My Roommate's Toy Box

I'm slowly riding my roommate's huge black dildo, my ass feeling stretched to its limit, intently observing the scene unfolding right in front of me. Alex is squatting down over the impossibly thick gray plug, the one I couldn't even fit my fingers around when I'd first discovered his shipping box full of sex toys. He'd only successfully taken the whole massive thing once, that first time I'd watched him enjoying his collection, and now he's promised to hilt it with barely any warm up at all.

Alex plants a hand on the floor to balance himself, his bicep bulging as the huge gray lump brushes against his wet, hairy hole. The cocky expression he'd worn a few seconds earlier is gone, replaced with a mixture of fierce concentration and ravenous hunger. He bites his lip and closes his eyes, starting to push his ass down on the blunt head of the toy. "Fuck!" he thunderously grunts as the top of it presses inside his hole, Alex moaning wildly as his ass slowly swallows up a few more inches. His eyes blink open. "You ready to see me take the whole thing?"

"Do it, Alex," I encourage, starting to plunge myself down harder on the monster inside me. "I know you can do it."

He grins for a moment watching me, his face turning serious again as he shuts his eyes. "Fuck yeah, man," Alex hisses. He takes a deep breath and presses his ass lower, the remaining length of the gray plug gradually disappearing into him as he whimpers, inch after inch of it slowly boring inside until he bottoms out on the base.

Seeing my roommate hilt the toy so effortlessly, his big cheeks resting against the dorm room's tile floor, I feel my insides relax even more. When I thrust myself into the huge dildo again, I feel it venturing even deeper into me, yet another uncharted region of my ass being stretched open by the big black head. The sensations are intense, not as blissful as my roommate always makes them seem, but maybe that would change as my butt finally adjusted to being fuller than it's ever been.

Alex's eyes flutter open. "Told you I could do it!" he boasts, groaning as he forcefully lifts his ass off the gray plug, like holding it in is too much to bear. He pulls away so urgently the massive toy keels over, hitting the floor with a loud thud as a huge gush of piss sprays out of his dick. "Fuck, man," he pants, his huge gape almost obscene. "That felt so good."

"Seemed like you were struggling at the end," I tease, holding the big black dildo steady in my ass.

He looks offended as he wipes sweat off his forehead. "Let's see you take it then!" Alex says playfully, grabbing the plug and sticking it back against the tile. He lowers down and gently pecks my lips, rising back up and motioning toward the toy. "All yours if you can handle it, big shot!"

I shake my head, letting myself sink even further down on the beast I'm riding, another inch of it sliding up into my butt. "No, I'm definitely good," I say. "I think I'm already struggling enough with this one."

Alex snorts as he pours more lube all over the plug. "Struggling, huh? You sure seem to like it." He starts to mount the gray plug again, suddenly freezing, his mouth gaping open. "Holy shit, Tyler!"

I'm not sure what my roommate is reacting to, his ass still poised above the toy. "What?" I ask.

He smirks as he presses his loosened hole into the mammoth plug. "Dude, reach and feel where you are on that dildo right now."

I reach a hand to my hole and feel the dildo's balls close to touching my skin, just two inches now separating them. I'm suddenly astonished too, my eyes wide looking back at my roommate. "There's no way I already took that much!"

Alex laughs, still smiling. "Yeah, that's exactly what you just fucking did, roomie," he says proudly. "You have at least nine inches buried inside of you right now. That's so fucking hot." He reaches a hand around my head before I can respond, pulling my face to his, wasting no time thrusting his tongue into my mouth and burying it down my throat.

My roommate is kissing me so passionately I can't even think, just loving that our mouths are united again, our tongues greedily twirling together. I hear Alex grunting into me as we kiss and I know the plug must be penetrating his hole. He seems more turned on than I've ever seen him knowing that I've almost hilted one of his massive toys, and I feel exactly the same way. Rising up on the long black dildo still making out with Alex, I start to fuck myself, lifting my ass up and down on the huge length. The sensations are growing more pleasurable with every stroke, my insides wide open and greedier than they've ever been. I've never actually had a hands free orgasm before, but I feel like I'm on the verge of achieving one if only I could hit exactly the right spot.

He pulls away from me, his hand still wrapped around my head, both of us staring into each other as we ride the toys. We're both moaning loudly, both of us breathing into each other, that fervor I'd noticed during our first toy session obvious again on my roommate's face. Alex pauses, breathless and holding himself steady on the plug. "I'm so fucking glad you caught me doing this," he pants. "You have no idea."

Hearing him say that, I eagerly bury myself down further on the black dildo, the thick head sinking into more virgin territory and stretching even deeper into my insides. "I am too, Alex. Fuck." I know I'm close to swallowing the entire huge shaft, and right now I want it more than anything. I grunt as I feel the toy's balls come to rest against my cheeks, whimpering uncontrollably with the whole dildo lodged inside my butt.

"Fuck yeah!" Alex says excitedly, his face glowing. "You did it, man! You took it all!"

I only last for a couple seconds, sweat already dripping down my face, my body bolting up and expelling the massive toy. "There's no way," I whisper, the same words I'd thought repeatedly when I'd discovered his collection. Apparently with the right motivation, there's always a way.

Alex chuckles, his brown eyes staring into mine. "No, you fucking did it! I'm so proud of you." He kisses my lips and lets me go, urgently pulling his ass off the gray plug with a loud yelp. "Fuck!" he yells, more of his hot piss spraying out all over the floor. He plants both his hands on the tile, his whole massive body shuddering as he gasps for breath. His gape is wider than it's ever been, his pink hole already puffy and looking used up.

I'm worried for a second, watching him literally shaking. "Everything okay?"

Alex grins at me, nodding his head. "Trust me, dude, it's an awesome thing when you feel this way," he murmurs, still breathless. "There's nothing fucking better in the whole world." He stands up and briefly stretches, light glinting on the silver barbells in his nipples as he raises his hands up. "You're going to find out someday," he says while he's still looming over me, the words sounding like a promise.

"Maybe." I'm still doubting that, staring at the huge gray plug stationed almost menacingly across from me, but Alex certainly seems to love the way it feels. He's taken me this far, arousing curiosity I never would have contemplated without him. Maybe someday I would want to try the monster out for myself.

Alex squats down over the toy again, his eyes finding mine. "One more time and then I'm going to try the big one out."

I've been so lost in the session that I completely forgot about his new purchase. I can't even believe he's still up for it after taking more of the massive gray plug than he ever has, but my roommate is totally insatiable. My hole is definitely beginning to feel sore, already more battered than it's ever been, but as long as he's going I don't want to stop either. I press the thick head of the black dildo back into my ass, the length sliding in easily now that my butt has been loosened up.

"Shit!" Alex grunts, his hairy hole pushing down onto the thick gray plug and swallowing it up within seconds. "Holy fucking shit!" he shouts. He reaches for me, his face ecstatic as his hands grab my thighs and he stares straight into me while he impales himself. We kiss straddling his big toys, Alex lustfully moaning into me as his tongue eagerly tears into my mouth.

I push myself all the way down to the black dildo's balls again, that newly conquered part of me insanely sensitive, but it feels so fucking good. "Fuck," I breathlessly grunt when I come up for air, my mouth slick with my roommate's spit.

He smirks for a second as he pauses, the whole plug buried in his hole. "Fuck yeah, ride that huge fucking dick," Alex hisses. "Show me how much you love it, man."

I start feverishly ramming the dildo into my ass, my body completely surrendering, my legs shaking as the huge black shaft ruthlessly slides in and out of me. We viciously fuck ourselves for at least ten minutes, both of us fervently moaning with blissful pleasure. We're both drenched in sweat when Alex kisses me again, our wet faces rubbing together as we deliriously make out, still impaling ourselves on the massive toys

The moment is a new high, eclipsing all the others I've shared with him. I want us to cum together riding these toys, to cuddle with him in his bed, to feel him gently kissing me even after we've both satisfied our lust. I want him to invite me to the shower again, to let whatever happens happen. I want to tell him everything about my feelings, to admit how much I like him, that I'm in love with him, but I know I can't. Even if we are inhabiting this moment together, I know everything is still on his terms.

Alex is effortlessly bouncing his ass up and down on the huge gray plug, from the top down to the base, when he suddenly stops. His mahogany eyes look into mine, that primal fervor more glaring than it's ever been. "I think I'm ready to try it," he pants, lifting off the plug with a loud groan and rising up.

I pull myself off the black dildo too, whimpering as the massive length slides out of me and the thick head pops out of my hole, feeling my face scrunch up as my dick involuntarily unleashes a torrent of piss down onto the floor.

"Nice!" Alex calls from across the room, his new purchase already in hand.

"Now I understand why that happens to you," I say, taking the opportunity to stretch my arms up into the air.

He laughs as he yanks the gray plug off the tile, stationing the new toy in its place. "Kind of relieving, right? Sometimes I'm wishing the piss would fly out of me like that."

"Yeah," I whisper, still trying to catch my breath. My whole body is tingling, beads of sweat dripping down my face. My legs feel like they're on the verge of giving out, like I'd just spent an hour doing squats and lunges, my ass feeling completely hollowed out. I already know I'm going to be feeling this for days. My whole body will be feeling this for days. Alex didn't enjoy playing football, but these toy sessions are definitely his own bizarre version of being an athlete. I love him. I can barely believe he's real, that any of this is actually happening. I can't believe we lucked out sharing this tiny dorm room together, sharing so much together.

"Ready for more?" Alex asks, squirting an obnoxious amount of lube all over the new dildo and slathering it everywhere. He hovers over the behemoth, the toy at least fifteen inches long. It's so ridiculously massive that he literally has to adopt a different stance to mount it.

"Whenever you are," I answer. I want to climb into my bed and collapse out of exhaustion, but I'm enamored seeing my roommate's excitement, watching him straddle the biggest thing in his collection for the very first time. He passes the lube to me and I pour a generous helping out over the black dildo, setting the bottle aside as I lower myself down over it.

"Go for it," Alex encourages, watching me intently with the head of his new dildo resting against his hairy hole.

I try to push my ass down on the toy, feeling it touch my already pummeled entrance, but everything is suddenly clamped down, not budging at all even though I'd just been mercilessly riding the beast beneath me. I'm doubting I can accommodate it again as I give it another try, my hole adamantly refusing to cooperate. I shake my head, knowing that I have to throw in the towel. "I don't think I can do it," I say. "I'm spent."

"What, you're done already?" Alex feigns disappointment before cracking up, wiping the sweat off his brow. "No, you did way better than I thought you were going to do tonight, honestly. You're good, man. Just relax and enjoy the show."

I smile sheepishly, wondering if he actually means that. "I still can't believe I took it all," I say with a laugh. Did I actually impress him? I sit down on the floor, stretching my legs out, my feet beside my roommate's.

"Well, you fucking did it! And honestly, I'm not sure I'll be able to handle much more either," Alex admits. "But hey, I have to at least try this one out, right?"

"You're definitely not going to be able to take all of that," I joke, knowing that he'd already conceded he couldn't.

Alex glares down at me and then he smiles warmly. "Hey, man, I said this one was going to take some practice! But I'll do it someday. You'll see."

I know he means it. I'm spent, but I'm genuinely curious to see what my roommate can manage now, imagining that his hole must feel even more used up than mine does after vigorously riding the obnoxiously thick gray plug. "What are you waiting for?" I ask.

I'm really starting to understand why guys have his fetish after feeling the huge black dildo penetrating me deeper and wider than any man ever has, deeper and wider than any man possibly could. He bought that dildo and he'd felt what I felt, and then he was totally obsessed with feeling more. Alex kept buying bigger and bigger toys with the same hunger, always desperate to feel more. I know my dick won't ever feel that good. Seeing Alex poised over that insanely huge toy, ready to press his hole down on the thing, I worry I'll never be able to equal it. But he liked me fucking him the first time, didn't he? I really need to stop worrying so much.

"Here we go," Alex says, actually sounding nervous as his eyes close. He's breathing rhythmically as the head of the fifteen inch dildo, the same thickness as the widest part of the gray plug, penetrates his hole. He grunts loudly, moaning as he lets himself adjust to the gargantuan size.

"Yeah, Alex, show me how much you can fucking take," I challenge from the floor.

He grins for a second, breathing heavily as he starts sinking his ass down on the mammoth dildo. "Massive motherfucker," he groans after swallowing a few inches. "Fucking...it's fucking getting thicker now. Biggest thing I've ever had in my ass." Alex is whimpering uncontrollably as he forces his butt further down on the toy, making loud, guttural noises I've never heard him make before. "Tyler?" he calls out urgently. "Kiss me?"

I struggle to stand up, my legs wobbling, but I do it anyway, desperate to taste him again. I kneel down in front of my roommate as his brown eyes blink open. He looks ravenous, determined, hungrier than he's ever been. I wrap my hands around his head and plunge my tongue into his mouth as he's moaning into me, knowing that he's sinking even deeper the whole time we're making out. I let one of my hands wander to his pec, my fingers twisting against his pierced nipple.

Alex lifts his mouth away, panting into me. "Work them both like that," he begs.

I draw my other hand up to his chest, twisting both the silver barbells with my fingers as my roommate struggles to accommodate more of the largest toy he owns. He's moaning constantly, uncontrollably, struggling more than I've ever seen him struggle with anything.

"Oh shit," he grunts. "That's it. Fuck, right there, that's it. That's all I can take. Can you wrap your fingers around where I am on it?"

For a guy who's constantly talked about things being weird, this actually seems weird, but I wrap my hand around the part of the dildo that isn't in his ass, my fingers nowhere close to meeting. "You're good," I whisper.

Alex lifts off of the toy like it's a relief, grunting wildly and unleashing the biggest stream of piss he's sprayed all night literally all over me. I'm shocked at first, almost pulling my hand away and jumping up as the warm liquid trickles down my torso. No one has ever pissed on me before and I'm slightly appalled, until I look up at my roommate. Knowing that it's his piss streaming down my body, I'm suddenly turned on.

"Oh, shit!" Alex mumbles up above me. "Sorry, dude! I didn't even think about that when I asked you to hold it. Sorry."

"You're good," I say. "It's kind of hot, actually."

He grins up above me. "Really? Maybe I'll have to try that out someday." Alex kneels down, examining where my fingers are positioned on the gargantuan silicone shaft. "Wow," he mutters, a hint of disbelief in his voice. "Are you sure I actually took that much?"

I haven't even looked at the toy yet, distracted with his piss pouring down my body. Taking the sight in, I realize my fingers are close to the halfway point, the thickest part of the mammoth dildo. I suddenly look as mesmerized as he does staring up at him. "Yeah, my fingers were right up against your skin," I say as I let go.

Alex lifts the toy off the floor with one hand and sets it aside, kneeling down in front of me. He looks exhausted now too, but he has a huge smile on his face. "I'm kind of disappointed I only lasted one round, but..."

I laugh and wrap my arms around his back, our eyes meeting. "You did great," I whisper.

He grins, his hands taking hold of my head as we stare into each other. "You did great too. Way better than I was expecting, seriously." He pulls my face into his and we start making out, our naked bodies completely pressed together. It's rough, impassioned, exactly what you would expect when two horny men who haven't gotten off kiss each other, but it feels more sensual than it has all night too. We're both obnoxiously hard when Alex breaks the kiss, stroking my hair with his hands and looking into me. "You want to bust your load with me?" he asks.

"Of course I do," I say.

We untangle ourselves, Alex standing up and moving to his bed, lying down on it with his legs dangling off the sides. He grips his dick, patting the space next to him with his other hand. "Get up here then!"

Our butts are both covered with lube, but he obviously doesn't care about that right now. I eagerly climb up to join him, our thighs pressing together as we both start to jerk off. We're watching each other stroke, Alex's hand affectionately brushing across my thigh. I touch him the same way, my fingers tracing across his hairy skin.

"My ass is going to be busted for days, but it was totally worth it," he says.

"Yeah, I'm a little worried about how mine is going to feel in the morning," I admit, feeling my hole throbbing. "It's so sore already."

Alex laughs, his hand shifting to pry mine up, our fingers intertwining. "Don't worry, man, it's probably not going to be as bad as you're expecting. And then you'll be craving more. Trust me."

We're lying next to each other jerking off, his hand holding mine. Knowing that Alex is touching me so intimately, I feel myself getting close already. "I'm not going to last much longer," I warn.

"Yeah?" Alex suddenly lets me go. "Want to shoot your load on my face?"

Craning my head to look him in the eyes, I know he's completely serious. "You want me to?"

He grins. "We're supposed to be trying new things, right? Why not? And I did just piss all over you...seems fair."

I push myself up and straddle Alex, planting my knees beside his shoulders, my rock hard cock just inches away from his eager face.

He grabs my shaft and strokes it a few times. "Fuck yeah, man," he hisses. "Go for it. Bust that load all over me."

My hand finds my dick again the second he lets go, my orgasm immediately mounting. I start moaning wildly, Alex looking on in awe as I work my dick. "I'm cumming," I grunt.

"Me too," he murmurs.

The first rope of my gooey cum shoots all the way past my roommate's head, landing on his sheet and in his hair, the rest endlessly spilling out all over his face. I'm still spraying jizz all over him when Alex groans, the strings of his hot cum shooting all the way up to my back and all over my ass.

"Fuck, dude," he says with a gleeful smile, gripping my butt with his hands and forcing me closer, my dick slapping against his lips. His mouth opens and he wraps it around the head of my cock, softly sucking on the cum-covered tip.

It's a fantasy come to life, but my dick is so sensitive after cumming that I can only tolerate the sensation for a few seconds, reluctantly ripping it away. "Too much," I pant. "It's way too sensitive."

Alex smirks, scraping his tongue across his face, lapping at the huge load I fired everywhere. He loudly smacks his lips together as he swallows it. "I'm not wild about the taste, but it's still hot knowing that it's yours."

He sucked my dick for the first time, however brief it was, and he just swallowed some of my load. His cum is literally dripping down my body. I'm in heaven.

"You want to take another shower?" Alex asks casually, seeming totally cool with everything that had just happened.

I already know he means together, nodding my head and smiling. "Yeah, sure."

Alex smiles back as I lift myself off of him. "Let's do a little cleanup first," he says, launching himself down to the floor and grabbing the roll of paper towels from beneath his bed. He tears a few sheets off and hands them to me.

"Thanks." I'm blindly wiping my roommate's cum off of my back and butt as he tears more sheets off the roll, blotting up the seed I'd spilled all over his face.

"It's in my hair, isn't it?" Alex asks, contorting his face as his fingertips trace over the wetness. "Whatever, fuck it."

"Sorry about that," I mumble, feeling guilty that he's going to walk out into the hallway with my cum plastered in his hair.

He waves his hand dismissively as he tears another huge wad of sheets from the roll of paper towels and presses them into my hand. "No worries, I definitely did you worse earlier, man. Speaking of, let's get all that piss off the floor."

We both kneel down to wipe up the mess, and stealing a glimpse of Alex, I know I love him. I can't stop thinking about it, the whole night replaying through my mind: the toys, the kissing, the hand holding, the facial, the few seconds of oral. I can still smell his scent on me, his cum and his piss, and it's so intoxicating. My dick is half hard reliving it all, even as we're wrapping towels around ourselves and heading down the hallway, but it doesn't bother me. I'm with Alex right now and that's all that matters.

We enter the communal bathroom, finding it deserted, my roommate walking into a stall and turning the water on. He doesn't bother drawing the curtain shut as he seductively motions for me to join him, a mischievous glint in his eyes as the warm water pours over him.

I step in, pulling the curtain shut, Alex wrapping his arms around me. Looking up at him, I appreciate how much taller he is at 6'2". We're rarely standing together like this, but right now the height difference is obvious and it's turning me on. My roommate kisses my forehead and we just hold each other for a few minutes, our bodies pressed tightly together with the water streaming down all around us.

He starts laughing up above me and lets me go. "I guess we should actually clean ourselves up, right?" We soap each other like we had the first time, Alex, paying special attention to my hole, delicately rubbing his finger across it.

It's so tender even that simple touch feels amazing. I'm moaning gently, my eyes rolling back in my head, Alex smirking up above me as he digs the tip of his finger into me.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Fuck yeah, Alex," I murmur. I feel him grab my balls, massaging them as his brown eyes look down into mine, his hand quickly traveling to my obnoxiously hard dick, and stroking it. Peering down, watching his hand caress me, I realize his eight inches is filled out too. Just when I'm about to lower myself down to suck him off again, my roommate pushes his dick against mine and wraps his hand around both of our shafts, jerking us both off as the water cascades down from the showerhead. I haven't ever done anything like this before, just like so many other things with Alex, but feeling his dick joined with mine, his hand fervently working both of us, it's intensely erotic. We both moan, my roommate gently kissing me as he works our lengths more urgently.

"You close?" he whispers.

"Yeah."

"Fuck yeah, me too. Shoot it with me. Let's cum all over each other."

I'm on edge waiting for his orgasm when I hear Alex start to grunt. I let myself go over, his hand still pumping both of our cocks, both of us groaning as bliss overwhelms us for the second time that night and our loads spray out everywhere. "That was hot," I say when my roommate lets go.

He smiles for a second, his face suddenly turning solemn as he washes my cum off of his body. Alex turns the water off without asking if I'm ready, walking past me without making eye contact again, not uttering another word as he opens and shuts the curtain.

I already know there's trouble. I sigh to myself in the stall, water still leaking out of the showerhead. The high of being with him is gone, my mood deflating. Sure enough, when I pull the curtain back, my roommate has already escaped the bathroom. I know it's going to be a long night. I'm naked and I feel even more naked without him, but I dry myself off and trudge back to the room.

When I walk inside, Alex barely looks up at me from his phone, his eyes completely avoiding mine. "Welcome back," he says without any hint of emotion, quickly staring down at the screen again. He's sitting upright in his bed, his back against a pillow, and he's wearing a pair of boxers.

I want to fucking scream at him. After everything that's happened in the past two weeks, after all the intimacy we've shared, he's retreating into his regretful, emotionally distant cocoon now? I have to consciously struggle not to cross my arms and shake my head, trying to avoid looking at him and betraying how pissed I feel. I walk over to my dresser, dropping the towel down and pulling on a t-shirt and boxer briefs.

I know anger is the wrong reaction. Settling into my bed and letting those feelings retreat, I appreciate that we were always destined to end up in this situation again. I spent years struggling to accept my sexuality, even after I'd admitted the truth to myself. I'd given up masturbation for six months once hoping all my gay feelings would just disappear if I stopped indulging them. How could I expect my roommate to accomplish that same process in two weeks? He was inevitably going to stumble at some point, to struggle with his desires in exactly the same way I had. If he'd really never entertained being bisexual until we started fooling around, I couldn't fault him for being confused right now.

Being rational about that reality is killing me, but I knew what I was signing up for when I strapped myself in for the ride. I'd accepted the risk of getting hurt. After a few silent minutes, I can't stop myself from looking over at Alex, noticing that his face is sullen. I can see that he's in pain.

My first instinct is to feel guilty, to feel bad about myself and regretful about the role I played in everything that just happened. I keep thinking it's my fault that he's hurting, but I know I have to stop thinking that way. Whatever's happening in my roommate's head right now, none of it is really my fault. He was the one who'd wanted to be watched, who'd urged me to participate; Alex had started the touching and he'd constantly continued it. I did kiss him first, seeing the unmistakable desire for it obvious on his face, but he'd kissed me back and he'd initiated it many other times, pulling my lips into his and ravenously making out with me. When Alex asked me to fuck him, he'd pleaded for it reassuring me that he really did want to explore his sexuality. Alex has been calling the shots all along, everything always on his terms. I'd offered to give the sex stuff up, to maybe at least to draw a line somewhere, and he was the one who adamantly refused. Whatever he's feeling right now, it's not my fault.

I can't panic every time he panics. I already know Alex is bisexual, that he has feelings for me, whether he realizes it or is willing to admit it yet or not. The way we'd touched and kissed, the way he'd held me, I've never felt anything more intimate, more passionate with another person in my life. Glancing at my roommate's glum face again, I wonder if that's exactly what he's wrestling with right now. Does he feel exactly the same way? Is that why it's so hard for him?

What happened in the shower? He shot his load and a switch suddenly flicked off. What the fuck happened? Why then? He'd only said that he might be bisexual, but what if the past two weeks with me have already convinced him that it's true?

Fearing that we're going to spend another silent, awkward night together in the room, like we had after Alex busted his load all over my face, I decide to grow some balls. The worst part of accepting myself had been feeling like I had no one to talk to, no one who was close to me and willing to listen; I had to silently struggle all by myself, and that made it even worse. But Alex has me, his best friend, literally sitting across from him in the dorm room. He has someone he's close to willing to hear him. We're not doing things on his terms tonight.

Getting the words out takes me a few minutes, but I know I need to do it. "You okay, Alex?" I ask.

"Yeah, man," he says gruffly, not even looking up from his phone.

I know that definitely isn't true, and I'm not going to accept his answer. "You know you can talk to me, right? Don't just sit over there pouting all night. What's going on?"

Alex snorts, letting his phone fall down and actually looking at me. "I'm not pouting," he mumbles.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, you definitely are. So what's up?" Challenging my roommate for a change feels good, even if I am totally out of my element. I feel my heart pumping harder, adrenaline surging through my body.

He looks away and shakes his head. "Are you really sure you want to know, dude?" Alex asks. "You might not like it."

I might not like it? Is he going to tell me he doesn't want to fool around together anymore? Has he changed his mind about maybe being bisexual? I instantly feel like I shouldn't have started this, but I know I have to stop thinking that way. Maybe he will say that, maybe I won't like it, but if that's the way he feels, I might as well know right now. "You can tell me anything, Alex," I say sincerely.

He glances at me again, his expression still sullen. He hesitates for a few moments, until our eyes meet, and he nods his head. "I had a really uncomfortable thought in the shower just now."

I'm desperate to know. "What was it?"

Alex starts running a hand through his short black hair over and over again, staring at the wall. "You know...I haven't talked to any girls at all since we started doing all this two weeks ago. Not a single one."

I have no idea how to interpret that. "Is that a bad thing?" I ask. You might not like it repeats in my mind as soon as the words escape my mouth. Of course he thinks it's a bad thing.

He clicks his tongue. "Dude, I've been so satisfied for the past two weeks I haven't even opened any of the dating apps on my phone," Alex says a little sorrowfully. "Not once."

"And that bothers you?" I'm having trouble unraveling it. He's happy, but the fact that he's happy is making him unhappy? We're definitely riding the roller coaster right now.

Alex sighs deeply from across the room, his fingers tracing over the stubble on his face. "There's a part of me that...definitely doesn't like it? I feel like I'm giving something up? Yeah, like I'm giving something up."

Suddenly it dawns on me that I don't know anything about my roommate's romantic life, aside from the fact that he's embarrassed to admit his fetishes to women. He's never talked about girls, never mentioned anything about dating apps. How often was he sitting across the room staring at his phone and flirting with them? I don't know, and I'm not even sure what to say next.

He looks over again and smiles slightly for a moment watching me think. "I told you that you might not like it."

"Have you hooked up with girls at all this year?" I ask.

"A few times," Alex says flatly.

I'd always imagined him grinning, proudly declaring that he'd scored, but instead he seems ambivalent about it. "Really? I don't know why I thought you'd be bragging to me about it."

He shrugs in his bed, clicking his tongue again. "Well, you don't ever talk about hooking up with guys either, but have you done it?"

"Yeah, a couple times." I'd spent months feeling totally content just jerking off thinking about my roommate, but occasionally I had craved something more than my imagination.

Alex chuckles softly. "See, you didn't tell me about that either! But yeah, it was nothing to brag about. Now if one of them had fucked me with something..." He grins weakly, the sour expression quickly taking hold again.

Maybe the best thing I can do is let him go. I'm so conflicted. He's been so satisfied exploring with me for the last two weeks, proudly declaring that he might be bi, but now he's also telling me that he's mourning his desire to talk to women. I decide to be brave, realizing how far it's gotten me right now. We could have sat silently in the room all night after cumming together in the shower, but instead we're talking out his feelings. "Have you ever thought about me as more than a friend, maybe?" I ask.

He seems taken aback, his eyes wide as he runs his hand through his hair again. "As more than a friend?"

"Yeah, Alex." I'm sure he knows exactly what I mean, struggling to fight the part of me that wishes I hadn't asked the question.

"Uh...well..."

The fact that he isn't immediately dismissing the idea feels comforting. I feel like the tables are turned and I can't stop pressing him now. "You said you were really satisfied for the last two weeks, right? Didn't you have fun tonight? Touching me, kissing me, rubbing our dicks together in the shower and making us both shoot our loads."

Alex sighs, biting his lip and actually looking nervous. "Maybe that's the problem, I guess?" he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "You're confusing the fuck out of me, dude. Seriously."

I can barely hear him from across the room. "Well, if you're bi--"

"We're supposed to just be fooling around!" he interrupts, almost sounding angry. "Making each other feel good. That's all. It's not supposed to fucking take over the rest of my life."

I know he likes me and I feel like he's admitting it right now, even if he won't directly say the words. I smile at him. "Well, you make me feel really good."

There's silence. "You make me feel really good too," Alex eventually says.

Hearing him admit that makes me feel so happy. "I thought you said that was the only thing that matters? Two people making each other feel good."

He sighs, his face a little guilty. "Yeah, I guess I did say that. But it's really fucking easy to say stuff, man."

I can only think of one more way to push my roommate right now, to challenge him the way he always challenges me. "Well, I really want you to be happy," I say sincerely. "I don't want to be the reason you look miserable. So maybe we should stop what we've been doing and just be normal friends from now on."

Alex's face bolts to look at me before turning back toward the wall, one of his hands starting to rap against his knee. He's silent, but the loud thuds are audible across the room. "No, I don't think I really want to stop," he mutters.

Now I'm really stuck trying to think of what I should tell him next. A whole tranquil minute passes. "Well, you can't have it both ways, Alex," I say. "So what do you want to do?" Being in control for a change actually feels amazing.

That slight smirk creeps across his face for a few seconds, Alex still staring at the wall. "I think the whole problem is that I am trying to have it both ways," he jokes.

I'm definitely not laughing. "Do you know how I feel when you get all quiet and distant with me?" I ask. "I fucking hate it. This isn't a game. It makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like I'm hurting you, and I don't like it."

"I'm sorry," Alex mumbles, glancing at me for a few seconds. "It's not your fault."

"I know." I feel powerful saying those words. Whatever he's feeling right now, it's not my fault. I know what I need to say next, as much as it pains me. I swallow hard. "If we can only be friends, I just want to be your friend."

The words seem to slice into him, Alex's face instantly turning to mine. "Don't say that," he says, actually looking into my eyes. "Come on, don't say that."

"Alex--"

"No, don't say that," he repeats more urgently, sliding his body toward the wall as he's still staring into me. "Come on, come over here, man."

He's fucking killing me. Every time I try to let him go, he doggedly refuses.

"Come over here," Alex invites again. "I'm sorry, Tyler. Please?"

I could swear he's on the verge of tears begging me to join him in his bed. Seeing that, all my resolution melts away. He wants me as much as I want him, whether he's willing to say it or not, and I'm witnessing the proof right now. He's begging me not to let him go. How can I let him go?

"Please," Alex pleads. "Come on, roomie. Please."

He's bending my will the way he always does, and I'm struggling to resist him, but I'm not just going to roll over for my roommate anymore. "I don't want this to happen again," I say as authoritatively as I can. "You can't just shut down. You have to talk to me about your feelings if something happens. Even if I won't like it. You have to talk to me, Alex."

He earnestly nods. "I will," he promises. "I'm sorry I'm a fucking dumbass sometimes, but I will."

Part of me wants to insist that he come to my side of the room, since I'd just talked him off the ledge and avoided another silent night of torture, but I know I want to be in the place we first cuddled. "Okay, Alex," I relent, taking a deep breath as I stand up and walk toward my roommate's bed. He actually looks happy as I settle beside him, not quite his normal fun-loving self yet, but he definitely looks happy, relieved that I'm lying down next to him.

Staring into my eyes, Alex lowers his face to mine, gently kissing me on the lips a single time. He settles on his side, wrapping his arm around me and guiding my body into his, his hand gently digging into my chest. "Thanks, Tyler," he whispers.

I'm smiling as I softly chuckle. Being in his arms, all my doubts disappear. He wants this as much as I do. "Well, you are my best friend."

Alex gingerly kisses my neck, his hand affectionately running up and down my torso. "And maybe we are more than friends," he breathes into my ear. "Is that good enough for right now?"

"Yeah, Alex," I answer. I want to hear him actually say that he likes me more than anything, but after what just happened, I know he does. Words are words, but he's holding me again, touching me like he cares about me, adamantly refusing to let go every time I give him the chance. His actions say everything. The night could have ended with both of us mired in horrible thoughts, Alex passing out across the room without speaking another word. Instead I'm cuddling with him in his bed, and it feels incredible, better than it ever has since he'd at least partially opened up to me about what's churning through his brain. My roommate doesn't want to lose me. He cares too much about me to lose me. Standing up to him, I made him admit it.

I love him. I'm fantasizing about us dating listening to him breathe, imagining us being a real couple. Obviously he isn't ready yet, probably nowhere close, but I feel like we've made real progress tonight. He promised to talk to me about his feelings from now on.

"You know you're sleeping here tonight, right?" Alex whispers, gently kissing my neck again.

"I'm too tired to move anyway," I joke. I don't want to be anywhere else.

He chuckles. "Not like I'd let you. Good night, Tyler."

"Night, Alex." I love him. How could I have possibly ended up here if I didn't? Feeling his warm breath against my skin, I know I love him.

***

I woke up in Alex's bed, reaching for him and realizing that he wasn't lying there next to me. I lifted my head off the pillow, my eyes briefly opening to confirm that he was missing. My phone was across the room, but I already knew it was way too early for my roommate to be in class. I sighed as my head sank back into the pillow, my eyes shutting again. I must have been sleeping so soundly that he'd managed to escape the room without drawing my attention. But why had he done that? I knew it couldn't be good. I thought we'd made progress talking last night, Alex promising to share his feelings, but maybe it was only fleeting. I imagined him sitting somewhere on campus with that dour expression fixed on his face, his mind awash in more uncomfortable questions after spending another night cuddled up beside me, after begging me not to let him go.

Knowing that he might be feeling that way, I definitely couldn't stay here in his bed. It felt wrong. I groggily forced myself up, trudging across the room and climbing into my own bed. I picked up my phone, noticing that he'd texted me.

Hey roomie, don't worry about me, Alex had written an hour earlier. I just needed some time to be alone and think about some stuff. I'll be back later.

He was definitely struggling, maybe feeling regretful again, but at least he'd reached out and explained himself instead of simply shutting down and disappearing. He seemed to be living up to his promise, and maybe that meant we'd made some progress after all. I wished we were sitting in the room across from each other talking the way he had last night, but I couldn't fault him for wanting to be alone. If this was ever going to be more than an endless cycle of extreme highs and lows, he needed to make his own breakthroughs and realize his own truths. If I really cared about him, I had to give him the time and space he needed to navigate his own feelings.

I went back to the room after each of my three classes that day, hoping to find Alex there waiting for me, but it was deserted every time. I checked my phone constantly, but he hadn't texted anything else either. I wondered where he was. In the lounge? In a library? What was he thinking about? What was going to happen when he finally came back?

I went for dinner at 6:00 PM, still not hearing anything from Alex. How much longer would he stay away?

***

Walking back into the room, I have to do a double take. Alex is lying naked in my bed, his arms wrapped around one of my pillows. I look at him uncertainly as I walk up. "Are you...drunk or something?" I ask, thinking that a perfect excuse for his long absence. Maybe he'd just crawled into the wrong bed.

Alex slides his perfect naked body over toward the wall, pushing the pillow away as he turns onto his side and rests his hand against his head. "I'm not drunk," he says, definitely sounding sober. "I just figured we could change things up." He pats the free space on the mattress, making it clear that he wants me there.

I want to jump right in, but knowing that he's been gone all day thinking things over, it certainly doesn't feel right. "Alex--"

"Come on, man," he gently interrupts. "Don't tell me we need to talk. I told you I wanted to be alone for awhile and I did it. If you want to talk, get over here."

I'm nervous after waking up without him in the morning, spending the whole day wondering where he was and what might be coursing through his mind. Knowing that he was waiting for me to come back in my bed, immediately inviting me to join him, definitely touches my heart. It seems sweet and I can't say no. I'm still wearing all of my clothes as I join him there, lying beside Alex without touching him.

"Want to be the little spoon?" he asks softly.

He's smiling as I look into his warm brown eyes, no trace of that dejected expression that I'd spent the whole day picturing. I turn onto my side without saying anything, starting to nestle myself against Alex, his hand wrapping around my chest and pulling me into his warm body. I hear him peacefully exhaling beside me, his breath against my neck, the two of us locked together for several minutes without saying a word. He's naked but I'm not, the cuddling not feeling sexual at all.

"You know, I definitely missed you," he breathes into my ear.

"You missed me?" I whisper. Maybe we really had made progress last night.

Alex chuckles, gently grinding his body into mine. "Yeah, it was really weird not seeing you all day. I kept wondering what you were doing."

Thinking about him, but I don't quite say that. "Me too."

"Well, go figure, I couldn't stop thinking about last night the whole time I was sitting in the library," he says. "I had a raging boner all day replaying everything in my head."

Hearing him turn things sexual, I feel disappointed. "Is that all you thought about?"

"No, but I definitely should have busted before I left."

I let the silence linger, hearing my roommate softly breathing behind me, his arms still wrapped around me.

"I kept thinking I wanted to come back, honestly," Alex volunteered without any prompting. "I felt...like, guilty hiding from you in the library. I just wanted to be back here with you."

I love him. I can't stop thinking it. Free Alex, bisexual Alex, totally unapologetic Alex, he tells me everything. He likes being with me as much as I like being with him. His tongue suddenly laps across my ear, his teeth gently nibbling on it. I don't know why, but it sets me on fire. No one has ever played with my ear like that. I feel my dick stiffening in my shorts, horniness trying to take over.

"You want to kiss a little?" Alex whispers when he draws his face back.

I turn my body around to face him and I see his eyes light up, that familiar grin there instead of the glum, doubting expression.

He laughs softly, running his hand through my hair. "Yeah, man, I know you do."

"Of course I do," I admit, loving my roommate's touch, desperate to feel his lips against mine. "But shouldn't we be talking things over right now?"

Alex's face turns solemn, more serious than I've ever seen it. "I like you, Tyler," he says. "That's what I was thinking about all day."

My heart surges. He's finally saying the words I've been so eager to hear. "You like me?" I feel like a teenager in high school talking to a boy I've had a crush on for years, desperate for affirmation.

"Why, is that weird?" he asks, laughing and running his hand through my hair again. "I mean, I guess it's been kind of obvious, but that didn't make it any easier to actually say."

"I like you too," I whisper.

"Yeah, I know you do. Can I kiss you now?"

We were definitely going to have to talk more about everything, but I nod my head. Alex presses his lips into mine, slowly and sensually kissing me. He's more tender than he's ever been, his breath obviously minty fresh. He planned to do this. We're kissing with our feelings freely expressed for the first time, and it's amazing. He pulls away, my eyes opening to find him staring into me.

"I've been wanting to do that all day," Alex says.

"Me too," I murmur, feeling so blissfully happy.

He clicks his tongue, his hand tugging at my shirt. "You're breaking the rules, you know."

"I thought the rule was that clothing is optional," I jokingly remind him.

"Was it?" he says playfully like he doesn't remember. "Maybe we should change that to no clothes in the room."

"What are you going to do if I say no?"

Alex smirks, all of his confidence seemingly renewed. "Rip them off of you anyway. You think you're strong enough to stop me?"