My journey from submissive cock slut to power-top

After I had discovered the two gay saunas, I became addicted to them. I had a lot of free time. I was in my early 20s, so I went every day of the week until I worked out when they were busiest. One had a towel free Tuesday, where about a hundred men walked naked around a dimly-lit maze. There was a completely blacked-out section, where you couldn't see anyone. I couldn't cope with that dark section, so I only tried it once. The other sauna was busy on Wednesdays. They had a cheap lunch hour, and were flooded with nearby office workers. I was a student, so I planned to always arrive at the lunch hour. And then I would stay for four or six hours, sometimes even longer.

Between the two venues, I lost count of how many cocks I worshipped and how many guys I bottomed. I stopped counting after 300. I was there so regularly, some men came expecting to see me specifically. What an honor. I became very good at using my mouth and my hands. It was intuitive, leaning how to make them like an extension of my mouth. These guys became obsessed with my blowjobs. I tasted every length and girth of dick I could.

I began to use the venue's listing on Squirt to post when I was heading in. Sometimes lunchtimes were quiet, but I figured I could tease office workers to come here. The steam room had a central platform, it was big enough to lie on. So I regularly began posting that I would be the young jock lying down naked in the steam room, ready to suck every cock at lunch hour, and would swallow every load. I'd never swallowed a load before, except my own.

The first time I tried this strategy, I wasn't expecting the reaction I got. I arrived late, just before the discount ended, and no one seemed to be here. I was disappointed. I went downstairs and showered, dropped my towel and opened the door to the steam room. The room was packed with naked men, all in their 40s-50s. And in the light of the doorway, they could all see it was me, the boy they'd been promised. I took a deep breath and walked into the dark steamy room. They all began moving like sharks circling a prey. No one was sitting on the central platform. It had been left vacant for me. I sat down and lay back, like a sacrifice on an altar. There must have been 30 men in the steam room (it is a long, tiled steam room). I closed my eyes and eventually their hands began running themselves across my naked body. I felt my cheek slapped by a cock. I turned my head and began sucking it. There was another cock on my cheek. I turned and began alternating blowing and jerking these two cocks. Then a cock slapped down on my forehead. I craned my head back, and started to be throat fucked.

I really hadn't thought it through. There were a lot of other men, all frustrated they couldn't get to me. My neck was beginning to hurt so I got off the platform and knelt on the ground. I felt like I couldn't breath from the steam. But I couldn't breath because I was choking on cock. One man after another, one different cock after another, fucking my mouth until I was almost crying from exhaustion. I knew the taste of my own cum, but I had never tasted another guy's cum yet. I had always been too shy, except now I was doing this. The first guy that came in my mouth was tall, hairy, and had an incredibly fat cock. The cum was warm, creamy, and tasted so much better than my own. I didn't have time to savor it, I had to swallow it because another cock was forcing its way past my lips. My head was constantly being directed to take in another cock. I was shaking from kneeling for so long. Each guy unloaded himself and left. When the last guy cummed in my mouth and left, I kept kneeling there in the dark, alone and shaking, except at the corners of the room I could faintly see older men who had watched the spectacle, but who hadn't joined in. I wonder what they thought of me.

I announced my visits weekly, and sometimes guys posted back, bitching about how I had been too busy sucking other guys' cocks and I didn't pay them much attention. Like, ffs, I could barely see who I was sucking. I mostly saw beautiful cocks and pubes. But in the darkness I could make out silhouettes, and I learnt you could never guess how large a guy's cock was from his height or build. Some of the shortest men had the biggest cocks.

Anyway, I didn't have classes to run to, so like I said I would stay from lunchtime to afternoon/evening. If there were hardly any guys, I would hang out in the lounge until someone arrived. Otherwise I would walk through the maze, waiting to find someone to fuck me. When we were fucking, I lied about whether I'd cummed or said I was already spent, and that way I was always ready for another hook-up. I avoided having le petit mort, unless it was late in the day, then I'd allow myself to cum, and I'd go home. Sometimes a guy would try to ride me, and my first few times at bareback, giving or receiving, were accidental, but the feeling was so different to a condom, and so effortless, I didn't realise what was happening until it was too late. The lighting in the venue was really dark. It is very easy for a blowjob to morph into anal sex. I was never energetic at topping either, because I thought I should be the slut, and just aim to please with my lips, hands, and cum-hungry hole.

One day, I decided to see how many men I could individually seduce, take to a private booth, and ultimately swallow their loads. One day, I stayed in the venue for 11 hours, and I swallowed the cum from 18 different men. Some of them fucked me too, before I swallowed their load. Some guys were quick encounters. Some guys I went 2-3 hous with. My record btw is 5 hours, only pausing for drinking or pissing. At the end of this very long day, I allowed myself to cum. I usually only cum once or twice, and only a small amount. But after 18 different men... well, it was like a hose. My cock spat 10 loads and covered this guy's chest. He was stunned, and so was I.

One day there was no one in the sauna venue at all, I was bored, so I found online there was a nearby guy with pics of huge balls and a home-made gloryhole. I didn't understand at first, he seemed to be a blessed freak, but I later worked out he was into silicone injections. His ball sack was the size of a rock-melon, and it literally couldn't be gripped in my hand. I wore sunglasses when I went to his flat, but I dunno, maybe he filmed it and I've ended up on a home-made porn vid. Another day, I found a 'dry' cruising lounge not far away. Everyone walked around fully clothed, and I didn't like it, except this man, black as ebony, started following me down the corridor. He was very shy, so I was surprised when he pulled out his 11" cock. He didn't know what to do with it, but he really didn't need to. It was thick as my wrist. With my trousers around my ankles, he fucked me and destroyed my arse.

The old sauna was eventually renovated a little, and they knocked out an internal wall and replaced it with prison bars, and moved the sling from a private booth, to behind the new prison bars. There was no way of closing off the area, so you could be fucked in the sling, in front of everyone, and anyone could join in. No one ever used it, but I wanted to. I had gradually learnt about douching and lubing, so I plucked up the courage, prepared my arse, and lay naked on the sling for what seemed like an eternity. Men walked up the stairs would turn the corner of the maze, and see me there waiting. They ignored me, but kept returning, passing me again and again. It turned out most men are confident in the dark of a steam room or a booth, but in more open space and more light, they are intimidated by fucking in front of other men. There were a few brave enough, but they were stressed fucking me in front of other guys. They kept begging me to go to a booth. It seemed mean so I didn't use the sling again.

If you've read Part One, you know I had put up a lot of barriers from a bad first sexual experience, and eventually a special guy had helped break down the barriers. Despite this, there was still something wrong with my slutty escapades. Sometimes I would leave the venue feeling broken. Sometimes I even cried. I kept telling myself it was just le petit mort. After years, I realised I was justifying my initial mistake, by forcing myself to be a submissive little faggot. So instead of honestly saying to myself "I fucked up and got into a situation which I didn't know how to handle and felt powerless", instead I was trying to convince myself that it had been "part of the plan" and that this was "who I am": a submissive cock slut. I was telling myself I was strong by pretending, in my mind, that I had deliberately become powerless.

When I realised this messed-up thinking, it was like lighting a fire inside me. But habits die hard. And I was at the sauna next week, being pounded by a guy and I was moaning theatrically for him but whirling around inside my head were words like "Why are you doing this? He doesn't know how to make love. He doesn't know how to fuck. He doesn't care. He's hurting you, and he knows he is. You told him several times. Fucking hell, don't you realise you could fuck him senseless and show him how it should be done? Don't you realise you know more than him?" After a pause in the rhythm, I pulled myself off his cock. I said I didn't want to do it anymore. I left the booth. It was the first time I had rejected someone.

I got dressed and left the venue, and walked around the city. So many feelings were erupting inside me. Something had happened today which should've happened at my very first sexual encounter, years ago: I had finally had the power to say "No." I was not enjoying the experience, and I put an end to it. My train trip home was quiet, but it was like my entire body was awake for the first time in years. My next trip to the sauna was going to be very different.

(More to come.)

This is my first time writing about my experiences. Say hello if you like it. ;-)

ps Everyone in this post is over 18 years old, just to be clear.