My cousin and I

As the summer progressed so did our relationship or at least that’s what I felt at the time. We spent most of our alone time having frott session and occasionally he’d fuck my ass raw. When we fucked it was always intense! He would dominate me completely but afterwards, that domineering demeanor would fade and his eyes looked to be full of conflict or maybe I was projecting.

We’re now in the middle of August and it’s hotter then the devils ass crack, so I spend most of my time in the cold embrace of my air conditioned room, my mother is spending the week with her mother so it’s just me and Isaiah. My house sadly doesn’t have central air so I extend the offer to sleep in my room to Isaiah since his is sweltering! I of course have ulterior motives but he accepts and nighttime arrives  so I strip and slide my freshly douched booty under the covers to surprise Isaiah. I’m hoping we can have sex but I don’t want to be dominated this time, I want something more intimate.

He walks towards the bed, putting his curly black hair in a ponytail while his thin basketball shorts hang just below his waist revealing the top of his bush. His vanilla skin is glistening in the moonlight and I’m getting chubbed just thinking about cuddling and caressing him. He hops in bed but leaves so much space in between us that he feels out of reach. Do you want to cuddle I asked? “Sure, whatever.” he replied dryly. Not the enthusiasm I was hoping for but I snuggled up to him anyway. While burying my head in his chest I slowly began tracing the trail of hair that lead from his stomach to his crotch. He didn’t say anything but his dick began swell so slid my hand down his shorts and slowly started massaging his dick. 

I gently stroke  his dick until it was fully erect; using his leaking precum I ran my thumbs in circular motions on the tip of his dick eliciting soft moans from Isaiah. “Fuck.” He whispered as I continued teasing his dick. I hold his fat dick in my hand just admiring it’s girth and the bulging dick veins, I let it go to flop against his precum coated abs. I position myself in front of him, starting at his taint and then I lick to his big balls. They’re heavy so I know I’m going to get a good load I think to myself. After slurping and juggling his balls in my mouth I lick from the base to the tip of his pulsating dick, I gently kiss and lick his dick as if I was making out with him. It’s dark but with illumination from the moon I can see him biting his lip as I play with his dick. I tease the tip with my tongue before plunging all 9 inches down my throat! I’m choking and slobbering while tears run down my cheek. I relentlessly bob up and down on his dick, never letting the air touch it. Isaiah has a death grip on the bed and he’s stifling his moans; his bodily reactions to me sucking are turning me on so fucking much, my dick hurts it’s so damn hard. I finally let up off his dick since it’s nice and wet. I want to you inside me I whispered in my sexiest voice...his response “nah that’s enough, I’m going to bed.”Seriously?! We haven’t even busted yet I asked stunned and confused.  He ignored me and retreated to his side of the bed leaving me feeling confused and rejected.

The next morning I’m jarred awake by the repetitive motion of my bed moving and heavy grunts. I rollover to find Isaiah with two hands firm gripped around thick beige cock jerking furiously. He looks me in my eyes and demands “come suck daddy’s dick! I know you want it.” I did indeed want it but I was angry and confused. He rejected less then 8 hours ago and now he wants me? Am I supposed to jump when he says so? Does what I want and feel matter? All these thoughts rush through my head in a instant, I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. So I pull myself from bed still naked mind you and waltz down stairs for my morning cup of coffee, completely ignoring him! I heard him suck his teeth in annoyance but I again I ignored it.

With my coffee in hand I head back to my room where Isaiah is sitting with a look of anticipation on his face but ignoring that I grab my phone and began scrolling through Facebook shutting him out. “So what you’re just going to ignore me now?! Childish.” The FUCKING nerve I thought to myself but I’m pretty sure my face said it too. Yeah I replied, you don’t seem to have an issue ignoring me! You’re constantly sending mixed signals and you’re attitude is all over the place and I’m tired of it only being about what you want!!! Why did you shut me out last night...wha what did I do wrong? 

“WE’RE FUCKING COUSINS JAMES! THATS WHATS WRONG!” He yelled. OKAY! I shouted back. You were aware of that fact every damn time we messed around! Every time we cuddled, kissed or fucked!  So that’s not an excuse for treating me the way you do! If you had a problem then explain why you wanted me to suck your dick all of ten minutes ago?! “I don’t fucking know. Maybe because I knew you’d sulk all day if I didn’t.” He retorted, clearly frustrated. Bullshit! I responded promptly, you don’t take my feelings in to consideration ever! “You know what James, fuck you! I’m not gonna argue with my FUCKING COUSIN about our trifling ass relationship!” He screamed. I can’t lie, that  one stung a bit. You’re making zero sense I said, do you care or not? Do you want me or not? I can’t seem to figure it out so unless you can be up front with me this is done. “I Ain’t got shit else to say to you.” He said as he stormed out my room. The minute he stepped over the threshold the tears wasted no time pouring from my eyes.

Two days had passed since our blowout and Isaiah hasn’t been home. I can tell by Facebook that he’s staying with a friend that lives a few blocks away, it’s comforting knowing where he is but I’m pissed that I even care. So I’m now completely alone in a silent house with nothing but my crippling thoughts of self loathing and snacks...bad combination! I’m face to face with the reality that everything I’m feeling is derived from the fact that I’m in love with my cousin. I guess I knew but I’m finally ready to admit it to myself and it breaks me apart. Despite the blowout and the overall toxicity of the relationship I miss him and still want him. I don’t know what that says about me as a person but it is what it is.

Friday comes and I’m partaking in my favorite social media pastime of minding other people’s business on Facebook. I’m who knows how many comments deep in someone’s controversial post when a message from Isaiah flashes across my screen. The message reads “are you ok?” I thought about not replying because obviously I’m not but I’m not about to type a four page letter detailing how not ok I am, so instead I reply “yup!” and leave it at that. Another message comes through that causes my pulse to race. It reads “I know things are fucked up right now but I’m coming home tomorrow and I hope we can maybe talk to each other instead of at each other?” I played it cool and replied “sure” but I was filled with anxiety at the thought of the conversation to take place but him reaching out like that also made me feel a little better, I don’t know what that says about me or my self esteem. 

Friday feels like it took eons to come but it finally does. I get in a quick workout thinking it’ll help relax me...it doesn’t. In the early afternoon I hear the door open downstairs open and my heart immediately starts thumping! I’m nervous as fuck because I have no idea where this conversation is going to go. He makes his way into my room looking recked with anxiety himself, he sits besides me and takes a deep breath before saying “I want to get this off my chest and then you can choose to respond or not.

 This shit between us honestly makes me sick, it’s wrong and if anyone ever found out we’d probably get the shit beaten out of us. I’m not saying I’m disgusted with you James because I’m not but my feelings for you are fucking with my mental.” he said softly. The entire time he was talking he looked like  he was holding back tears. “ I’m sorry for treating you the way I did. I wanted you but was sick with myself for wanting you so the moments I pulled away were the times it was unbearable for me. I can’t be around you anymore so at the end of August I’m leaving.

By this time the tears were silently streaming down both of our faces. I’ve had the same thoughts as him but my feelings of love overpowered the shame I guess. My heart sank at the thought of him leaving and I wanted to beg and plea for him not to go but seeing him in this broken state was too much, it would be too selfish of me. Choking back my tears I replied I understand and it’s okay. I felt like I was collapsing in on myself! I couldn’t form my lips to ask where he was going or anything else for that matter...was this heartbreak I thought? The silence was killing me so I wished him well and said I’m going to hop in the shower. I walked briskly to shower so I could ugly cry in peace, maybe add dramatic flare and slide down the wall while the water rushes over me. 

I finish my shower and head to my room to find Isaiah still. Have you been here the whole time? “Nah, I packed the rest of my clothes, I’m a be staying over at Ron’s house but I ain’t want to leave without saying bye.”  Ok well I guess this bye I said softly. He stands up so we can dap each other up but when he pulls me in he just holds me, neither one of us saying anything or letting go. We stayed like that for a good 60 seconds before he pulled his face away to look me in my eyes. I like to think we had the same expression because without a second thought we kissed. It was deep and passionate, the kind that steals your breath. 

He undid the towel around my waist and grabbed me by ass to pull closer to him as our tongues made love. His hands on my body gave me goosebumps! He pulled away and tore off his clothes and his dick sprang forth and I was ready to get on my knees before Isaiah pushed me to the bed and threw my legs back bringing my knees to my chest. I thought, dear god do not go in dry!! but instead my body shook with pleasure as I felt his warm breath followed by tongue caressing my hole. He was slurping gently on my hole, something he had never done before and all I could do was try not to cum. 

After 5 minutes my hole was dripping wet, he came up for air and I could see the strands of saliva dripping from his beard. “Lay on your stomach please.” I wasn’t use to this gentle soft spoken Isaiah but I followed orders and rolled over. He spread my plump ass cheeks to expose my hole and dropped another glob of spit on my hole. He slapped his dick against my hole 3 times and my body shuddered with anticipation. 

He slowly pressed his throbbing cock against my hole, Oh fuck baby! I moaned, please go deeper! He laid on top of me and plunged his dick inside of causing me to scream in pure bliss! “I’m not gonna last long” he said. With his arm wrapped around my neck and his warm breath on my cheek he starts rhythmically grinding his hips in almost a circular motion, bringing his dick almost completely out before sliding back up my soaked hole. Our tongues are locked in battle as his dick gently hits my spot; I’m about to cum but before I could say it, Isaiah throws his head back and starts pounding my shit! “Fuck!!!! I’m about to cum baby, where you want this nut?” Before I could say inside me I lost control and my dick exploded! My hole started contracting around his dick which caused him to collapse on top of me and scream “fuck nigga I’m cuming!!!!” He continued pound my hole as he emptied his sack, I felt his dick pulse a good 9 times and when he pulled out my hole was oozing nut. 

After the sex, we kissed and cuddled for a little bit, like many times before, we didn’t speak but this time was different because we both knew and accepted that, this  was goodbye. Eventually we pulled ourselves together and he left giving me one last kiss before he did. By the end of  summer 2016 he and his friend Ron would move out of state and I wouldn’t see or hear from him until winter 2020.