Copyright © 2026 J.P. Russell. The author asserts the application of all U.S. and associated international copyright protections and all rights to this original work of fiction. Do not reproduce without explicit written permission, etc.
If Tomorrow Never Comes
I was awake for a while before I opened my eyes. I’d been gradually floating up to consciousness, and other senses reached me first: electronic beeps and dings at a distance I couldn’t quite determine; the clunk and whirr of a nearby machine; the astringent smell of industrial-strength disinfectant; the cloying scent of dying flowers; the familiar homey blend of AquaNet and Honeybee pastries; the remnant masculine trace of sandalwood and sweat. It was the last of these that tugged me into full awareness and compelled me to force my eyes open.
Mom was asleep in an uncomfortable-looking waiting room chair beside my hospital bed, still wearing her khaki shirt from the café, her once-curled hair now largely listless. She looked older, worn out in a way I’d never seen. A handsome and efficient looking nurse was writing something in a white plastic binder at the end of the bed, and behind him, I could see people in hospital scrubs moving with unhurried purpose.
I turned my head slightly. The windowsill and dresser were covered with flower bouquets, mylar balloons, and a couple of hospital gift shop teddy bears, one wearing a t-shirt with rainbow-colored bubble letters that spelled out Get Well Soon. I smiled, but the expression became a grimace as I tried to sit up and the pain hit me from all directions. I hissed through clenched teeth.
The nurse looked up. “Ah, he hath risen. Not quite three days and nights, though,” he quipped in a slight Okie drawl not unlike Dad's, his perfect lips curving up in amusement. He was a cutey, not much taller than me, with short-cropped blonde hair, long lashes, and killer green eyes. His eyebrows were full but perfectly sculpted—he clearly spent time on his brow look. In another time and place I’d have already been flustered or flirty or both. Right now sex was the last thing on my mind.
Mom jolted awake at the nurse’s announcement. She reached over the bed rail, gently stroking my right hand like it might shatter from too much contact. “Baby,” she said, her voice cracking. “You’re hurting?”
I nodded and tried to sit up again, only to slide back with another pained groan. The nurse came over and tapped me on the foot. “Don’t force it, kiddo. That’s why we have this.” He handed me a little plastic handle attached to a long beige cord. He pushed the top button and the head of the bed rose up. “I’m Nick. I’ll be your minor convenience delivery person for the next….” He looked at his watch, “Four hours.”
I sighed and nodded. “Thanks, Nick,” I croaked, then shuddered. My throat was raw, like I’d been deep-throating a cactus in my sleep. “Where are we?”
Mom held my hand. “We’re in Colorado Springs, baby. Memorial Hospital.”
“What?” I was confused. That was a long way from the home—we were well on the other side of the San Juans. Then memories and images started trickling in. “The snake….”
She nodded. “They stabilized you in the ambulance but you needed a proper hospital. Pueblo was closer, but the paramedics and doctors thought Memorial was better given the situation.”
When I looked confused, Mom turned to Nick. “You had some respiratory issues, Ben, from the bite,” he said matter-of-factly. “Nobody handles snake venom very well, but some people are more susceptible, and you kind of won the grand prize of the ‘snake sensitivity lottery.’ But with a bit of rest and some physical therapy, there shouldn’t be any long-term problems. You’ll have one heck of a story for school, though. First snake bite of my career.”
I leaned back, breathing deeply. My side still hurt, but it wasn’t sharp and stabbing like before. “My ribs…broken?”
Nick shook his head. “Nope, just bruised. You’ll live to breathe another day, and many more after that.”
I closed my eyes. “How long have I…?”
Mom said, “It’s been three days, Ben.”
My eyes flew open. How was that possible? It felt like we’d just ridden home this morning….
“Grady,” I coughed. “Where’s Grady?”
Nick and Mom exchanged a knowing look. “He went back to his hotel to get some sleep, honey—I insisted. He’s been right here by your side the whole time.”
I was starting to panic. “But the horses, the dogs…?”
She stroked my forehead to calm me, just like she’d done when I was a little boy. “They’re all fine, Ben. Mark and Dennis have been looking after things back at the ranch, and your dad and I have been taking turns sitting with you and Grady. It’s all under control.”
My lower lip quivered. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Sorry?” She seemed surprised. “What are you sorry about?”
“I should have seen the snake. I should have paid attention. It’s my fault. I didn’t….”
“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry about. It was an accident. Accidents happen. I’m just glad we’re planning your homecoming and not your funeral. If not for Grady, I’m not sure we’d have been so lucky.”
“What do you mean?”
She smiled. “He drove like a bat out of hell to get you to the ambulance in time, and he stayed with you all the way here. Left his truck on the side of the road. They found the snake he killed and could tell what it was that bit you. And he hasn’t let anyone touch you without knowing exactly why they’re here and what they’re doing to you. I don’t think I could have been any more protective.”
Nick pursed his lips. “She’s right, kiddo—he nearly took a strip off my hide when I had to go in twice to find a good vein for your IV. You’ve got quite the champion there.” He grinned. “Let me know if he has a single brother—pickings are surprisingly thin around here.”
“He’s an only child--sorry,” I wheezed, trying to smile.
He sighed dramatically. “Ah, story of my life: always a bridesmaid, never a sweet snakebite survivor with a studly rancher for a boyfriend.” He winked at Mom. “I’ll leave you two alone. But don’t tire yourself out, kiddo—you’ve been through a lot and you’re going to need some rest, and then we’re going to play the exciting party game of ‘let’s remove your catheter.’ I’ll go see if Dr. Ayoub is free.”
Mom pulled her chair close and sat back down. “How’s your arm?”
I shook my head as I tried to flex my left bicep. “Hurts. Not like it did, but I can feel it.”
“Well, you’ve got a lot of pain meds going right now.”
“Thank God,” I sighed. “That snake…I didn’t even know we had rattlers that high up.”
“We don’t. Dennis thinks it got caught up in the hay baler during harvesting, or it snuck into the haystack to get warm and hitched a ride when they shipped it out. Definitely not a local, that’s for sure.”
I thought back on everything. “Grady was amazing, Mom. Like, he was superhero amazing.”
“I believe it. You can tell he was really worried about you.” She smiled, but I thought I caught a fleeting shadow of something cross her face.
“What is it?”
“Nothing, honey. I’m just glad you’re okay. Try to get some rest. I’m going to let your Dad know you’re awake and then give Mark and Dennis a call—we’ve all been anxious for you to wake up. Grady made me promise to call him the minute you were awake, so he’ll be here soon too.”
----------
My mom’s cousin Judy lived in the Springs and was more than happy for the whole crew to stay there while I was in the hospital; it was only about a twenty-minute drive away. But Grady had found a room just down the street, so he was there almost as soon as Mom hung up the phone. He came tearing around the corner, hair wild and uncombed, shirt wrinkled, like he’d been sleeping in his clothes and just waiting for that call. But his blue eyes were bright when he saw me, and his smile filled the room with a light all its own. Mom patted him on the shoulder and stepped out of the room to give us some privacy.
“Hey,” he said, his voice soft in that way that made my skin tingle.
“Hey yourself,” I croaked back. “What brings you to my neck of the woods?”
He sat down in Mom’s chair and stroked my cheek. “I heard about this cute guy who had a bad experience with a rattlesnake. Thought I’d check him out.”
“Oh, too bad he’s taken. I hear he had some sexy rancher looking after him. It could have been really bad otherwise.”
“Yeah,” his voice cracked, smile fading. “Yeah, it could have been.”
He leaned in and kissed my temple, and I reached up with my right hand and ran my fingers through his beard. We sat like that for a while, breathing in the relieved rhythm shared by survivors, until Mom came in with Dad. Grady started to move away but I shook my head and gave him my hand. Dad smiled at us both and patted my leg awkwardly.
“There’s my snake-fighter. Gave us a helluva scare there, Benny. How you feeling?”
“Okay, I think,” I said. “Uncomfortable.”
Dad looked at all the machines. “Yeah, you’ll be better back home in your own bed, with real food. And maybe some cinnamon rolls,” he nudged Mom, as if she needed convincing.
“I can provide a prescription, Mr. McBride.” A solid, dark-haired woman in sage green scrubs walked in, followed by Nick. She looked a bit younger than Mom, and her eyes were warm and kind. She winked at Dad, and he blushed furiously. “But only for our patient. You, sir, I would put on a heart-healthy vegetarian diet. And no more Dr. Pepper.”
“Hey, he’s called Doctor Pepper—how unhealthy can he be?” Dad was an incorrigible but harmless flirt, and it was clear that he and Dr. Ayoub had already found their schtick.
Nick snickered and scooted around her to check my vitals as the doctor gave Mom a sympathetic eye-roll, as if to say, You’ve got yourself quite a handful here. She turned to me. “So, Ben, good to see you awake. On a scale of one to ten, how’s the pain?”
“Five,” I said, stretching my left arm slightly. “Oooh, maybe six.”
She smiled. “That’s a good sign. The particular venom you encountered attacks nerves, muscles, and blood, and there’s always a chance of longer-term issues, especially to muscle tissue. We’re fortunate it was a younger snake; if it had been older, it might be a very different story. You received a relatively low dose of venom, and while you had some significant side effects, I don’t think there will be long-term damage aside from scarring, although it’s still a bit too early to tell. We did have to cut away some necrotic tissue, unfortunately, but with physical therapy you should get full use of your arm. The respiratory issues don’t seem to have lingered beyond the bite incident itself. You can all keep an eye on things and let us know immediately if you have any concerns. We’ll work with your family doctor to sort out follow-ups. You’ll need to connect with the campus medical team when you’re back in school, too, as you’re going to need physiotherapy for a few months at least.”
I swallowed. I’d been tallying things up in my mind since waking. My folks didn’t have much in the way of insurance, and I doubted my student health insurance took care of anything outside of the academic year. They'd only just paid off Dad's truck, and now this. “How much is all that going to cost?”
Mom started to speak, but Grady said, “Don’t worry, Ben, we’ll figure it out.”
“But…”
She gave me a look that said, Not now, and I didn’t ask more. Dr. Ayoub started talking with us about wound care, temporary exercises to get my muscles back in shape, things to expect for the next little while, especially around pain management, mobility, and the potential for depression, anxiety, and other post-traumatic mental health impacts. I knew I was lucky to have survived, but it was clear I wouldn’t get much use out of my left arm for months, maybe longer. The implications of what that meant for my near future made my chest clench.
“Let’s keep him here one more night, just to be sure he doesn’t have any lingering issues from sedation.” Dr. Ayoub turned to my parents. “If he’s feeling up to it you can take him home tomorrow.”
“It was nice to meet you, Ben,” she said. “Make sure you do your exercises, and don’t hesitate to contact us if you have any concerns, okay?”
“I will,” I said, giving her a weak smile, but my heart was pounding. You can bring him home tomorrow. She’d said that to my parents, not to Grady.
Nick tapped the bedrail with his pen. “Everything’s looking good, Ben. You could probably have something to eat if you’d like. Nothing too heavy, though—probably some cottage cheese and fruit, maybe. You’re probably still sore from the endotracheal tube, and sedation can make some people nauseated.”
“Yeah.” I hadn’t realized I’d been on a ventilator. It was a lot to absorb all of a sudden, and I had so many questions, with one dominating all the others.
Mom could tell I wanted time with Grady, so she took Dad by the arm and said, “We’ll go get you something.”
Nick followed them out, leaving me and Grady alone.
I wasn’t sure how to bring it up, but he beat me to it. “So Ben, your folks and I were talking about it and…we think it’s best if you head back to stay with them right now.” He couldn’t meet my gaze. His fingers clenched like he was fighting against himself.
“But….”
He went on, as if he’d rehearsed this for a while. “You’re going to need a lot of help, and you’re closer to your doctor there. You’ll have more people who can take you to appointments. With school coming up, you’ll need to be able to manage on your own. It just makes more sense.”
“Do you want me to go?” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes.
He looked at me then. Those eyes that had burned into my soul so many times, filled with passion and hunger. Now they were dark with love and grief.
“Fuck no, Ben. No, I don’t. If I could, I’d carry you back with me right now. But that’s not an option. You need more than I can give you.” He took a deep breath. “And they’re your family. I’m not.”
“That’s not true,” I said, my voice cracking, tears tracing down my cheeks. “You’re what I need. You’re my family too.”
He sighed but his lips tightened in determination. “Ben, if you come back to the ranch, you might never use that arm again. I’m not willing to risk that, even if you are. One of us has to be sensible here.”
His tone took me by surprise. “Sensible? Really? I almost died, I’ve just woken up in a hospital, and all I want is to be home with the person I love most in the world, and you’re talking about ‘sensible’?”
He didn’t say anything, and that spooked me.
“What about the ranch?” I asked. “We can still get things done, I promise. I can still be helpful. I…I know this will slow me down, but….”
“Ben, there’s not going to be a ranch for much longer. I’m putting it up for sale.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d slapped me. “Sell the ranch? After all the work we've done? You can’t be serious….”
He took a deep breath. “Listen to me—I don’t want this to be an argument. I’ve given this a lot of thought these last few days. Watching you there, so pale, so…broken.” He cleared his throat, nearly overcome with the memory. “If I’d have been a better shot, you wouldn’t have been bitten. If I’d have been there when the hay arrived, we might have caught it sooner. If…”
“It wasn’t your fault!”
He shook his head angrily. “Fault or not, Ben, it was my responsibility. And I failed. I failed you. You almost died. I…I can’t risk that again. I won’t. I’m not cut out for ranch life. It’s time I finally just faced the truth.” His voice was so defeated.
“And what about us?” I whispered.
His head sagged. This was what he was really here to talk about, and he dreaded it. “Ben, you deserve someone who can give you a good life, a secure life. Someone who can look after you in ways I never could. You deserve better than I can give you.”
I could feel a sob welling up in my chest, now mingled with anger. “Don’t you think I should have a say in what I deserve?”
“Ben,” he said, his voice small, so unlike anything I’d ever heard from him. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is. It’s not what I want—but it’s what’s for the best. You’ll see that, eventually.”
Angry tears now welled up in my eyes. “So that’s it, then? After all we’ve done, all we’ve shared? All the dreams and memories and…everything? You’re just going to walk away from all of it, from me, from us?”
Grady gritted his teeth. “I’m not walking away, Ben. I’m making the best decision I can, for both of us.”
“I’m part of ‘us,’ too!” I said, my voice rising to a shout. “Why do you get to decide everything for us both?”
“Ben….”
“You know what? If you’re leaving, just go,” I snapped, my body shaking.
Grady’s face was pale, eyes wide and wounded. He started to open his mouth to say something but stopped, nodding in resignation. He stood up and walked toward the doorway, his shoulders low, defeated. “I’ll get your things together and have Mark bring them back.”
He hesitated at the foot of my bed. One hand reached out, as if his natural reflex was to try and touch me, but he pulled back and his hand fell loosely to his side.
“I love you, Ben,” he whispered, his head down. “I just wish I could have given you more.” He turned and walked out.
I sat staring at the empty doorway, tears streaming down my face. Of everything I’d been through in the past few days, this one hurt the worst.
