boys doing something together. Then Laura wondered if it was just seeing Tyler doing something other than drawing or playing video games in his room. Daniel had been against buying the motorcycle until he found out it didn’t run, thinking there was no way Tyler would ever get it repaired. Then he wanted Tyler to do it. He wanted to see his youngest son show he could repair an engine and get the old motorcycle running. Laura wondered how much Daniel understood at the time, thinking it would show him he was wrong if Tyler got the motorcycle running.
She had had her suspicions. There had been so many clues, clues that were easily ignored when one chooses to do so. But she had seen how he looked at other boys, no doubt thinking she hadn’t noticed.
She turned to the next page and saw the date, knowing she was nearing the end of it.
April 9, 2023.
It was Tyler’s eighteenth birthday, and she remembered how she had insisted on a party, thinking it would be important. Tyler had become so withdrawn, not hanging out with any of his friends. She had got in touch with them to see if they would come, glad each one agreed, admitting how they missed the ‘old Tyler’.
It had been a Sunday, a day with perfect weather for a cookout and party. And she had invited the son of a couple from church, who lived outside of town, where the son attended the county school. Tyler had stopped going to church since he turned fourteen, and Laura could see how things were aligned. Tyler coming to grips with being a young gay teenager in a small town where he felt like he was the only one, and pulling away from everyone. He had avoided church for the way it spoke of gays and lesbians, and Laura now understood it was just a scapegoating of them. Therefore, he didn’t know the Collins family, or their son, Henry, for they had not arrived in the community until the next year.
Laura began to read what Tyler had written. How the party had been fun and he was glad she had made him do it, how he made some reconnection with his friends, and more importantly, he liked Henry. Tyler wrote how he wasn’t sure, but he felt like Henry might be like him, describing how Henry had shyly touched him and made comments that indicated interest.
Laura looked up and stared out of the window; with the realization she had been instrumental in Tyler’s first relationship. She had known something had occurred between the two boys, at first Tyler was happy for the first time in a long time, then he had been despondent. What had happened between them? She knew in general, but the details, how they had played out for Tyler, she had never known. She turned the page and began to read, desperate to know.
Tyler looked around the room as candles burned down on his cake. He looked at his friends, those who came to show they considered themselves still friends and it was up to him to close the gap between them, a gap he created with his anxiousness. He tried to make things as they were before, but there was a distraction, something that made him think about it. As hard as he tried not to do it, he couldn’t turn his eyes away from Henry Collins.
Tyler had discretely looked at Henry until he knew Henry was a couple of inches shorter than his five feet ten inches and had a similar lean build. Then there was the conservative haircut, the light brown hair short on the sides and just a bit of length on top. Blue eyes, an oval shape to the head, softly angled nose and narrow lips and thin eyebrows that gave Henry a boyish look. He could be fourteen as easily as eighteen. And Henry was shy, a quiet boy who stayed at the periphery and it made him want to know him even more.
Everyone sang happy birthday and Tyler blew out the eighteen candles, then looked around the room smiling as everyone clapped and cheered. He opened his presents, expressing gratitude for each one, although none could measure up to the 2018 Civic sitting in the drive his parents had given him the day before.
Everyone had left just before dark, except for Henry and his mother, who was in the kitchen with his mother getting recipes while talking about how to do to them. It left Henry and he alone in the living room watching television, the two of them still awkward with each other.
“Do you like this movie?” said Tyler.
“It’s okay,” Henry replied.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
Henry smiled without turning to look at Tyler.
“Do you like to play video games?” said Tyler.
“Yes.”
“Come on, we can go to my room and play while our moms talk recipes.”
Tyler led Henry down the hall to his room, the last bedroom at the rear of the house. He wondered how Henry saw his room as he went to his television sitting on a low console along the side wall next to his desk. When playing alone, he would just roll his desk chair over until in front of it where he would play for hours. He pulled out the second controller and hooked it up, then handed Henry one of them. The wires were not long enough to reach the bed to let them sit on it, so they sat on the rug and leaned back against it.
Tyler started a game and after a few mistakes, Henry began to get into the rhythm of it becoming competitive. It pleased Tyler to see him relaxing and enjoying himself. He deliberately made a mistake, and Henry won his first game.
“I won?” Henry exclaimed and he reached over and put a hand on Tyler’s forearm.
Tyler’s arm tingled with the touch and he froze, hoping Henry held the contact. But Henry seemed to realize what he had done and jerked his hand back.
“Are you ready to go again?” said Tyler, playing off Henry’s sudden embarrassment.
“Yeah, sure,” said Henry, his tone nervous.
Tyler started another game and played seriously until Henry seemed about to lose, then he made another deliberate mistake, giving him another win.
“I won!”
“You are getting the hang of it.”
“You’re not letting me win, are you?” said Henry in a lower voice, the hand now coming to rest on Tyler’s leg just below the hem of his shorts, the contact bare skin against bare skin.
“Of course not,” said Tyler as he forced himself to look at Henry in the eye instead of down at the hand on his leg.
For the next thirty minutes, while they played video games, Henry opened up, asking Tyler if he was dating someone, what kind of person did he liked, and Tyler couldn’t help but notice the questions were gender neutral, never saying she.
“Henry, are you ready to go?” called out his mother from the end of the hall.
“Yes, mom; coming,” Henry replied from the door. He looked back. “Thanks Tyler. I had fun.”
“Do you want to get together again?” said Tyler.
“Sure; call me,” said Henry, then he moved out of the doorway and was soon gone.
Tyler wondered if he was projecting, making him into what he desired. Impatiently, he would call the next evening, arranging for them to get together Thursday for dinner. He wanted to do Wednesday, but there was a church service Henry had to attend with his parents.
Laura turned the page and saw the next entry was the following Friday. She didn’t need to read it to know what those few paragraphs would reveal, but she had to read them because she needed to know. To know every detail of her son’s first encounter with Henry. It made her think of Henry, how his parents had prepared to send him away to some conversion organization, and two days before Tyler disappeared, Henry disappeared. It took the Collins nearly two years to find him. Henry was in Philadelphia working in a restaurant and living in a small two-bedroom apartment, sharing it with two women and a guy. Henry was also in a relationship with a man a few years older. A year later, the Collins were still working through their differences and preconceived notions while trying to repair their relationship with Henry.
Laura remembered how excited Sharon had been when Bill, her husband, had come home to tell her he had found Henry. It gave her hope that Tyler might be with Henry, that both boys would be found. The Collins drove up to Philadelphia to meet with Henry.
Sharon had called the night they had arrived, telling Laura of their first encounter with Henry, then relayed the news Henry and Tyler were not in contact, in fact Henry had been surprised Tyler had left two days after he had done so.
She turned back to the journal and picked up where she had left off.
Tyler drove them to the pizza joint in town that had taken the old drugstore building, converting it into a restaurant. The place was busy, many of Tyler’s classmates and some one- or two-years younger were there in groups of four to six, making the space a white noise of sound. Some looked curiously, wondering who Tyler was with, but none of them suspected that Tyler secretly considered his dinner with Henry a date. He had even dressed in one of his nicest shirts and newest pair of jeans.
He tried to cling to every moment, to remember every detail of dinner with Henry. The shy smiles, the way he had to initially drag conversation out of him, but once their food arrived Henry relaxed and began to initiate topics of conversation. Their favorites in several categories, such as authors, music, comics, and art. It surprised Tyler to see Henry wasn’t as uncultured as he had initially suspected, being from such a religious family. He knew from others in the community that parents often isolated their children from the evils of the world, and nothing was as evil to them as a author that challenged young minds or an artist that portrayed the human condition.
Then Tyler was shocked when Henry became bolder, the first one to touch the other and shortly thereafter, admitted a fondness for him. The touch had been such a moment, that no matter how every other detail may fade from his memory, that moment when Henry placed a hand on top of his own and asked him if he was dating anyone.
Once dinner was finished, Tyler suggested they ride around town. It was just a way for them to hang out a little longer on this auspicious night. Tyler had no idea how auspicious the night would become.
Tyler drove to the back of the park, the section where the nature center sat within the trees. He parked in the corner of the parking lot where the security lights were blocked by the tree canopy overhead.
“Is this, okay?” said Tyler.
“Yes,” Henry whispered in reply.
Tyler felt the clamminess of his hands and his heart racing in his chest, but the night had been as perfect as it could be, and he just knew Henry was like him, had to be. ‘I like you, Tyler,’ Henry said back in the restaurant. He wanted to know to what degree Henry liked him. He reached over and put his hand on Henry’s thigh and leaned toward him.
“Do you really like me?”
“Yes,” Henry replied, spreading his legs a bit more in the small car.
Tyler assumed it was permission and he squeezed the thigh then slid his hand upward as he leaned closer to Henry. At some point, Henry began to lean toward him, closing the distance between them and when their lips touched, Tyler felt Henry’s growing erection.
When Tyler pulled back, he kept his hand on Henry’s crotch, manipulating the cock within the khakis.
“You won’t ask me to stop, will you?”
“No,” Henry replied.
Henry scooted down in the seat and spread his legs as much as he could.
“Touch me, Tyler. I want you to.”
Tyler increased his manipulation as he leaned back to Henry, bringing their lips back together.
For Tyler it seemed a dream, the details hazy, blurred by his lust and desire for Henry. The touching, kissing, then undoing pants, unbuttoning shirts, tugging on one garment or another until the two of them were in the back seat, naked, cocks fully erect.
Tyler lay back against the side of the car, left leg tight to the seat back and the right leg angled over the footwell. He reached for Henry, pulled him into another kiss. As they kissed, they tugged and stroked hard cocks. Moans and soft utterances filled the car.
Tyler broke their kiss. “I want to try it.” He pushed Henry to move back and slipped down on his back, holding his legs up for Henry to take. It was tight in the back seat, but Henry moved over Tyler, bracing himself on the rear door windowsill as Tyler guided his cock.
“Henry…put it in me,” uttered Tyler.
Henry pushed his cock through the tightness, shivering for how it felt. He got the head of his cock inside Tyler and held still. When Tyler’s hands pulled on his thighs, he sank deeper, inch after inch, until over halfway in the ass.
“Fuck me. Fuck me, Henry,” uttered Tyler.
Henry began to fuck, to push deeper, then tug outward, over and over, until moving in a steady pace. He tried to control himself, but it felt too good. It was such a forbidden thing, he squeezed the sill and fucked, his pace increasing with his arousal.
Tyler rocked in rhythm with Henry’s fuck, his head bent against the side of the car and his legs awkwardly held up, feet pressed to the headliner. He didn’t care for all he could think about was Henry fucking him. Of feeling a cock pumping in his depths. His own cock drooled on his stomach.
Far too soon, Henry was jamming into Tyler’s depths while gasping for breath, then he buried cock into Tyler’s ass and shuddered with release.
Henry hovered over Tyler, cock dripping, as he looked down on the lean body and Tyler’s cock, feeling desire for it.
“The car is too cramped,” said Tyler.
“What do you want to do?”
“Get out.”
“Outside? You want to do it out in the open?”
“No one is around. Climb out Henry.”
They stood by the front fender, kissing and toying with each other, Henry smearing pre-cum along Tyler’s cock while Tyler smeared cum on Henry’s. Henry turned and leaned over the hood.
“Do me. I want to see what it is like,” said Henry looking over his shoulder at the dark silhouette of Tyler.
Tyler moved to him, rubbed the back down to the ass feeling each cheek. He slipped his fingers between them and rubbed the tight opening, then penetrated it, working one finger, then two into it. Henry lay his chest on the hood and reached back spreading his ass cheeks and Tyler knew he was ready.
Cock pressed to the tight opening, Tyler slowly penetrated Henry, eased into him, first the head of his cock, then a couple more inches. He held still hearing Henry breathing hard.
“Okay Tyler,” Henry whispered in the darkness.
Tyler tugged outward, then pushed back in, slowly building up a steady pace. As he fucked, he sank deeper and deeper until sinking every inch into the ass. He was really fucking him, hips smacking against the ass. It was too loud, but he didn’t care for all he could focus on was their pleasure.
Tyler fucked and Henry moaned and grunted. At one point, Henry was lightly banging his head on the hood as Tyler held his waist and fucked with a rapid pace. Then it was Tyler’s turn to reach the point of release far too soon. He held tight to the waist and fucked until his cock erupted in the ass, then he lay on the sweaty back and worked his hips, pushing inward with every ejaculation until spent.
Laura turned a page, unable to read more of the short time Tyler had with Henry, but she stopped at the date she knew so well, the one when Henry’s parents found out what was going on.
Tyler lay on his bed, tears streaming down the sides of his head as he cried from fear and hurt. Henry had called during the night from his parent’s landline, his cellphone taken from him. His parents had found out, and began to talk about conversion therapy, calling the pastor for recommendations.
It was cruel, by every measure, and Tyler didn’t know how to respond to it. If Henry’s parents would send him away, Tyler knew his parents could do the same, thinking it was the right thing to do. Then there was the heartbreak of Henry breaking it off with him, saying they couldn’t see each other. They had barely made a connection and now Henry’s parents were ending it, and no doubt would call his parents and out him.
The next morning, he avoided his mother, eventually slipping off in his car, riding by Henry’s house, then around the countryside around town. When he got home, he knew as soon as he went through the back door, his parents knew. They were in the kitchen talking quietly amongst themselves and fell silent when he entered. He stood staring back, unable to initiate a conversation.
“Tyler, Henry’s mom called and…do you know where he is at?”
“What?”
“Tyler, do you know where Henry is?”
“No, I…” Tyler was going to say he had only talked to Henry the night before, but worried that would be revealing too much. “I haven’t seen him since last weekend.”
“If you hear from him, we need to know. His parents are frantic.”
“—.” Tyler didn’t know what to say and knew there was much more his parents would want to talk about. His mother motioned toward the stools at the kitchen island.
Tyler sat down at the nearest stool, the one that sat at the end of island as his parents took two of the stools along the long side.
“Tyler…” Laura whispered then fell silent for a few seconds. “Do you want to talk about this relationship you had with Henry?”
Tyler caught the past tense of the question, and he choked back the tears, shaking his head.
“Tyler, we have to talk about this?”
“Son, it’s not right and—” said Daniel.
“And what? Are you going to send me away too?”
“Son—”
“I can’t talk about this right now,” Tyler exclaimed and he jumped up and rushed out of the kitchen, going to his room. No one tried to stop him. He lay on his bed and cried until he could shed no more tears. He refused to answer when called to dinner, just laying on his bed until sleep finally overtook him.
The next day, a tense truce existed between Tyler and his parents. He knew they were just biding their time, waiting for the right moment to bring it up. Then what, he wondered. Would he be shipped off? Or maybe once everything was out in the open, they would just tell him to leave. Other parents had done it, so what would stop his own from doing so.
At dinner, they ate in silence, until Tyler had stopped stirring his food around, unable to eat much of it.
“Tyler, sooner or later, you have to talk to us?” said Laura.
He got up from the table and went to his room. Laying on his bed, he considered what Henry had done, just packed up and left, telling no one where he was going. It seemed so extreme, but against being sent away, maybe it wasn’t. When it got late, sometime around two in the morning, he quietly packed a few clothes and toiletries, then his laptop, sketch books and art supplies he kept in the bottom drawer of his desk. It wasn’t much, but it would fit in his backpack. He looked at his desk where his journal was hidden, deciding to leave it. He didn’t need it and wondered if his parents would find it in the secret compartment and read it. It could tell them things he couldn’t.
He checked to make sure his parents were asleep, then eased down to the kitchen. He laid the car title on the countertop of the island, then started to write a note. The pen hovered over the paper; he didn’t know how to start or what to say, then he gave up, and headed back to his room.
He got his key to the motorcycle, leaving the rest on his desk, and slung his backpack over his shoulders. In the garage, he unhooked the door from the chain for the motorized lift and eased the door up manually. He rolled his motorcycle out, lowered the door, then rolled it down the drive and up the street until a few houses away. He climbed on and started it, and once it settled into a smooth idle, he rode away. He navigated familiar streets through town, stopping at the bank, using his ATM card to draw what money he had saved up in a personal account, then broke the card in half, dropping it in the trash. Back on his bike, he wondered where to go. He thought of places that might pave the way for a new life, and he considered his love of comics, and the characters he had created in his sketch books. He started the bike, and rode away, heading west.
III.
Laura found herself sitting on Tyler’s bed watching Jacob get out of his SUV and walk toward the house.
“Mom?” Jacob called out
“In here,” Laura replied.
She didn’t need to tell Jacob where ‘here’ was. A few seconds later, he stepped into the doorframe and frowned.
“Mom, what are you doing in here?”
“Trying to figure out where Tyler would go.”
“We’ve looked everywhere.”
Laura was going to say they had not looked everywhere, or they would have Tyler back. Instead, she slipped a hand under the pillow and pulled the journal out.
“What’s that?” said Jacob.
“Tyler’s journal.”
“Where did you find it?”
“Do you remember that bottom drawer has a secret compartment? We had thought it cute for a young boy, and…he had hidden it there.”
“I’m surprised he left it.”
“I think he wanted us to find it.”
“Does it tell us anything?”
“It reveals so much…so much we didn’t know, but…”
“Nothing that would tell us where he went?”
“He took his sketch books and laptop and just a few clothes, and nothing else. Where does someone go with so little?”
“He left one sketch book.”
Jacob had been the first one to search Tyler’s room and in the top drawer of the nightstand, found the sketchbook Tyler had been currently using.
“Yes, but it only had six drawings in it,” said Laura.
“He really liked comic books and the way they told stories. He even had created a persona.”
“A persona?”
“You didn’t notice?”
“No. Show me,” said Laura, getting up and rushing over to the desk, taking down the sketchbook from the shelf over it.
On the first page, a character wearing a space suit, obviously male with how the suit fit tight to a muscular body, revealing so much, including a bulging crotch. Jacob pointed to the lower right, down in the line work for the background. In tiny letters, Zeuxis.
Laura looked at Jacob. “Maybe this is clue?” She sounded desperate, willing to grasp anything that might find Tyler.
“Maybe it is,” said Jacob, unable to say anything discouraging. “Let’s go do an online search.”
In the study, Jacob sat at the desk with Laura standing over his shoulder. Jacob typed the name into the computer and watched as the screen filled with sites on the painter from Greek times.
“We need to figure out a way to cull this of the original references,” said Jacob. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, wondering the best way to do it. Then he began to type: Comic book Zeuxis. It seemed crazy to think Tyler would be online in only three years with something they could find, but several hits came up, the most promising a self-published comic. It had dropped only a month prior.
“The number of likes is pretty good,” said Jacob as he opened it.
The comic opened to a boy flying over a neighborhood. The title floated over the boy’s head: The Boy Who Could Fly. The author’s name was in a yellow ribbon across the bottom of the page: Zeuxis.
“Do you think that is Tyler?” said Laura.
“I don’t know but if he is trying not to draw attention to his real identity, this would do it,” said Jacob as he scrolled the comic. “It looks good and; whoa.”
“What is it?”
Jacob turned to his mother. “It has a gay storyline.”
Laura smiled while shaking her head. “Of course it does.”
“So, what now?”
“Does it say where he lives?”
“No, but let me do a search of….” Jacob’s voice trailed off as he began to type. For the next forty minutes, Jacob searched online. Laura sat on the bed, watching and waiting.
“Gotcha ya,” Jacob exclaimed as he rolled back from the desk. “The author posted this in Portland, Oregon.”
“Portland?”
“That’s right.”
“And did you figure out if it is Tyler?”
“That I haven’t been able to do.”
IV.
Cameron Tyler Graham moved through the bookstore, heading to the back to clock out, his Saturday shift completed. He glanced around at Jessica and Emily working with customers, no doubt searching for some book that might have been mis-shelved by a customer.
In the stockroom, he went to the area set up as a break area where the computer sat for them to clock in and out, and he typed in his employee number and hit ‘out’. He removed his store branded apron, putting it on the hooks for someone else to utilize, then retrieved his backpack that had his insulated lunch bag in it. A glance in the mirror as he raked a hand through his hair, then he headed out, going back through the sales floor, exiting at the front.
As he crossed the street, he adjusted his backpack and settled into his usual gait, heading back to the apartment he shared with Dean. He had arrived two and a half years ago, with the job at the bookstore enabling him to make the move from Denver. For a few months he worked to get settled, renting a room from a widow in Nob Hill, something that had been such a lucky thing, he felt that maybe his life was going to turn around.
He eventually began to go to a nearby gay bar, where he met a few guys, hooking up on occasion, but it was meeting Dean at work, a regular customer who slowly began to talk to him until after a while, asked him out for dinner.
For the next two years, they dated until becoming boyfriends, then more than that, the final act, him moving in with Dean two months ago. Dean lived in a loft apartment in a renovated building downtown near his job with a marketing firm as a lead designer, and Tyler had had such mixed emotions when he showed up at Dean’s door with his backpack and one handcart of boxes. Thrilled to be moving in with him, becoming a real part of his life, but some of his old fears of inadequacy surfaced as he stood at the door with so little in personal effects, as if the lack of possessions was some mark against him.
After covering the nine blocks, he went into the lobby, up the elevator to the fourth floor, and down to their apartment. He entered to find Dean on the sofa reading.
“How was your day?” said Dean.
“Good. How was your day?”
“Good. We wrapped up a project this morning, so I took the afternoon off to finish this book since I’m so near the end.”
“So, it’s good?”
“Yes. You need to put it on your list to read. I’ll leave it on the nightstand when I finish.”
“With the other three books,” said Tyler jokingly getting Dean to smile back. “I’m going to take a shower.”
Tyler went to the bedroom area, screened from the living area with a shelving unit and stripped off his clothing, knowing Dean was watching. He tossed everything into the hamper in the bottom of the closet, then headed to the bathroom, wondering how long it would take Dean to join him.
The water of the shower ran warm, and Tyler soaped up his chest and stomach as the glass door swung open and Dean stepped in.
“I’ll wash your back,” said Dean.
Tyler smiled, holding out the cloth.
Dean washed his back, then ass, and finally reached around soaping up his cock. It was a manipulation just to stir his arousal, and soon a soapy hand was stroking his growing erection. A kiss to the back of the neck and the other hand rubbed up his stomach and chest, then pulled their bodies together.
“You really tempt me,” uttered Dean into his right ear.
“Good. Now fuck me,” Tyler replied, able to express his desires without hesitation.
Tyler was guided to face the wall, and he braced himself on it, stepping back to angle his ass out for Dean. Fingers bore into his ass, twisting and sinking inward as far as they could reach, then he felt Dean’s cock penetrating him. Slowly, inch after inch sank into him until Dean was pressed against his back.
“Fuck; Dean, fuck me.”
Dean held Tyler’s cock as he began to fuck. The push inward all the way, pushing Tyler’s cock through the fist. The tug outward, nearly all the way until only the head remained in his ass and his own cock could be pulled back through the fist. They moved in sync, cock fucking ass, cock fucking through a tight fist.
Dean slid a hand up Tyler’s chest to the neck and pulled the head back so they could kiss.
“I love you,” whispered Tyler.
“I love you,” uttered Dean breathlessly.
Dean began to fuck faster; his arousal increased to the point he needed release. He held Tyler by the neck while stroking cock and increasing the pace of his fuck. Hips bumped against ass. Hands braced on the wall. Tyler uttered his desires, sexual, uninhibited.
“Dean; fuck me,” exclaimed Tyler feeling his own need for release building.
Dean pulled back at the neck, arching Tyler’s torso while fucking harder. Hips began to smack against ass. Dean’s stroking became irregular, making Tyler jerk and shiver within his grasp.
Tyler came first, his cock erupting violently, hitting the wall with wad after wad. His ass spasm around the cock pumping into his depths, increasing the intensity of his release. He shuddered and jerked, then begged Dean to cum.
Dean tightened his hold of Tyler, held their bodies tight together, as he shoved deep into the ass and shuddered with his own release.
Tyler lay on the bed barely dried off, naked and still erect. He hung his head over the side and let Dean slid cock through his lips. He took nearly every inch then controlled his breathing as Dean slowly pumped the cock through his lips. He felt his nakedness, his giving of himself to Dean, for both of their pleasure. His cock flexed as Dean’s cock sank into his mouth pushing into his throat.
Dean shifted over him and he felt Dean’s mouth take his cock. He lay there taking the cock in his mouth as his own cock was sucked. Dean sucked him until he wanted to cum, then stood over him, cock dripping in his face.
“Turn around,” said Dean.
Tyler smiled, knowing Dean wanted to fuck him again, and he spun around until his ass was at the edge of the bed and he was holding his legs up for Dean to take.
Dean took the legs at the ankles and spread them wide apart as he bent to align cock with the ass. Tyler threw his head back and moaned as cock bore into his depths once again. He shivered with the fullness of penetration, how the cock seemed to touch the center of his being and he took his own in hand to slow stroke it as Dean fucked.
Dean increased the pace of his fuck until the bed rocked beneath him. Fucked until sweat beaded up on the skin and was trickling down the face and chest. Dean demonstrated a stamina that defied his lean build, fucking relentlessly. When he finally paused, Tyler looked up at him watching the lustful stare as the hands slid down his legs until behind the knees. He knew Dean’s intent and lay back relaxed.
Tyler’s legs were pushed forward, then down, until thighs were tight to his chest. It angled his ass up perfect for Dean, and cock was quickly sinking into his depths, then fucking. Fucking relentlessly, hips smacking against ass and the bed rocking and squeaking. Tyler clutched the bed and stared up at Dean, watching the expression shift through its various states until the one that spoke of Dean’s impending release.
Dean shoved into his depths, pressed against his upturned ass, trying to push deeper. Dean shuddered and jerked, then cried out as he came in Tyler.
They laid on the bed cooling down, knowing they needed to shower off again. Tyler lay on his back with Dean next to him on his side, twirling a finger in his hair.
“Your comic is getting a lot more likes,” whispered Dean.
“Really? Is it enough to garner a publisher’s attention?”
“Not yet, but I think you should promote it during those Comic Con events in various cities.”
“Sometimes I don’t think it is good enough. Maybe I should do one of the other storylines I’ve created, maybe the one about an alien coming to earth to observe us.”
“It’s good enough; just be patient. It hasn’t been that long since you uploaded it. My only concern is you using a pen name and not your real name.”
“You know why.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes...I think so.”
“I still think you should call your brother and see how things are with your family.”
“I’m just—”
“Afraid your worst imaginings will be true.”
Tyler knew Dean was right. Dean had a wonderful relationship with his family, his two sisters having visited them last month for a week, and he was envious of it, and knew enough time had passed so that things could be different back home. But what if it wasn’t alright. What if his parents had been swayed by Henry’s parents that he could be fixed when there was nothing wrong with him.
It was the one thing he felt like a coward about, this fear of reaching out to see if his family missed him.
Saturday morning arrived with slow drizzling rain and cooler temperatures. A perfect day to lay in bed late, and for Tyler an excuse to wait for Dean to prepare breakfast and bring it to bed. He could smell the bacon cooking mixed with the scent of brewed coffee. It made his stomach growl with hunger.
Someone knocked at their door, and Tyler wondered who it could be at this hour of the morning, then trying to remember if Dean or he was expecting a package.
“Tyler, can you get that,” Dean called out from the kitchen.
“Yes,” Tyler replied, jumping to his feet and slipping on sweatpants and a T-shirt. He moved around the shelving unit to the living area, crossing the area to the door. He looked through the peephole and froze for a moment. He looked back into the room, Dean in the kitchen preparing dinner, a tray on the dining table for their breakfast, and the living room with a blanket tossed over the back of the sofa haphazardly from where they had watched a movie while laying underneath it the night before.
Tyler didn’t know how to process it, felt breathless and suddenly and foolishly like the teenager who had fled home. He gathered himself and swung open the door to his brother standing before him. Then he saw his mom and dad come from the side to stand behind Jacob.
“How did you find me?”
It wasn’t what he wanted to say but it was all he could get himself to form the words for. His brother smiled at him, shaking his head.
“It wasn’t easy,” said Jacob
“Why are you here?”
Tyler wanted to know. Was it to admonish him, berate him in some way, humiliate him in front of Dean, or did they come to reconnect with him, to tell him they missed him.
“Tyler, we missed you,” Laura exclaimed, pushing past Jacob and grabbing Tyler in a hug.
“Tyler,” said Dean in the only calm voice amongst them, “invite them in and we’ll have breakfast.”
“You’re Dean Reynolds,” said Jacob moving around Tyler and Laura, holding out a hand to shake.
“Yes; how did you know?”
“Our search involved going through your social media site once we found a connection between Tyler and you.”
“How did you find the connection,” said Dean as he shook Jacob’s hand and saw Tyler’s dad approach his son.
“That comic book he published online.”
“But he used a pen name.”
“One he used in sketches that we found in his room.”
“I see.”
“If he hadn’t published that comic, we’d still be searching for him.”
“I tried to get him to make contact, but he was scared to do it.”
Jacob turned to Tyler, shaking his head.
“Why don’t you come on in, and I’ll cook some more bacon and eggs, and we can have breakfast together,” said Dean.
“We ate at the hotel, but you guys go ahead,” said Jacob as he moved into the studio apartment. “Nice view.”
“Thanks,” Dean replied as he moved to the kitchen to get their breakfast plated and to the dining table.
Tyler, Laura, and Daniel followed and eventually they were seated around the dining table.
“Are you mad at me?” said Tyler.
“Yes,” said Jacob.
“NO!” exclaimed Laura, giving Jacob an admonishing stare.
It made Tyler smile, for it was familiar, his brother blunt in his honesty and his mom showing an inability to be mad. He looked at his dad, wondering what he had to say, and saw him wipe his eyes and look away.
It was mid-afternoon, the rain stopped, and they were in a small bakery, an independent operation that did their own baking on the premises. The tables were small and they sat around two of them, enjoying something sweet after walking around the city, Tyler showing his family where he lived and worked.
“Will you really come at Christmas?” said Laura.
“Yes, mom, if Dean can come with me,” said Tyler.
“Of course; we expect him to come with you,” said Daniel.
“You like living here?” said Jacob.
“Yes,” said Tyler.
“And you’re obviously happy.”
“Yes,” said Tyler again, this time smiling and blushing at the same time.
“Did you know Henry was in Philadelphia?” said Laura.
“No, but I’ve not talked to Henry since…” said Tyler, his voice trailing off, not wanting to relive that time.
“The Collins are in contact with him and they are working through everything. Henry passed word to tell you to call him,” Laura replied as she took out her cellphone and brought up a telephone number. “This is his telephone number.”
“How’s he doing?” said Tyler.
“About like you, shacked up living in sin,” joked Jacob.
Laura and Daniel looked at Jacob in horror that he would say such a thing after what they had gone through, but then Dean, then Tyler began to laugh.
Laura looked at them and realized it was just one brother jabbing at another and she smiled. She turned to Jacob and smirked.
“You and Melissa aren’t married but are living together.”.
“Yes mom, we’re living in sin too!” Jacob exclaimed.
After their laughter died down, Tyler turned to his mom.
“But seriously, Henry is doing well?”
“He is working at some restaurant while going to school at night, and he has boyfriend who is a real estate agent. Call him and you can get all the details and bring him up to date on your life.”
“Do you have to fly back tomorrow?” said Dean.
“Dad and I have to be back to work on Monday,” said Jacob.
“Mom, why don’t you stay for a few days,” said Tyler.
Laura looked at Daniel who nodded.
“You’d let me stay for a few days?”
“If you don’t mind crashing at our place. There’s no privacy but we can rough it for a few days.”
“I’d like that.”
“Then it’s settled,” said Dean. “On the way back, let’s stop at the market. I’ll get something to prepare for dinner so we can hang out at the apartment tonight.”
As the conversation circled around on what to prepare for dinner, Tyler sat back and let out a slow exhale and smiled. It was not as he feared, far from it, and he had his family back. He could worry about the misunderstandings and what was lost over the last three years but why bother with something that was in the past. It could just become a part of his history, knowing he needed to look forward, to his future. He placed a hand on Dean’s knee, and a hand came over it, lacing their fingers together. His mom saw it and smiled, then turned to Jacob to reply to something he had said.
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